Peter Wilkins : Or, the loadstone rock and the flying Indians an extra extravagant extravaganza, In Two Acts |
 | 1. | ACT I. |
| 1. |
| 2. |
| 3. |
| 4. |
| 5. |
 | 2. |
 | Peter Wilkins : Or, the loadstone rock and the flying Indians |  |
5
ACT I.
SCENE I.
—Between decks of the De la Cruze—piles of shot, &c.Peter Wilkins, Jack Adams, and others discovered; they are looking out at stern windows. A long gun.
Chorus
.—Air—“Hearts of Oak.”
What a joke is our ship,
For it's twenty to ten,
That the Don will outsail us,
What shall we do then?
Steady boys, steady,
I'm quaking already,
Once safe upon shore catch me cruising again.
Pet.
(L.)
“Blow winds and crack your cheeks,” they near us fast,
This Boreas is not worth a single blast;
I never knew so dull and slow a frigate,
No wonder that the newspapers should rig it.
Jack.
Peter, 'tis vain the wessel to abuse,
This comes of cruising in the De la Cruze.
Pet.
When once again on land boys, please the pigs,
I'll trust no more experimental brigs.
Jack.
Talk not of brigs! but if we stand like drones,
We shall be very soon with Davy Jones.
[Gun run back, loaded, and run out during the following.
Pet.
Well, if they'll not abandon the pursuit,
Of obstinacy they must take the fruit.
[Takes up grape shot.
Jack.
That sort of fruit is very like to hurt—
Pet.
Only a bunch of grape—'tis their dessert.
Now for a blaze of triumph—quick, Jack, quick,
A lucifer to send them to Old Nick!
6
(fumbling with box.)
Peter, my boy, to me no blame attach,
The gallant Nelson never found his match.
Take care, when congreves fall, they fall 'tis plain,
Like Lucifers, never to rise again.
[Jack Adams discharges the gun.
Pet.
That's hit the chase my boys, it scems to rock her,
There must be shot in every sailor's locker.
She has not time to run for port I think.
Jack.
The only port she'll reach is one o' the Cinque.
[Thunder heard.
Hollo! I see the sails aloft they're clewing,
I do begin to think a storm's a brewing.
Pet.
(putting on a Sou-wester.)
When Neptune brews, we're pretty sure to get
No half-and-half, but thorough heavy wet.
[Crash.
There go the masts, my heart begins to sail,
Here's a distress without the power of sail.
Jack.
(sentimentally.)
How little dream my duns whilst on their pillows,
That he who owes their bills is on these billows.
Voice above.
Look out below!
[Music. Crash. All fall on stage except Peter, who steadies himself on a gun.
Pet.
Good gracious! There's a shock.
What's that I see ahead? The loadstone rock!
There goes the gun. (gong.)
[The gun is drawn quickly across the stage.
And there go every shot.
[The shots fly off.
It really seems a most attractive spot.
Jack.
In such a spot I have no wish to settle.
Pet.
You needn't fear, you're not a man of mettle.
[Music. Crash. The ship appears to strike, and the whole scene assumes the appearance of a wreck—as the ship is sinking scene changes to
SCENE II.
—A Rocky Cavern. A piece of sail cloth in front, on a square piece like a door plate, the “Hon. Mr. Wildman, please to ring the bell.”Music. Enter Pug, (a Monkey) L.—he tumbles about in ecstasy, then rings the bell, tumbles, &c. and rings again. Enter Mr. Wildman, C.—he is dressed in a bear-skin suit, his head and beard a la Jeune France.
Wil.
Who rang the bell?
(sees Pug)
Oh, you, sir! well the news
That you thus rouse me from my pleasant snooze,
Besides I hate such early morning calls,
I dreamt too that I dwelt in marble halls.
[Music. Pug does action expressive of a ship at sea, and swimming.
What meant he by that strange convulsive motion?
That meant a ship, and that the briny ocean;
In action he's a very famous talker,
A dictionary quite—a perfect Walker.
