STEWART'S LIGHTNING CALCULATOR OF DINNER
TABLE CONVERSATION
THIS chart divides the dinner into its various courses, and under
each course is given what I call an "opening sentence," together with
your partner's probable reply and the topic which is then introduced for
discussion. And, most valuable of all, under each such topic I have
listed certain helpful facts which will enable you to prolong the
conversation along those lines until the arrival of the next course, and
the consequent opening of another field for discussion. The chart
follows:
- I. Cocktails.
You say to the partner on your right: "What terrible gin!" She (he)
replies: "Perfectly ghastly." This leads to a discussion of: Some
Aspects of Alcohol.
Helpful Facts:
- 1. An oyster soaked in alcohol becomes
quite rigid in eleven minutes.
- 2. Senator Volstead was born Sept. 4, 1869.
- 3. Alcohol, if taken in too great quantities, often
produces internal disorders.
- II. Oysters.
You say to the partner on your right: "Think of being an oyster!"
She (he) replies: "How perfectly ghastly."
This leads to a discussion of: Home Life of Oysters.
Helpful Facts:
- 1. The average life of an oyster is 38 days, 11 hours.
- 2. Polygamy is practised among certain classes of oysters.
- 3. The first oyster was eaten by Ossip Gatch, a Pole (d. 1783).
- III. Fish.
You say to the partner at your right: "Do you enjoy fish?"
She (he) replies: "I simply adore fish."
This leads to a discussion of: Fish—Then, and Now.
Helpful Facts:
- 1. Fish make notoriously bad pets,
whereas seals can be taught to do
many novel tricks.
- 2. Gloucester (Mass.) smells badly in summer.
- 3. Gloucester (Mass.) smells badly in winter.
- IV. Meat.
You say to the partner at your right:
"Have you ever been through the StockYards?"
She (he) replies: "No." ("Yes.")
This leads to a discussion of: "The Meat
Industry in America."
Helpful Facts:
- 1. Every time a street car goes over
the Brooklyn Bridge, a steer is
killed in Chicago—and oftener.
- 2. Raw beefsteak in quantities is
harmful to children under two
years of age.
- 3. A man died recently in Topeka,
Kansas, weighing 312 pounds.
- 4. Many prominent people live on
the North Side of Chicago.
- V. Salad.
You say to the partner at your right:
"What is your favorite salad?"
She (he) replies: "I don't know, what's
yours?"
This leads to a discussion of: Favorite
Things.
Helpful Facts:
- 1. Richard Barthelmess is married.
- 2. B. V. D. stands for "Best Value Delivered."
- 3. Amy Lowell is fond of cigars.
- VI. Dessert.
You say to the partner at your right: "I love ice cream."
She (he) replies: "So do I."
This leads to a discussion of: Love.
Helpful Facts:
- 1. New York is the hardest state in which to get a divorce in
America.
- 2. Dr. Sigmund Freud is now living in Vienna, Austria.
- 3. D. H. Lawrence has a black beard.
