University of Virginia Library

SATYR 1.

Oh men! oh manners! what a medly's this
When each mans mind more than face diff'rent is?
For by forms only we distinguisht be
One from another: but! alas! to see!
We varie from our selves each day in mind,
Nor know we in our selvs our selvs to find.
Sure had Erasmus liv'd til now, he wu'd
Without an Oedipus ne'r have understood
The riddles of this dark phantastick age,
Where each Ape alters with the scæne the stage.
Had I thy razour Actius to dissect
These Gordian knotty humours men affect,
I'd sharp my pen, and after steep it all
In wormwood vinegar and Stygian gal.
Lend me thy whip Alecto! that I may
Scourge the prepost'rous times, as Boys at play
Do whip their eggshels! yet don't I wel know
Whether my anger they deserve or no,
But rather pittie; whether rather I
Should with scorn laugh at them, or for them crie.
Ev'n Heraclitus spleen would tickled be
To view Welch bobbie and Garlick eat, or see
A French grenovillio fricas with young mice
And mushroms mixt, or the low-dutch device
Of roasted sprats and Herrings, or th'Irish
Tough bonyclabber, or that German dish
Of pickled snails and tender Grashoppers,
Or the Jews Locusts with their Elder ears,
As much as see an Asse eat thistles; who
Would not admire that every Country so
Should vary phansies, and thus strangely affect
A nouvell diet with their Dialect?
But stomacks like our minds are sickly too,
Both are best pleas'd with quelquechoses vain so new.
So have I seen a travaild Squire discourse
On several sawces, spin out second course
With a picktooth in's mouth, and chafindish
To stew his raw roast fowl and codled fish,
Til we had lost our stomacks, and new got:
Learn'd in the art of eating was he not?
Yet this at home most galls my patience
To see so humorous a difference
Of more phantastick giddy minds that draw
Like Mules and Oxen each another way.
Here's one writes more than some good Scholars read,
And quoats more Authours than Pryn ever did,
Or in the whole world necessary be;
Whilst in one Tome a Vatican thus he
Erects; so have I seen a Pampleter
That rails 'gainst Bishops, make his margin far
Exceed his senceless Thesis, whilst he swels
His leaf with texts of Scripture little else,
And those false cited or as heterogene
And wide from's purpose as is Po from Seine.
Such swarmes of scribled Rapsodies begot
Ragmen to enrich, Typographers, and not
The Understanding; since they more distract
Each weakned judgement, wu'd they were by Act
Condemn'd to flames! Learning is more profound
When in few solid Authours 'tmay be found.
A few good books disgested wel do feed
The mind, much cloys or doth ill humours breed.
Seempol sets down in his Ephemeris
The trifles of each how'rs vain exercise,
Toys that should be Ephemera indeed
Dying the same day they were born and bred.
Things of so smal concern or moment, who
Would stuffe his Diarie with, or care to know?
As what he wore, thought, laugh't at, where he walkt,
When farted, where he pist, with whom he talkt.
Memento's more ridiculous than those
The City Chronicler made at Lord Mayors shows;
As who his Hinchboys were, who wav'd the sword,
Who brought the Custard to his Honours boord,
What year a Lyon whelpt i'th' Tower dy'd,
Pepper or corn was dear, whose child bestride
Each gilt Colossus Pageant in Cheapside,
Or in what year Bartholomie Fair forbid.
(Whereas Historians only things of weight,
Results of Persons or affairs of State,
Briefely with truth, and cleerness should relate)
Laconick shortness memorie feeds. I hate
A long spun story of one drawn toth' stake
Would reach from Newgate to Smithfield, and make
The martyr'd reader sweat as much or more
Than Latimer i'th' flames, with a bald score
Of phars'd (Quoth he's) in every page at least;
As without them 'twere not to be exprest.
But Dulman barren of invention, wears
His time and books in reading only. Here's
Squire Topas spends his daies in killing flies,
And like Domitian such a drone he dies.
Rare was th'Italians Art, who writ so smal
Three pence hid Pater Noster, Creed and all;
And made our Charls but half way drawn to shine
With most Majestick Holyness when each line
Of th'admir'd purtraict breath'd such heav'nly flames,
That the smal piece spoke all the Reading Psalms,
Without a magnifying glass what eie
Could yet discern the letter'd Physnomie?
Oh most laborious losse of time! So rare
Callicrates his Ivorie Emmets were,
With's Elegiack verses writ so smal
That a Hart cherrystone contein'd them all;
As Homers Iliads in a nutshel were;
Th'whole world describ'd in a young Orenge sphere.
Archytas wooden dove Agellius nam'd,
Or that same wooden Eagle

Bartas les jour. 1. semain.

Bartas fam'd,
Or th'Iron flie his Salust mentions,
Regiomontanus his Inventions:
Ælians rig'd ship or his τεθριππα made
So little that they each might be convey'd
Under a Bees smal wing unseen, what are
They all but witty trifles? sans compare
Industrious follies? who would loose so much
Dear precious time to be accounted such
A precious indefatigable Asse?
Pantagons art sure no lesse subtile was
Who muzzled fleas and gold chains made to lead
Them captiv'd in. But oh my sides and head
Would ake with laughter, should I muster all
Such vain Sysiphian toils. Yet must I cal
To mind Belanch, who as ill spent his time
I'th' mysterie of moustraps and birdlime.
These fond ()ταοτεκνιαν labours were
By Alexander witt'ly scoffed, where
To one who on a needles point each time
Could throw a pea, he gave a peck of them.
Our time was lentus to be employd in high
And nobler Projects, not thus fruitleslie.
Yet better tis thus to mispend it stil,
Than nought to do, or what is worser, il.
Wel then!—
Since each mans humour is his minds delight,
Let him persu't! mine is to laugh at it.