University of Virginia Library

THEY ALL DO IT.

A WIFE, when she has received suitable notice, can get up an excellent dinner for her husband's friend. She does her level best, working without stint, until a repast which pleases her in every particular is spread. Then the following conversation takes place with the guest:—

"I hope you'll be able to make out a meal."

"I shall do nicely, I know," he says.

"I'm really ashamed of the table," she rattles on.

"Why, you needn't be," he protests.

"But it's all his fault," she explains, nodding toward her husband. "He never gives me any warning scarcely; and it's such warm weather now,

that there is nothing you can keep on hand for an emergency."

"Why, you've done nobly, I think; couldn't have done better," asserts the guest, beginning to lose his interest in the topic.

"Oh! I hope you don't think this any thing of a dinner," she says, looking with anxious pride over the spread. "You must come up again; and let me know beforehand, and I'll promise you something decent to eat."

"I'm sure this can't be beaten," protests the guest, with a sense of becoming depressed.

"Oh, bless me! this is nothing but a pick-up dinner,—just the same as we'd have if alone. Do try another biscuit: I don't suppose they are fit to eat, though," she says, with increased anxiety, as she observes their delicate color and flaky texture.

"They are beautiful," he hastily explains, feeling very uncomfortable the while.

"You must take the will for the deed," she resumes. "I didn't see we were out of bread till the last moment, and then I hastily made up these. I didn't think they'd be half way decent, as there was no time to work them."

And so she rattles on with her disastrous comments, the dear old fraud! while he continues to protest, and continues to feel more and more like getting up and flying madly away.