University of Virginia Library

ACT II.

SCENE I.

A Garden.
Count Canaile, and the Abbè.
Can.

Brother, you may forget your self, and your Rank, as much as
you please, in our Niece, Volante:
I have nothing to do with her, but to wish her well.

Abb.
'Tis very well.

Can.
You are her Guardian,
Her Person, her Fortune, and her Conduct, are in your care.

Abb.
I'll take care of 'em.

Can.
You must answer for 'em.

Abb.
I will answer for 'em.

Can.

But my Daughters are under my Government; and whilst they
are, they must, nay shall do nothing to dishonour me.

Abb.
They will do nothing to dishonour you.

Can.
I'll put it out of their Power, had they a mind to't.

Abb.
They ha' no such mind.

Can.
That's more than I can tell,
From the Liberties you give these Englishmen in our Family—

Abb.
They are Gentlemen.

Can.
I apprehend a danger, tho' you won't.

Abb.
Pugh, pugh, there is no danger.

Can.
I'll prevent it, if there were.

Abb.
All Men of Fortune, in their Country.

Can.
They are not Men of Quality,
Wou'd Count Verola were come.

[Walking about.
Abb.
Don't do so rash a thing.

Can.
I'll rid my self of all my fears at once:
Dispose my youngest Daughter in a Nunnery,
And instantly marry Floriante.—

Abb.
To make her more miserable.

Can.
Suitable to her Birth.

Abb.
To a Fool, the worst of Fools;
A Singular, Opinionated, Obstinate,
Crooked-temper'd, Jealous-pated Fool:

Can.
If he were so, that Fool's a Count,
And the Count makes amends for the Fool,

Abb.
Then he is welcome—
[Count Verole enters to 'em.
Virtue created first Nobility,
But in our honourable Ignorance
Nobility makes Virtue.

Ver.
What says the Abbè?

Can.
Sir, you are most welcome.

Ver.
I shall be glad to find it from the Man
I so much honour—

[Exeunt Ver. and Canaile.
Abb.
For his Title,
That's all this Fellow thinks worth honouring.
Hang 'em, they make me Grave—
But that a Brother of my Blood shou'd chuse a Coxcomb out—
But if my Brother prove a Coxcomb too.
That wonder's over—
Then 'tis their mutual interest to joyn;
Each likes the other to excuse himself.

[Sir Ant. Val. and Ilford, enter to him.
Sir Ant.
Ah, Mounsieur L'Abbè.

Ilf.
You have prevented us.

Val.
We were going to visit you.

Abb.
In Nomine Domine, Amen.

Ilf.
The Abbè making his Will!

Sir Ant.
Amen to our Abbè's Devotions.

Abb.
You fall as naturally as a Parish-Clerk,
Into the close of a Prayer.

Sir Ant.
I love to bring things to a good end.

Abb.
Nay, I have done, my Devotion won't tire your Attention.

Sir Ant.

You are like the Prelate, that being dignify'd for long Prayers,
hated them ever after.

Abb.
Long Prayers are for poor Priests that want Preferment,
Men of Quality rise without 'em.

Val.
In Men of your Rank they are Pharisaical,
And always to carry on a Design.

Abb.
I neither have a Faith in them nor their Followers,
And therefore I seldom or never pray at all.

Ilf.
How! never Pray at all?

Abb.
The Church and I are agreed upon the bargain,
And few words are best, when the Parties are of a mind.

Val.
But the Church may better your bargain.

Abb.
I am mortify'd to the Dignities and Designs of the Church;
Have laid aside the Pomp and Pride of my Profession,
I am contented to sit down in a Sine-Cure;
And with the poor pittance of 2000 Pistols a year,
Make the most of a good Conscience, and good Company.

Ilf.
A good Conscience is good Company indeed.

Abb.
I mean, Sir, I'll make a Conscience of good Company—

Sir Ant.

Make the best of the blessing, and enjoy it as long as you
can.

Abb.
Ah! My little Knight understands me, tho' you won't, Sir.

Val.
You'll anger him—

[To Ilford.
Abb.
He jumps into the point with me.

Sir Ant.
And into the Company too, dear Abbè,
I must make one.

Abb.
Make one, thou mak'st all,
Thou'rt all in all; the whole Company thy self,
Abbè wantons with Sir Ant.
Thou art every thing with every body;
A Man among the Women, and a Woman among the Men.

Val.
How Abbè! Sir Antony, a Woman?

Abb.
One might indeed mistake him, by his face.