[Exit Pug, L.
Long speeches from his paws with ease he sends,
In fact he's language at his fingers' ends.
[Music. Pug returns, continues action.
That roll and twist! The ship is nearer?
(Pug bows affirmatively, and rolls about pleased)
True,
I'll lay one pound the vessel will lay-to,
I wish it may, for since I lost my wife,
I've led a very so-so sort of life!
With sentiment I don't wish much to trouble you,
But oh! she was a woman! Mrs. W.
[Pug expresses dissent.
'Tis true, she was a little of a dawdle,
And had a trifling spice of Mrs. Caudle.
Tho' just in confidence, don't talk about it,
Is there one woman in the world without it?
[Pug jabbers.
Hot tempers may for wedlock still be good,
Like “peppers and that sort of thing for food.”
[Pug runs out, and describes the position of the ship.
(Looks off.)
Ah! to the Loadstone Rock, too late diskivered.
[Music.
There! Every sailor's got his timbers shiver'd!
To linger would betray great impropriety,
We'll form at once, Pug, “A Humane Society.”
Collect the drags and follow in a trice,
I'll be the president, and you the vice.
SONG.Oh, you, sir! well the news
That you thus rouse me from my pleasant snooze,
7
I dreamt too that I dwelt in marble halls.
[Music. Pug does action expressive of a ship at sea, and swimming.
What meant he by that strange convulsive motion?
That meant a ship, and that the briny ocean;
In action he's a very famous talker,
A dictionary quite—a perfect Walker.
[Exit Pug, L.
Long speeches from his paws with ease he sends,
In fact he's language at his fingers' ends.
[Music. Pug returns, continues action.
That roll and twist! The ship is nearer?
(Pug bows affirmatively, and rolls about pleased)
True,
I'll lay one pound the vessel will lay-to,
I wish it may, for since I lost my wife,
I've led a very so-so sort of life!
With sentiment I don't wish much to trouble you,
But oh! she was a woman! Mrs. W.
[Pug expresses dissent.
'Tis true, she was a little of a dawdle,
And had a trifling spice of Mrs. Caudle.
Tho' just in confidence, don't talk about it,
Is there one woman in the world without it?
[Pug jabbers.
Hot tempers may for wedlock still be good,
Like “peppers and that sort of thing for food.”
[Pug runs out, and describes the position of the ship.
(Looks off.)
Ah! to the Loadstone Rock, too late diskivered.
[Music.
There! Every sailor's got his timbers shiver'd!
To linger would betray great impropriety,
We'll form at once, Pug, “A Humane Society.”
Collect the drags and follow in a trice,
I'll be the president, and you the vice.
(To the burthen of which Pug tumbles.)
Pug, let us toddle now the fair's begun,
Before you say Jack Robinson the ship is done;
Her danger every moment palpably encreases
Like an actor I could mention, she will be in lots of pieces.
Hey go along!
Pug, let us toddle now the fair's begun,
Before you say Jack Robinson the ship is done;
Her danger every moment palpably encreases
Like an actor I could mention, she will be in lots of pieces.
Hey go along!
[Exeunt, L.
8
SCENE III.
—The Wreck of the De la Cruz on the Loadstone Rock, covered with the iron of the ship—practicable Raft, L. moving Sea, &c.Peter Wilkins, loading raft, Jack Adams assisting.
Jack.
(pauses.)
Oh such a fate I never did expect
But to be wrecked and die we come di-rect;
Attracted by the rock each thing of mettle
Is off like lightning.
[He opens box during the above, and at this moment takes out an iron tea kettle.
And there goes the kettle.
[The kettle is drawn to the rock.
Poker and tongs all fly away in turn,
Pet.
(laughing)
Well, thus metallic currency we learn;
That you've rheumatic, Jack, I've heard you say,
Now magnetism draws it all away.
Jack.
I only know if here one longer lingers
He'd have the very nails drawn from his fingers.
Pet.
