University of Virginia Library

When the Sister came
She found poor Constance with a flutt'ring heart
And tearful eyes. “When did he come?” she ask'd,
“Ah, what avails to try and do the right
“And flee away from evil! For to me
“The earth contains not two more terrible things
“Than, or to see him or to see him not!
“Oh, tell me! did he come and seek me here
“Or did you guess my heart and send for him?
“He is the very dearest thing to me
“In all the world, and yet we are not wed!
“He liv'd quite near us in our country home—
“We used to wander in the summer woods
“And walk together thro' the rustling leaves
“Of Autumn; in the dismal winter days
“I long'd for light and warmth, and turn'd to him
“And seem'd to find them both;—he made the Spring
“Seem greener, fresher, and more full of hope—
“With him, each thing in nature grew to be
“More beautiful, and guessing not the cause,
“I let the days go by as in a dream—
“My husband was the kindest of old men—
“He trusted me too well, and then at last
“One day I found myself a guilty thing
“And so it happen'd.” . . . .

Then Theresa sigh'd
And said that often in the wicked world
Like tragedies occurred. “You are so help'd
“By ev'rything around you, to incline
“To Folly and to Sin; e'en you yourself
“Half charge the fields and flowers with your fault
“And hold the forest trees responsible,—
“But what of laughter, song, and merriment,
“The blaze of lights,—and music and the dance—
“The dress invented but to charm the eye?”
“It may be often thus,” Constance replied,
“But not with us, dear Sister; true we lov'd—
“But our's no mushroom-fancy in one night
“Forced into life; nor was our's sudden love
“Dancing to pleasant sound of pandean pipes
“And dying with the music;—when I die
“And not till then, will die in me this beam
“Off-shot from heav'n—this music of the spheres!
“Nay—I, alas, can plead no such excuse,
“For in almost as pure an atmosphere
“As that wherein you say your daily pray'rs,
“And summon'd by no more seductive strain
“Than the clear tolling of your convent bell,
“Sprang into life my fatal love for him.
“You are so good—you cannot understand—
“Ah, Sister, Love—than all the seven sins,
“Is surely far more difficult to quell!”

Theresa answer'd that she was not good
But a mere erring woman like herself—
Who had at last been led into the fold
Of the Good Shepherd.

“Women deem they love,”
She added, “But their love is writ on sand,
“To fade before the first encroaching wave
“Which sweeps away the letters, and the place
“Once fair and smooth again, they trace straightway
“Another name, which still another wave
“Will kiss to death.”

“Ah, cruel metaphor!”
Sigh'd Constance with a shudder. “Waves may come
“And men may come and go with changing forms,
“But in the world, to all eternity
“There lives one man—one only name to me!”

“Ah, ‘souvent femme varie,’” replied the Nun,
“But in this happy household where I dwell,
“(Where you may dwell if God vouchsafes you grace,)
“We serve one Master only, and admit
“Of no allegiance which is split in two—
“(You know the text—and how we may not serve
“Both God and Mammon.) What is earthly love?
“How can a passing passion take the guise
“And ape the majesty of higher things?
“We men and women are but floating straws
“On the inevitable stream of Destiny—
“We love not whom we would, and oft the heart
“Resists its fetters, but of what avail?
“Some secret current, such as will impel
“Two of these said poor straws to cling together,
“(United by the circlet of a bubble
“Which breaks and frees them lower down the stream)
“Inclines our human hearts to him or her,
“Or all as surely breaks the brittle bands
“Binding our fickle natures! Ere I sought
“This happy solitude, I knew the world,
“I heard Love spoken of, and did not shun
“The mention of his name; but I have liv'd
“And learnt, and I am older far than you,
“Ah, Love is bitterness! I had a friend . . . .
“One I knew well when I was of the world—
“And could I prove to you by her sad fate
“The little worth of all our human loves—
“The heart's unparalleled inconstancy—
“I would relate to you her history.”
“I wait to hear it,” Constance sadly said,
“And wish, indeed, you could invent some tale
“To teach me fickleness!”

Then said the Nun—
“A lady lov'd, and oftentimes she sigh'd
“To one who courted her on English soil,
“‘Alas, maybe I could have lov'd you once—
“‘But now too late! too late! it cannot be!
“‘My heart is far away in Hindostan
“‘Where braving for my sake the double ills
“‘Of heat and cold (the cold is at his heart
“‘For loss of me!) my lover toils to gain
“‘The gold with which to win me from the hands
“‘Of sordid parents,’ as she spoke one day,
“Open'd the door, and with a startled cry
“She fell upon the Anglo-Indian's breast
“Before that other man who lov'd her well—
“Then all her friends rejoiced, and she was wed,
“And he who lov'd her fled across the seas
“Unknown to her, in grief and bitterness;
“And she, too hurried almost, to reflect,
“Prepared to journey to that distant land
“To which her husband ow'd his growing wealth.
“Then all went well at first—amused she watch'd
“The curious elements of Indian life—
“And whilst she moved and journey'd all went well
“For at her heart there was an aching pain
“She sought to kill by constant restlessness
“And change of scene—and so the days went by;
“But when she came to Trichinopoly
“(One short day's journey from her future home,)
“She said to him (her husband,) ‘Leave me here,
“‘My sad, sad heart is broken—let me die—
“‘I lov'd the man I would not own I lov'd—
“‘You were so long away—I pray'd for you—
“‘I said so often that I lov'd you well
“‘I ended by believing what I said—
“‘Oh, curse me! put me from you! let me go!
“‘I cannot lie at night so near your heart
“‘When I am dreaming of that other man!’
“Her husband heard her—he was stern and cold,
“An Indian judge, (tho' in his secret heart
“Methinks he was in favour of Suttee,
“So firmly did he deem the marriage-tie
“Bound women to their lords in life and death!)
“He did as she desired—for, cursing her,
“He put her from him, and he let her go
“Back to the land where last she saw the man
“She really lov'd. Prepared to weather storms
“And bear for him disgrace and poverty—
“Prepared for him to live a life of sin
“So she might see his face and make it glad—
“She thus return'd; but with her reach'd the shore
“The tidings of an English victory,
“And then she heard how on Crimean heights
“This man she lov'd, and came to seek, had fall'n
“Fighting at Alma. Naught to her remain'd,
“The heart within her bosom seem'd to die—
“She forthwith said good-bye to all the world
“And took the vows of a poor Sisterhood
“As I have done.”

The tears were in her eyes
And Constance turn'd away to hide her own,
“So now she is a Nun,” she said, “like you—
“I pity her—and almost understand
“Her history—yet fear this heart of mine
“Is floating on a less uncertain sea—
“I dread that I shall love him till I die.”