University of Virginia Library

Scene the Abbe's House.
Pilgrim brought in a Chair.
Sir Antony Love, after it.
Sir Ant.

Down with your Burthen; And place him in that Chair. So,
This is as proper a scene to Recommend our Farce to the Family, as we
can have—

Enter Waitwell.
Wait.
Sir Gentle Golding is below; And wou'd speak with you.

Sir Ant.
One of you bring him up—
[To the Chairmen who go out.
Governour, he must not know you belong to me.

Wait.

I know your design upon him: And I'll be gone to put things
in Order to Receive him.—

Sir Ant.

To Receive Valentine; He shall be welcome to me, but to
deceive Sir Gentle.

Wait.
You are as busie as a projector,
Some of your plots must miscarry.

Sir Ant.
Ha! he begins to stir: How long will the Opiate hold him?

Wait.
If he wakes before the Company comes,
You lose your pleasure of laughing at him.

Sir Ant.
But I have a sudden thought, may give us
A better Diversion.

[Exit Waitwell.
Enter Sir Gentle Golding.
Sir Gent.
Sir Antony!
Your most Incomparable humble servant.

Sir Ant.
Sir Gentle, I've done your Business.

Sir Gent.
With the Lady you promis'd me?

Sir Ant.
With that very Lady; I've secur'd an Appointment for you;
But being a Woman of Quality.—

Sir Gent.
There you oblidge me for ever.

Sir Ant.
Tho' something decay'd, and fall'n in her Fortune,—
She must be humour'd in little things; She will have her Forms.

Sir Gent.
I warrant her: And very fit she shou'd.
A Person of Quality is known by her Forms.

Sir Ant.
They'll last but till the Evening,
Then I'll carry you to wait on her.
[Shews the Pilgrim.

Here's a Drunken Pilgrim will afford you Merriment enough to entertain
some part of the time.

Sir Gent.
Dead drunk, as I intend to live Sober.

Sir Ant.
Do me the favour to stay; and secure him, if he shou'd wake.
I'll but bring the Abbe and his Family,
To share in abusing him; and be with you again.

[Exit.
Sir Gent.

Why, what an Unlucky, Hypocritical Rogue is this, to be
discover'd, and to lye at the Mercy of Sir Antony! If he were but
half as Holy, as he pretended, he might scape by Miracle; But he
sleeps so sound, no Revelation can Wake him.

Pilg.
Boy, Draw the Curtain, Sirrah—

[Turns in his Chair and makes signs of waking.
Sir Gent.
Is the light in your Eyes, Sir?
What pains he takes, to come to himself!
Gad; I'll play the Rogue with him.—
I'll be the Midwife to his labour;—stay, let me see
A stiff Straw wou'd do rarely, to probe his sobriety.
If his Brain be touch't, hel' take up the more time in his Cure:
And 'tis well if ever he be his own Man again.
Now for the Experiment.

[Tickling his Nose, the Pilgrim jumps up and throws Sir Gentle along, and in his thoughtfulness, stumbles over him: both amaz'd, raise themselves upon their bottoms, and stare at each other.
Pilg.
Ha! am I alive! where have I been?
Where am I now? How came I here?
Who are you? What wou'd you have?

Sir Gent.
Have! My self in a wish, to England.
Wou'd I were in my Mothers Belly again.

Pilg.
Speak I Conjure you, speak to me.

Sir Gent.
He's as heartily frightned, as I can be;
I'll pluck up a Spirit, and speak to him.

Pilg.
Some ill thing has possest me.

Sir Gent.
Yes; possest thou art
By the lewd spirit of powerfull Wine possest,
A Drunken Devil.

Pilg.
A Bottle, and Sir Antony I remember,
And the discoveries I made him.

[Both Rise
Sir Gent.
You are discover'd, and in the Abbe's House.—

Pilg.
In the Abbe's House!

Sir Gent.

Where now your Business is, to be laugh'd at, and expos'd:
And the whole Family are coming to make your Holiness a Ridiculous visit,
to that purpose.

Pilg.
That young Rogue Sir Antony!
Has he done nothing else to me?
[Examining his Pockets.
Undone, undone! I'm robb'd, and Ruin'd:
My Jewels gone! My Table-Book gone too!
That may do me more harm, than the Jewels
Can do any Body good.

Sir Gent.
Have you lost your Learning?
How cou'd you miss it so soon? A Table-Book?

Pilg.
Sir, I am robb'd; And I took you very suspiciously
About my Pockets; You shall answer the Robbery.

