University of Virginia Library

ACT II.

Scene I.

—A Room in the Castle. Luralie alone.
LURALIE.
My summer holidays are nearly over:
I've roved enough to love to be a rover;
But I have won him, and before I go
Must suit him to our water home below.
That ointment, deadly to all water vermin,
Will change my lover to a gallant merman,
With webs and scales, and horny, lizard tail,
So curled and green—a lovely coat of mail.
This ugly crisis keeps me in the fidgets.
How will he feel with webs between his digits?
Will scales and lizard tail appear alarming?
Will he be shocked at what I think so charming?
This morning I was mischievous and merry;
My heart danced lightly, like a trim-built wherry;
But now a cloud so black, it makes me shiver,
Comes flitting o'er my bosom's sunny river,
As in a magic crystal I can see
Some hurricane approach. Ah! woe is me!

Enter Wizard disguised as a beggar.
WIZARD.
I am uncertain how I shall accost her.

LURALIE.
I know you well, you funny old impostor.

WIZARD.
Fair one, mistaken you might chance to be.

LURALIE
(mimicking him).
Nay, never wag your goatish beard at me.

WIZARD.
Madam, you're merry, but I know you not.
The merest chance has brought me to this spot;
A poor old beggar, spent with hunger's qualms,
Who likes a joke, but far prefers an alms.

LURALIE.
I see, and so by merest chance you came;
Perhaps you'd make your exit by the same.

WIZARD.
Then be it so. On purpose I am here.
It seems thou knowest me,—thou shalt learn to fear.
Would'st thou illude the Wizard's piercing sight?
At this dread sign unmask thee, Water Sprite!

[Waves his wand—throws off his disguise.
LURALIE.
Dear, picturesque old creature, don't be furious!
Oh, what a lovely beard! so soft and curious;
'Twould be such fun in two great rolls to plait it,
A waterfall of beard!—now might I pat it?

[She strokes Wizard's beard.
WIZARD.
No siren art my settled purpose staggers.

LURALIE.
There is no need, dear sir, of looking daggers.

WIZARD.
Spirit, attend! Unbending I proceed.

LURALIE.
Are you so stern and pitiless indeed?

WIZARD.
If I relax my brow at your contrition,
Charge it to pity, not to indecision.
Long hast thou fooled it, all my magic scorning.
Ere you proceed, accept a solemn warning:
If on yon youth thou shalt exert thy malice
To lure him to thy father's fatal palace,
Enchanting him with thy allurements hollow,
I tell thee, nymph, dread punishment shall follow.
'Tis writ within my volume's clasped pages—
Eternal anguish, or a sleep for ages;
But to induce thee to withdraw thy charms
To thy late home, and to thy father's arms,
The sparry vaulted caves thou shalt behold,
See on yon mists the magic scene unrolled.
[Tableau of Luralie's home. Solemn music.
So, fade!—Take care;—thou'rt warned, howe'er it be.
Adieu—adieu—adieu! Remember me!

[Exeunt L. and R.
Enter Johanna and Elspeth.
JOHANNA.
I'm sick of sighing, broken-hearted nearly.
He surely treats me very cavalierly.
[Hands Elspeth a dagger.
Just take this dagger;—To my bosom's centre
Strike home, dear Elspeth, till the daylight enter!

ELSPETH.
The daylight enter!—Mistress, you're insane!
Remember daylight enters through a pain.
We'll first kill time, dear mistress, if we can.
Here comes my sweetheart! Such a funny man.
[Enter Wilhelm.
You come, young man, as usual in the flurries,
A teazing cur.

JOHANNA.
Oh! you're the lamb he worries.

WILHELM.
I am offended by such cruel dealings;
In fact, I'm overpowered with my feelings.
Sweet girl, we'd live together very snugly
If you would have me.

ELSPETH.
Why, you are so ugly!

WILHELM.
I know my face is—

ELSPETH.
Like a buttered muffin.

WILHELM.
I know I am a goose.

[Sighs audibly.
ELSPETH.
You seem to be a puffin.