Or perhaps the Loadstone, like Macassar rare,
Will draw the iron grey out of your hair.
Cheer up, Jack.
Jack.
That's very well for you,
But oh! my Mary with the eye of blew,
If you could see us on this wretched shore
Your eye would look more blewer than before.
SONG.—Air, “The heart bowed down.”—Jack.
But oh! my Mary with the eye of blew,
If you could see us on this wretched shore
Your eye would look more blewer than before.
My heart's a hundred weight of woe,
A fortune 'twould be found,
If any one would buy the lot
At fourteen pence a pound.
And this immense amount of grief
Is all for love of you,
Dear maid-of all-work at the Crown,
And your two eyes of blew.
A fortune 'twould be found,
If any one would buy the lot
At fourteen pence a pound.
And this immense amount of grief
Is all for love of you,
Dear maid-of all-work at the Crown,
And your two eyes of blew.
Pet.
Well, well, the time may come—
Jack.
I only know
The time I wish to come is time to go.
Pet.
Oh hang your sentimental croaking, Jack,
Whilst you are whining I shall take a snack.
Jack.
I'll join you, Peter, for I somehow feel
The bursting heart requires a hearty meal.
[Goes to case, R.
What's this? I wonder if it's something nice!
Is it wood pavement? No! It's Wenham ice!
9
The difference is only in the name,
For in effect they're very much the same.
[Slides.
Jack.
What's this? It looks (drinks)
and tastes like bitter ale!
Pet.
The fright was quite enough to turn it pale.
Jack.
Sure Bass's ale, when tossed by cruel fates,
Found itself really Bass in Bass's Straits.
Pet.
Now lay the cloth, the knives and forks.
[Jack opens a chest, and a bundle of knives and forks fly to Rock.
Jack.
I say!
Peter, the knives and forks have cut away!
Pet.
If that's the case, then it's extremely plain,
Those knives have cut never to come again.
Jack.
When all the stock of English iron fails
This rock will serve the railways well with rails.
Pet.
The very worst device that you could hit upon,
A rock is what so many railways split upon.
Jack.
I've heard of such a rock, pray, what rock was it?
Pet.
'Tis sometimes called a “primary deposit.”
Jack.
Let's to the raft, for here we're so environed,
One's handkerchief would go if it were ironed.
DUET.—“Turn on Old Time.”
Let's on, 'tis time to go, alas!
When neither knife or fork will stay,
Like Monsieur Phillippe's presto pass
Our goods and chattels cut away.
[The Raft goes off, and the Music gradually dies away. At the end, Pug enters, tumbles everything about, drinks, &c. Rolls off. Soft Music. Flying Indians seen in the distance. Crosses from R. to L.
CHORUS
.—Air, “The harp in the air.”
(Behind the Scenes.)
We're coming again, so look sharp in the air,
We all of us come
From the land of the Glum!
A mighty fine place, but we can't tell you where.
Listen! Listen! Here! There!
SCENE IV.
—A romantic Pass.Jack and Peter
(within, R.)
Hillo!
Sailors
, (opposite side, within.)
Hillo!
Music. All enter. Shout.
Pet.
Welcome, my jolly boys! I'm glad you're found,
For though ashore, we are not quite aground.
10
By Neptune's horrid game of pitch and toss.
First Sai.
(mournfully.)
Our late adventures in the recent gales
Would furnish heads for very frightful tales.
Pet.
Nay, don't lament, 'tis useless to regret,
The poet says, “we may be happy yet.”
Jack.
Alas! I have no happiness in view
Without my Mary, with the eye of blew,
I can imagine how she will bewail
The lengthened absence of her Indian mail.
Pet.
You're not the Indian mail for which's disbursed
So much by newspapers to get you first.
Come, Jack, give up that sentimental style,
Just try to smile “as you were wont to smile.”
Jack.
If at my tenderest feelings thus you tug,
From my o'ercharged heart you'll pull the plug.
Pet.
