 | The Humorous Lieutenant |  |
Actus Tertius.
Scæna prima.
Enter Antigonus and Menippus.Ant.
Thou hast taken wondrous pains; but yet Menippus,
You understand not of what bloud, & countrey.
Men.
I labour'd that, but cannot come to know it.
A Greek I am sure she is, she speaks this language.
Ant.
Is she so excellent handsome?
Men.
Most inticing.
Ant.
Sold for a prisoner?
Men.
Yes sir,
Some poore creature.
Ant.
And he loves tenderly?
Men.
They say extreamly.
Ant.
'Tis well prevented then: yes, I perceiv'd it:
When he took leave now, he made a hundred stops,
Desir'd an houre, but halfe an houre, a minute,
Which I with anger cross'd; I knew his businesse,
I knew 'twas she he hunted on; this journey, man,
I beat out suddenly for her cause intended,
And would not give him time to breath. When comes she?
Men.
This morning sir.
Ant.
Lodge her to all delight then:
For I would have her try'd toth' test: I know,
She must be some crackt coyne, not fit his traffique,
Which when we have found, the shame will make him leave her,
Or we shal work a nearer way: Ile bury him,
And with him all the hopes I have cast upon him,
Ere he shall dig his owne grave in that woman:
You know which way to bring her: Ile stand close there,
To view her as she passes: and doe you hear Menippus,
Observe her with all sweetnesse: humour her,
'T will make her lie more carelesse to our purposes.
Away, and take what helpes you please.
Men.
I am gone sir.
Exeunt.
Scæne 2.
Enter Celia, and Governesse.Cel.
Governesse, from whom was this Gown sent me?
Prethee be serious true; I will not wear't else:
'Tis a handsome one.
Gov.
As though you know not?
Cel.
No faith:
But I believe, for certaine too, yet I wonder,
Because it was his caution, this poore way,
Still to preserve me from the curious searchings
Of greedy eyes.
Gov.
You have it: does it please you?
Cel.
'Tis very rich, methinks too, prethee tell me?
Gov.
From one that likes you wel, never look coy, Lady;
These are no gifts, to be put off with poutings.
Cel.
Powtings, and gifts? is it from any stranger?
Gov.
You are so curious, that there is no talk to ye.
What if it be I pray ye?
Cel.
Unpin good Governesse,
Quick, quick.
Gov.
Why, what's the matter?
Cel.
Quick, good Governesse:
Fie on't, how beastly it becomes me? poorely?
A trick put in upon me? well said Governesse:
I vow I would not weare it—out, it smells musty.
Are these your tricks? now I begin to smell it
Abominable musty; will ye help me?
The Prince will come againe—
Gov.
You are not mad sure?
Cel.
As I live ile cut it off: a pox upon it;
For sure it was made for that use; do you bring me Livories?
Stales to catch Kites? dost thou laugh too, thou base woman?
Gov.
I cannot chuse, if I should be hang'd.
Cel.
Abuse me,
And then laugh at me too?
Gover.
I doe not abuse ye:
Is it abuse, to give him drink that's thirsty?
You want cloathes; is it such a hainous sin I beseech ye,
To see you stor'd?
Cel.
There is no greater wickednesse
Then this way.
Gov.
What way?
Cel.
I shall curse thee fearefully,
If thou provok'st me further: and take heed, woman;
My curses never misse.
Gov.
Curse him that sent it.
Cel.
Tell but his name—
Gov.
You dare not curse him.
Cel.
Dare not?
By this faire light—
Gov.
You are so full of passion—
Cel.
Dare not be good? be honest? dare not curse him?
Gov.
I think you dare not: I beleeve so.
Cel.
Speak him.
Gov.
Up with your valour then, up with it bravely,
And take your full charge.
Cel.
If I doe not, hang me;
Tell but his name.
Gov.
'Twas Prince Demetrius sent it:
Now, now, give fire, kill him ith' eye now Lady.
Cel.
Is he come home?
Gov.
It seems so; but your curse now.
Col.
You doe not lie, I hope.
Gov.
You dare not curse him.
Cel.
Prethee do not abuse me: is he come home indeed?
For I would now with all my heart beleeve thee.
