University of Virginia Library

Scœn. 1.

Enter Matchil, Rachel, between Erasmus and Valentine.
Eras.

Good Mr. Matchil.

Val.

Mystris, be not so violent.

Ra.

Ha.

Mat.

I'll rather run my Countrey, Gentlemen, then
endure her.

Ra.

You were best to kill her then, and then you'll
have no other course to take, unlesse you stay and be-hang'd.

Mat.

I'le make thee glad to flie first.

Ra.

From my house and husband shall I? from my
possessions shall I? And leave you all to spend in riot
shall I? No sir, I'le stay and spend my share if you go
to that, that will I. And make all flie as well as you, and
you go to that, that will I, ha.

Mat.

Whoop, whow.

Er.

Nay, fie be not so loud.

Mat.

What didst thou bring thou drudge thou.

Ra.

That which you were content to drudge withal,
I am too sure o' that. The drudge you speak of is no
worse then your own wife, I am too sure o'that.

Mat.

I know not what to say to her.

Ra.

Did you not say for better, for worse? And if
'twere worse then 'tis, 'twere all too good for you. And
that I hope I shall finde some good Friend to
know.

Val.

That I like well, I'le be her first man.

Ra.

I trust you have found the drudge to be a woman
fit to content a man, and if you grant not that, some
better man perhaps shall be a Judge, betwixt you and
the drudge.

Val.

Better still.

Mat.

She threatens hornes, I think.

Ra.

Hornes. I think, you said. If 'twere so 'twere
too good for you. Cannot your own wife content
you, ha?

Val.

She holds up that point stoutly.

Ra.

That shall be tri'd.

Mat.

O for an expert Chyrurgion now to cast her
in a dead sleep, and geld her.

Er.

Introth you will be both sorry, when your
passion gives but least way to your understandings.
Mr. Matchil, let me perswade with you.

Mat.

Never unlesse you bring her on her knees, to
crave forgivenesse at my foot.

Val.

If you but yield an inch he treads upon your
neck, I will not give an under spur-leather for you.
But bear it out bravely, and I'll be your servant.

Er.

Mrs. Matchil.

Ra.

Mrs. Match-ill indeed, to be so match't.

Mat.

So match't how match't? what from the hurden
smock with lockram upper-bodies, and hempen
sheets, to weare and sleep in Holland, and from the
dripping-pan to eat in silver, ha. Do you repine at
your Match, ha. Is wealth contemptible to you?

Ra.

I was better content in my povertie. I have
not been my selfe, Gentlemen, since he married
me.

Mas.

You may be poor again as soon as you please,
the door is open, depart at your pleasure; you know
the way to your old Aunt the Apple-woman, at Hockly-hole.
Take your knitting Needles again, and live
with her, go.

Ra.

No sir, I'll stay with you, and make you as poor
before I have done wi' ye, as I was before you
had me Gent. I shall not be my self till then.

Mat.

The devil you shall. Was ever such a crooked
condltion crept into a thing like woman?

Val.
Yet this sir, is the rare piece of obedience
You boasted of, and said you would defie
The devil to dishonest her, I am sorry
Your judgement led you into such an errour,
Already she's my Mystresse.

Mat.
Is she so?

Ra.

Yes, and I'le call him servant, Gentlewomen
use it.

Val.
Do so, Mystresse.

Mat.
If she, sir, be your Mystresse, Then am I
Your Master-in-law, out of my house I charge you.

Er.
Doest thou conspire to grieve him?

Val.
Troth, sir, I did but jest. You have my pity.

Er.
All are not times for Jest, friend Valentine.

Mat.
O my affliction!

[She looks in her Watch.
Er.
Have a little patience, sir.
While I talk calmly with her.

Mat.
Leave me then
A while unto my thoughts. Go into the house.

Ra.

Pray servant help me here a little. Do so
much

As winde up my Jack for me, my Watch I would say.

Val.
Her Jack! she's in the Kitchin still.
A pretty Watch this, Mystresse, what did you pay for't.

Ra.
Nothing, my husband ga't me.

Val.

Pity the Spring is broke, but I can get it
mended.

Ra.

Good servant take it with you than to the Jackmakers,
I would say, the Watch-makers. Come
Gentlemen, shall we have a crash at cards?

Er.

With all my heart. What is your game?

Ra.

I can play a many old games. One and thirty
bone-ace, Tickle me quicklie, and my Ladies hole, and
sichie. But you shall teach me new ones, though I lose
money for my learning, Gleek and Primero, Gresco
saut, primofistula, I know all by hear-say. Come let
us have a bout at somewhat. I have money enough.

Val.
And I'le make shift to ease you of some on't.

Ex. three.
Mat.
Affliction on affliction hourely findes me,
And layes me on the Rack, tearing my heart
Like greedie vultures, O my heart, this heart
That I so long suppos'd impenetrable
By all the darts of sorrow, is now transfixt,

Shot through and through with torments, and by this.

This last made sensible of all the rest.
My sons untimely death, my daughters losse.
My Sisters follies, and my Brothers vices.
My servants falshood, and the jeers of strangers
Now wound me all at once; and all through this
Predominant blow, pull'd on me by mine own
Impetuous rashnesse. Let me here consider,
While my hearts torture keeps my soule awake,
The moving cause of all these ill effects.
Mine own unbridled wilde affections.
Scorne of example, and contempt of counsel.
I cannot but observe withal, how just,
A judgement follows mine own wilful acts,
In the same kinde of doing ills for ills.
For my lost sonne, I rashly wrought revenge
Upon an innocent Girle; and with her
Have lost mine own; and for th'unmanly joy
I took in one wives death, because a Shrew.
(Though otherwise vertuous) I am in another
Trebly tormented; not alone with noise,
But with a feare of unchaste purposes,
Which if they come to act, my purse must pay for.
I see my faults, and feel the punishments.
And rather then stand out in my defence
T'enjoy some peace, I will endure some sorrow
And beare it civilly. Within there.

