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 | The Works of Thomas Love Peacock |  |
163
LETTER TO HIS GRANDMOTHER 16 JULY 1801
Dear Grandmother,
From this town where Pride, Fashion, and Business rule,
Where mingle the honest, the knave and the fool,
Where Vice with success far too often is crown'd,
And Virtue as often is penniless found,
Where the devil with riches his votaries blesses,
Where forestallers live by the people's distresses,
Where flourish knaves, pickpockets, beggars and peers,
Where much-courted Folly her asses-head rears,
Where ladies (but this you will scarcely believe)
Go naked,—just like our great-grandmother Eve;
(For the sweet reign of Modesty seems to be quite gone,
And each dashing young belle goes about in her night-gown)
Where juggling and cheating are well understood,
And where meet the extremes both of bad and of good—
From this town now to write you I take up my pen,
And, after long silence, address you again.
Where mingle the honest, the knave and the fool,
Where Vice with success far too often is crown'd,
And Virtue as often is penniless found,
Where the devil with riches his votaries blesses,
Where forestallers live by the people's distresses,
Where flourish knaves, pickpockets, beggars and peers,
Where much-courted Folly her asses-head rears,
Where ladies (but this you will scarcely believe)
Go naked,—just like our great-grandmother Eve;
(For the sweet reign of Modesty seems to be quite gone,
And each dashing young belle goes about in her night-gown)
Where juggling and cheating are well understood,
And where meet the extremes both of bad and of good—
From this town now to write you I take up my pen,
And, after long silence, address you again.
Here Fashion exerts her all-powerful sway,
And oftentimes leads the most cautious astray;
An instance of which you full plainly may see
In the case of the dashing Sir Peter Bohea.
And oftentimes leads the most cautious astray;
An instance of which you full plainly may see
In the case of the dashing Sir Peter Bohea.
164
Though Sir Peter denies it, 'tis known very well,
He was both born and bred within sound of Bowbell;
At twelve years of age so improv'd his friends found him
To a worshipful grocer apprentice they bound him,
And, to use his own words, “no one up to him comes
In selling the Cockneys two-penn'orth of plumbs!”
—“Two-pence farthing's the sum, mem, can take nothing off it.
If we take off the farthing we lose all our profit!”
He was both born and bred within sound of Bowbell;
At twelve years of age so improv'd his friends found him
To a worshipful grocer apprentice they bound him,
And, to use his own words, “no one up to him comes
In selling the Cockneys two-penn'orth of plumbs!”
—“Two-pence farthing's the sum, mem, can take nothing off it.
If we take off the farthing we lose all our profit!”
When out of his time, this experienc'd young elf
Thought proper to set up in bus'ness himself,
And all things before him he valiantly carried,
Till he very unluckily chose to be married.
Thought proper to set up in bus'ness himself,
And all things before him he valiantly carried,
Till he very unluckily chose to be married.
His deary's fam'd dad, one as proud as a lord,
Was a great tallow-chandler in Candlewick ward,
Who had brought up his daughter by method and rule,
To spend like a princess, and act like a fool!
He determin'd the charmer should blaze with great spirit,
And that nought should extinguish the flame of her merit,
And, thinking 'twould only be doing his duty,
Resolv'd he would nourish the wick of her beauty,
For he said 'twas unjust and ungen'rous to crush light,
And she never should gleam like a “damn'd farthing rush-light!”
On the cymbals, those instruments now grown so dashing,
She could play like a black, or a lady of fashion;
And surely no beggar-girl ever was seen,
That could strike with such grace on the sweet tambourine!
At Change-alley hops she could charmingly dance,
She could manage the skipping-rope, read a romance;
To set off her charms she made ev'ry endeavour,
And in this one respect she was “cursedly clever.”
On the heart of poor Peter she seiz'd in a trice,
For he thought her far sweeter than sugar or spice!
He courted the lady with wonderful glee,
And soon of Miss Wick he made Mrs. Bohea!