Gov.
Nay, you may chuse: alas, I deale for strangers,
That send ye scurvie musty Gownes, stale Livories:
I have my tricks.
Cel.
'Tis a good gowne, a handsome one;
I did but jest; where is he?
Gov.
He that sent it—
Cel.
How? he that sent it? is't come to that againe?
Thou canst not be so foolish: prethee speak out,
I may mistake thee.
Gov.
I said he that sent it.
Cel.
Curse o' my life: why dost thou vex me thus?
I know thou meanst Demetrius, dost thou not?
I charge thee speak truth: if it be any other,
Thou knowst the charge he gave thee, and the justice
His anger will inflict, if 'ere he know this,
As know he shall, he shall, thou spightfull woman,
Thou beastly woman; and thou shalt know too late too,
And feele too sensible, I am no ward,
No sale stuffe for your money Merchants that sent it?
Who dare send me, or how durst thou, thou—
Gov.
What you please:
For this is ever the reward of service.
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Cel.
'Tis strange
That you should deale so peevishly: beshrew ye,
You have put me in a heat.
Gov.
I am sure ye have kild me:
I ne're receiv'd such language: I can but wait upon ye,
And be your drudge; keep a poore life to serve ye.
Cel.
You know my nature is too easie, Governesse,
And you know now, I am sorry too: how does he?
Gov.
O God, my head.
Cel.
Prethee be wel, and tell me,
Did he speak of me, since he came? nay, see now,
If thou wilt leave this tyranny? good sweet governesse,
Did he but name his Celia? look upon me,
Upon my faith I meant no harme: here, take this,
And buy thy selfe some trifles: did a'good wench?
Gov.
He loves yee but too dearely.
Cel.
That's my good Governesse.
Gov.
There's more cloathes making for yee.
Cel.
More cloathes?
Gov.
More:
Richer and braver; I can tell yee that newes;
And twenty glorious things.
Cel.
To what use sirrah?
Gov.
Ye are too good for our house now: we poore wretches
Shall lose the comfort of ye.
Cel.
No, I hope not.
Gov.
For ever lose ye Lady.
Cel.
Lose me? wherefore?
I heare of no such thing.
Gov.
'Tis sure it must be so:
You must shine now at Court: such preparation,
Such hurrie, and such hanging roomes—
Cel.
Toth' Court wench?
Was it toth' Court thou saidst?
Gox.
You'll finde it so.
Cel.
Staie, stay, this cannot be.
Gov.
I say it must be:
I hope to finde ye still the same good Lady.
Cel.
Toth' Court? this stumbles me: art sure for me, wench,
This preparation is?
Gov.
She is peilous crafty:
I feare too honest for us all too. Am I sure I live?
Cel.
Toth' Court? this cannot down: what should I do there?
Why should he on a suddain change his mind thus,
And not make me acquainted? sure he loves me;
His vow was made against it, and mine with him:
At least while this King liv'd: he will come hither,
And see me ere I goe?
Gov.
Wou'd some wise woman
Had her in working: that I think he will not,
Because he means with all joy there to meet ye.
Ye shall heare more within this houre?
Cel.
A Courtier?
What may that meaning be? sure he will see me
If he be come, he must: Hark ye good Governesse,
What age is the King of?
Gov.
Hee's an old man, and full of businesse.
Cel.
I feare too full indeed: what Ladies are there?
I would be loath to want good company.
Gov.
Delicate young Ladies, as you would desire;
And when you are acquainted, the best company.
Cel.
'Tis very well: prethee goe in, let's talk more.
For though I feare a trick, Ile bravely try it.
Gov.
I see he must be cunning,
Knoks this Doe downe.
Exeunt.
Scæne 3.
Enter Lieutenant, & Leontius. Drums within.Leo.
You shal not have your wil, sirrah, are ye running?
Have ye gotten a toy in your heeles? Is this a season,
When honour pricks ye on, to prick your eares up,
After your whore, your Hobby-horse?
Lieu.
Why look ye now:
What a strange man are you? would you have a man fight
At all houres all alike.
Leo.
Doe but fight something;
But halfe a blow, and put thy stomack to't:
Turne but thy face, and do but make mouthes at 'em.
