 | The Humorous Lieutenant |  |
Scæne 5.
Enter Leontius, and the 2 Gentlemen.Leo.
We must keep a round, and a strong watch to night,
The Prince will not charge the Enemy till the morning:
But for the trick I told ye for this rascall.
This rogue, that health and strong heart makes a coward.
1 Gent.
I, if it take.
Leo.
Ne're feare it, the Prince has it,
And if he let it fall, I must not know it;
He will suspect me presently: but you two
May helpe the plough.
2 Gent.
That he is sicke again.
Leo.
Extreamely sicke: his disease growne incurable,
Never yet found, nor touch'd at.
Ent. Lieutenant.
2 Gent.
Well, we have it
And here he comes.
Leo.
The Prince has been upon him,
What a flatten face he has now? it takes beleeve it;
How like an asse he lookes?
Lieu.
I feele no great paine,
At least, I thinke I do not; yet I feele sensibly
I grow extreamely faint: how cold I sweat now?
Leo.
So, so, so.
Lieu.
And now 'tis ev'n too true, I feele a pricking,
A pricking, a strange pricking: how it tingles?
And as it were a stitch too: the Prince told me,
And every one cri'd out I was a dead man;
I had thought I had been as well—
Leo.
Upon him now boyes,
And do it most demurely.
1 Gent.
How now Lieutenant?
Lieu.
I thanke ye Gentlemen.
1 Gent.
Life, how lookes this man?
How dost thou good Lieutenant?
2 Gent.
I ever told ye
This man was never cur'd, I see it too plaine now;
How do you feele your selfe? you looke not perfect,
How dull his eye hangs?
1 Gent.
That may be discontent.
2 Gent.
Beleeve me friend, I would not suffer now
The tith of those paines this man feeles; marke his forehead
What a cloud of cold dew hangs upon't?
Lieu.
I have it,
Againe I have it; how it growes upon me?
A miserable man I am.
Leo.
Ha, ha, ha,
A miserable man thou shalt be,
This is the tamest trout I ever tickell'd.
1 Phis.
This way he went.
Enter 2 Phi.
2 Phis.
Pray heaven we find him living,
He's a brave fellow, 'tis pitty he should perish thus.
1 Phi.
A strong hearted man, & of a notable sufferance.
Lieu.
Oh, oh.
1 Gent.
How now? how is it man?
Lieu.
Oh Gentlemen,
Never so full of paine.
2 Gent.
Did I not tell ye?
Lieu.
Never so full of paine Gentlemen.
1 Phi.
He is here;
How do you sir?
2 Phi.
Be of good comfort Souldier,
The Prince has sent us to you.
Lieu.
Do you thinke I may live?
2 Phi.
He alters hourely, strangely.
1 Phi.
Yes, you may live: but—
Leo.
Finely butted Doctor.
1 Gent.
Do not discourage him.
1 Phi.
He must be told truth,
'Tis now too late to trifle.
Enter Dem. and Gent.
2 Gent.
Here the Prince comes.
Dem.
How now Gentlemen?
2 Gent.
Bewailing sir, a Souldier,
And one I thinke, your Grace will grieve to part with,
But every living thing—
Dem.
'Tis true, must perish,
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How dost thou now Lieutenant?
Lieu.
Faith 'tis true sir,
We are but spans, and candles ends.
Leo.
He's finely mortified.
Dem.
Thou art heart whole yet; I see he alters strangely,
And that a pace too; I saw it this morning in him,
When he poore man, I dare sweare—
Lieu.
No beleev't sir,
I never felt it.
Dem.
Heres lies the paine now: how he is swel'd?
1 Phi.
The Impostume
Fed with a new malignant humour now,
Will grow to such a bignesse, 'tis incredible,
The compasse of a bushell will not hold it,
And with such a hell of torture it will rise too.—
Dem.
Can you endure me touch it?
Lieu.
Oh, I beseech you sir:
I feele you sensibly ere you come neare me.
Dem.
He's finely wrought, he must be cut, no cure else,
And suddenlie, you see how fast he blowes out.
Lieu.
Good Master Doctor, let me be beholding to you,
I feele I cannot last.
2 Phi.
For what Lieutenant?
Lieu.
But ev'n for halfe a dozen Cans of good wine,
That I may drinke my will out: I faint hideously.
De.
Fetch him some wine; and since he must go gentlemen
Why let him take his journey merrily.
Enter Servant with wine.
Lieu.
That's ev'n the nearest way.
Leo.
I could laugh dead now.
Dem.
Here, off with that.
Lieu.
These two I give your Grace,
A poore remembrance of a dying man sir,
And I beseech you weare 'em out.
Dem.
I will Souldier,
These are fine legacies.
Lieu.
Among the Gentlemen,
Even all I have left; I am a poore man, naked,
Yet something for remembrance: foure a peece Gentlemen,
And so my body where you please.
Leo.
It will worke.
Lieu.
I make your Grace my executor, and I beseech ye
See my poore will fulfill'd: sure I shall walke else.
Dem.
As full as they can be fill'd, here's my hand Souldier.
1 Gent.
The wine will tickle him.
Lieu.
I would heare a drum beat,
But to see how I could endure it.
Dem.
Beat a drum there.
Drum within.
Lieu.
Oh heavenly musick, I would heare one sing to't,
I am very full of paine.
Dem.
Sing? 'tis imposible.
Lieu.
Why, then I would drinke a drum full:
Where lies the Enemie?
2 Gent.
Why, here close by.
Leo.
Now he begins to muster.
Lieu.
And dare ye fight?
Dare ye fight Gentlemen?
1 Phi.
You must not cut him:
He's gone then in a moment; all the hope left, is
To worke his weakenesse into suddaine anger,
And make him raise his passion above his paine,
And so dispose him on the enemie;
His body then, being stir'd with violence,
Will purge it selfe and breake the sore.
Dem.
'Tis true sir.
1 Phi.
And then my life for his.
Lieu.
I will not dye thus.
Dem.
But he is too weake to doe—
Lieu.
Dye like a dog?
2 Phi.
I, he's weake, but yet he's heart whole.
Lieu.
Hem.
Dem.
An excellent signe.
Lieu.
Hem.
Dem.
Stronger still, and better.
Lieu.
Hem, hem; ran, tan, tan, tan, tan.
Exit.
1 Phi.
Now he's i'th' way on't.
De.
Well go thy waies, thou wilt do something certain.
Leo.
And some brave thing, or let mine eares be cut off.
He's finely wrought.
Dem.
Let's after him.
Leo.
I pray Sir;
But how this rogue, when this cloud's melted in him,
And all discover'd.—
Dem.
That's for an after mirth, away, away, away.
Ex.
| The Humorous Lieutenant | |