 | The Widow A Comedie |  |
Actus 5.
Scæna 1.
Enter Philippa and Violetta.Phil.
How well this Gentleman keeps his promise too?
Sure there's no trust in man.
Viol.
They'r all Francisco's,
That's my opinion Mistris: Fools, or false ones.
He might have had the honestie yet y'faith
To send my Masters clothes home.
Phil.
I those clothes.
Viol.
Collyers come by the dore ev'ry day Mistris,
Nay, this is Market-day too, Powlterers, Butchers,
They would have lay'n most deintily in a Panyer,
And kept Veal from the wind.
Phil.
Those clothes much trouble me.
Viol.
'Faith, and he were a gentleman as he seem'd to be,
They would trouble him too I think;
Me thinks he should have small desire to keep 'em.
Phil.
'Faith and lesse pride to wear 'em, I should think wench,
Unlesse he kept'em as a testimonie
For after-times to shew what miserie
He past in his young dayes, and then weep over 'em.
[Ent. Martino.]
Viol.
Weep Mistris? nay sure me thinks he should not weep
for laughing.
Phil.
Martino? oh w'are spoild wench, are they come then?
Mar.
Mistris, be of good cheer, I have excellent news for you,
comfort your heart, what have you to breakfast Mistris, you shall
have all agen, I warrant you.
Phil.
What saies he Wench?
Viol.
I'm loth to understand him.
Mar.
Give me a note of all your things sweet Mistris,
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We have him safe enough.
Phil.
O las, sweet wench
This man talks fearfully.
Viol.
And I know not what yet
That's the worst Mistriss.
Mar.
Can you tell me pray,
Whether the Rascall has broke ope my desk or no,
Ther's a fine little barrell of pom-citrons
Would have serv'd me this seven year, oh, and my fig-cheese.
The fig of everlasting obloquy
Goe with him if he have eat it, Ile make haste
He cannot eat it all yet, he was taken Mistriss
Grosly, and beastly, how doe you think y'faith?
Phil.
I know not sir.
Mar.
Troth in my Masters cloaths,
Would any thief but a beast been taken so?
Phil.
Wench, wench.
Viol.
I have grief enough of mine own to tend Mistriss.
Phil.
Did he confess the robbery?
Mar.
O no, no Mistriss
He's a young cunning Rascall, he confest nothing;
While we were examining on him, he took away
My Masters purss and mine, but confest nothing still.
Phil.
That's but some slanderous injury rais'd against him.
Came not your Mr. with you?
Mar.
No sweet Mistriss.
I must make hast and meet him, pray dispatch me then.
Phil.
I have lookd over all with speciall heedfulness,
Ther's nothing miss'd, I can assure you sir
But that Suit of your Masters.
Mar.
I'm right glad on't
That Suit would hang him yet I would not have him hangd in
that Suit though, it will disgrace my Masters fashion for ever, and
make it as hatefull as yellow bands.
Exit.
Phil.
O what shall's doe wench?
Viol.
'Tis no marvail Mistriss
The poor young Gentleman could not keep his promise.
Phil.
'Alas sweet man, h'as confess'd nothing you wench.
Viol.
That shews his constancy, and love to you Mistriss:
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The truth can neither shame nor hurt you much,
Let 'em make what they can on't, 'twere sin and pitty y'faith
To cast away so sweet a Gentleman,
For such a pair of infidell hose and doublet,
[Enter Ansaldo.]
I would not hang a Jew for a whole wardrobe on 'em.
Phil.
Thou saist true wench.
Viol.
Oh, oh, they'r come agen Mistriss.
Phil.
Signior Ansaldo?
Ans.
The same mightily cross'd Lady,
But past hope freed agen by a Doctors means,
A man of art, I know not justly what indeed,
But pitty, and the fortunate gold you gave me,
Wrought my release between 'em.
Pil.
Met you not
My husbands man?
Ans.
I took such strange wayes Lady
I hardly met a creature.
Phil.