Sir Gent.
Why, do I look like a Pick-pocket?
I'de have you to know, I scorn your words:
But that trick shan't serve your turn.—

Pilg.
Serve my turn Sir?—

[Offring to go by him.
Sir Gent.
You must not scape me so.

Pilg.
Why Sir, Am I your Prisoner? I must not be found here.
[Aside.
I have an Inkhorn may frighten him.

Sir Gent.
Look you Sir, here's the Inside of my Pockets,
I have nothing about me, but Bills of Exchange,
And this Purse of Elizabeth-broad-Gold;
You shall search me, if you please.

Pilg.
I have search't you, and found you,
And must go by you too.—

[Presents an Inkhorn to his Breast.
Sir Gent.
O Lord Sir, I don't hinder you—

Pilg.
No, no, You had not best.

Sir Gent.

Pray take it away: I have a natural Aversion to the smell
of Gun-powder—

Sir Gent.
Tho' 'twill be difficult to get away,
For the servants are order'd to stop you.

Pilg.
How! to stop me!

Sir Gent.
Now he wont Offer to go.

Pilg.
The servants ordred to stop me, do you say?

Sir Gent.
If you be the Pilgrim.

Pilg.
Then I'le be the Pilgrim no longer—

[Undresses himself.
Sir Gent.
What will you be then pray?

Pilg.
Ev'n Sir Gentle Golding,
I will get off in your Person; since I can't in my own:
I must Change out-sides with you.—

[Begins to undress, Sir Gent. Gold.
Sir Gent.
O Lord Sir, there's no Occasion for it:
I know nothing of a Design upon you.

Pilg.
That's more than I know.

Sir Gent.
Faith and troth now,
What I said, was only to play the Rogue with you.

Pilg.
And what I do, is to play the Fool with you.
You must strip Sir.

Sir Gent.
O, but this is carrying the jest too far.

Pilg.

Look you, you may keep your Worship and Wit for your own
wearing; but I must borrow your Cloaths.

Sir Gent.

At any other time, and wellcome; I should be pleas'd with
the humour on't; But this is my first day of wearing 'em; besides,
there's a Mistress in the Case—

[Dresses himself in Sir Gent's Cloaths.
Pilg.
As long as you live, prefer a Friend to a Mistress
Sir Gentle; Come Sir, a little of your assistance.

Sir Gent.
But I am to see her this Evening;
And one wou'd be well drest you know, the first time.

Pilg.
If you must see your Mistress, Visit her in Masquerade,
'Tis a fashonable way of beginning an Intrigue—
And a Pilgrims habit.—is as Fantastical, as you can
Contrive,—to give a Lady a Curiosity,—of knowing more
Of you;—And that I know is your Business.

Sir Gent.
That is my Business indeed: But if I lose my time—

Pilg.

Don't make a noise, nor follow me; If you wou'd see her,
or little England again, know your Friends, and give thanks
Sir—

[Exit.
Sir Gent.
What a pass have I brought my self to, by my own
Policy! Why must I needs lye my self out of my Cloaths?
If I had held my Tongue, or spoke but the truth,
He wou'd ha' gone about his Business, without interrupting mine.
Now here I must stay, to be expos'd in his Room;
But in a foolisher Figure, than ever the Pilgrim made:
He was only disguis'd: But I am stript;
He was drunk indeed; wou'd I were dead Drunk,
To cover my shame, any way; wou'd I had any disguise.
I Gad I'll put on the Pilgrim's,—It can't be worse with me—
Besides the respect that is paid to this Cloathing, will at least
Carry me safe to my Lodging.

[Exit.
Scene Changes to the Street.
Pilgrim in Sir Gentle's Cloaths, with Monsieur Traffique.
Traff.
Sir, I have accepted these Bills already.

Pilg.
I know you have: But my Occasions falling out more
Extraordinary than I expected, I am forc'd to press you
For this Bill of 100 Pistols, before the Day.

Traff.

I have so often suffer'd, for those Complemental payments,
That I have Resolv'd against 'em: But my Correspondent gives me an
account of Sir Gentle Golding;

You shall have what Credit you please with me.

Pilg.
A hundred Pistols I have present use for.

Traff.
If my Cashier were at home, You shou'd have 'em
Along with you; But in the Morning, as soon as you please—

Pilg.
I'll send my Servant to you—
Pray Sir, what news have you in the City?

Traff.
The newest Sir, Is of a Pilgrim, that is suspected of something;
I am Imperfect in the particulars; but there are
Warrants out to apprehend him, that I know.

