University of Virginia Library

A Corrupt Lawyer.

Is one that lives by Quarrels, a Beguiler
Of Peace, yet would be thought a Reconciler;
One whose best thriving is in troubled Times,
When the World's worst, & People full of Crimes;
By his Art, men may fight at any distance;
Envy and Malice, are his chief Assistants:
He doth little in God's Name, for he brings
All Actions that be penal, in the Kings:
As in his Declaration (Tolle Lege)
You'l finde it writ, Qui tum pro Domino Rege:
Informers are his Clients, whose Possessions,
Are a large Record of the Laws Transgressions:
He is a Man of furious Resolution,
That aims to bring all things to Execution,
And (by bad Circumstance) it happens so
That the Defendant and the Plaintiff too
VVere better be at Tiburn, then extend
Their Purses to Expences, without End:
For Lawyers (like the Irons that support
Consuming Fire-brands) do, with thrifty sport,
Uphold their Clients, till Demurrs and Flashes
Have burn'd and buried them, in their own Ashes:
Whose Ruine is the haplesse Introduction,
To one man's Wealth, and twenty mens Destruction:
Not much unlike the Butlers Box, which takes
Small parcels, till it carry both the Stakes:
Or Æsop's silly Warriers, whose fierce Fight,
Betraid them to the Rapine of a Kite:
So shall you see two Streams strongly contemn
Each other, till one Ocean swallow them.
Such Irons, Boxes, Kites, and Oceans, are
Those whom I aim at, in this Character.
Yet somewhat in him merits Approbation,
He doth not much encline to Innovation;
Or any thing which toils the Apprehension,
With the Ænigma of a new Invention:
But (very Orthodoxly) is content,
That all things shall be done by President:
He's one to whom no action comes amiss,
But what appears in Forma pauperis.
And those he looks upon with more vexations,
Then Usurers when they're to pay Taxations;
Or those rich Jews, when they enforced are
By the Great Turk, to set forth men of War
At their own charge; No just Cause seems so sweet,
As what supports it self on Silver feet:
Religion is a Term he'd think upon,
I'th' Country, when all other Terms are done.
For you must note, when first he took Degree,
That he sued Conscience to an Outlary:
But I beleeve, 'twill strike him in some terrour,
At last Retorn; to see Her writs of Errour:
When all his subtleties shall be exprest,
And censur'd by that Jury in his brest:
When the Infernal prison shall appear
A little worse than Hell at Westminster:
But these are Phansies, that can raise no Passion
In Men uncapable of Contemplation:
Why should his Rumination be hurl'd
At the vain Fictions of another World?
Is there a Court which can return Denials,
To Him, that hath endur'd so many Trials,
Judgements, and Executions, as would make
The very Fabrick of a County shake?
No, no, go on, and let the Country know,
What 'tis to Quarrell, or (what's worse) to go
To Law; and, most especially, when He
That is their Advocat's their Enemy:
Like those destructive Aides, which (undesir'd)
Offer Assistances, when a House is fir'd,
And, at the sad Conclusion of the same,
Return a worse Consumption, than the Flame:
Not that I think the Law is so, but grieve
I have so great a Reason to believe,
Did not Law bound us, we should prove the worst
Nation, that ever the Almighty curs'd:
So self-destructive, and so barbarous,
That even Heathens, would be Saints, to us:
Therefore my Heart shall ever yield applause
(Next unto my Religion) to the Laws.