MR. COVILLE PROVES MATHEMATICS.
THERE are men who dispute what they do not understand. Mr. Coville is such
a man. When he heard a carpenter say that there were so many shingles on
the roof of his house, because the roof contained so many square feet, Coville
doubted the figures; and, when the carpenter went away, he determined to
test the matter by going up on the roof and counting them. And he went up
there. He squeezed through the scuttle,—Coville weighs two hundred and
thirty,—and then sat down on the roof, and worked his way carefully and
deliberately toward the gutter. When he got part way down, he heard a sound
between him and the shingles, and became aware that there was an interference
some way in his further locomotion. He tried to turn over, and crawl back;
but the obstruction held him. Then he tried to move along a little, in hopes
that the trouble would prove but temporary; but an increased sound convinced
him that either a nail or a sliver had hold of his cloth, and that, if he
would save any of it, he must use caution. His folks were in the house; but
he could not make them hear; and, besides, he didn't want to attract the
attention of the neighbors. So he sat there until after dark, and thought.
It would have been an excellent opportunity to have counted the shingles;
but he neglected to use it. His mind appeared to run into other channels.
He sat there an hour after dark, seeing no one he could notify of his position.
Then he saw two boys approach the gate from the house, and, reaching there,
stop. It was light enough for him to see that one of the two was his son;
and although he objected to having the other boy know of his misfortune,
yet he had grown tired of holding on to the roof, and concluded he could
bribe the strange boy into silence. With this arrangement mapped out, he
took out his knife, and threw it so that it would strike near to the boys,
and attract their attention. It struck nearer than he anticipated; in fact,
it struck so close as to hit the strange boy on the head, and nearly brain
him. As soon as he recovered his equilibrium, he turned on Coville's boy,
who, he was confident, had attempted
to kill him, and introduced some
astonishment and bruises into his face. Then he threw him down, and kicked
him in the side, and banged him on the head, and drew him over into the gutter,
and pounded his legs; and then hauled him back to the walk again, and knocked
his head against the gate. And, all the while, the elder Coville sat on the
roof, and screamed for the police, but couldn't get away. And then Mrs. Coville
dashed out with a broom, and contributed a few novel features to the affair
at the gate; and one of the boarders dashed out with a double-barrel gun,
and, hearing the cries from the roof, looked up there, and, espying a figure
which was undoubtedly a burglar, drove a handful of shot into its legs. With
a howl of agony, Coville made a plunge to dodge the missiles, freed himself
from the nail, lost his hold to the roof, and went sailing down the shingles
with awful velocity, both legs spread out, his hair on end, and his hands
making desperate but fruitless efforts to save himself. He tried to swear,
but was so frightened that he lost his power of speech; and, when he passed
over the edge of the roof with twenty feet of tin gutter hitched to him,
the boarder gave him the contents of the other barrel, and then drove into
the house to load up again. The unfortunate Coville struck into a cherry-tree,
and thence bounded to the ground, where he was recognized, picked up by the
assembled neighbors, and carried into the
house. A new doctor is making good
day wages picking the shot out of his legs. The boarder has gone into the
country to spend the summer; and the junior Coville, having sequestered a
piece of brick in his handkerchief, is lying low for that other boy. He says,
that, before the calm of another sabbath rests on New England, there will
be another boy in Danbury who can't wear a cap.