Pilg.
There's no believing outsides; Sir, your Servant.
[Exit Pilg.

Traff.
So I think too; And therefore I will be better Inform'd,
Whether you are Sir Gentle Golding or no, before I leave you.

[Exit.
Pilgrim enters at another Door.
Pilg.
The hundred Pistols, if I had receiv'd 'em, had carry'd
Me off Cleverly, and for some time, supported my designs,
In another place, till an Opportunity had favour'd me in
Making a handsome Composition with Sir Antony
About my Jewels—However, I make a pretty good
Figure still; Here's a good suit of Cloaths to begin
The World with again.—

[Strutting and looking on his Cloaths.
Enter Courtaut, the Taylors Man.
Court.
Bless your Worship, Sir Gentle, long may you live to wear 'em;
How do your Cloaths fit you Sir?

Pilg.
Very well Friend, very well.

Court.
Have you forgot me, Master?

Pilg.
No, no, I han't forgot thee; For I never saw thee before.

Court.

I am poor Courtaut, your Taylors Finisher; I brought your
Honours Cloths home to you, this Morning—

Pilg.

Did you so, Did you so?

Court.

By the same token, you said, you wou'd give me something to
drink your health; But you were pleas'd to forget it.

Pilg.

I remember I gave thee nothing indeed; But the next time—

Court.

Aye, an't like your Honour, I am Contented to stay, If my Master
wou'd: But he has beaten me black and blew for leaving the
Cloaths behind me, without Mony.

Pilg.
Gad forgive me; That I shou'd forget that too!
But come to my Lodging an hour hence—

Court.
Please you, I'le wait upon you now to your Lodging.—

Pilg.
How shall I shake him off?

Court.

For I dare not go home without the Mony, or some part on't;

Pilg.

Here, take this Purse, 'tis more than the Debt, but take the rest
for thy self; Now I remember thee—

Enter Traffique with a Servant of Sir Gentles.
The Elizabeth broad Gold has deliver'd me.
Servt.
Yes, Master Monsieur, That is my Master, Sir Gent. Golding.
You shall see me speak to him—

[Goes to the Pilgrim.
Traff.
Young Man, a word with you.

[To Courtant.
Pilg.
More debts to pay! I shall fall,
Like an Executor, without Assets.

Serv.
Sir, I have been about your Business, with the Messenger,
As you order'd me—

Pilg.
This is one of my English Servants it seems,
I'll answer him in French, to get rid of him.

Serv.
If you were at leisure—

Pilg.
Que Demandez vous? que dites vous Laquais?
Entendez vous le Francois, grand Coquen?

Servt.
How's this? I durst ha' sworn it had been my Master;
But I am sure he has no more Languages than Tongues,
And that his Mother give him: Besides he's too good an
Englishman, to learn any thing in another Country.

Pilg.
Je ne vous en tens pas, je ne parle pas Anglois.

Serv.
It seems I was mistaken, Sir,
This is some out-landish men; He can't speak English.

Traff.
How, not speak English!

Court.
I'm sure he paid me for the suit upon his back,
But just now, in very good English.—

Traff.

And wou'd have borrow'd a hundred Pistols of me, in as Civil
English—

Pilg.

I can speak English Gentlemen,
I spoke French, only to try, if that Fellow had learn't any thing, since he
came into the Country.

Serv.
I'll have a tryal with you.
This is some Rogue that has murder'd my Master.—

Court.
And stole his Cloaths—

Traff.
And robb'd him of his Bills of Exchange.

[Exeunt after the Pilgrim.
Serv.
Murder, Murder; Roguery, Thievery, stop him.

Enter Sir Antony, Valentine, Ilford, and Abbe.
Ilf.
Nay the Pilgrim was in the right, in getting off
Before your Evidence came upon him.

Abb.
I never heard of so Extraordinary a Rogue,
As he confesses himself to be in these Tablets.

Val.

But that our gentle Knight, shou'd neither hinder him
From going, nor be forth-coming himself, makes me believe some Ridiculous
Accident has light upon him.

Sir Ant.
Let it be but Ridiculous enough, and I may forgive him.

Abb.
The Ports are shut, and for the Pilgrim,
If he be in the City, shall have him again.

Enter Sir Gentle in the Pilgrims habit.
Ilf.
What's that sneaks by us so?

Val.
Our very, very Saint.

[Gathering about him.
Sir Ant.
Good morrow Pilgrim!

Abb.
Won't you know your Friends?