Oh most welcome
Viol.
But how shall we bestow him now we have him Mris?
Phil.
'Alas, that's true.
Viol.
Martino may come back agen.
Phil.
Step you into that little Chamber speedily sir,
And dress him up in one of my Gowns and head-tyres
His youth will well endure it.
Viol.
That wilbe admirable.
Phil.
Nay do't, do't quickly then, and cut that Suit
Into a hundred pieces, that it may never be known agen.
Viol.
A hundreth? nay ten thousand at the least Mris.
For if there be a piece of that Suit, left, as big as my nail,
The deed will come out, 'tis worse than a murder,
I fear 'twill never be hid.
Phil.
Away, do your endeavour, and dispatch wench,
Ex. Viol. and Ansaldo.
I've thought upon a way of certain safetie,
And I may keep him while I have him too,
Without suspition now: I've heard o'th' like:
A Gentleman, that for a Ladies love
Was thought six months her woman, tended on her
In her own garments, and she being a Widow,
Lay night by night with her in way of comfort,
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[Enter Brandino with a writing.]
Would I'd a copy of the same conclusion:
He's come himself now, if thou be'st a happy wench
Be fortunate in thy speed, Ile delay time
With all the means I can: oh welcome sir.
Bra.
Ile speak to you anon wife, and kiss you shortly,
I'm very busie yet: Cocksey-down, Mem-berrie,
Her Manner-house at Well-dun.
Phil.
What's that good sir?
Bra.
The widows your sweet Sisters deed of gift;
Sh'as made all her estate over to me wench:
She'l be too hard for 'em all: and now come buss me
Good luck after thieves hansell.
Phil.
Oh 'tis happy Sir
You have him fast.
Bra.
I ha' laid him safe enough wench.
Phil.
I was so lost in joy at the report on't
I quight forgot one thing to tell Martino.
Bra.
What's that sweet blood?
Phil.
He, and his villains sir
Robd a sweet Gentlewoman last night.
Bra.
A Gentlewoman?
Phil.
Nay, most uncivilly and basely stript her sir.
Bra.
Oh barbarous slaves.
Phil.
I was ev'n fain for woman-hoods sake
(Alas) and charities, to receive her in,
And cloath her poor wants in a Suit of mine.
Bra.
'Twas most religiously done: I long for her;
Who have I brought to see thee think'st thou woman?
Phil.
Nay Sir, I know not.
Bra.
Ghess, I prethee heartily:
An enemy of thine.
Phil.
That I hope you have not sir.
Bra.
But all was done in jest: he crys thee mercy,
Francisco sirha.
Phil.
Oh; I think not on him.
Bra.
That Letter was but writ to try thy constancie,
He confest all to me.
Phil.
Joy on him sir,
[Enter Francisco.]
So far am I from malice, look you sir;
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Bra.
Faith I'm beholding to thee wife, for this.
Fra.
Methinks, I enter now this house with joy,
Sweet peace, and quietness of conscience,
I wear no guilty blush upon my cheek
For a sin stampt last midnight: I can talk now
With that kind man, and not abuse him inwardly.
With any scornfull thought made of his shame:
[Enter Martino.]
What a sweet being is an honest mind?
It speaks peace to it self, and all mankind.
Bra.
Martino.
Mar.
Master.
Bra.
Ther's an other robbery done sirha,
By the same partie.
Mar.
What? your worship mocks,
Under correction.
Phil.
I forgot to tell thee
He robd a lovely Gentlewoman.
Mar.
O Pagan,
This fellow will be ston'd to death with Pipkins,
Your women in the Suburbs will so maule him
With broken crewzes, and pitchers without eares,
[Enter Ansaldo (as Martia) & Violetta.
He will nev'r dye alive, that's my opinion.
Phil.
Look you your judgments Gentlemen, yours
especially
Is woman at these years, that's the eye Saint I know
Amongst young Gallants, Husband, you have a glimpse too;
You offer half an eye, as old as you are,
Bra.
