 | The Spanish Curat |  |
Scæna Secunda.
Enter Bartolus Algazeirs and a Paratour. The Table set out and stooles.Bar.
You are well enough disguiz'd, furnish the Table,
Make no shew, what ye are, till I discover
Not a soule knowes ye here: be quick and dilligent,
These youthes, I have invited to a Breakefast,
But what the Sawce will be, I am of opinion
I shall take off the edges of their Appetites,
And greaze their gums, for eating hartily;
This month or two they have plaid their prizes with me
And with their severall flurts they have lighted dangerously
But sure I shall be quit: I heare 'em comming
Goe off, and wait the bringing in your service,
And doe it handsomely: you know where to have it
Enter Millanes, Arsenio, Lopez, Diego.
Wellcome i'Faith.
Ars.
That's well said, honest Lawyer,
Lop.
Said like a Neighbour
Bar.
Wellcome all: all over
And let's be merry:
Mil.
To that end we came Sir,
An hower of freedome's worth an age of juglings,
Die.
I am come too Sir, to specifie my Stomach
A poore reteyner to your worships bountie,
47
And thou shalt have it fill'd, my merry Diego,
My liberall, and my bonney bounteous Diego
Even filld till it groane againe
Di.
Let it have faire play,
And if it founder then—
I'll tell ye neighbours,
Though I were angry yesterday, with ye all,
And very angry for me thought ye bobd me.
Lop.
No, no, by no meanes.
Bar.
No, when I considered
It was a jest, and carried off so quaintly
It made me merry: very merry, Gentlemen,
I doe confes I could not sleepe to thinke on't
The mirth so tickled me, I could not slumber,
Lop.
Good mirth do's worke so: honest mirth,
Now, should we have meant in earnest—
Bar.
You say true Neighbour,
Lop.
It might have bred such a distast and sowrenesse,
Such fond imaginations in your Braines, Sir
For things thrust home in earnest—
Bar.
Very certaine
But I know ye all for merry waggs, and ere long
You shall know me too, in another fashion
Though y'are pamper'd ye shall beare part 'oth burthen.
Enter Amaranta and Leandro.
Come Wife; Come bid 'em wellcome; Come my Jewell:
And Pupill, you shall come too; nere hang backward,
Come, come the womans pleas'd, her angers over,
Come, be not bashfull,
Am.
What do's he prepare here?
Sure ther's no meate 'ith house at least none drest,
Do's he meane to mock 'em? or some new bred Crotchet
Come o're his braines; I doe not like his kindnes?
But silence best becomes me: if he meane foule play
Sure they are enough to right themselves and let 'em,
I'll sit by, so they beat him not to powder,
Bar.
Bring in the meate there, ha? Sit downe deare Neighbour
A little meate needs little Complement,
Sit downe I say:
Am.
What doe you meane by this Sir?
Bar.
Convay away their weapons handsomely,
Am.
You know ther's none ith' house to answer ye,
But the poore Girle; you know ther's no meat neither
Bar.
Peace and be quiet; I shall make you smoak els
Ther's men and Meate enough, set it downe formally
Enter Algazeirs with dishes.
Am.
I feare some lew'd tricke, yet I dare not speake on't
Bar.
I have no dainties for ye Gentlemen,
Nor lodes of meat, to make the roome smell of 'em
Onely a dish to every man I have dedicated,
And if I have pleas'd his appetite,
Lop.
O, a Capon,
A Bird of grace, and be thy will, I honour it
Di.
For me some fortie pound of lovely Beeffe,
Plac'd in a mediterranean sea of Brewisse
Bar.
Fall to, fall to that we may drinke and laugh after
Wait diligently knaves,
Mil.
What rare bits this?
An execution, blesse me!
Bar.
Nay take it to ye
Ther's no avoiding it, 'tis somewhat tough Sir,
But a good stomach will endure it easely
The sum is, but a thousand duckets Sir,
Ars.
A Capias from my Surgeon, and my Silke man,
Bar.
Your carefull makers, but they have mard your diet
Stir not, your Swords are gon: ther's no avoiding me
And these are Algazeirs, doe you heare that passing bell?
Lop.
A strong Citation, blesse me!
Bar.
Out with your Beads, Curat,
The devills in your dish: bell, booke, and Candell,
Lop.
A warrant to appeare before the Judges?
I must needs rise, and turne to'th wall.
Bar.
Ye need not,
Your feare I hope will make ye find your Breeches,
All.
We are betraid
Bar.
Invited, doe not wrong me,
Fall to, good Guests, you have dilligent men about ye,
Ye shall want nothing, that may persecute ye
These will not see ye start; Have I now found ye
Have I requited ye? You foold the Lawyer,
And thought it meritorious, to abuse him,
A thick ram headed knave: you rid, you spurd him,
And glorified your witts, the more ye wrongd him;
Within this hower, ye shall have all your Creditours,
A second dish of new debts, come upon ye.