Lieu.
And have my teeth knockt out; I thank ye heartily,
Ye are my deare friend.
Leo.
What a devill ailes thee?
Dost long to be hang'd?
Lieu.
Faith Sir, I make no suit for't:
But rather then I would live thus out of charity,
Continually in brawling—
Leo.
Art thou not he?
I may be cozn'd—
Lie.
I shall be discover'd.
Leo.
That in the midst of thy most hellish pains,
When thou wert crawling sick, didst aime at wonders,
When thou wert mad with paine?
Lieu.
Ye have found the cause out;
I had ne're been mad to fight else: I confesse sir,
The dayly torture of my side that vext me,
Made me as dayly carelesse what became of me,
Till a kinde sword there wounded me, and eas'd me;
'Twas nothing in my valour fought; I am well now,
And take some pleasure in my life, methinks now,
It shewes as mad a thing to me to see you scuffle,
And kill one another foolishly for honour,
As 'twas to you, to see me play the cox-combe.
Leo.
And wilt thou ne're fight more?
Lieu.
Ith' minde I am in,
Leo.
Nor never be sick againe?
Lieu.
I hope I shall not.
Leo.
Prethee be sick againe; prethee, I beseech thee,
Be just so sick againe.
Lieu.
Ile just be hang'd first.
Leo.
If all the Arts that are can make a Chollique,
Therefore look to't: or if imposthumes, marke me,
As big as foot-bals—
Lieu.
Deliver me.
Leo.
Or stones of ten pound weight ith' kidneyes,
Through ease and ugly dyets may be gather'd;
Ile feed ye up my selfe sir, Ile prepare ye,
You cannot fight, unlesse the devill teare ye,
You shall not want provocations, Ile scratch ye,
Ile have thee have the tooth-ach, and the head-ach.
Lieu.
Good Colonell, Ile doe any thing.
Leo.
No, no, nothing—
Then will I have thee blowne with a paire of Smiths bellowes,
Because ye shall be sure to have a round gale with ye,
Fil'd full of oyle, o' devill, and Aqua fortis,
And let these worke, these may provoke.
Lieu.
Good Colonell.
Leo.
A coward in ful bloud; prethee be plain with me,
Will roasting doe thee any good?
Lieu.
Nor basting neither, sir.
Leo.
Marry that goes hard.
Enter 1. Gent.
1 Gent.
Where are you Colonell?
The Prince expects ye sir; has hedg'd the enemy
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Of all men living cannot force a passage,
He has 'em now.
Leo.
I knew all this before sir,
I chalk'd him out his way: but do you see that thing there?
Lieu.
Nay good sweet Colonell, Ile fight a little.
Leo.
That thing?
1. Gent.
What thing? I see the brave Lieutenant.
Leo.
Rogue, what a name hast thou lost?
Lieu.
You may helpe it?
Yet you may help't: Ile doe ye any courtesie:
I know you love a wench well.
Enter 2 Gent.
Leo.
Look upon him;
Doe you look too.
2. Gent.
What should I look on?
I come to tell yee, the Prince stayes your direction,
We have 'em now ith Coop, sir.
Leo.
Let 'em rest there,
And chew upon their miseries: but look first—
Lieu.
I cannot fight for all this.
Leo.
Look on this fellow.
2 Gent.
I know him; 'tis the valiant brave Lieutenant.
Leo.
Canst thou heare this, and play the rogue? steal off quickly,
Behinde me quickly, neatly doe it,
And rush into the thickest of the enemy,
And if thou kill'st but two.
Lieu.
You may excuse me,
'Tis not my fault: I dare not fight.
Leo.
Be rul'd yet
Ile beat thee on; goe wink and fight: a plague upon your sheeps heart.
2 Gent.
What's all this matter?
1 Gent.
Nay I cannot shew yee.
Leo.
Here's twenty pound, goe but smell to 'em.
Lieu.
Alas sir,
I have taken such a cold I can smell nothing.
Leo.
I can smell a rascall, a ranke rascall:
Fye, how he stinks, stinkes like a tyred Jade.
2 Gent.
What sir?
Leo.