Ilf.
He wou'd mistake him I believe.

Val.
Somewhere else.

Abb.
But there's no faith in Faces;
The Women have found him out, and wo'nt trust him.

Sir Ant.
Ay, ay, the Women Abbè, the Ladies—

Abb.
As mad as ever they were, my Nieces you mean!

Sir Ant.
I long to be among 'em.

Abb.
Nay, they long too, if that wou'd do 'em any good.
And think it long.

Sir Ant.
I have not spoke to a Woman this half hour.

Val.
We are all idle without you;

Ilf.
Sin has been as silent among us.

Sir Ant.
As in the first Session of a Parliament,
In fear of a Reformation.

Abb.
Ah! very well, I faith, my little Man!
But no, no Reformation I warrant you,
Matters shall not be much mended by my management,
Sin must sometimes get the better of the Saint.

Sir Ant.
Or the Devil may still wear black, Sir.

Abb.
Let him wear what he will:
We have had him in our Family this Morning.

Val.
What's the matter?

Abb.
My Brother has discover'd something,
Between you, and his Eldest Daughter.

Val.
That's unlucky.

Abb.

Which to prevent, he designs to Marry her instantly to Count
Verole.

Ilf.
That's bad indeed.

Val.
What is there to be done?

Abb.
Nothing that I know of.

Sir Ant.
What's to be done? Anything's to be done.

Val.
What if I run away with her?

Abb.
With all my heart.

Val.
Or if I cut his Throat.

Sir Ant.
With all my heart.

Val.
Or Bed-rid him with a beating.

Ilf.
With all my heart.

Sir Ant.
If none of these will do, let him Marry her.

Val.
And I must say with all my heart.

Sir Ant.
If you can't make her your Wife,
Make him your Cuckold.

Abb.
With all my heart.

Val.
Ah! if I durst but hope that way.

Abb.
Hope, you must hope man, and you must
dare man, if you wou'd do any thing with the Women.

Val.
Can you encourage me?

Abb.
Why, Faith what-ever her Father designs,
She does not design to Marry him:
And disobedience may make way for other sins.

Val.
I know she hates him.

Abb.
And I know she likes you.
And if I have any Authority from the Church—

Ilf.
Which is not to be disputed.

Abb.
Or any Interest from my Estate—

Val.
Which must be considerable—

Sir Ant.
Not to be oppos'd—

Abb.

And which must furnish the better part of her fortune, he
sha'nt have her.

Val.
That's gaining time at least.

Ilf.
He's naturally jealous.

Sir Ant.
And has settled that Nature by a Spanish Education they say.

Abb.
He was bred in Spain indeed.

Ilf.
A miserable Woman she must be then.

Abb.
I wou'd not have a Niece of mine marry'd into a Family,
Or Nation, where, if she dislike her own Man,
She can have no body else.

Val.
Our Women are the happy Women, Sir.

Abb.

Why, indeed you English-men are the fittest Men for Husbands
in the World! Wou'd all my Female Relations were married into your
Countrey!

Ilf.
Wou'd they thought as well of us, as you do.

Abb.
There is a Lady quarrels at her Condition,
Or likes another man better than her Husband,
Which sometimes may happen you know.

Val.
Such things have happen'd indeed.

Abb.
There they say Cuckoldom is in fashion.

Sir Ant.
Nay, more than in Fashion, Sir, 'tis according to Law;
Cuckoldom is the Liberty, and a seperate Maintenance,
The property of the Free-born Women of England.

Ilf.
We give our Women fair play for't.

Val.
And scorn any tyme upon 'em, more than their inclinations.

Abb.
Why, what wou'd a Lady ask more in Marriage?
I'll maintain it, such a Priviledge is better than her Dower,
And in a prudent Woman's thoughts, must take place
Of any other consideration.

Ilf.
'Tis as much before a Dower in profit too, as in time;
For a Husband may cheat a Wife of her Dower.

Sir Ant.
Or wear out her Title by out-living her:
And then she is bob'd of her Reversion.

Val.
Or leave her so old, she may be past having any good from it.

Sir Ant.
Unless she lays it out in redeeming some younger Brother—

Ilf.
That had spent his Annuity in a Lords Company—

Sir Ant.
Or in following a Common Whore—

Val.
Or in following as common a Mistress, the Court.

Sir Ant.
And being reduc'd to the last Fifty, had ventur'd it prudently,
On a Birth-day Coat, and the hopes of an Employment.

