A Collection of Poems on Various Subjects :: :: University of Virginia Library

Ye noble Patrons, who Parnassus sway,
Whom all the Muses tuneful Sons obey,
Are in your Service and receive your pay,
Exert your Soveraign Pow'r, in Judgment sit
To regulate the Nation's Grievance, Wit;
Pity the cheated Folks, that ev'ry Day
For Copper Jests good Sterling Silver pay:
If once the Muses Chequer would deny
To take false Wit, 'twould lose its Currency;
Not a base Piece would pass, that pass'd before,
Just wash'd with Sense, or thinly plated o'er.

Set forth your Edict, let it be enjoyn'd,
That all defective Species be recoyn'd:
R---r and E---r---t are Judges fit
To oversee the Stamping of our Wit.
Let these be made the Masters of Essay,
For they will every Piece of Metal weigh,
And tell which is too light, or has too much Allay.
'Tis true, that when the coarse and worthless Dross
Is purg'd away, there will be mighty Loss.
Ev'n C---e, S---n, manly W---ly,
When thus refin'd, will grievous Suff'rers be.
Into the Melting-Pot, when D---n comes,
What horrid Stench will rise, what noisome Fumes?
How will he shrink, when all his leud Allay
And wicked Mixture shall be purg'd away?
The Men who D---s melt, and think to find
A goodly Mass of Bullion left behind,

Copy the Hibernian Wit, who, as 'tis told,
Burnt his gilt Leather to collect the Gold.

But when our Wit's call'd in, what will remain
The Muses learned Commerce to maintain?
How pensive will our Beaus and Ladies sit?
They'll mutiny for want of ready Wit.
That such a Failure no Man may incense,
Let us erect a Bank of Sterling Sense;
A Bank, whose current Bills may Payment make,
Till new-mill'd Wit shall from the Mint come back.

Let S---er, D---set, Sh---ld, M---gue,
Lend their great Names, the Project then will do.
The Bank is fix'd, if these will underwrite,
Who pay the vastest Sums of Wit at Sight.
These are good Men, in whom we all agree,
Their Notes for Wit are good Security;
Duncombs and Claytons in Parnassus all,
Who cannot sink, unless the Hill should fall.

Their Bills, tho' ne'er supported by Trustees,
Will thro' Parnassus, circulate with Ease:
If these come in, the Bank will quickly fill,
All will be scrambling up Parnassus Hill;
They'll crowd the Muses Hall, and throng to write
Great Sums of Wit, and will be Gainers by't.

V---e and C---e both are wealthy, they
Have Funds of Standard Sense, need no Allay,
And yet mix'd Metal oft they pass away.
The Bank may safely their Subscriptions take,
But let 'em for their Reputation Sake,
Take care their Payments they in Sterling make.

Codron will underwrite his Indian Wit,
Far fetch'd indeed, so 'twill the Ladies fit:
By hearsay he's a Scholar, and they say
The Man's a sort of Wit too in his Way.

Let 'em receive whatever P---r brings,
In Lyrick Strains no finer Genius sings;
'Tis Complaisance when to divert his Friends
He to facetious Fancies condescends.

T---e will subscribe, but set no Payment-Day;
For his slow Muse you must with Patience stay,
He's honest, and as Wit comes in will pay.

The Bank, when thus establish'd, will supply
Small Places for the little loit'ring Fry,
That follow G---, or at Will Ur---'s ply.
Their Station will be low, but ne'er the less
For this Provision they should Thanks express,
'Tis sad to be a Wit and Dinnerless.

T---n the great Wit-Jobber of the Age,
And all the Muses Brokers will engage

Their several Friends to cry the Actions up,
And all the railing Mouths of Envy stop.