Why, that sir, doe not you smell him?
2. Gent.
Smell him?
Lieu.
I must endure.
Leo.
Stinks like a dead dog, Carrion—
There's no such damnable smell under heaven,
As the faint sweat of a Coward: will ye fight yet?
Lie.
Nay, now I defie ye; ye have spoke the worst ye can
Of me, and if every man should take what you say
To the heart.—
Leo.
God a mercy,
God a mercy with all my heart; here I forgive thee;
And fight, or fight not, doe but goe along with us,
And keep my dog.
Lieu.
I love a good dog naturally.
1 Gent.
What's all this stir, Lieutenant?
Lieut.
Nothing Sir,
But a slight matter of argument.
Leo.
Pox take thee.
Sure I shall love this rogue, he's so pretty a Coward,
Come gentlemen, let's up now, and if fortune
Dare play the slut againe, Ile never more Saint her,
Come play fellow, come, prethee come up; come chicken,
I have a way shall fit yet: A tame knave.
Come, look upon us.
Lieu.
Ile tell ye who does best boyes.
Exeunt.
Scæne 4.
Enter Antigonus and Menippus above.Men.
I saw her comming out,
Ant.
VVho waits upon her?
Men.
Tymon, Charinthus, and some other gentlemen,
By me appointed.
Ant.
VVhere's your wife?
Men.
Shee's ready
To entertaine her here sir; and some Ladies
Fit for her lodgings.
Ant.
How shews she in her trim now?
Men.
Oh most divinely sweet.
Ant.
Prethee speak softly.
How does she take her comming?
Men.
She beares it bravely;
But what she thinks—For heaven sake sir preserve me—
If the Prince chance to finde this.
Ant.
Peace ye old foole;
She thinks to meet him here.
Men.
That's all the Project.
Ant.
VVas she hard to bring?
Men.
No, she believ'd it quickly,
And quickly made her selfe fit, the Gowne a little,
And those new things she has not been acquainted with,
At least in this place, where she liv'd a prisoner,
Troubled and stirr'd her minde, But believe me sir,
She has worne as good, they sit so apted to her;
And she is so great a Mistris of disposure:
Here they come now: but take a full view of her.
Enter Celia, Tymon, Charinthus, and Gent.
How cheerefully she looks? how she salutes all?
And how she viewes the place? she is very yong sure:
That was an admirable smile, a catching one,
The very twang of Cupids bow sung to it:
She has two-edg'd eyes, they kill o'both sides.
Men.
She makes a stand, as though she would speak.
Ant.
Be still then.
Cel.
Good Gentlemen, trouble your selves no further,
I had thought sure to have met a noble friend here.
Tym.
Yee may meet many Lady.
Cel.
Such as you are
I covet few or none, sir.
Char.
VVill you walk this way,
And take the sweets otn' garden? coole and close, Lady.
Cel.
Methinks this open aire's farre better, tend ye that way.
Pray where's the woman came along?
Char.
VVhat woman?
Cel.
The woman of the house I lay at.
Tym.
Woman?
Here was none came along sure.
Cel.
Sure I am catcht then:
Pray where's the Prince?
Char.
He will not be long from yee,
We are his humble servants.
Cel.
I could laugh now,
To see how finely I am cozn'd: yet I feare not,
For sure I know a way to scape all dangers.
Tym.
Madam, your lodgings lye this way.
Cel.
My Lodgings?
For heaven sake sir, what office doe I beare here?
Ty.
The great comander of all hearts
Cel.
You have hit it.
Enter Leucippe, and Ladies.
I thank your sweet-heart for it. Who are these now?
Char.
Ladies that come to serve yee.
Cel.
Well consider'd,
Are you my servants?
Lady.
Servants to your pleasures.
Cel.
I dare believe ye, but I dare not trust ye:
Catch'd with a trick? well, I must beare it patiently:
133
Of such refin'd a size—
Tym.
This is no poore rogue.
Leu.
Were it a Paradice to please your fancy,
And entertaine the sweetnesse you bring with ye;
Cel.