Ilf.
One, who in spight of having been once undone,
Will have no more profit from his Experience,
Than to fall into the same folly agen, with the same occasion.

Abb.
Then hang him for a Fool, enough of him—
I am convinc'd with what you say, Gentlemen,
And you shall have my Niece, you have her consent,
And my consent, and Sir Antony's good word;
Which, I promise you, goes a great way with the Women.

Val.
Your Niece Volante is her Confidant.

Abb.
I'll make her your Friend.

[A Servant whispers the Abbè.
Sir Ant.
I'll secure her for you.

Ilf.
Why you secure her?

Sir Ant.
For such a favour, Sir, I think I may.

Ilf.
Your interest is mighty.

Sir Ant.
So far I can engage her.

Ilf.
You engage her!

Sir Ant.
Nay, oblige her.

Ilf.
Her Friendship may oblige her, but not you.

Abb.
Pray don't quarrel about obliging her,
Volante is my Favourite, she shall please her self,
And I believe wou'd please Sir Antony—Gentlemen, you are three,
And my Nieces are three, I wo'nt meddle in your Choice,
Agree among your selves, win 'em, and wear 'em.
I had rather you shou'd have 'em, than my Brother dispose of 'em.

Val.
Sir, you oblige us all.

Abb.
Our Dinner stays for us, we'll settle those things within:
I have almost forgot the extraordinary part of my Entertainment,
I have a Pilgrim for you.

Ilf.
We have had him already.

Sir Ant.
And our share of laughing at him too, Sir.

Abb.

He pretends to be a Man of extraordinary Sanctity;
I medled with that as little as I cou'd, for fear of raising a Spirit I cou'd
not lay; Besides I had matters of more moment to mind then.

Val.
How did you get rid of him?

Abb.
With much ado I put him and his History off, telling him,
Some English Hereticks were to Dine with me—

Sir Ant.
We were oblig'd to you, Sir.

Abb.
And if he pleas'd to spare that miraculous account,
(Which he will be sure to give of himself)
For the Conversion of the Wicked, he might then
Have a proper occasion for so great a Design.

Sir Ant.

I should think the worse of my Constitution as long as I liv'd,
if I shou'd grow qualmish of any thing he cou'd say to me.

Abb.
I knew I must hear him, and therefore
Provided your Conversation to qualify his.

Val.
The Novelty may divert us.

Ilf.
He professes more charity,
Than to force his Nonsence upon you.

Abb.

That Punishment I must go through, before he will go away,
and pay for my Penance too.

Ilf.
At the expence of his vow of Poverty.

Abb.
Pray Gentlemen, along with me.
I don't desire you to believe all he says.
Take what you like, and laugh at all the rest.

Val.
Why, there our Christian liberty's confest.

Sir Ant.
Wou'd we had ne're a more imposing Priest.

[Exeunt.
[Ilford pulls Sir Antony by the Sleve.
Ilf.
One word before you go.

Sir Ant.
Prethee come along—
No Cautioning in such a slight Affair—

Ilf.
I am glad you think it such a slight Affair.

Sir Ant.
Meer merriment.

Ilf.
I never thought it more.

Sir Ant.
Matter of Mirth, and Jest.

Ilf.
Nay, that's too much.

Sir Ant.
Upon a foolish Pilgrim?

Ilf.
Upon Volante.

Sir Ant.

Volante, thou talk'st of Volante, and I answer thee, the Pilgrim:
Why thou art distracted, man, and I shall suspect my self to
be no wiser, than I shou'd be, for keeping thee Company.

Ilf.

Sir, however you think to carry it, I must tell you—

Sir Ant.

With a very Grave Face—

Ilf.

This is no jesting time—

Sir Ant.

Because 'tis a ridiculous Subject.

Ilf.

That I am in love—

Sir Ant.

In serious sadness.

Ilf.

With that Lady.

Sir Ant.

That never was sad, nor serious in her life:
Prethee, no more of this, Ilford, in Love! thou art a very honest Fellow,
and hast a great many good Qualities, but thy Talent lyes quite
another way.

Ilf.
Sir, I am serious enough, to be angry,
If you laugh at me.

Sir Ant.
But you are in Love with her, you say,
Why, every body that sees her, is in Love with her,
If that wou'd do any good, but is she in Love with you?

Ilf.
I think my Estate, may recommend my Person
To a welcome, where-ever I pretend.

Sir Ant.
Do's she think so?

Ilf.
Why do you ask the Question?