WILHELM.
Of a small house I have a lease for life.
Oh, be my husband; let me be your wife.
Two cows do browse an acre and a half.

ELSPETH.
And of which cow are you the happy calf?

WILHELM
(to Johanna).
Do, pretty, sweet young woman, help me if you can.

JOHANNA.
Oh, take him, Elspeth, such a nice young man.
A lovely Roman nose and larking eye,
And I am sure he's nearly six feet high.

WILHELM
sings; air, “Mary Blane.”

ELSPETH
sings; air, “Trab, trab.”

[Exeunt.
Enter Zoeline with a glass, applying ointment to his face.
ZOELINE.
Now I am water-proof. My fears I can't o'ermaster,
I feel all over like a mild pitch plaster.
What am I tempted to? Yet I can't doubt her,
'Tis my disease that I can't live without her.
I would be cured—this step is dangerous, sure,
And oft is fatal—the cold-water cure.
[Looks at a pocket glass.
I'm glad to see my face, it does not soil.
Pah! it savours strongly of cod's liver oil.
I need not rub my eyebrows, I suppose.
Now for my chin; now I'll touch up my nose.

Enter Johanna.
JOHANNA.
Well, Zoeline, to you I am most grateful,
I'm rid of that strange girl, so cold and hateful;
She went this morning to the Rhine, they say,
And brought her robes and ornaments away.
I know this happy change to you is owing—
What are you doing? Whither are you going?

ZOELINE.
To marry Luralie. Ha, ha! excuse this laughter;
I thought you'd like to throw the slipper after.
Now don't expostulate—no use in sorrow;
I'm sworn to marry Luralie to-morrow.

JOHANNA
sings.
Faithless, faithless, I was once your idol:
One short month would have dawned upon our bridal;
But before that time was over,
Zoeline, Zoeline, you left me for another.

ZOELINE
sings.
Ah! poor girl, 'tis most distressing,
Most sincerely I deplore
That, you're charming still confessing,
Other charms must I adore.

[Johanna and Zoeline sing together.
JOHANNA.
Zoeline, oh, Zoeline,
I love none but thee, Zoeline;
No other claims one thought of mine.
I love none but thee Zoeline.

ZOELINE.
Luralie, oh, Luralie,
I love none but thee, Luralie;
No other can I hear or see.
I love none but thee, Luralie.

JOHANNA
sings.
Think of the Baron's broken-hearted daughter,
Think of the plunge in the cold and sullen water.
May it haunt you—may it daunt you,
Zoeline—Zoeline—traitor and deceiver!

[Exit.

Scene II.

—The Rhine. Gobbet alone.
GOBBET.
Now is the winter of my mud-born meanness,
Made glorious summer by these people's greenness;
And now, instead of diving for my meals,
To fright the timid souls of river eels,
And scarcely venturing to bask on shore,
But on a sunny mud-bank grunt and snore,
I drink good beer from foaming pewter mugs,
And sleep in feather-beds, full of nice things called b---gs!
Now for my dinner,—what a jolly mess,
That never wanted cook or fire to dress:
A springing salmon, which I caught myself;
I'll eat it like a Christian, too, on delf.

[Eats at one side of the stage.
Enter Johanna and Elspeth.
ELSPETH.
What would you be a doing, mistress dear?

JOHANNA.
I come to drown myself and sorrows here.

ELSPETH.
You're in your slippered feet—dear mistress, hold—
Do take my shoes, you'll get your death of cold!
Your foot's almost as small as Cinderella,
And, ma'am, why havn't you got your umbrella?
The rain, like rats and mice, is pouring down:
Oh! 'tis a very ugly night to drown!

JOHANNA.
What nonsense you are talking! What care I
For rain and cold when I am going to die?

ELSPETH.
Such folly, mistress dear, ain't you above?

JOHANNA.
Sure, didn't Dido kill herself for love?

ELSPETH.
Dido! she darned her stocking as she sat,
Before the palace gate she darn't do that.

JOHANNA.
Here, take my brooch and earrings—you may sell them.
If friends should come to look for me, you'll tell them
They'll find me on the mud-bank down below:
And then “take me up tenderly,” don't you know?