Take breath;
You are fat, and many words may melt ye,
This is three Bawdes beaten into one; blesse me heaven,
What shall become of me? I am i'th' pitfall:
O' my conscience, this is the old viper, and all these little ones
Creep every night into her belly; do you heare plumpe servant
And you my litle sucking Ladies, you must teach me,
For I know you are excellent at carriage,
How to behave my selfe, for I am rude yet:
But you say the Prince will come?
Lady.
Will flie to see you.
Cel.
For look you if a great man, say the King now
Should come and visit me?
Men.
She names ye.
Ant.
Peace foole.
Cel.
And offer me a kindnesse, such a kindnesse.
Leu.
I, such a kindnesse.
Cel.
True Lady such a kindnesse,
What shall that kindnesse be now?
Leu.
A witty Lady,
Learne little ones, learne.
Cel.
Say it be all his favour.
Leu.
And a sweet saying 'tis.
Cel.
And I grow peevish?
Leu.
You must not be neglectfull.
Cel.
There's the matter,
There's the maine doctrine now, and I may misse it.
Or a kind hansome Gentleman?
Leu.
You say well.
Cel.
They'l count us basely bred.
Leu.
Not freely nurtur'd.
Cel.
I'le take thy counsell.
Leu.
'Tis an excellent woman.
Cel.
I find a notable volume here, a learnd one;
Which way? for I would faine be in my chamber;
In truth sweet Ladies, I grow weary; fie,
How hot the aire beats on me?
Lady.
This way Madam?
Cel.
Now by mine honour, I grow wondrous faint too.
Leu.
Your fans sweet Gentlewomen, your fans.
Cel.
Since I am foold,
I'le make my self some sport, though I pay deare for't.
Ex.
Men.
You see now what a manner of woman she is sir.
Ant.
Thou art an asse.
Men.
Is this a fit love for the Prince?
Ant.
A coxcombe:
Now by my crowne a deintie wench, a sharpe wench,
And a matchlesse spirit: how she Jeer'd 'em?
How carelesly she scoff'd 'em? use her nobly;
I would I had not seen her: waite anon,
And then you shall have more to trade upon.
Exeunt.
Scæne 5.
Enter Leontius, and the 2 Gentlemen.Leo.
We must keep a round, and a strong watch to night,
The Prince will not charge the Enemy till the morning:
But for the trick I told ye for this rascall.
This rogue, that health and strong heart makes a coward.
1 Gent.
I, if it take.
Leo.
Ne're feare it, the Prince has it,
And if he let it fall, I must not know it;
He will suspect me presently: but you two
May helpe the plough.
2 Gent.
That he is sicke again.
Leo.
Extreamely sicke: his disease growne incurable,
Never yet found, nor touch'd at.
Ent. Lieutenant.
2 Gent.
Well, we have it
And here he comes.
Leo.
The Prince has been upon him,
What a flatten face he has now? it takes beleeve it;
How like an asse he lookes?
Lieu.
I feele no great paine,
At least, I thinke I do not; yet I feele sensibly
I grow extreamely faint: how cold I sweat now?
Leo.
So, so, so.
Lieu.
And now 'tis ev'n too true, I feele a pricking,
A pricking, a strange pricking: how it tingles?
And as it were a stitch too: the Prince told me,
And every one cri'd out I was a dead man;
I had thought I had been as well—
Leo.
Upon him now boyes,
And do it most demurely.
1 Gent.
How now Lieutenant?
Lieu.
I thanke ye Gentlemen.
1 Gent.
Life, how lookes this man?
How dost thou good Lieutenant?
2 Gent.
I ever told ye
This man was never cur'd, I see it too plaine now;
How do you feele your selfe? you looke not perfect,
How dull his eye hangs?
1 Gent.
That may be discontent.
2 Gent.
Beleeve me friend, I would not suffer now
The tith of those paines this man feeles; marke his forehead
What a cloud of cold dew hangs upon't?
Lieu.
I have it,
Againe I have it; how it growes upon me?
A miserable man I am.
Leo.
Ha, ha, ha,
A miserable man thou shalt be,
This is the tamest trout I ever tickell'd.
1 Phis.
This way he went.
Enter 2 Phi.
2 Phis.
Pray heaven we find him living,
He's a brave fellow, 'tis pitty he should perish thus.