By'r Lady better wench: an eye, and a half I troa,
I should be sorry else.
Phil.
What think you now sirs
Is't not a goodly manly Gentlewoman?
Bra.
Beshrew my heart else wife.
Pray soft a little Signior y'ar but my guest remember,
I'm Mr. of the house, Ile have the first buss.
Phil.
But Husband, 'tis the curtesie of all places
To give a stranger ever the first bit.
Bra.
In Woodcock or so, but ther's no heed to be taken in
Mutton;
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I'm sorry for thy fortune, but thou'rt welcome Lady
Mar.
My Master kisses, as I've heard a hackney man
Cheer up his Mare, chap, chap.
Bra.
I have him fast Lady, and he shall lye by't close,
Ans.
You cannot doe me a greater pleasure Sir,
Bra.
I'm happily glad on't.
Fra.
Me thinks there's somewhat whispers in my soul,
This is the hour, I must begin my acquaintance
With honest love, and banish all loose thoughts;
My fate speaks to me from the modest eye
Of yon sweet Gentlewoman.
Phil.
Wench, Wench.
Viol.
Pish, hold in your breath Mistris,
If you be seen to laugh, you spoil all presently,
I keep it in with all the might I have—puh.
Ans.
Pray what young gentleman's that sir?
Bra.
An honest boy y'faith,
And came of a good kind: do'st like him Lady,
I would thou hadst him, and thou beest not promis'd,
Hee's worth ten thousand Dollars.
Viol.
By this light Mistris, my Master will goe neer to make a
match anon, me thinks I dream of admirable sport Mistris.
Phil.
Peace, thou art a drab.
Bra.
Come hither now Francisco,
I've known the time, I've had a better stomach;
Now I can dine with looking upon meat.
Fra.
That face deserv'd a better fortune Lady
Than last nights rudeness shew'd.
Ans.
We cannot be
Our choosers sir in our own desteny.
Fra.
I return better pleas'd, than when I went.
Mar.
And could that beastly Impe rob you forsooth?
Ans.
Most true forsooth,
I will not altogether sir, disgrace you,
Because you look half like a Getleman.
Mar.
And that's the Mothers half.
Ans.
There's my hand for you.
Mar.
I swear you could not give me any thing
I love better, a hand gets me my living;
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Fra.
May I request a modest word or two Lady
In private with you?
Ans.
With me sir?
Fra.
To make it sure from all suspect of injurie,
Or unbeseeming privacie, which heaven knows
Is not my aym now, Ile intreat this gentleman
For an ear witness unto all our conference.
Ans.
Why so, I am content Sir,
Exit. Fra. & Ansaldo.
Bra.
So am I Lady—
Mar.
Oh Master, here's a rare Bedfellow for my Mistris to night,
For you know we must both out of Town agen.
Bra.
That's true Martino.
Mar.
I do but think how they'l lye telling of tales together
The pretiest.
Bra.
The pretiliest indeed.
Mar.
Their tongues will never lyn wagging Master.
Bra.
Never Martino, never.
Exeunt.
Phil.
Take heed you be not heard.
Viol.
I fear you most Mistris.
Phil.
Mee fool? ha, ha.
Viol.
Why look you Mistris: faith y'are faultie, ha, ha,
Phil.
Well said y'faith, where lyes the fault now gossip.
Viol.
Oh for a husband; I shall burst with laughing els,
This house is able to spoil any Maid.
Phil.
Ile be reveng'd now soundly of Francisco
For failing me when time was.
Viol.
Are you there Mistris? I thought you would not forget that
How ever, a good turn disappointed is ever the last thing
That a woman forgives, shee'l scarce do't when shee's speechless,
Nay, though she hold up her whole hand for all other injuries,
Shee'l forgive that but with one finger.
Phil.
Ile vex his heart as much as he mock'd mine.
Viol.
But that may marre your hopes too, if our gentlewoman
be known to be a man.
Phil.
