University of Virginia Library

SCENE IV.

Chorus, Epops, Euelpides, Pisthetærus.
Chorus.
Toro, toro, toro; toro, toro, tinx.
Kikkabau, kikkabau,
Toro, toro, toro, toli, lilinx.

Pisthetærus.
Seest any bird?

Euelpides.
Not I, by Apollo; none;
Though with mouth open I have been staring up.
'Tis all in vain it seems the Epops hath sung,
Mocking the sea-lark, in that thicket shrouded.

A Bird.
Torotinx, torotinx.

Pisthetærus.
But, my friend, here at last is some bird coming to us.

Euelpides.
Yea, by Jove: but what bird? is't a peacock?

Pisthetærus.
He'll show us.

Epops.
He's not one of such as you commonly see;
No tame one; but haunts the morasses.

Pisthetærus.
Ah me!
How with crimson and gold he is all in a flame!

Epops.
Like enough; and Flamingo indeed is his name.

Pisthetærus.
Hilloah! you.

Epops.
What now?

Pisthetærus.
Here's another, I see.

Epops.
And another, by Jove, as outlandish as he.

Pisthetærus.
Who's this strange swelling bird that's so monstrously hideous?

Epops.
The Median they call him.

Pisthetærus.
The Median? Prodigious!
And how came he here from so far off a region,
With no camel to bear him, this wonderful Median?

Euelpides.
Here's another again! What a crest he has got!

Pisthetærus.
'Tis strange! There was no other Epops, I thought,
But thyself! Yet the same though another is he!

Epops.
From Philocles he springs as Philocles from me.
So I am his grandsire; and we two tally as
Hipponicus is son to and father of Callias.

Pisthetærus.
In faith, he is Callias: his plumes are so shatter'd.

Epops.
Ay, just like a lord, that's confoundedly batter'd
By women and sycophants, leaguing together,
That have stript him so close they scarce leave him a feather.

Pisthetærus.
By Neptune, and here comes another that vies
With the best of them all in his mutable dies.
His name is?

Epops.
The Glutton.

Pisthetærus.
The Glutton? A name,
That, Cleonymus only can properly claim.
But if 'tis Cleonymus, how has he still
That cone on his pate and that red in his gill?

Euelpides.
But what means this cresting? these caps they have on?
Do you think 'tis a race they are going to run?

Epops.
If a race, 'tis like that of the Carians, who go
To their crests, when they're hunted, for safety, you know.

Pisthetærus.
But Neptune preserve us! how cursed a crowd
Of fowls is collecting!

Euelpides.
By Phœbus, the cloud
Is so thick, I can scarce see the entrance at present.

Pisthetærus.
There's a partridge, I see.

Euelpides.
Ay, and there is a pheasant.

Pisthetærus.
Next a godwit: a kingfisher close at his tail.
But who's that behind her?

Euelpides.
Who is it? her male.

Pisthetærus.
What is Sporgilus one of these comical fowls?
Then the owl herself comes.

Euelpides.
Who to Athens brings owls?

Pisthetærus.
A tit-lark and magpie, a cuckow and pigeon,
A hawk and dive-dapper, woodpecker and widgeon,
A turtle and stockdove, an osprey and quail,
Chaffinch, bulfinch, teal, linnet, red-moor-hen and rail.
Odso! what a screaming and whistling they make!
How they sidle and fidget, and noddle and shake!
Do you think it's at us they are making this clangor?
Alack! how they are gaping! and look as in anger
At both you and me!

Euelpides.
'Tis too certain, I fear.

Chorus.
Popopoi! Popopoi! Who hath summon'd us here?
What place doth he haunt in?

Epops.
Behold whom ye seek.
I ne'er flinch from my friends, and am ready to speak.

Chorus.
Titi, tititimptrou! Pray tell us at once
What good tidings it is that thou hast to announce.

Epops.
A plan, safe, just, pleasant, and good for the state,
Two shrewd counsellors come to propose for debate.

Chorus.
Where are they? where are they? what sayst?

Epops.
I have told.
'Tis a matter of moment they have to unfold,
These twain, who are come from the dwellings of men:
'Tis a root ye may peck at and peck at again.

Chorus.
In my life I ne'er heard so audacious a fact.
What is it—

Epops.
Nay, quake not.

Chorus.
Thou'st dared to transact?

Epops.
All I have done is to offer a courteous greeting
To two men who are heartily friends to this meeting.

Chorus.
And hast thou done this?

Epops.
And rejoice in it too.

Chorus.
And where are they?

Epops.
With us, if myself am with you.

Chorus.

Pisthetærus.
We're gone.

Euelpides.
And thou art the cause of these evils alone.
For, why didst thou bring me?

Pisthetærus.
To be my attendant.

Euelpides.
Say, rather to weep.

Pisthetærus.
Thou'rt mistaken, depend on't.
No such fate will be thine.

Euelpides.
And what moves thee to doubt?