Don't be a milksop, 'tis a common fate
For folks to be compelled to emigrate;
As for the country, though we had no choice in it,
Let's shew at least, we have a voice in it.
A song, my friends, we've all the day before us,
So, perhaps, you wont object to join in chorus.
SONG AND SAILOR'S HORNPIPE.
Air, “Bound prentice to a waterman.”
Good sailors are no watermen—I learn'd that long ago,
But to Hydrophatic treatment e'er say nay;
When they take a little water why 'tis mix'd with rum you know,
So, Jack Adams, hand the keg about and let 'em pull away.
Sing fol, lol, &c. Yeo!
But to Hydrophatic treatment e'er say nay;
When they take a little water why 'tis mix'd with rum you know,
So, Jack Adams, hand the keg about and let 'em pull away.
Sing fol, lol, &c. Yeo!
I blush to say teetotalism has no charms for me,
Though some worthy folks admire it no doubt:
But I always fancied toddy was much better than bohea,
So we'll take the pledge to-morrow when we've drank the liquor out.
Sing fol lol, &c. Yeo!
Though some worthy folks admire it no doubt:
But I always fancied toddy was much better than bohea,
So we'll take the pledge to-morrow when we've drank the liquor out.
Sing fol lol, &c. Yeo!
SCENE V.
—A beautiful Water Scene. Rocks and foreign trees. Waterfall at back lighted by the setting Sun. A palm overhangs the water. Plantations, &c. at wings.Music. Enter Pug, R. very boosy; he pursues a bird about and plays several drunken antics. Climbs up tree after bird. Enter Wildman, R. dressed up in the spoils of the ship; he wears a cocked hat. Pug loses his footing and falls on the hat, which then covers the face of Wildman.
Wil.
Hollo! was such ill treatment ever seen—
Assist me, Broughton, Ballantine, Jardine;
11
I'm bonnet'd! ho! Bow Street, Hat-ton Garden!
[Pug strikes him with a stick and then runs off. Wildman releases him from the hat.
Here, with impunity, they play their freaks,
For though we've lots of birds we've got no beaks;
But, perhaps, we're better off without the laws,
For acts of Parliament have frightful claws.
[Music, and wild noises as before, and the Flying Indians cross in the distance.
CHORUS—(as before.)
Wel.
Zounds! what a phillaloo above! What is it
That hither comes to pay a flying visit?
I've heard it said from some of England's cities
Have flown away provisional committees.
A perfect covey! All that I'm afraid is
They must be rather light and flighty ladies:
I hardly know on which my chance should fall,
I can't polygamise and marry all!
If I could follow out my nat'ral bent,
I'd put myself in an advertisement,
Offer my heart and hand to the best bidder,
N.B. There's no objections to a widder.
[Exit L.
[Music. Enter Yourakee and Hallicarnie, with other Flying Indians, some bearing fanciful baskets bottles, &c., one or two in livery, &c.
You.
This is the spot, where free from all alloy,
Our pic-nic party we can well enjoy
[they open baskets.
Lay the provisions out—Oh goodness! my!
They've made a sad mess of the pigeon pie!
[shews one broken.
Hal.
And as for me, unlucky that I am,
The bread is jamm'd together with the jam.
You.
I, of a worse mishap have to complain,
I've played old gooseberry with the champagne.
Let's make the best of it, to grieve is folly,
A pic-nic means—uncomfortably jolly,
Hal.
And whilst they spread the cloth we've time enough
To have a game at “Touch” or “Blind Man's Buff.”
All the Women.
Blind Man's Buff!
Hal.
Agreed—now who'll be “he?”
All.
I. I. I.
Hal.
So many Is must see. So Yourakee!
[Music. The servants spread Cloths. A fanciful Ballet of Action. Yourakee blindfolded. Enter Wildman, L. Yourakee seizes him—pulls off handkerchief and screams.
[Picture.
12
Don't be afraid! I'm not so very frightful
Really this sort of thing is quite delightful
You'll find me if you give a welcome hearty
A very nice young man for a small party
You.
You will not eat us?