Not as Ile work it;
I would not lose this sweet revenge me thinks
For a whole fortnight of the old mans absence,
Which is the sweetest benefit next to this:
[Enter Ansaldo.]
Why how now sir, what course take you for laughing?
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Ans.
Faith with great pain,
Stifle it, and keep it in: I ha' no receipt for't.
But 'pray, in sadness say; What is the Gentleman,
I never knew his like for tedious urgings,
He will receive no answer.
Phil.
Would he would not Sir.
Ans.
Sayes I'm ordain'd for him: meerly for him,
And that his wiving fate speaks in me to him;
Will force on me a joynture speedily
Of some seven thousand Dollars.
Phil.
Would thou had'st 'em sir: I know he can and he will.
Ans.
For wonders pitty; What is this Gentleman?
Phil.
'Faith shall I tell you sir,
One that would make an excellent honest husband
For her that's a just Maid at one and twentie:
For on my conscience he has his Maidenhead yet.
Ans.
Fye, out upon him beast.
Phil.
Sir, if you love me.
Give way but to one thing I shall request of you.
Ans.
Your curtesies you know may lay commands on me.
Phil.
Then at his next sollicitings, let a consent
Seem to come from you; 'Twill make noble sport sir,
Wee'll get joincture and all; but you must bear
Your self most affable to all his purposes.
Ans.
I can doe that.
Phil.
I, and take heed of laughing.
[Enter Francisco.]
Ans.
I've bide the worst of that already Lady.
Phil.
Peace, set your countenance then; for here he comes.
Fra.
There is no middle continent in this passion,
I feel it since, it must be love, or death
It was ordain'd for one.
Phil.
Seignior Francisco,
I'm sorry 'twas your fortune, in my house sir,
To have so violent a stroak come to you:
The gentlewoman's a stranger pray be counsell'd sir,
Till you hear further of her Friends and portion.
Fra.
'Tis only but her love that I desire,
She comes most rich in that.
Phil.
But be advis'd though,
60
Before you make her such a generous Jointure.
Fra.
'Tis mine, and I will doo't.
Phil.
She shalbe yours too,
If I may rule her then.
Fra.
You speak all sweetness.
Phil.
She likes your person well, I tell you so much,
But take no note I said so.
Fra.
Not a word.
Phil.
Come Lady, come, the gentlemans desertfull,
And O my conscience honest.
Ans.
Blame me not, I am a Maid, and fearfull.
Fra.
Never truth came perfecter from man.
Phil.
Give her a lip-taste.
Enter Bradino and Martino.
That she her self may praise it.
Bra.
Yea, a match y'faith: my house is lucky for 'em
Now Martino.
Mar.
Master, the Widow has the day.
Bra.
The day?
Mar.
She's overthrown my youngster.
Bra.
Pretious tydings.
Clap down four Woodcocks more.
Mar.
They'r all at hand Sir.
Bra.
What both her adversaries too.
Enter Valeria, Ricardo, and two Suters.
Mar.
They'r come sir.
Bra.
Go bid the Cook serve in two geese in a dish.
Mar.
I like your conceit Master beyond utterance.
Bra.
VVelcome sweet Sister; which is the man must have you.
Ide welcome no body els.
1 Suter.
Come to me then sir.
Bra.
Are yo' he' faith, my chain of gold? I'm glad on't.
Val.
I wonder you can have the face to follow me,
That have so prosecuted things against me,
But I ha' resolv'd my self 'tis done to spight me.
Ric.
O dearth of truth.
2 Suter.
Nay, do not spoil thy hair,
Hold, hold I say, Ile get thee a VVidow somewhere.
Ric.
If hand and faith be nothing for a Contract,
VVhat shall man hope?
2 Suter.
'Twas wont to be enough, Honey.
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But since your bribes came in, 'tis not allow'd
A contract without gifts to bind it fast,
Every thing now must have a feeling first
Doe I come neer you Widow?
Val.