Sir Ant.
Volante is too Witty, to be very Wise,
And requires no Settlement, but her Man.

Ilf.
And why may not I be her Man, pray?

Sir Ant.
Fy, Fy, Sir, more Modesty, might become a Man
Of your Gravity! You her Man! No, no,
She's otherwise dispos'd of, I assure you.

Ilf.
What, you follow her!

Sir Ant.
Nay, you follow her, she does not put me to the trouble.

Ilf.
No, Sir—I shall put you to more trouble,
If you don't quit your Pretensions to her—

Sir Ant.
Quit my Pretensions to her!

Ilf.
And promise me—

Sir Ant.
I will promise you—

Ilf.
O, will you so, Sir?

Sir Ant.
That (whatever I would have done by fair means)
I will now follow her in spight of your Teeth—

Ilf.
In spight of my Teeth—

Sir Ant.
Pursue her, till she yield to my Desires—

Ilf.
The Devil you will!

Sir Ant.
And lye with her under your Nose.

Ilf.
You shall be Damn'd first.

Sir Ant.
Nay; then have at the Lady.

[Volante Entring, sees 'em fighting, shrieks, and runs out, Sir Antony after her, and returns with her in his hand.
Ilf.
This was a Trick to save his Cowardice.

Sir Ant.
I had rather part with my pretension
To a Quarrel, than to my Mistress at any time.

Vol.
I hope you are not hurt.

Ilf.
Sir, you assert a Priviledge, the Lady never gave you,
Of Treating her at that Familiar rate.

Vol.
At what familiar rate.

Sir Ant.

Sir, you may be respectful, look simply, and bow at a distance,
in a Modest Dispair, of ever coming nearer to please;

But I am for a closer Conversation,
When I like my Company.

Vol.
I am sorry, Sir, my Carriage gives offence,
But I must think you treat me more familiarly,
That saucily shou'd dare to censure me;
Limit my Actions, and prescribe me Rules.

Sir Ant.
A Foolish Fellow, Madam, not worth your Anger,
Leave him to his Repentance, and your Scorn.

Ilf.
I must bear it all.

Vol.
But pray, how came this difference?

Ilf.
'Twas your Quarrel, Madam.

Vol.
I am sorry for it.

Sir Ant.
You may judg what a Husband he'll make,
Who (being but a Servant) dares assume an
Authority over you—

Vol.
Which I never gave him, that I remember.

Sir Ant.
I told you, you were out of the Road of her Favour.

[To Ilford.
Vol.
The Report of this Quarrel, and the Occasion of it,
Will be but a Scandalous addition to my Fame,
When it comes to be the Tattle of the Town.

Ilf.
It shall go no further for me.

Vol.
I suppose the folly on't, will keep you silent,
You may be asham'd on't, indeed.

Ilf.
I beg your Pardon for it.

Vol.
Beg, Sir Antony's, for till he Pardons you,
I am sure, I won't.

Sir Ant.
There is no Remedy, you must submit.

Ilf.
I am a Woman's Fool, and must obey.

[They Embrace.
Sir Ant.
'Tis many a Wise-Man's Fortune.

Ilf.
We are Friends.

Vol.
If you have Favours to expect from me,
Deserve 'em by fair means.

Sir Ant.
Or come to me, and I'll speak a good word for thee to the Lady.

Ilf.
You Tryumph, Sir.

Sir Ant.
Till when, we take our leaves.

[Leads Volanti out.
Ilf.
Pox! I deserve it all,
For putting it into her power to use me so:
He's ten years younger than I am,
And consequently so much handsomer in her eye:
He prates a great deal more, and better than I do,
For her purpose, and therefore lyes better in her Ear:
He has the advantage of me, in every Vanity,
That can betray a Girl, Volante's a Girl,
And what cou'd I expect for my honourable Love for her?
When, in the weakness of a Woman's choice,
She will prefer the present laughing hour
To all that can come after.
If this wou'd cure me now, 'twere a Lesson well learn'd:
I'll hear what the Pilgrim can say upon this Subject;
I'll listen to his lies, they are less mischievous,
And may drive this Woman out of my Head.

[Exit.
Enter Floriante and Charlott.
Flo.
Is not that Sir Antony?

Char.
With my Cousin Volante;
We shall have 'em at the turning of the Walk.

Flo.
They are as proper Counsellors for our purpose of Disobedience—

Char.
As we cou'd ha' met withal.

Flo.
You'll be no Nun, Sister?