Was a great tallow-chandler in Candlewick ward,
Who had brought up his daughter by method and rule,
To spend like a princess, and act like a fool!
He determin'd the charmer should blaze with great spirit,
And that nought should extinguish the flame of her merit,
And, thinking 'twould only be doing his duty,
Resolv'd he would nourish the wick of her beauty,
For he said 'twas unjust and ungen'rous to crush light,
And she never should gleam like a “damn'd farthing rush-light!”
165
She could play like a black, or a lady of fashion;
And surely no beggar-girl ever was seen,
That could strike with such grace on the sweet tambourine!
At Change-alley hops she could charmingly dance,
She could manage the skipping-rope, read a romance;
To set off her charms she made ev'ry endeavour,
And in this one respect she was “cursedly clever.”
On the heart of poor Peter she seiz'd in a trice,
For he thought her far sweeter than sugar or spice!
He courted the lady with wonderful glee,
And soon of Miss Wick he made Mrs. Bohea!
He continued however to thrive in his trade,
And in a few months was an Alderman made;
Our newly-made Alderman soon was appointed
To present an address to the great Lord's Anointed;
And his loyal behaviour was there well requited,
He gave the address; then knelt down, and was—knighted!!!
By this time Sir Peter had realis'd clear
The moderate sum of three thousand a year!
His lady began her old friends to despise,
And look'd on the Cockneys with scorn in her eyes;
She teas'd poor Sir Peter without the least pity,
No longer to stay in the villainous city;
She declar'd she should always be sadly distrest,
Unless he would figure away in the West,
And now poor Sir Peter his shop has forsaken,
And in sweet Grosvenor Square a fine mansion has taken;
He's no longer the grocer so frugal and steady,
Who once with such care sav'd and hoarded the ready;
He now never looks on the bills he's to pay,
But only on bills of the op'ra or play;
Each ev'ning is spent in some gala or rout,
And when creditors call—he is sure to be out.
As far as “Gad's curse” or “Gad demme” can go,
He can swear like a thief—I beg pardon, a beau;
Indeed, he appears quite a different man,
And is spending his money as fast as he can,
He shines like a star in the scenes of high life,
And all for the sake of his “dear, pretty wife”;
Whilst, his love to repay, his affectionate spouse
Has fix'd two neat horns on his elegant brows!
Of this life-loving knight we may certainly say,
Like a true dashing hero he “figures away”
But he'll soon be unable “to make both ends meet”
And then he must “figure away”—in the Fleet!
And in a few months was an Alderman made;
Our newly-made Alderman soon was appointed
To present an address to the great Lord's Anointed;
And his loyal behaviour was there well requited,
He gave the address; then knelt down, and was—knighted!!!
By this time Sir Peter had realis'd clear
The moderate sum of three thousand a year!
His lady began her old friends to despise,
And look'd on the Cockneys with scorn in her eyes;
She teas'd poor Sir Peter without the least pity,
No longer to stay in the villainous city;
She declar'd she should always be sadly distrest,
Unless he would figure away in the West,
166
And in sweet Grosvenor Square a fine mansion has taken;
He's no longer the grocer so frugal and steady,
Who once with such care sav'd and hoarded the ready;
He now never looks on the bills he's to pay,
But only on bills of the op'ra or play;
Each ev'ning is spent in some gala or rout,
And when creditors call—he is sure to be out.
As far as “Gad's curse” or “Gad demme” can go,
He can swear like a thief—I beg pardon, a beau;
Indeed, he appears quite a different man,
And is spending his money as fast as he can,
He shines like a star in the scenes of high life,
And all for the sake of his “dear, pretty wife”;
Whilst, his love to repay, his affectionate spouse
Has fix'd two neat horns on his elegant brows!
Of this life-loving knight we may certainly say,
Like a true dashing hero he “figures away”
But he'll soon be unable “to make both ends meet”
And then he must “figure away”—in the Fleet!
| The Works of Thomas Love Peacock | |