Wil.
What a charmer this is,
Eat you! I could devour you—with kisses!
[tries to kiss Yourakee, who starts away terrified.
Hal.
I think you'd better ask the brute to stay.
You.
Sir, will you join our party, sil vous plait?
Wil.
Oh I shall be delighted (Music)
I'm in luck (all sit)
What an enchanting creature (taking up a plate)
—what a duck!
When I behold these rich and savoury piles
I fancy that I'm in the Sandwich Isles
[Takes sandwiches.
For ever I could gaze upon those eyes,
But for these more enchanting mutton pies.
(takes some.)
You.
I think I never saw a greater glutton
What Dando was to oysters he's to mutton.
Wil.
Now that will do—here, some one take the platter
[rising.
Suppose we dance? Let's have a Pas de Katter.
You.
Katter! A Pas de Quatre you mean, of course,
Wil.
Well perhaps I put the cart before the horse.
[Music. The Indians recoiling from Wildman as he approaches them. Yourakee conveys by motion that they are all to take flight. Yourakee in passing the second time flies away. Wildman rushes up Rocks, climbs Palm Tree overhanging the stream. A Gun is fired and Wildman falls into the water.
Enter Peter Wilkins, supporting Yourakee, followed by Hallicarnie, and all the Indians, L.
Pet.
You are not hurt I hope—your colour's heightened,
You.
I'm not much hurt, but very sadly frightened.
Pet.
Poor little dear! Some misadventure brought it
And there's no penny-a-liner to report it.
You.
Look at my wing, see what a dreaful tear,
Not Swan and Edgar could that rent repair.
Pet.
Dear creature! Let not that unhappy make you,
Under my wing henceforward I will take ye.
You.
Oh thanks! that promise re-assurance brings,
But now I look again you have no wings.
Pet.
That's true enough, but love is most sincere.
Having “no feather left to fly with” dear.
Having “no feather left to fly with” dear.
13
A happy man if made to day
By you, no week shall pass,
But you shall stand in new array
Before your looking glass;
One Vauxhall night your life shall be,
One long, long fancy ball,
When you shall look, (now silks are free,)
The smartest of them all.
By you, no week shall pass,
But you shall stand in new array
Before your looking glass;
One Vauxhall night your life shall be,
One long, long fancy ball,
When you shall look, (now silks are free,)
The smartest of them all.
Enter Jack Adams with a brass blunderbuss. He starts, L.
Jack.
Good gracious!
[Yourakee rushes to Peter.
Does a British sailor fright you?
Pet.
You've shot the darling creatures wing Jack, right, thro'.
Jack.
I didn't go to do it you're aware,
You know my sentiments about the fair,
The man who'd strike a female—
Pet.
That's enough,
Give us no more of that exploded stuff.
Jack.
Exploded stuff! It's always sure to tell.
Exploded! perhaps it is—it goes off well.
[Sees Hallicarnie.
Ah! If I didn't know to the contrary,
I should have sworn you were my blue-eyed Mary.
I can't embrace you for those cursed wings,
You find them, don't you, rather awkward things.
Pet.
Here come our friends!
Enter Sailors, R.
Pray let me introduce
My gallant shipmates of the De la Cruz.
Enter Sailors and Flying Indians R.
FINALE.
Sailors.
Pretty creature, don't refuse me.
For one little buss excuse me.
Indians.
Naughty creature! pray excuse me,
I'll scream if thus you use me.
Oh you nasty tarry fellow
You've been drinking till you're mellow.
Sailors.
Don't you see the clouds look low'ring,
Indians.
Soon 'twill cats and dogs be show'ring.
All the Sailors try to kiss the Indians. Business at the end the Indians rise on the wing Violent Storm. Sailors, gather Plaintain leaves, which the Girls use as umbrellas. The Pas des Parapluis, the Ladies holding up their dresses as Ladies do in wet weather.
END OF ACT I.
| Peter Wilkins : Or, the loadstone rock and the flying Indians | |