Char.
Nor you no Countess?

Flo.

I wou'd be as willingly enclos'd in the Walls of a Monastery,
as in the Arms of that Count Verole; and in the Arms of Death rather
than in either.

Char.

Well, I'm not so difficult;
I had rather be alive upon any terms, than dead upon the best; I had
rather be a Nun than be nothing at all; tho' there's nothing I had not
rather be than be a Nun.

Flo.
Any Man's Company rather than the Company of all Women.

Char.
'Tis more to my Humour, I confess to you,
Among the rest of my Venial Offences;
But Valentine! he is your Man, Sister,
Wou'd I had the fellow of him—

Flo.
For your Confessour, Sister?

Char.

I cou'd confess something to him that wou'd make him enjoyn
me another kind of Penance, than my Prayers.

Flo.

What! absolve you from your Devotion?

Char.

And perswade him to make a Sinner of me, rather than suffer
my Father to make me a Saint, so much before my time.

Flo.

You are a mad Girl: But what of Valentine?

Char.

He shou'd not be out of our design.

Flo.

I'll answer for him, he won't.

Char.

His Interest's so concern'd, he should not be wanting in any
occasion of abusing our Father.

Flo.
Or of using the Count as he deserves.

Char.
They're both behind us, Mum—

Count Canaile and Count Verole enter.
Can.
I have prepar'd my Daughter to receive the Honour
You intend our House and her, by this alliance with us;
She too well knows what's owing to a Father and her self,
To my Authority and her, own Birth, now to dispute
What I design for her, she ha's my Will,
The rest I leave to you—

[Exit.
Ver.
Madam, you hear your Father, and I come
Thro' his Authority, to speak my Love;
Tho' bateing his Authority, I must think
There need not many Arguments to move,
More than your knowing me, and what I am.

Flo.
My Lord, that goes a great way with me, I assure you.

Char.
She knows you and your Qualities, my Lord,
And esteem's 'em accordingly: I have heard her say,
She was very much oblig'd to you, and shou'd be more—

Flo.
If he wou'd hang himself—

[Aside.
Ver.
For what young Lady?

Char.
For your kind care of me.

Ver.
I'm glad you'r sensible I mean you well.

Char.
O yes, Sir, sensible! so sensible,
I must be oblig'd in Conscience to thank you,
For advising my Father to send me to a Nunnery;
The Devil take you for your Advice.

[Aside.
Ver.
A Nunnery is Vertues best retreat from a bad World.

Char.
But if my Sisters Fortune, in your Opinion,
Had not wanted mending more than my Manners—

Flo.
Fy, Charlott, you'll tell all.

Ver.
How cou'd she guess at that?

Char.
I might have continued in this bad World,
For any Advice the Count wou'd have given,
In his great care of me to my Father;
But I'll be reveng'd on him—
Do as much mischief as I can while I am in the World,
And repent when I am out on't, and can do no more.

Flo.
Bring Sir Antony to my rescue, I beseech thee.

[Exit Charlott.
Ver.
Your Sister's disoblig'd,
But I've my ends in serving you—

Flo.
In serving of your self:
For what I got by her, my Father says,
You must command.

Ver.
To make it but more yours.

Flo.
So you promise all before you have enclos'd us,
But possess'd out Fortunes, and our Persons are your Slaves,
Us'd like your Slaves, and often both abus'd.

Ver.
This is a common Subject for your Sex.
[Sir Ant. Volante and Charlott enter.
To boast the Glory of your Wit upon;
But I'm above the taste of common things
Being born above the Rank of common Men.

Sir Ant.
Out of the Rank, he means, of common Men,
And indeed, he scarcely looks of Humane-kind.

Ver.
What do I look like then?

Sir Ant.
There's nothing like you, you are your self.

Ver.
I wou'd be nothing else.

Sir Ant.
What, not of God's Creation?

Ver.
I am of his Creation.

Sir Ant.
Of the King's you may be,
But he who makes a Count, ne're made a Man,
Remember that, and fall that mighty Crest.

Ver.
It seems you know me then.

Sir Ant.
By that coy, cock't-up Nose, that hinders you
From seeing any Man, that does not stand
Upon the Shoulders of his Ancestors,
For long Descents of farr-fam'd Heraldry:
I take you for a Thing, they call a Count;
For had you not been a Count, you had been nothing,
At least I'm sure you had been nothing here.

Ver.
I would be nothing, if I were no Count.

Char.
Pray more respect.

