University of Virginia Library

SCENE II.

—A Rocky Pas and Distant Landscape. A Del supposed to be beneath stage.
Music. Pug enters, dragging on large chest, marked “DE LA CRUZ;” he opens Box and pulls out dresses, &c., shaving box, razors, puts on clothes, &c., hears noise—gibbers—shuts down lid of box, leaving the looking glass on the top.
Enter Wildman, L.—arm in arm with Yourakee—they are struggling, Wildman carries a carpet bag and umbrella.
You.
(Mock heroically.)
Unhand me, monster! Is no one near,
The cries of injured innocence to hear?
Coward and slave! How dare you thus oppress
That tender plant. A female in distress.

Wil.
I am no coward, few you'll find much braver,
Though in appearance perhaps I'm a rum shaver;
[Touching his beard
The brave deserve the fair—behold me here
As brave and bold as “Brook Green's Volunteer.”

You.
If such a thing as you our sex should need,
The husband market would be low indeed;
Believe sir could I tolerate your sight,
I don't believe you mean the thing that's right.

Wil.
SONG—Air, “When the fair land of Poland.”

You.
You've had you say, sir, now let me have mine;
If you had shares in ev'ry railway line,
I would reject you!

Wil.
Yes, and well you might,
For I should be in a most awkward plight;

You.
I though that railway shares were all the go.

Wil.
Yes, so they were—but now they're gone you know.

Enter Hallicarnie with a bonnet box.
Hal.
Thinking you perhaps might wish to change your mind,
And to your suitor, you might grow resign'd.
I've brought your wardrobe.

You.
You mistake me quite.
Think you I'd be resigned to such a fright!
No minister that ever ruled a nation
Was so averse as I, to resignation.

Wil.
Look at the census—pause before you lose me,
You must have lost your senses to refuse me.
For ma'am I tell you to your consternation,
That I comprise th'entire male population.
(aside)
Thus to be chaff'd is more than I can stand,
(to Hll.)
Allow me, miss, to offer you my hand,

Hal.
No, to my sister, sir, your hand belongs.

You.
I wouldn't touch it with a pair of tongs.

Wil.
O come! though to be rash I'm rather loth
I'll be revenged, my girls, and marry both.

[Music. He pursues them about the stage, Yourakee holds the looking glass towards him—he seizes it and appears transfixed.
[Exeunt Yourakee and Hallicarnie.
Wil.
Are these my fearful features that I trace,
I look a frightful muff about the face.
I fear this hair has scared the gentle maid,
I look a very hare'um scare'um blade;
And yet I'm told this is the style one meets
Where'er you walk about in London streets.
[opens box.
There's still one chance the lovely maid to win,
I'll give a thorough lathering to my chin;
Yes, I'll take courage. Women love the brave,
Off goes my beard—“my kingdom for a shave.”

[Wildman takes out shaving box.
[Music. Yourakee, supported by Hallicarnie, bearing the band box, fly across in the distance. Gun heard. Wildman in terror jumps into chest. Pug runs up from below rubbing himself as though hurt rolls about, and then shakes himself, and a quantity of peas fall upon the stage, looks out and expresses alarm at the approach of some one.
[Shout below “Hillo!” Wildman opens chest a little. Pug wants to join him.
Wil.
To let you in I see no rhyme nor reason,
This box is private—taken for the season.

[Shuts box and pinches Pug's fingers, Jack Adams. Peter and Sailors enter. Adams carries a blunderbuss.
Jack.
Where is your master?

Pet.
And the lady—quick?

Jack.
Where is she? Echo answers “cut her stick.”

[Pug shakes his head.
Pet.
Oh, you don't know—Jack Adams, if you please
The blunderbuss—another pint of peas.

[Pug expresses alarm and points to chest. Jack Adams sits upon it and locks it. Yourakee and Hallicarnie, enter, L.
Pet.
(embracing both.)
Come to my arms my ducks of diamonds, do,
And let me kiss both of you black and blue.

Jack.
Thank you, one at a time's enough to smother,
I'll love this angel, Peter, you love t'other.

[Indians cross. Music.
You. and Hal.
Our father comes!

Pet.
The governor! I'm glad,
Pray introduce us to your worthy dad?
[A noise heard in chest.
What's that?

Jack.
'Tis Wildman, over let us throw him.

Hal.
Keep him, my father rathers wants to know him.

You.
Papa has often said if he should meet him
And found him pretty tender he might eat him.

[Wildman kicks furiously.
Pet.
Then raise the chest among you if you're able
We order him to lie upon the table.

CHORUS.—Air, “The Polka.”
[Scene closes them in.