No indeed sir,
Nor ever shall I hope: and for your comfort sir,
That sought all means t'entrap me for my wealth,
Had Law unfortunately put you upon me,
You had lost your labour, all your aym, and hopes sir:
Here stands the honest Gentleman my Brother
To whom I've made a deed of gift of all.
Bra.
I that she h'as y'faith, I thank her Gentlemen
Look you here sirs.
Val.
I must not look for pleasures
That give more grief if they prove false, or fail us
Then ever they gave joy.
1 Suter.
Ha' you ser've me so widow
2 Suter.
I'm glad thou hast her not, laugh at him honey;
ha, ha.
Val.
I must take one that loves me for my self:
Here's an old Gentleman looks not after wealth
But vertue, manners, and conditions.
1 Suter.
Yes by my faith: I must have Lordships too Widow.
Val.
How sir?
1 Suter.
Your manners, vertue, and conditions Widow
Are pretty things within dores, I like well on 'em,
But I must have somewhat with out-lying or being
In the tenure or occupation of me such a one: ha?
Those are fine things indeed.
Val.
Why sir, you swore to me it was for love.
1 Suter.
True; but ther's two words to a bargain ever
All the world over, and if love be one
I'm sure mony's the other; 'tis no bargain else:
Pardon me, I must dine, as well as sup Widow.
Val.
Cry mercy, I mistook you all this while sir
It was this antient Gentleman indeed,
Whom I crave pardon on.
2 Suter.
What of me Widow?
Val.
'Alas I have wrong'd you sir; 'twas you that swore
62
2 Suter.
By my troth but I did not
Come, Father not your lyes upon me Widow:
I love you for your self? spit at me Gentlemen
If ever I'd such a thought, fetch me in Widow:
You'l find your reach too short.
Val.
Why you have enough you say.
2 Suter.
I, but I will have my humour too; you never think
of that they'r Coach horses, they goe together still.
Val.
Whom should a Widow trust: I'l swear 'twas one of you
That made me beleeve so: mass, think 'twas you sir
Now I remember me.
Ric.
I swore too much
To be beleev'd so little.
Val.
Was it you then?
Beshrew my heart for wronging of you.
Ric.
Welcome blessing,
Are you mine faithfully now?
Val.
As love can make one.
1 Suter.
Why this fils the Common-wealth so full of beggars,
Marrying for love, which none of mine shall doe.
Val.
But now I think on't: we must part agen sir.
Ric.
Agen?
Val.
You'r in debt, and I, in doubt of all,
Left my self nothing too; we must not hold,
Want on both sides makes all affection cold:
I shall not keep you from that Gentleman,
You'l be his more then mine and when he lift
He'l make you lye from me in some soure prison,
Then let him take you now for altogether sir,
For he that's mine shall be all mine, or nothing.
Ric.
I never felt the evill of my debts
Till this afflicting minute.
2 Suter.
Ile be mad once in my daies: I have enough to cure
me, and I will have my humour, they'r now but desperate debts
agen. I nev'r look for 'em,
I alwaies held it sweeter to sow mischief.
Than to receive money; 'tis the finer pleasure.
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To make the match, and bring 'em both to beggary,
Then will they nev'r agree; that's a sure point,
He'l give her a black eye within these three daies,
Beat half her teeth out by Alhall ontide,
And break the little houshold-stuffe they have
With throwing at one another: O sweet sport.
Come Widow, come, ile try your honestie
Here to my honey y'have made many proffers,
I fear they'r all but tricks: here are his debts Gentlemen:
How I came by 'em I know best my self.
Take him before us faithfully for your husband
And he shall tear 'em all before your face Widow.
Val.
Else may all faith refuse me:
2 Suter.
Tear 'em honey
'Tis firm in Law, a consideration given:
What with thy teeth? thoul't shortly tear her so
That's all my hope, thoud'st never had 'em else
I've enough, and I will have my humour.
Ric.
I'm now at liberty Widow.
Val.