Flo.
This is the Count Verole.

Sir Ant.
O, is it so?

Vol.
That's to Marry my Cozen.

Sir Ant.
I have been too bold, pray Ladies joyn with me—

Char.
To Laugh at him.

Sir Ant.
to ask his pardon.

Ver.
For the future, know me, and know your self, I ask no more.

Sir Ant.
Then I am pardon'd, for I know my self,
And think I know your Worship. Can you fight?

Ver.
Ha! What do you mean?

Sir Ant.
Why faith I come but upon a surly Embassie;
And a finical phrase that wou'd fit the fineness
Of your Quality, wou'd not become my business.

Ver.
What does the Gentleman mean?

Sir Ant.
Walk but a side with me, I'll tell you what I mean.

Ver.
You have no secret for me?

Sir Ant.
Why then it shall be none.

Ver.
He won't draw before the Women sure.

[Aside
Sir Ant.
Since the Ladies must be by,
As they must be the Judges at last,
You must know then, I come to you from a Gentleman—

Ver.
Is he no more?

Sir Ant.
He's every thing in that, that makes a Man.

Ver.
You may go, as you came, for me, Sir,
If he be but a Gentleman.

Sir Ant.
His name is Valentine, your Rival in that Lady.

Ver.
My Rival is my Equal; I am born
Above his rank, he cannot Rival me.

Sir Ant.
He does Rival you, and will Rival you.

Ver.
Envy he may my fortune with that Lady.

Sir Ant.
Well! Envy then, if that must be the word, he envy's you;
And only wants an opportunity of telling you,
How much he envies you.

Flo.
A modest request truly.

Char.
He can't deny it him—

Vol.
Before his Mistress too.

Sir Ant.

Now Sir, if you will be so courteous, as by me, who am to
be his Second, to favour him with knowing where, and when he may
wait upon you, you will oblige me by this civility to serve your
Friend, As he designs to serve you.

Ver.

How may that be, pray?

Sir Ant.

To Cut your Throat, Sir.

Ver.

O Sir, I'll spare his Complement.

Sir Ant.

My Friend's an English Man, and never loses a Mistress for
want of fighting for her, I assure you: Nay, I have known some of
my Country-men, rather than not make a quarrel in the Famileis,
they made love in, have beat their very Women into good Nature,
and consent.

Char.
It shou'd be good nature for another then.

Flo.
Such arguments wou'd not prevail on us.

Vol.
Unless to Cuckold 'em.

Sir Ant.
For one reason or another,
[Goes to Verole.
There are Cuckolds every where.

Char.
How will our Count get rid of this business?

Sir Ant.
I wait your answer, Sir.

Ver.
My answer is, when I am as angry as your friend is,
Which, at present, I have no reason to be:
Nor to a day, can certainly say when I shall be—

Sir Ant.
You must be made angry then.

Ver.
When I am under a defeat of my hopes about that Lady,
As he may be, and, in an absolute despair of better success,
And have nothing else to do with my self,
I may be angry, and then I may fight with him.

Sir Ant.
Must you be angry when you fight?

Ver.
Or Mad, or Drunk; 'tis no employment for a sober Man.

Sir Ant.
Have you no Notion of Courage?

Ver.
Notion indeed, young Man, for Courage is
No more, than just such a degree of heat,
To some complexions natural; but those Men,
Who want that heat, may raise their Spirits to't.

Sir Ant.
I marry! there's a Receipt indeed.

Ver.
Passion will fire the coldest Elements;
The Lees of Wine ferment the dullest Phlegm:
To froth and Vapour;
I've seen a Drunkard in his fit, attempt
Dangers to Rival Cæsar: If such extravagancies
Make the Brave, Madmen are Heroes.

Sir Ant.
This won't do my busines. Will you fight?

Ver.
'Tis common Soldiers work.

Sir Ant.
You must fight with him.

Ver.
Not while I can hire Ruffians
To take the trouble off my Hands.

Sir Ant.
You must expect to be us'd very scurvily,
Whereever he meets you.

[Valentine, Ilford, with Sir Gent. Golding Enter
Ver.
I shall be provided for him.

Sir Ant.
O, here he comes himself.

Ver.
If you're for mustring your Friends,
I have your Father of my Party.

[Exit in disorder Women laugh at him.
Val.
The Ladies never want an entertainment,
When they have Sir Antony to encourage the Mirth:
Pray what particular diversion ha's he given you?

Char.
Very particular indeed.