[Sings; air, Donna Sabina Waltz.
Johanna sings
No more hope flushes me,
Frantic I go,
Where old Rhine hushes me
Moaning low.
There—there grief preyeth not,
Wasteth not more,
And old Rhine stayeth not
Rushing o'er.

ELSPETH
sings.

JOHANNA
sings.
I stay not to ponder, my grave waits me yonder:
To brood in my sorrows one moment I dare not;
Till soundly I slumber, each moment I number,
I fly from my anguish, and whither I care not.
No more hope flushes me, &c.

JOHANNA
(to Elspeth).
I know you won't forget my dying wishes:
Now, cruel Zoeline, I'm food for fishes.

[She iumps into the Rhine.
ELSPETH.
And so she's drowned herself, and so I let her;
I greatly fear I'm aider and abetier.
What noise is that? it frightened me almost.
Alas! alas! it is the Fraulein's ghost!

[She runs off the stage.
GOBBET.
Though reptile I, she nearly made me blubber.
Here's for a plunge, to save this poor land lubber.

[Gobbet dives in after Johanna.
Enter Zoeline, all covered with scales.
ZOELINE.
Oh, horror! beating every horror hollow!
May the earth open and my body swallow.
I dreamed that to a mermaid I was married,
And to the Rhine in clammy arms was carried;
I dreamed the monster struck me with her tail,
And all my skin broke out in slimy scale.
Johanna now would loathe me with disgust,
I'll fling me at her feet—I must—I must.

[Exit Zoeline. Enter Johanna and Elspeth.
ELSPETH.
It was some crazy door that was a creaking,

JOHANNA.
For shame—the voice was tuneful that was speaking.
I should not now be sorrowful and weeping,
If on the peaceful mud-bank I was sleeping;
It's not so very terrible to drown,
And I was going—oh, so calmly down,
When something seized on my unhappy corpus,
Some kind Newfoundland, or a gentle porpoise,
And brought me softly paddling to the shore.

ZOELINE
(outside).
Oh, Johanna!

ELSPETH.
Hush, mistress—there again, the creaking door.

Enter Zoeline.
JOHANNA.
Oh, Zoeline!

ZOELINE.
That's me.

JOHANNA.
Oh, pardon my surprise!
What means that fishy look about your eyes?
Has some bad spirit your resemblance stole?
Or is it transmigration of the soul?
I knew your voice, and hastened to the place,
But scarcely can I recognise your face.
What have you done, that could have changed you so?

ZOELINE.
I am a crocodile, for all I know;
And yet no crocodile's tears are those I'm shedding.

JOHANNA.
This should have been the morning of our wedding.

ZOELINE.
My wedding! name it not, I almost deem
Some charm was over me, some frightful dream—
Some spell that bound me to the cold deceiver;
'Tis gone, just like—the night-mare of a fever,
And left my heart as once it was, thine own.
What say I—can a reptile's tears atone?

JOHANNA.
To wed that reptile is my dearest wish.
Give me your hand— [drops it]
—how clammy, like a fish.
Pardon me, Zoeline! this is, indeed, felicity;
The shock I felt must have been Electricity.
I'm happier than the Queen of England now,—
And who knows but you'll some day cast your slough?

ZOELINE.
Dearest Johanna!

JOHANNA.
Yes, what would you say?

ZOELINE.
You know this should have been my wedding day.
I am so hideous, may be you might falter,
And I'm so altered, you might slum the altar—
My reptile face.

JOHANNA.
Dear Zoeline, no more.
I think it's twice as handsome as before.

ELSPETH.
Then what must it have been? Oh, how she doats!
I think he'd frighten horses from their oats.

ZOELINE.
This generosity I can't repay:
Oh, let this really be our bridal day.

JOHANNA.
With all my heart; dear Zoeline, content;
But shall we ever get Mamma's consent?

ELSPETH.
Into the balance throw his money bales,
And I'll go bail 'twill amply poise the scales.

