The Complete Works of Lewis Carroll :: :: University of Virginia Library

To save beloved Oxford from the yoke,
(For this majority's beyond a joke),
We must combine, aye! hold a caucus-meeting,
Unless we want to get another beating.
That they should “bottle” us is nothing new—
But shall they bottle us and caucus too?

911

See the “fell unity of purpose” now
With which Obstructives plunge into the row!
“Factious Minorities,” we used to sigh—
“Factious Majorities” is now the cry.
“Votes—ninety-two”—no combination here:
“Votes—ninety-three”—conspiracy, 'tis clear!
You urge “'Tis but a unit.” I reply
That in that unit lurks their “unity.”
Our voters often bolt, and often baulk us,
But then, they never, never go to caucus!
Our voters can't forget the maxim famous

“Semel electum semper eligamus”:
They never can be worked into a ferment
By visionary promise of preferment,
Nor taught, by hints of “Paradise” beguiled,
To whisper “C for Chairman” like a child!
And thus the friends that we have tempted down
Oft take the two-o'clock Express for town.

This is our danger: this the secret foe
That aims at Oxford such a deadly blow.
What champion can we find to save the State,

912

To crush the plot? We darkly whisper “Wait!”

My scheme is this: remove the votes of all
The residents that are not Liberal—
Leave the young Tutors uncontrolled and free,
And Oxford then shall see—what it shall see.
What next? Why then, I say, let Convocation
Be shorn of all her powers of legislation.
But why stop there? Let us go boldly on—
Sweep everything beginning with a “Con”
Into oblivion! Convocation first,
Conservatism next, and, last and worst,

“Concilium Hebdomadale” must,
Consumed and conquered, be consigned to dust!

“To save the University from going completely under the yoke . . . we shall still be obliged to combine.”

“Caucus-holding and wire-pulling would still be almost inevitably carried on to some extent.”

“But what are we to do? Here is a great political and theological party . . . labouring under perfect discipline and with fell unity of purpose, to hold the University in subjection, and fill her government with its nominees.”

At a recent election to Council, the Liberals mustered ninety-two votes and the Conservatives ninety-three; whereupon the latter were charged with having obtained their victory by a conspiracy.

Not to mention that, as we cannot promise Paradise to our supporters, they are very apt to take the train for London just before the election.

It is not known to what the word “Paradise” was intended to allude, and therefore the hint, here thrown out, that the writer meant to recall the case of the late Chairman of Mr. Gladstone's committee, who had been recently collated to the See of Chester, is wholly wanton and gratuitous.

A case of this kind had actually occurred on the occasion of the division just alluded to.

Mr. Wayte, now President of Trinity, then put forward as the Liberal candidate for election to Council.

“You and others suggest, as the only effective remedy, that the Constituency should be reformed, by the exclusion of the non-academical elements which form a main part of the strength of this party domination.”

“I confess that, having included all the really academical elements in Congregation, I would go boldly on, and put an end to the Legislative functions of Convocation.”

“This conviction, that while we have Elections to Council we shall not entirely get rid of party organization and its evils, leads me to venture a step further, and to raise the question whether it is really necessary that we should have an Elective Council for legislative purposes at all.”