Pisthetærus.
For how shouldst thou weep, if thine eyes be pluck'd out?

Chorus.

Euelpides.
'Tis e'en so. Whither, wretch, can I fly?

Pisthetærus.
Then remain.

Euelpides.
What? by these to be torn?

Pisthetærus.
Canst thou 'scape being ta'en?

Euelpides.
I know not the means.

Pisthetærus.
Let us face them and stand,
Prepared for defence with these pots in our hand.

Euelpides.
What good will our pots do?

Pisthetærus.
They'll scare off the owls.

Euelpides.
But how shall we deal with those crook-talon'd fowls?

Pisthetærus.
Take a spit and have at them.

Euelpides.
But how for our eyes?

Pisthetærus.
A plate or a sauce-boat will amply suffice.

Euelpides.
What a martial device, thou most dexterous man!
Not Nicias himself such inventions could plan.

Chorus.
Shout, shout, and march on, level bills, linger not;
Strike, pluck, pull and rend; and first down with that pot.

Epops.
Stay thy fury, mad beast; and I charge thee declare
What it is that impels thee to murder and tear
Two men, who have given no cause for this strife,
But are both of them tribesmen and kin to my wife?

Chorus.
On whom may we vengeance more justly repay?
Are the wolves less deserving our mercy than they?

Epops.
If their nature be hostile, yet friendly their mind,
And they come with some scheme for our welfare design'd—

Chorus.
For our welfare what scheme should these ever propose,
To our fathers of old such inveterate foes?

Epops.
The wise their best lessons are taught by a foe;
For to caution alone we security owe;
And that thou couldst never have learnt from a friend.
'Tis instruction for which on our foes we depend.
The means they suggest for preserving a nation,
Ship-building, manœuvring, and fortification.
Thus to guard all that's dearest our enemies teach.

Chorus.
We admit of a parley, convinced by your speech.

Pisthetærus.
Methinks they're relenting.

Chorus.
Fall back on your ranks.

Epops.
'Tis well: for this measure ye owe me your thanks.

Chorus.
I dispute not your wisdom; and ever, as now,
To its dictates obedient submissively bow.

Pisthetærus.
They're for peace, as I wot.
Lower dishes and pot.
But with spear, I mean spit,
Ported thus, it is fit
That we walk to and fro
Near the arms we forego;
And keep them in sight.
We must not think of flight.

Euelpides.
True: but if we should die,
Whereabouts shall we lie?

Pisthetærus.
We shall sleep with the brave.
Ceramicus a grave
Will afford us publicly;
For, in fight, we will tell
Our commander, we fell
'Gainst the foe at Orneæ.

Chorus.
Retire in order, whence thou cam'st;
And, like a soldier heavy-arm'd,
Lay down thy wrath, and let it rest
Beside thine anger. We the while
Of these will question, who they are,
And from what clime,
And on what errand come.
Ho! Epops! on thee I call.

Epops.
Whereof to be inform'd, desiring,
Call'st thou on me?

Chorus.
Who these and whence?

Epops.
Strangers from sapient Greece.

Chorus.
What chance
Amid the birds hath brought them here?

Epops.
Love of the life thou lead'st, thy food,
Thyself; to dwell along with thee,
And to be with thee wholly.

Chorus.
Say'st?
And what report have they for us?

Epops.
Things past belief and yet unheard of.

Chorus.
Discern'st thou any profit, worth the biding,
Wherein he hath reliance placed,
Desiring to consort with us?
Having wherewith to harm a foe,
Or benefit a friend?

Epops.
Of bliss
He speaks, enormous happiness,
Incredible, untold; for thine,
As he affirms, are all things, far,
This way and that, as thought can reach.

Chorus.
Is he one struck with madness then?

Epops.
I cannot tell thee, how discreet.

Chorus.
And to discretion adds he wisdom?

Epops.
For subtleness a very fox;
Sheer serpentry; all over craft;
The meal thrice bolted not so fine.

Chorus.
O good! O good! I'd have him speak.
Bid him to speak forthwith. Thy words
Have set me on the wing.

Epops.
Now then do thou and thou put off these weapons,
[To Pisthetærus and Euelpides.
And to Good Fortune for an offering hang them
Close to the lazy-back in your chimney corners.
But thou, for what intent I these convened,
To them at large unfold; deliver.

Pisthetærus.
Nay,
Not I, by Apollo, unless they first agree
To strike a bargain with me like to that
Which that monkey the sword-cutler did with's wife,
That they will never bite, or pull, or poke—

Chorus.
What dost thou talk of? Fye.

Pisthetærus.
I mean, mine eyes out.

Chorus.
Done: I agree to 't.

Pisthetærus.
I will have thee swear too.

Chorus.
I swear; so as I hope to win the plaudits
Of all these judges and spectators here.

Pisthetærus.
Be't so.

Chorus.
And if I break it, may I have—
Only the better half upon my side.