Ile be so too
And then I come to thee: give me this from you Brother.
Bra.
Hold Sister: Sister.
Val.
Look you, the deed of gift sir, I'm as free
He that has me, has all, and thou art he.
1., 2.
How's that?
Val.
Y'ar bob'd, 'twas but a deed in trust
And all to prove thee, whom I have found most just.
Bra.
I'm bob'd among the rest too: I'd have sworn
T'had been a thing for me, and my heirs for ever;
If I'd but got it up to the black box above
I had been past redemption
1 Suter.
How am I cheated?
2 Suter.
I hope you'l have the conscience now to pay me sir.
Ric.
Oh wicked man, sower of strife and envy, open not thy lips.
2 Suter.
How, how's this?
Ric.
Thou hast no charge at all, no child of thine own
But two thou got'st once of a scowring woman,
And they are both well provided for, thei'r i'th hospitall,
Thou hast ten thousand pound to bury thee,
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2 Suter.
I'm gone, my goodness comes all out together.
[Enter Violetta.
I have enough, but I have not my humour.
Viol.
O Master, Gentlemen: and you sweet Widow
I think you are no forwarder yet, I know not,
If ever you be sure to laugh agen,
Now is the time.
Val.
Why what's the matter wench?
Viol.
Ha, ha, ha.
Bra.
Speak, speak.
Viol.
Ha, a marriage, a marriage, I cannot tel't for laughing:
ha, ha.
Bra.
A marriage doe you make that a laughing matter?
[Enter Francisco and Ansaldo
Viol.
Ha: I, and you'l make it so when you know all,
Here they come, here they come, one man married to another.
Val.
How? man to man?
Viol.
I man to man y'faith
Ther'l be good sport at night to bring'em both to bed;
Doe you see 'em now, ha, ha, ha.
1 Suter.
My daughter Martia.
Ans.
Oh my Father: your love, and pardon sir.
Val.
'Tis she indeed Gentlemen.
Ans.
I have been disobedient I confess
Unto your mind, and Heaven has punish'd me
With much affliction since I fled your sight;
But finding reconcilement from above
In peace of heart; the next I hopes your love.
1 Suter.
I cannot but forgive thee now I see thee,
Thou fledst a happy fortune of an old man,
But Francisco's of a noble family,
Though he be somewhat spent.
Fra.
I lov'd her not sir
As she was yours, for I protest I knew't not,
But for her self sir, and her own deservings,
Which had you been as foul, as y'ave been spightfull
I should have lov'd in her.
1 Suter.
Well, hold your prating sir,
Y'ar not like to loose by't.
Phil.
Oh Violetta, who shall laugh at us now?
65
The child unborn Mistris.
Ans.
Be good.
Fra.
Be honest.
Ans.
Heav'n will not let you sin, and you'ld be carefull.
Fra.
What means it sends to help you, think and mend,
You'r as much bound as we, to praise that frend.
Phil.
I am so, and I will so.
Ans.
Marry you speedily,
Children tame you, you'l die like a wild beast els.
Viol.
I by my troth should I, I've much adoe to forbear
Laughing now, more's my hard fortune.
Enter Martino.
Mar.
O Master, Mistris, and you gentles all;
To horse, to horse presently, if you mean to doe your Country any service.
Bra.
Art not asham'd Martino, to talk of horsing so openly
Before young married couples thus.
Mar.
It do's concern the Common-wealth and me,
And you Master, and all: the Theeves are taken.
Ans.
What sai'st Martino,
Mar.
Law, here's Common-wealths-men,
The man of art Master, that cupt your eyes
Is prov'd an arrant rascall: and his man
That drew my tooth, an excellent purse-drawer,
I felt no pain in that, it went insensibly:
Such notable villanies confest.
Bra.
Stop there sir:
Wee'l have time for them: Come gentle-folks,
Take a slight meal with us: but the best cheer
Is perfect joy, and that we wish all here.—
Exeunt.
| The Widow A Comedie | |