University of Virginia Library

A Mountebanck.

Is a Stage higher than a Quack, a Thing
Nurs'd by Corruption, to whom the Spring,
And Autum, prove a Harvest, He is One
That is of: All, or No Religion:
His Life is hellish, for he always gains
His Sustenance upon the Peoples Pains;
His Stage is built on Barrel heads, but he
Is best supported by Infirmitie;
His new-built Shop looks like an Antick School,
Where He, his Wife, a Madman, and a Fool,
Epitomize the world; which is the Cause,
His vain Spectators give him such Applause:
His Origin of living did consist,
Much on the Charcoal of an Alchymist:
Then serv'd a Doctour, till his skill did crawl,
Up to the judgement of a Urinal:
After he Practiz'd, but his Art did lye,
Most commonly, hid Piss-prophesie:
Which happen'd as infallible as Fate,
Assisted by a good Confederate.
The Midwives, and the Nurses of the Town,
Were his Decoys, and shar'd, till all was known;
Then he remov'd himself, and did repair,
(For health) unto some more infectious Air;
For he is one of such a gross Extraction,
That nothing keeps him Sound, but Putrifaction:
There his Experiments begins on Rats,
Practiseth poysons upon Dogs and Cats;
(They are his Patients) Knowledge must be won,
Though it depend upon Destruction:
Then his large Bils, in Text advanced high,
(For an obstruction to all Passers by)
He plants in publike Places: where he pleases,
To undertake the Cure of All Diseases:
When all that judgment values not a straw,
But what lies in Lues Venerea:
Or some such Paris-practice, which implores,
The vile assistance of unwholsom Whores:
And all the worth, his vacant Skull affords,
Is but a studied Catalogue of Words.
Virulent Stranguries, intestine Tumours,
Hypochondri[illeg.]eus, Malignant Humours;
Sordid and sanious Ulcers, Phlegmon, Fluxions,
Hepatick Inflamations, and Obstructions:
Hydropick Swellings, Fractions, Dislocations,
Gangrena, Gangleon, with all Vexations.
And then a more then mortal Patience tames,
With the impertinence of Authors Names:
As divine Æsculapius, Cornelius,
Undoubted Dioscorides, Farnelius;
Empedo[illeg.]les, Galen, Hipocrates,
Wise Theophrastus, and Democrates:
Albertus Magnus, Great Archigines,
Besides a hundred more; which he doth please
To coin himself, of stranger obstruse stuff,
Lost his weak brain should not be bad enough,
Who is his Patient; and may justly fear,
The worst Diseases enter at his Ear.
Come to his Chamber, and his Library,
Looks like the Study of some Antiquary:
Adorn'd with the sowr sight of Sceletons,
Embalmed Limbs, strange Beasts, and pendant Bones;
With tedious Lectures on them, that would quite
Destroy the patience of an Anchorite:
His Folio Books, like some great Conjurers,
Are madly stain'd with Rubrick Characters:
Of no Intelligence, unless they be,
The Hieroglyphicks of his Extasie:
Yet these phantastique toys, serve to advance
His Name, where Money is, and Ignorance:
When in his Chests, good store of Coyn is hurld,
He gains a Pattent to surround the World.
With no less Mischief, although mask'd wth Mirth,
Then Satan, when he compassed the Earth.
But lest I should by some misconstru'd be,
That I am Lady Physicks Enemy;
My just request is, that I may refer,
Them to the title of My Character;
My Pen shall never fix a stain upon Her,
For 'tis an Art, I infinitely honour.