The Complete Works of Lewis Carroll :: :: University of Virginia Library

“Oh, do not forget the day when we met
At the fruiterer's shop in the city:
When you said I was plain and excessively vain,
But I knew that you meant I was pretty.

“Recollect, too, the hour when I purchased the flour
(For the dumplings, you know) and the suet;
Whilst the apples I told my dear Damon to hold,
(Just to see if you knew how to do it).

“Then recall to your mind how you left me behind,
And went off in a 'bus with the pippins;
When you said you'd forgot, but I knew you had not;
(It was merely to save the odd threepence!).

“Don't forget your delight in the dumplings that night,
Though you said they were tasteless and doughy:
But you winked as you spoke, and I saw that the joke
(If it was one) was meant for your Chloë!

902

“Then remember the day when Joe offered to pay
For us all at the Great Exhibition;
You proposed a short cut, and we found the thing shut,
(We were two hours too late for admission).

“Your ‘short cut’, dear, we found took us seven miles round
(And Joe said exactly what we did):
Well, I helped you out then—it was just like you men—
Not an atom of sense when it's needed!

“You said ‘What's to be done?’ and I thought you in fun,
(Never dreaming you were such a ninny).
‘Home directly!’ said I, and you paid for the fly,
(And I think that you gave him a guinea).

“Well, that notion, you said, had not entered your head:
You proposed ‘The best thing, as we're come, is
(Since it opens again in the morning at ten)
To wait‘—Oh, you prince of all dummies!

“And when Joe asked you ‘Why, if a man were to die,
Just as you ran a sword through his middle,
You'd be hung for the crime?’ and you said ‘Give me time!’
And brought to your Chloë the riddle—

“Why, remember, you dunce, how I solved it at once—
(The question which Joe had referred to you),
Why, I told you the cause, was ‘the force of the laws,’
And you said ‘It had never occurred to you.’

“This instance will show that your brain is too slow,
And (though your exterior is showy),

903

Yet so arrant a goose can be no sort of use
To society—come to your Chloë!

“You'll find no one like me, who can manage to see
Your meaning, you talk so obscurely:
Why, if once I were gone, how would you get on?
Come, you know what I mean, Damon, surely.”

1861.

THOSE HORRID HURDY-GURDIES!

A MONODY, BY A VICTIM

“My mother bids me bind my hair,”
And not go about such a figure;
It's a bother, of course, but what do I care?
I shall do as I please when I'm bigger.

“My lodging is on the cold, cold ground,”
As the first-floor and attic were taken.
I tried the garret but once, and found
That my wish for a change was mistaken.

“Ever of thee!” yes, “Ever of thee!”
They chatter more and more,
Till I groan aloud, “Oh! let me be!
I have heard it all before!”

“Please remember the organ, sir,”
What? hasn't he left me yet?
I promise, good man; for its tedious burr
I never can forget.

1861.

904

MY FANCY

I painted her a gushing thing,
With years perhaps a score;
I little thought to find they were
At least a dozen more;
My fancy gave her eyes of blue,
A curly auburn head:
I came to find the blue a green,
The auburn turned to red.

She boxed my ears this morning,
They tingled very much;
I own that I could wish her
A somewhat lighter touch;
And if you were to ask me how
Her charms might be improved,
I would not have them added to,
But just a few removed!

She has the bear's ethereal grace,
The bland hyena's laugh,
The footstep of the elephant,
The neck of the giraffe;
I love her still, believe me,
Though my heart its passion hides;
“She's all my fancy painted her,”
But oh! how much besides!

Mar. 15, 1862.

905

THE MAJESTY OF JUSTICE

AN OXFORD IDYLL

They passed beneath the College gate;
And down the High went slowly on;
Then spake the Undergraduate
To that benign and portly Don:
“They say that Justice is a Queen—
A Queen of awful Majesty—
Yet in the papers I have seen
Some things that puzzle me.

“A Court obscure, so rumour states,
There is, called ‘Vice-Cancellarii,’
Which keeps on Undergraduates,
Who do not pay their bills, a wary eye.
A case I'm told was lately brought
Into that tiniest of places,
And justice in that case was sought—
As in most other cases.

“Well! Justice as I hold, dear friend,
Is Justice, neither more than less:
I never dreamed it could depend
On ceremonial or dress.
I thought that her imperial sway
In Oxford surely would appear,
But all the papers seem to say
She's not majestic here.”

The portly Don he made reply,
With the most roguish of his glances,

906

“Perhaps she drops her Majesty
Under peculiar circumstances.”
“But that's the point!” the young man cried,
“The puzzle that I wish to pen you in—
How are the public to decide
Which article is genuine?

“Is't only when the Court is large
That we for ‘Majesty’ need hunt?
Would what is Justice in a barge
Be something different in a punt?
“Nay, nay!” the Don replied, amused,
“You're talking nonsense, sir! You know it!
Such arguments were never used
By any friend of Jowett.”

“Then is it in the men who trudge
(Beef-eaters I believe they call them)
Before each wigged and ermined judge,
For fear some mischief should befall them?
If I should recognise in one
(Through all disguise) my own domestic,
I fear 'twould shed a gleam of fun
Even on the ‘Majestic’!”

The portly Don replied, “Ahem!
They can't exactly be its essence:
I scarcely think the want of them
The ‘Majesty of Justice’ lessens.
Besides, they always march awry;
Their gorgeous garments never fit:
Processions don't make Majesty—
I'm quite convinced of it.”

907

“Then is it in the wig it lies,
Whose countless rows of rigid curls
Are gazed at with admiring eyes
By country lads and servant-girls?”
Out laughed that bland and courteous Don:
“Dear sir, I do not mean to flatter—
But surely you have hit upon
The essence of the matter.

“They will not own the Majesty
Of Justice, making Monarchs bow,
Unless as evidence they see
The horsehair wig upon her brow.
Yes, yes! That makes the silliest men
Seem wise; the meanest men look big:
The Majesty of Justice, then,
Is seated in the WIG.”

March 1863.