[The Ladies aside with Valentine.
Vol.
You were a party concern'd.

Flo.
And only wanting to make up the Farce.

Sir Ant.
Yes this is he, my very, very Fool!

Sir Gent.
Very handsome Gentlewomen indeed, all three of 'em;
And that's Sir Antony, that the Abbe commended so much.

Ilf.
The very same, Sir.

Sir Gent.
I will be acquainted with him—

[Goes to salute Sir Ant.
Ilf.
Sir Antony—

Sir Gent.
Sir your most humble Servant.

Sir Ant.
Do you know me, Sir?

Sir Gent.
Not I, but I'm an Englishman.
And the English always keep together abroad, they say,
For fear of being cheated.

Ilf.
Of their Mony, or Manners?

Sir Ant.
Of their Mother Tongue.

Sir Gent.
Of their Mother-Church, their Religion.
Now I designing to continue, as I am—

Ilf.
A Fool.

Sir Gent.
Have a mind to spend my Mony among my Country-men.

Sir Ant.
You're very wellcome—

Ilf.
To be cheated only by your Friends.

Sir Gent.

There's Valentine, a very pretty Fellow; but I have known
him a great while; I am for variety, and fresh Faces: Here's honest
Ilford, my very good Friend

Of half an hours acquaintance, will recommend me.

Sir Ant.
You recommend your self, Sir,

Sir Gent.
Truly I hear you are an Extraordinary person,
And a Knight Sir, I am a Knight my self Sir!

Sir Ant.
And an extraordinary Person truly:
Pray of what Family, Sir?

Sir Gent.
Of what Family? Of my Fathers Family before me,
The Family of the Goldings,
Of which, I am your servant, and Sir Gentle Golding.

Val.
Alas poor Count! I vow I pity him.
Where's this mad Knight? Oh!
[Sees the 2 Knights in salutation.
You are before me it seems, but since
I come too late to recommend Sir Gentle to you;
Pray do you recommend him to the Ladies.

Sir Ant.
This is Sir Gentle Golding—

[Sir Gent. salutes the Women.
Sir Gent.
Sir, as I may say, I may thank you for this favour.

Sir Ant.
If you are for this sport, I'll find you Game, Sir.

Sir Gent.
O, of all things I love the Women.

Vol.
Sir Gentle declares that by his dressing.

Sir Ant.
You shan't dress in vain,
I'll find you employment among 'em.

Sir Gent.

I'll depend upon you then, and from this time forward,
We must be intimate as Men of the same Brother-hood, and Worship
ought to be.

Char.
See, see, Our Count has rally'd again!

[Looking on.
Val.
With your Father in his Tayl, to sustain him.

Flo.
We must not stay till they come.
At Night I may expect you?

Val.
If any thing extraordinary happens—

Vol.
I'll come express with the Tidings.

Fol.
You shall hear from us.

Sir Ant.
Your servant, your servant.

[Exeunt Women.
Val.
You see, Sir Gentle, we make a shift.

Sir Ant.

Make a shift! We make a Carnival; all the year a Carnival:

Every Man his Woman, and a new one at every Town we come at.

Sir Gent.
Ah, wou'd I cou'd say so too!

Val.
You say so, Sir Gentle?
Fye, fye, you don't desire to say so, to my knowledge.

Sir Gent.
That's very fine i'faith.

Val.
You only rally your Country Men.

Sir Gent.
Not I, as I hope to be sav'd, Val,
Tho' I love a Joke, I never rally a Friend.

Val.
You a Mistress! Why, you have forsworn the Sex!

Sir Gent.
O Lord, O Lord! that's a likely business indeed!
I forswear the Sex! I wou'd as soon forswear my own Sex,
As the Womens; why I have made it my endeavour, ever
Since I was a Man of Estate, to be accounted a Knight

Of Intrigue; so you never were more mistaken since you were
born, Sir.

Val.
Why what a lying World we live in! I was told
You were so scurvily us'd in England—

Sir Gent.
Softly, softly Man,

Val.
By Lucia—

Sir Gent.
A jilting Jade! You knew her, not worth remembring.

Val.
That you were resolved never to venture on the Sex agen.

Sir Gent.
Prithee, Dear Val, no more on't:
There's some ill nature in my part of the Story;
I wou'd not have it go further for my own sake.

Ilf.
It goes no further for our hearing it.

Sir Ant.
We know it already.

Sir Gent.
Ay, it may be so, I confess, poor Creature,
I gave her a jealousie of another Woman.