JOHANNA.
Come, Zoeline, we'll go together now,
And delicately break it to the Frau.

Zoeline
sings; air, Immortellen Waltz.
True, still true, faithful are you;
When all my summer friends left me
You should have left me too.

JOHANNA
sings.
Still by your side, though all others should leave you;
Still when the traitor had snared and undone you;
Proving my constancy, proud to have won you,
Still is my cheering voice heard by your side.

Duet.
JOHANNA.
True, still true,
Faithful to you;
When all your summer friends leave you,
Let them desert me too.

ZOELINE.
True, still true,
Faithful are you;
When all my summer friends left me,
You should have left me too.

[Exeunt.
Enter Luralie in agitation.
LURALIE.
I've had a dream—a terrible dream.
I thought I heard my old father call,
And his gruff old voice had a threatening tone,
As it thundered up from his sparry hall;
Thro' Rhine's blue bosom, cold and deep,
I thought I sunk, like a falling star,
Where the light of the sun could hardly peep,
Till it greenly glimmered in caves of spar,
Where the Rhine's green hair kept waving, waving,
And its silent waters were ever laving.
My ears were confused by a gurgling sound;
The light was dim as when evening closes,
And the goggle-eyed fishes kept prying around,
And bobbing against me with cold clammy noses.
I longed for the cheery voices of men,
The joyous hunt, and the thoughtless wassail;
I longed for the light of the sun again,
The gay greenwood, and the old grey castle.
But the Rhine's green hair kept waving, waving,
And its silent waters were ever laving.
What did I hear in the dancing waves?
My gay young bridegroom, I heard him greet me.
What did I see in the sparry caves?
My gay young bridegroom, I saw him meet me.
“Luralie, long have I waited,” he said.
But I sprang with a shriek from his clammy caresses;—
My stern old father was there instead,
And his temples were bound with the Rhine's green tresses,
And the Rhine's green hair kept waving, waving,
And the silent waters were ever laving.

Enter Rhine King and Nymphs.
RHINE KING.
This is the period that I did appoint thee.
Come! rush to my bosom!

LURALIE.
Dread vision, aroint thee!

RHINE KING.
My power is upon thee, and thou must return.
Come, haste to the water—I burn! I burn!
The tide-wave is rolling, the stars are propitious,—
The sign of the Scales, and the sign of the Fishes.

RHINE KING sings.
Haste away! haste away!
Long have I wandered thro' my lonely halls.
Haste away! haste away!
Hark! 'tis the Rhine King calls!

LURALIE
sings.
Oh, father! bide one falling tide—
The weary waves to seaward glide.
Alas! I cannot, cannot, leave him—leave my Zoeline!

CHORUS OF NYMPHS.
List to our murmuring chorus!
It thrills through the water o'er us.
Oh, come, sister! dearest Luralie! Oh, dearest Luralie!
Come! we are worn with weeping;—
Our hearts lonely watch are keeping.
Oh, come, sister! dearest Luralie! Oh, dearest Luralie!

RHINE KING
sings.
Haste away! haste away!
Long have I wandered thro' my lonely halls.
Haste away! haste away!
Hark! 'tis the Rhine King calls.

LURALIE
sings.
Oh, father! bide on falling tide—
The weary waves to seaward glide.
Alas! I cannot, cannot leave him—leave my Zoeline!

CHORUS OF NYMPHS.
Lo, thro' the waters gleaming,
Our long robes and tresses streaming—
Oh, come, sister! dearest Luralie! Oh, dearest Luralie!
List to thy sisters' calling;
Our wail on thine ear is falling—
Oh, come, sister! dearest Luralie! dearest Luralie!

RHINE KING.
Thy chamber awaits thee—all starry and pure:
Thy lamp shall be made of a great Koh-i-noor.
We have banished all things that are slimy and ragged;
Thy floor shall be coral, thy throne shall be agate,
Thy crown of the wet water-lily and dry rush,
All clustered with diamonds (the diamonds are Irish);
And a robe of ice bugles—its tissue is thinnish;
'Twas completed in Finland with exquisite finish.