Ilf.
We were too late for your Levy.
But men of your Austerity and Life
Never indulge the Flesh, by sleeping long;
You are an early stirrer.

Abb.
Pray look up.
You can do nothing sure to Cast you down.

Omnes.
Sir Gentle Golding!

Sir Gent.
Ev'n the very same.

Val.
What do you in this habit?

Sir Gent.
'Tis whimsical and odd; I had a mind to trye
If you cou'd know me in this disguise.

Sir Ant.
O yes, we know you in any disguise.

Abb.
But there's a Warrant out against the Pilgrim;
You'l be taken up for him.

Sir Gent.
Why? you don't take me for the Pilgrim.

Ilf.
But the Government will.

Sir Gent.
The Government then, will take me for as very a Rascal
As lives unhang'd in it.

Val.
But what's become of him?

Sir Ant.
You were last with him—

Val.
You have Convey'd him away.

Ilf.
Or murder'd him—

Abb.
You must answer for him, for you have his Cloaths.

Sir Gent.
Nay if it be so, I'll tell you how I came by 'em—

Ilf.
The whole Truth, and nothing but the Truth.

Sir Gent.
I'll see him hang'd, before I tell a lye
For a Rogue, that has us'd me so scurvily—

Sir Ant.
How scurvily dear Knight?

Sir Gent.

Why, when you left me you know, alone with him, he took
his time, when my Back was turn'd, and clapt a Pistol to my
Breast.—

Abb.
Bless the Mark! a Pistol!

Val.
A Pistol, Sir Gentle!

Sir Gent.
A double Barrel'd Pistol.

Sir Ant.
A brace of Bullets in each, I warrant you.

Sir Gent.
I warrant you there were: for he swore
He wou'd shoot me thro' the Head—

Ilf.
The Pistol was at your Breast, Sir Gentle.

Sir Gent.
Breast, did I say?—Did I say at my Breast Gentlemen?
But Breast or Head Sir;—He swore he wou'd murder me,
If I did not give him my Cloaths, to make his escape in.

Val.
And so, you gave him your Cloaths?

Sir Gent.
No I thank you; That were to make my self Accessory;
I put him to the trouble of taking 'em.

Abb.
And very wisely done, Sir.

Sir Ant.
So he stript you?

Sir Gent.
To my very Shirt, I'll make Oath on't, before a Magistrate.

Ilf.
You put on his Cloaths then, s one may say,
In your own defence?

Sir Gent.
You may say so indeed.

Abb.
Stick there Sir, Se defedendo will bring you off.

Sir Gent.
I must ha' gone home Naked else.

Sir Ant.
And cou'd you have pass'd sullenly by us,
And conceal'd such an occasion of Laughing at you?

Sir Gent.
Prithee Sir Antony, no more on't.

Officers bring in the Pilgrim.
Monsieur Traffique, Courtaut, and Sir Golding's Servant.
Serv.
Bring him along: Bring him along—

Val.
What Rabble have we here?

Serv.
We are enow to hang one Rogue, or we deserve
To beat Hemp for one another.

Abb.
Where are you haleing the Gentleman?

Pilg.

Sir Antony, I am in your power; stand but my Friend in this
Business, and bring me off, You shall make your own Conditions about
the Jewels—

[He and Sir Antony Confer.
Serv.
I'll swear point Blank my Masters murder upon him.

Abb.
Who is your Master, Friend?

Servt.
Sir Gentle Golding, and like you; and I am his Man.

Sir Gent.
Aye 'tis my Man indeed, wou'd I were his Master again.

Servt.
You my Master, you Rascal! my Master's a Knight.—

Sir Ant.
Now Abbe I am even with you and your Pilgrim:
But since I have brought him so far into this business,
'Tis matter of Conscience to bring him out agen.
I was provided for his Impertinence; and since I cou'd
Not make him drunk, I gave him an Opiate to expose him
As if he were, for that purpose I remov'd him to your House:
But coming to himself before I expected,
He scap'd that design—

Pilg.
And finding the Disgrace ready to fall on me,
And in your House, I made bold
To change Cloaths with Sir Gentle Golding.—

Sir Gent.
'Tis true indeed Gentlemen.

Pilg.
But since Matters are brought to a clearing,
I am ready to return to the Gentleman.

Sir Ant.
As you had 'em I hope?

Pilg.
Every thing but his Purse; which I was forc'd to give
His Taylor there to get rid of him.

Abb.
Return the Purse.