Sir Ant.
And that perhaps, in her despair of pleasing you
Much longer, might be a reason of doing what she did.

Sir Gent.
Why truly very likely.

Val.
And therefore she rob'd you?

Ilf.
Of 500 pounds?

Sir Ant.
She might ha' shew'd a Conscience in her cheating though!
Five hundred pounds was too much in reason—

Sir Gen.
Sir Antony, you are my Friend upon all occasions;
But the truth is, I gave her an opportunity, left my
Cabinet open on purpose;
And was glad to get rid of her for the Mony.

Sir Ant.

You shall pay as round a Sum, for this Lye, before I part with
your vanity.

[Aside:
Val.

And this is all?

Sir Gent.

The short and long of the story.

Sir Ant.

Leave the silly Creature to her Garret, where she will be in
a little time: she'll hang her self in her Garters

When the Mony is spent.

Sir Gent.
I warrant her, will she, and be glad to come off so too.

Val.
So, forgetting Disasters at home, you travel—

Ilf.
To drive an old Mistress out of his head.

Sir Ant.
And recover here, what he had lost in England
By the Gallantry of a French Intrigue—

Sir Gent.
Which I come qualified for, Gentlemen;
Being able to bid up to the price of any of 'em.

Val.
If you shew your Mony, we may borrow:

Sir Gent.
You may borrow, but I never lend;
You are acquainted, and have your good Breeding
And Behaviour to recommend you to the Ladies.

Sir Ant.
You shew your wisdom in your good Husbandry, Sir Gentle;
You are a Stranger, and must be oblig'd
To your Pocket for what you must expect from 'em.

Sir Gent.
And therefore, Sir Antony, I will part with my new
Acquaintances, my Luidores, to none but the Ladies.

Sir Ant.
Mony does every thing with the Women in France, Sir.

Sir Gent.
I won't spare it upon them, Sir Antony:
I rely upon you for a Mistress then.

Sir Ant.
You shall see her this Evening.

Sir Gent.
Bills and Business, Gentlemen; but now we live together,
No Ceremony: Adieu for a moment,
And dear Sir Antony, yours.

[Exit.
Val.
You are in his favour.

Sir Ant.
And will be in his Pocket:
Leave him to me.

[Abbe, Pilgrim and Waitwell enter.
Ilf.
Our Abbe and the Pilgrim agen!
This Visit is to you.

Sir Ant.

He has a mind to make a Convert of me, that's certain; but
whether in the Flesh or the Spirit, is the question.

Val.

He's for the outward Man, I warrant him.

Ilf.

And his Arguments of this World, whatever the Pilgrim's
may be.

Abb.
Ah my little Man! you have lost a mighty Satisfaction,
The Pilgrim has wrought wonders upon us all within.

Val.
Much above my Expectation indeed.

Ilf.
His Story staggers me, I confess; and has cur'd me
Of an old Diffidence I had of all Religious Pretenders.

Sir Ant.
Well, he's a Rogue; and you han't found him.

Abb.
You are the only Infidel in the Company.

Sir Ant.
You dissemble a Belief; 'tis necessary to the Church,
And you get by the Trade;
But none of you remove Mountains, that I hear of.

Abb.
Do but hear what he can say.

Sir Ant.
I'll give him both my Ears—
[Pilgrim advances
But not a word here; I must have him to my self,
To discover the bottom of him.

[To Watiwell.
Pilg.
'Tis a work of the Spirit indeed,
And the Spirit works unseen of Human Eyes,
Therefore in private wou'd do very well.

Sir Ant.
Do as I order you.

[Exit Waitwell.
Pilg.

There is an obstinacy in Sin, that won't be consuted before
Company; Reproof may return into our own Teeth

A Rebuke and a Reproach unto our selves.
For which reason I am assured, that a privacy
In Communication, and a retirement from the
Eyes of the World (when the Cause is conscientious)
Are always necessary to a Conviction,
And Conversion of the Wicked.

Sir Ant.
Those Necessaries thou shalt have at my Lodging;
I follow thee Pilgrim,: Farewel Gentlemen,
If I am convinced in this point, and live to set foot
In England agen, I shall satisfie those Heretical
Unbelievers that I have seen one Miracle in a
Catholick Country.

[Exit after the Pilgrim.
Ilf.
Thus every Man to his own Interest tends,
The Pilgrim makes his Converts, We make Friends,
With the same Conscience all, for our own Ends.

[Exeunt.