NYMPH.
Behind thee, sister, see a sunny scene wake.
The spotted trout are jumping at the green drake;
Your own pet trout has spent itself in leaping
Above the current when it saw you weeping.

LURALIE.
Alas! What noise! What mean these acclamations?

RHINE KING.
Thy Zoeline is false.

NYMPH.
Sister, have patience.
Don't list to the rejoicings of the vain crowd;
Come, take a shower-bath in yonder rain cloud.

LURALIE.
Father, I come—dear sisters, do not cry;
My heart's best life's water is nearly dry.
Lull me to sleep with music below,
I'll slumber for a century or so.
When I awake—for time our grief assuages—
We'll find ourselves about the middle ages.
Father, permit me—you can vigil keep:
You know I'm best behaved when I'm asleep;
You'll see, by peeping downwards thro' the skylight,
My misty figure in the caves' green twilight,
A dreaming of the billows' distant plashes,
All in my clouds of air and long eyelashes.

[Exeunt.

Scene III.

—A Room in the Castle. Enter Baron and Frau, with an immense bill of items, that drags along the floor.
FRAU.
Now, sir, that she is gone, that nasty viper,
We've had our fun, pray who's to pay the piper?
Here is an awful bill from the upholsters.

BARON.
Is there an item touching these two bolsters?

[Points to his legs.
FRAU.
The butcher's bill.

BARON.
No more—the bill's a true one.

FRAU.
The bill for wine.

BARON.
'Tis mighty like blue ruin.

FRAU.
The bill for plate.

BARON.
Includes your ugly mug.

FRAU.
The bill for ale.

BARON.
Will put me in jug.

FRAU.
The bill for trinkets, gewgaws, lace, and rings.

BARON.
One yet—I'll see no more of Banquo's Kings!

Enter Johanna, Zoeline in scales, and Elspeth.
ZOELINE.
I come, good Frau, my humble suit renewing.

FRAU.
Pray, sir, are you the frog that went a wooing?

JOHANNA.
Dear mother, do not thus your son abash:
Father, it merely is a trifling rash.

ZOELINE.
I got it eating lobsters and red pepper.

BARON.
That's fine bounce—you seem to be a leper.

Enter Wizard.
WIZARD.
I am a man, born of a former race:
My peers are dead, forget my name and place;
But kindly sympathy, age can't erase.
Friends, I perceive your sad misfortunes clearly.
Alas, poor youth! I pity you sincerely.
But that you suffered this disgrace was better,
That from your heart might fall her magic fetter.
'Tis true I can't with pharmaceutic skill
Compound the famous “Anti-Scaly-Pill,”
The fame of which, if Holloway but hears,
He'll set the public papers by the ears.
But I can summon from the vasty deep
An able leech. Ho! Gobbet, start from sleep!

GOBBET.
Here! mighty master,—say what is your will.

WIZARD.
Produce the famous “Anti-Scaly-Pill,”
And heal this youth, quick, fugit atra cura,
I'll then disclose my camera obscura.

GOBBET.
Bid us all hail,—I am a potent wizard;
You are my subject, now that you're a lizard.
However, we regard you with good will,
And gift you with the “Anti-Scaly-Pill.”

JOHANNA.
The “Anti-Scaly-Pill,”—the name is funny.

ELSPETH.
Comfort yourselves, it is not anti-money.

GOBBET
(to Baron and Frau).
Permit their union,—let your squabbles end.

BARON.
And who are you, my most ingenious friend?

GOBBET.
I am the potentate of slugs and snails,
And all amphibious creatures telling tales;
Also of bats, and rats, and toads, and frogs,
The Emperor of half a million bogs.

BARON.
Most potent Majesty, pray turn about.
[Kicks him. Exit Gobbet.
Ho, I declare, the dog has cured my gout.

ZOELINE.
And cured my scales. My fortune is my face.
Johanna, lo!

BARON.
Oh, you have changed the case.

FRAU.
Dear son-in-law, I greet you with a kiss.

ZOELINE.
Oh, that will do.

FRAU
(kissing him).
Take this—and this—and this.