Traf.
I'll see your Master paid.
[To Courtaut.
The hundred Pistols are ready Sir.

[To the Pilgrim.
Pilg.
For Sir Gentle Golding, I only hasten'd you.

Sir Gent.
Why, how did you know I wanted such a summ?

Traf.
It shall be pay'd to you, or your order.

Sir Gent.
Pray pay it to no body else.

[Exeunt Traffique and Courtaut.
Abb.
You've done your Duty Gentlemen; 'tis very well.
Pilgrim, a word with you.—

[Takes him aside:
Val.
How this fooling has run away with the time!

[Looks on's Watch.
Sir Ant.
I'll be for you immediately.

[Takes Sir Gentle aside.
Val.
Within a quarter of Ten already!

Ilf.
I shou'd ha' been glad to ha' made one, Valentine.

Val.
I thank you; but Numbers may discover us,
And Sir Antony won't be out of the business.

Abb.
Do me but this piece of Service, and I won't only Pardon you,
But Reward you well when you ha' don't.
Besides, 'tis a kind of Revenge upon Sir Antony.

Pilg.
I am at your Mercy, and you shall command me any thing.

Ilf.
Sir Gentle says, you drew a Pistol upon him.

Val.
That was not according to the Law of Arms.

Pilg.
I can't tell how his fear represented it,
But it was an Inkhorn that disarm'd him.

Sir Ant.
You won't fail, when I send for you?

Sir Gent.
I'll but change Cloaths with that Gentleman,
And be ready as soon as you please.

[Exiunt Sir Gentle, Pilgrim, and Servant.
Sir Ant.
Now Valentine have with you—

Abb.
'Tis near upon your appointment with my Niece:
I'll secure her Father within, the better to favour her running away from him.

Ilf.
I wish you well, Gentlemen.

[They go out several ways, Ilford and the Abbe; but Sir Ant. and Valent. together.
Scene changes to the backside of a great House, with Gardens.
Count Verole, with six Bravo's.
Ver.
To morrow; let but once to morrow come,
And she is mine; Marry'd, and wholly mine:
If then not wholly mine, 'twill be my fault.
Gentlemen, we must be every where to night;
This Englishman, that dares to Rival me,
May attempt farther; if he shou'd, I think
Floriante but too inclin'd to pardon him.
But we'll prevent the worst. (Whistle).

[Valentine and Sir Antony make the Signal at the Garden-door, which opens upon it. Floriante retires upon the noise of Swords, crying Murder.
Stand and observe their Motions.
Nay then 'tis he, be sure you
Murder him.

Count Canaile, with Sword in hand, runs to assist Valentine and Sir Antony against the Bravo's.
Can.
Villains and Murderers, I hope you are not hurt.

Val.
Thank your assistance Sir.

Sir Ant.
If I am not a Man in this point,
I'll never wear Breeches more.

Val.
I know 'twas Count Verole.

Can.
He has not rais'd himself in my esteem by this base Action—
Enter Floriante.
What do you out of doors?

Flor.
I cou'd not stay within, knowing your danger.

Can.
'Tis over, now retire.

Flor.
Pray pardon me;
If I have done any undecent thing,
My Duty caus'd it in my Fears for you.

[Exit.
Val.
I'm sorry I have allarm'd your Family.

Sir Ant.
I dare swear for him he is.

Can.

So far 'tis well Sir: If you think your self oblig'd for what is past,
shew it in what's to come; forbear my House, my Daughter is dispos'd of:
So good-night.

[Exit.
Sir Ant.
Very good Advice, Valentine?:
Since you can't make it a good Night with his Daughter,
Make it as good as you can with some body else.

Val.
Why Faith, the Expectation of her has rais'd me
Into a desire of any thing in Petticoats.

Sir Ant.
What think you of my English Lady?

Val.
You owe me a favour there, Sir Antony.

Sir Ant.

To night I'll pay it then; I have an Appointment upon me
now; but not being in so perfect a condition to oblige her, you shall
make an end of my Quarrel.

Val.
With all my heart.

Sir Ant.
I'll send my Governor to conduct you.

Val.
He, like other wise men, makes no scruple of Pimping,
When he gets by the Employment.

Sir Ant.

Then you are not one of those fine Gentlemen, who because
they are in love with one Woman, can lie with no body else?

Val.
Not I, Faith Knight;
I may be a Lover, but I must be a Man.

Sir Ant.
When the dear days of Rambling Joys are o're,
When Nature grudges to supply your Whore,
There's Love enough for Marriage left in store.