1 Phi.
A strong hearted man, & of a notable sufferance.
Lieu.
Oh, oh.
1 Gent.
How now? how is it man?
Lieu.
Oh Gentlemen,
Never so full of paine.
2 Gent.
Did I not tell ye?
Lieu.
Never so full of paine Gentlemen.
1 Phi.
He is here;
How do you sir?
2 Phi.
Be of good comfort Souldier,
The Prince has sent us to you.
Lieu.
Do you thinke I may live?
2 Phi.
He alters hourely, strangely.
1 Phi.
Yes, you may live: but—
Leo.
Finely butted Doctor.
1 Gent.
Do not discourage him.
1 Phi.
He must be told truth,
'Tis now too late to trifle.
Enter Dem. and Gent.
2 Gent.
Here the Prince comes.
Dem.
How now Gentlemen?
2 Gent.
Bewailing sir, a Souldier,
And one I thinke, your Grace will grieve to part with,
But every living thing—
Dem.
'Tis true, must perish,
134
How dost thou now Lieutenant?
Lieu.
Faith 'tis true sir,
We are but spans, and candles ends.
Leo.
He's finely mortified.
Dem.
Thou art heart whole yet; I see he alters strangely,
And that a pace too; I saw it this morning in him,
When he poore man, I dare sweare—
Lieu.
No beleev't sir,
I never felt it.
Dem.
Heres lies the paine now: how he is swel'd?
1 Phi.
The Impostume
Fed with a new malignant humour now,
Will grow to such a bignesse, 'tis incredible,
The compasse of a bushell will not hold it,
And with such a hell of torture it will rise too.—
Dem.
Can you endure me touch it?
Lieu.
Oh, I beseech you sir:
I feele you sensibly ere you come neare me.
Dem.
He's finely wrought, he must be cut, no cure else,
And suddenlie, you see how fast he blowes out.
Lieu.
Good Master Doctor, let me be beholding to you,
I feele I cannot last.
2 Phi.
For what Lieutenant?
Lieu.
But ev'n for halfe a dozen Cans of good wine,
That I may drinke my will out: I faint hideously.
De.
Fetch him some wine; and since he must go gentlemen
Why let him take his journey merrily.
Enter Servant with wine.
Lieu.
That's ev'n the nearest way.
Leo.
I could laugh dead now.
Dem.
Here, off with that.
Lieu.
These two I give your Grace,
A poore remembrance of a dying man sir,
And I beseech you weare 'em out.
Dem.
I will Souldier,
These are fine legacies.
Lieu.
Among the Gentlemen,
Even all I have left; I am a poore man, naked,
Yet something for remembrance: foure a peece Gentlemen,
And so my body where you please.
Leo.
It will worke.
Lieu.
I make your Grace my executor, and I beseech ye
See my poore will fulfill'd: sure I shall walke else.
Dem.
As full as they can be fill'd, here's my hand Souldier.
1 Gent.
The wine will tickle him.
Lieu.
I would heare a drum beat,
But to see how I could endure it.
Dem.
Beat a drum there.
Drum within.
Lieu.
Oh heavenly musick, I would heare one sing to't,
I am very full of paine.
Dem.
Sing? 'tis imposible.
Lieu.
Why, then I would drinke a drum full:
Where lies the Enemie?
2 Gent.
Why, here close by.
Leo.
Now he begins to muster.
Lieu.
And dare ye fight?
Dare ye fight Gentlemen?
1 Phi.
You must not cut him:
He's gone then in a moment; all the hope left, is
To worke his weakenesse into suddaine anger,
And make him raise his passion above his paine,
And so dispose him on the enemie;
His body then, being stir'd with violence,
Will purge it selfe and breake the sore.
Dem.
'Tis true sir.
1 Phi.
And then my life for his.
Lieu.
I will not dye thus.
Dem.
But he is too weake to doe—
Lieu.
Dye like a dog?
2 Phi.
I, he's weake, but yet he's heart whole.
Lieu.
Hem.
Dem.
An excellent signe.
Lieu.
Hem.
Dem.
Stronger still, and better.
Lieu.
Hem, hem; ran, tan, tan, tan, tan.