And new invitements to the whip (Don Diego)
And Excommunications for the Learned Curat,
A Masque of all your furies shall dance to ye,
Ars.
You dare not use us thus?
Bar.
You shall be bobd (Gentlemen)
Stir, and as I have a life, ye goe to prison
To prison, without pittie instantly
Before ye speake another word to prison.
I have a better Guard, without, that waytes;
Doe you see this man, Don Curat? 'tis a Paratour
That comes to tell ye a delightfull story.
Of an old whore, ye have and then to teach ye
What is the penaltie; Laugh at me now Sir,
What Legacie would ye bequeath me now,
(And pay it on the naile?) to fly my fury?
Lop.
O gentle Sir,
Bar.
Do'st thou hope I will be gentle,
Thou foolish unconsiderate Curat?
Lop.
Let me goe Sir,
Bar.
I'll see thee hang first.
Lop.
And as I am a true Vicar,
Hark in your eare, hark softly—
Bar.
No, no bribery.
I'll have my swindge upon thee; Sirha? Rascall?
You lenten Chaps, you that lay sick, and mockt me,
Mockt me, abhonimably; abused me lewdly
I'll make thee sick at heart, before I leave thee,
And groane, and dye indeed, and be worth nothing
Not worth a blessing, nor a Bell to knell for thee,
A sheete to cover thee, but that thou stealest,
Stealest from the Merchant, and the Ring he was buried with
Stealest from his Grave, doe you smell me now?
Die.
Have mercy on me!
Bar.
No Psalme of mercy shall hold me from hanging thee
How do ye like your Breakfast? 'tis but short, Gentlemen
But sweet and healthfull; Your punishment, and yours, Sir
For some neare reasons, that concernes my Credit,
I will take to my self.
Am.
Doe Sir, and spare not
I have bin too good a wife, and too obedient,
But since ye dare provoke me to be foolish—
Lea.
She has, yes, and too worthie of your usage,
Before the world, I justifie her goodnes,
And turne that man, that dares but taint her vertues,
To my Swords point; that lying man, that base man,
Turne him, but face to face, that I may know him
Bar.
What have I here?
48
A Gentleman, a free man,
One that made triall of this Ladies constancie,
And found it strong as fate; Leave off your fooling.
For if you follow this course, you will be Chronicled
Enter Iamy and Assistant.
For a devill, whilst a Saint she is mentioned,
You know my name indeed; I am now no Lawyer.
Some comfort now, I hope, or els would I wer hanged up
Die.
And yet the Judge, he makes me swet.
Bar.
What newes now?
Iam.
I will justifie upon my life, and Credit
What you have heard, for truth, and will make prooffe of
Assist.
I will be ready at the appointed hower there,
And so I leave ye.
Bar.
Stay I beseech your worship,
And doe but heare me,
Iam.
Good Sir, intend this busines,
And let this bawling Foole; No more words Lawyer,
And no more angers, for I guesse your reasons,
This Gentleman, i'l justifie in all places,
And that faire Ladies worth; Let who dare crosse it,
The Plot was cast by me, to make thee jealous,
But not to wrong your wife, she is faire and vertuous,
Die.
Take us to mercy too, we beseech your honour,
We shall be justified the way of all flesh els,
Iam.
No more talke, nor no more dissention Lawyer,
I know your anger, 'tis a vaine and slight one,
For if you doe; i'll lay your whole life open
A life that all the world shall i'll bring witnes,
And rip before a Judge the ulcerous villanies
You know I know ye, and I can bring witnes.
Bar.
Nay good Sir, noble Sir.
Iam.
Be at peace then presently,
Immediately take honest and faire truce
With your good Wife, and shake hands with that Gentleman;
Has honour'd ye too much, and doe it cheerefully,
Lop.
Take us along, for heaven sake too.
Bar.
I am Friends,
There is no remedie, I must put up all,
And like my neighbours rub it ou't by'th shoulders,
And perfect friends; Leandro now I thanke ye,
And ther's my hand, I have no more grudge to ye,
But I am too meane henceforward for your Companie,
Lea.
I shall not trouble ye,
Ars.
We will be friends too:
Mil.
Nay Lawyer, you shall not fright us farther,
For all your devills wee will bolt,
Bar.
I grant ye.
The Gentlemans your Baile and thank his comming,
Did not he know me too well, you should smart for't;
Goe all in peace, but when ye Foole next, Gentlemen,
Come not to me to Breakefast.
Die.
I'l be bak'd first.
Bar.
And pray ye remember, when ye are bold & merry,
The Lawyers Bancket, and the Sawce he gave ye,
Iam.
Come: goe along; I have employment for ye,
Employment for your lewd braynes too, to coole ye.
For all, for every one.
All.
We are all your Servants.
Die.
All, all for any thing, from this day forward,
I'l hate all Breakefasts, and depend on dinners
Iam.
I am glad you come off faire
Lea.
The faire has blest me.
Exeunt.
| The Spanish Curat | |