BARON.
Of course, young man, the fortune's to the fore.

ZOELINE.
I give her all I have, I can no more.
And you, too, will be generous, no doubt.
What's Fraulein's dowry, Baron?

BARON.
Oh, my gout!

Enter Wilhelm, who kneels to Frau in mistake for Elspeth.
WILHELM.
Forgive me, beauteous maid!

FRAU.
Baron—preserve us!

WILHELM.
I couldn't hang myself, I got so nervous.
Oh! an old woman! Oh, I never knew her!

BARON.
I say, young man, you're very welcome to her.

WILHELM.
Oh, no! My head goes round, my stomach sickens.

BARON.
Try her—she is the tenderest of chickens.

FRAU.
Baron, avenge me, and this ruffian shoot;
[Takes him by the hair.
I never saw such a ferocious brute.

WILHELM.
Let go my hair, I'll give you such a digging.

BARON.
I knew the poor young man would get a wigging.

ELSPETH.
Good Frau, forgive the poor dear creature—look you,
For your most humble servant he mistook you.
The blunder's natural, for, to be truthful,
Our figures are alike—we both are youthful.
I've seen so much of true love's sorrows lately,
[To Wilhelm.
That I quite pity you, and like you greatly.
In fact, unless my mistress is averse,
I'll take you, sir, for better or for worse.

BARON.
Well done, old boys and girls—no more caressing,
You all shall have my patriarchal blessing.
[Takes Zoeline aside.
Now, my gay bridegroom, take this counsel trusty:
Poison your wife when she gets old and crusty.

ELSPETH.
Poor heart! when an old husband's gout and growls have broke it.

FRAU.
Ha! Baron,—put that in your pipe and smoke it.

WIZARD.
You now shall see secure your late tormentor
Asleep for ages in the Rhine's green centre.
There shall she lie till centuries revolve.
Ye mists that dim the mortal eye, dissolve!

Tableau of Luralie asleep, the Rhine King and Nymphs standing round her.
RHINE KING
sings.
I am frantic—grief gigantic
Harroweth this mighty heaving breast with care.
Pangs tremendous of anguish rend us.
Lo! how we tear our hoary hair!

CHORUS OF NYMPHS.
Ah! she sleeps at last. From our brows we cast
Wreath and flower above her—proving how we love her.
Let us float around, till the spell of sound
Falls on her heart like balm.

RHINE KING
sings.
Hush this groaning, she is moaning.
Would you scare her slumbers with a funeral strain?
With glad measure, lull my treasure:
Come, soothe with joyful dreams her pain.

CHORUS OF NYMPHS.
Ah! howe'er we will, comes a wailing thrill,
Mingling with her slumbers
Sad despairing numbers.
Yet we bid thee sleep. Be thy slumbers deep—
Sleep till thy heart be calm.

BARON and FRAU
sing.
How romantic—cut an antic.
We behold our hateful foe in limbo there!
Thanks tremendous! Still defend us
From sprites of water and of air.

CHORUS OF ALL ON THE STAGE.
Chant a bridal song, as we march along;
Maidens trip with slim toe,
Luralie's in limbo!
Thank our hoary friend, with a courteous bend;
Thanks, potent, hoary sage.

General Chorus.
RHINE KING
sings.
I am frantic—grief gigantic
Harroweth this mighty heaving breast with care.
Pangs tremendous of anguish rend us.
Lo! how we tear our hoary hair!

BARON and FRAU
sing.
How romantic—cut an antic.
Behold our hateful foe in limbo there!
Thanks tremendous! Still defend us
From sprites of water and of air.

CHORUS OF NYMPHS.
He is frantic—grief gigantic
Harroweth his mighty heaving breast within.
Pangs tremendous of anguish rend us—
See how he tears his hoary hair!

ELSPETH
comes forward.
I come to ask your votes for us,
Most kind and patient friends.
You've had enough of us, perhaps
You're glad the business ends.
And if you've had a crow to pick,
No doubt there has been caws;
But drown the sounds of censure
In your generous applause.

[Curtain falls.