Exit.
1 Phi.
Now he's i'th' way on't.
De.
Well go thy waies, thou wilt do something certain.
Leo.
And some brave thing, or let mine eares be cut off.
He's finely wrought.
Dem.
Let's after him.
Leo.
I pray Sir;
But how this rogue, when this cloud's melted in him,
And all discover'd.—
Dem.
That's for an after mirth, away, away, away.
Ex.
Scæne 6.
Enter Seleucus, Lysimachus, Ptolomy, Souldiers.Sel.
Let no man feare to dye: we love to sleep all,
And death is but the sounder sleep; all ages,
And all houres call us; 'tis so common, easie,
That little children tread those paths before us;
We are not sicke, nor our soules prest with sorrows,
Nor go we out like tedious tales, forgotten;
High, high we come, and hearty to our funerals,
And as the Sun that sets, in bloud let's fall.
Lis.
'Tis true, they have us fast, we cannot scape 'em,
Nor keeps the brow of fortune one smile for us,
Dishonourable ends we can scape though,
And (worse then those, captivities) we can die,
And dying nobly, though we leave behind us
These clods of flesh, that are too massie burthens,
Our living soules flie crown'd with living conquests.
Ptol.
They have begun, fight bravely, and fall bravely;
And may that man that seekes to save his life now
By price, or promise, or by feare fals from us,
Never again be blest with name of Souldier.
Enter a Souldier
Sel.
How now? who charged first? I seek a brave hand
To set me oft in death.
Soul.
We are not charg'd sir,
The Prince lies still.
Sel.
How comes this Larum up then?
Sol.
There is one desperate fellow, with the devill in him
(He never durst do this else) has broke into us,
And here he bangs ye two or three before him,
There five or sixe; ventures upon whole companies.
Ptol.
And is not seconded?
Soul.
Not a man followes.
Sel.
Nor cut a peeces?
Soul.
Their wonder yet has staid 'em.
Sel.
Let's in, and see this miracle?
Ptol.
I admire it.
Ex.
Enter Leontius, and Gentlemen.
Leon.
Fetch him off, fetch him off; I am sure he's clouted;
Did I not tell you how 't would take?
1 Gent.
'Tis admirable.
Enter Lieutenant with colours in his hand, pursuing 3 or 4 Souldiers.
Lieu.
Follow that blow, my friend, there's at your coxcombs,
I fight to save me from the Surgeons miseries.
Leo.
How the knave curries 'em?
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You cannot rogues,
Till you have my diseases, flie my furie,
Ye bread and butter rogues, do ye run from me?
And my side would give me leave, I would so hunt ye,
Ye porredge gutted slaves, ye veale-broth boobies.
Enter Demetrius, and Phisitians, and Gentlemen.
Leo.
Enough, enough Lieutenant, thou hast done bravely.
Dem.
Mirrour of man.
Lieu.
There's a flag for ye sir,
I tooke it out o'th' shop, and never paid for't,
I'le to 'em againe, I am not come to th'text yet.
Dem.
No more my souldier: beshrew my heart he is hurt sore.
Leo.
Hang him, hee'l lick all those whole.
1 Phi.
Now will we take him,
And cure him in a trice.
Dem.
Be carefull of him.
Lieu.
Let me live but two yeares,
And doe what ye will with me;
I never had but two houres yet of happinesse;
Pray ye give me nothing to provoke my valour,
For I am ev'n as weary of this fighting—
2 Phi.
Ye shall have nothing; come to the Princes Tent
And there the Surgeons presently shall search ye,
Then to your rest.
Lieu.
A little hansome litter
To lay me in, and I shall sleepe.
Leo.
Looke to him.
Dem.
I do beleeve a horse begot this fellow,
He never knew his strength yet; they are our owne.
Leo.
I thinke so, I am cozen'd else; I would but see now
A way to fetch these off, and save their honours.
Dem.
Only their lives.
Leo.
Pray ye take no way of peace now,
Unlesse it be with infinite advantage.
Dem.
I shall be rul'd;
Let the battels now move forward,
Our selfe will give the signall:
Ent. Trumpet and Heròld.
Now Herold, what's your message?
Her.
From my Masters
This honourable courtesie, a Parley
For halfe an houre, no more sir.
Dem.
Let 'em come on,
They have my princely word.
Enter Seleucus, Lysimacus, Ptolomy, attendants, Souldiers,
Her.
They are here to attend ye.
Dem.
Now Princes, your demands?
Sel.
Peace, if it may bee
Without the too much tainture of our honour:
Peace, and wee'l buy it too.
Dem.
At what price?
Ly.
Tribute.
Ptol.
At all the charge of this war.
Leo.
That will not do.
Sel.
Leontius, you and I have serv'd together,
And run through many a fortune with our swords,
Brothers in wounds, and health; one meat has fed us,
One tent a thousand times from cold night cover'd us:
Our loves have been but one; and had we died then,
One monument had held our names, and actions:
Why do you set upon your friends such prizes?
And sacrifice to giddy chance such Trophies?
Have we forgot to dye? or are our vertues
Lesse in afflictions constant, than our fortunes?
Ye are deceiv'd old souldier.
Leo.
I know your worths,
And thus low bow in reverence to your vertues:
Were these my wars, or lead my power in chiefe here,
I knew then how to meet your memories:
They are my Kings imployments; this man fights now,
To whom I owe all dutie, faith, and service;
This man that sled before ye; call backe that,
That bloudy day againe, call that disgrace home,
And then an easie peace, may sheath our swords up.
I am not greedy of your lives and fortunes,
Nor do I gape ungratefully to swallow ye,
Honour the spur of all illustrious natures,
That made you famous Souldiers, and next Kings,
And not ambitious envy strikes me forward,
Will ye unarme, and yeild your selves his prisoners?
Sel.
We never knew what that sound meant: no gives
Shall ever bind this body, but embraces;
Nor weight of sorrow here, till earth fall on me.
Leo.
Expect our charge then.
Lys.
'Tis the nobler curtesie:
And so we leave the hand of heaven to blesse us.
Dem.
Stay, have you any hope?
Cel.
We have none left us,
But that one comfort of our deaths together;
Give us but room to fight.
Leo.
Win it, and weare it.
Ptol.
Call from the hils those companies hang ore us
Like bursting clouds; and then breake in, and take us.
Dem.
Find such a Souldier will forsake advantage,
And wee'l draw off, to shew I dare be noble,
And hang a light out to ye in this darkenesse,
The light of peace; give up those Cities, forts,
And all those frontire Countries to our uses.
Sel.
Is this the peace? traitours to those that feed us,
Our Gods and people? give our Countries from us?
Lis.
Begin the knell, it sounds a great deale sweeter.
Ptol.
Let loose your servant death.
Sel.
Fall fate upon us,
Our memories shall never stinke behind us.
Dem.
Seleucus, great Seleucus,
Sol.
The Prince cals sir.
Dem.
Thou stocke of noblenesse, and curtesie,
Thou father of the war—
Leo.
What meanes the Prince now?
Dem.
Give me my Standard here.
Lys.
His angers melted.
Dem.
You Gentlemen that were his prisoners,
And felt the bounty of that noble nature,
Lay all your hands, and beare these Colours to him,
The Standard of the Kingdome; take it souldier.
Ptol.
What will this meane?
Dem.
Thou hast won it, beare it off,
And draw thy men home whilst we waite upon thee.
Sel.
You shall have all our countries.
Lys., Ptol.
All by heaven sir.
Dem.
I will not have a stone, a bush, a bramble,
No, in the way of curtesie, I'le start ye;
Draw off, and make a lane through all the Armie,
That these that have subdu'd us, may martch through us.
Sel.
Sir, do not make me surfet with such goodnesse,
I'le beare your Srandard for ye; follow ye.
Dem.
I sweare it shall be so, martch through me fairely,
And thine be this daies honour, great Seleucus.
Ptol.
Mirrour of noble minds.
Dem.
Nay then ye hate me.
Leo.
I cannot speake now:
Ex with Drums, & Shouts.
Well, go thy wayes, at a sure peece of bravery
Thou art the best, these men are won by th'neckes now:
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| The Humorous Lieutenant | |