Enter Servant.
Ser.
Sir.

Mat.
Go call your Mystresse, pray her to come alone.
Ex. Ser.
My resolution brings me yet some ease:
Men that are borne to serve, must seek to please.

Enter Rachel.
Mat.
Rachel.

Ra.
Your pleasure quickly, I have left
My company, my servant, and my friend yond,

Sawing against one another at Corne the Caster; till I
come to 'hem.

Mat.

And then all three to In and In, is't so?

Ra.

My servant, and my friend and I are e'ne all
one.
They are the goodest Gentlemen, the best company.

Mat.

Your servant and your friend.

Ra.

Yes, and my servant playes for me now in my
absence, as farre as ten pieces go, that I left him.
My plow goes there, though I am here.

Mat.

Your plow makes vile baulkes of my money the
while.

Ra.

I am not so ill a huswife as you imagine. And
my friend, and my servant have promis'd to carry me
abroad, to this town, and to that town, and tother
town, and whow, I know not whither. And my servant
will have me to Hide-Park, he sayes, to see and to
shew all, as well as the brave Gallants.

Mat.

This is gallant indeed.

Ra.

And my friend will carry me to a whatdeecall, a
new Academy, where I shall see the rarest musick and
dancing, he sayes, and learn the finest Complements.
and other courtly qualities that are to be had for money,
and such instructions for the newest fashions

Mat.

She will flie to the devil for fashions sake. Pray
stay a little, and let me talk calmely with you. You
have almost broke my heart.

Ra.

But not altogether, I hope. I would not win so
great a game, without some sport in playing it.

Mat.
Hear me.
I know you put on this affected carriage,
But to try masterie, and the disease
Being so general among all women,
Is in you therefore more excusable.

Ra.
O, are you coming?

Mat.
Hear what I will say to you.
And finde in that a husbands good affection.
I love my peace, and would preserve my honour,
Both which are in your breasts to save or spoil.

Ra.
And can you think the way to purchase peace
Is by a war with me? hah, you are cozen'd.
Do you think your domineering looks, or noise,
Or blowes, can fright me into quietnesse,
Or that you shall have honour by abasing
Your wife?

Mat.
You will not understand me.

Ra.
Hah.

Mat.

Though I love peace, and would preserve my
honour.

I'le yield in both to you, and can, (I have been
So us'd to thraldome) But the world, the world
Is such a Talker.—

Ra.
I have found the man.

Mat.
There I would save a reputation.

Ra.
He's loth to bring it out; I'le close w'ye.
You'll be content so, I will suffer you
To bear a loud command o're me in publick,
That I shall carrie it in private. Is't not so?

Mat.
Truly wife, yes.

Ra.
You'll give me leave to beat you
In private then.

Mat.
Nay, we'll bar blowes at all times.

Ra.
But if I chance to give you a rap or two,
Or now and then a nip, and you strike me
Again, I'le strike you some way else, as you
Would not be struck. And so observe my carriage.
The Gentlemen are coming.

Enter Erasmus, Valentine.
Er.
O, here they are.

Val.
And not by the eares: that's wonderful.

Ra.
Sir, I perceive my errour, and repent it.
Promising you in all my after life,
To be a faithful and obedient wife.

Val.
He has fetch't her about, it seems.

Mat.
Grammercy Rachel, binde it with a kisse.

[Kisse.
Er.
And thus it should be.

Mat.
Gentlemen, have ye found us?

Er.
With joy to see this reconciliation.

Mat.
Thus shall ye see it ever, Gentlemen.
I knew she would yield, or I should make her heart ake.
What were a husband, if he were not Master?

Val.
You have wonne the field, it seems, yet I may hope
I have not lost a Mystresse.

Er.
Nor I a friend.

Mat.
In a faire way, Gentlemen, I shall
Abridge her of no courtly priviledge.
But no more haytie twaytie tricks, I charge you.
She shall not jaunt to this nor that town with you.
(I thank you for your care) nor to Hide-Park.
Nor to the Academy you tell her of, without my leave.

Val.
And do you say so Mystresse?

Ra.
Truly yes.
I am no such woman as you took me for,
With Mr. Matchils leave you may be welcome
Home to his house in good and seemly sort.
But pray expect no further entertainment
Then he shall well allow of.

Val.
I have lost her.

Er.
This change is admirable.

Mat.
Why do you admire it
Is she not mine? how could you think she durst
Stand out in her rebellion? although the devil
Who soothes all Upstarts dispositions
Into an over-weening of themselves.
Possest her for a time, had not I power
And vertue do you think to conjure him out?
What have I studied for, think you, e're since
My last wife di'd, but how to rule the next?
Go get you in, there's something in the house
Worth looking after.

Er.
I be sworn, he frights her.

Ra.
Would I had you within to perform covenants.

Mat.
What do you grow rebellious again.
Why stir you not else, ha? prithee Sweetheart
Respect my dignity, or only seem to do it.

Ra.
Yes, I will only seem to do it.

Val.
He makes her tremble.

Ra.
Gentlemen, I must about my house-affaires.
So, I take my leave.

Er., Val.
Good Mrs. Matchil.

Mat.
Aha.

Ra.
And Mr. Matchil, at your own good pleasure.
[Curt'sie.
Having in private something to impart to you,
I would entreat your presence.

Mat.
Well, Anon, anon.

Ra.
Your eare before I go good Mr. Matchil.

[Curt'sie, Pinch.
Val.
H' has brought her to her servile old obedience.

Mat.
O—oh.

Ra.
That is a private touch, sir, of the businesse.

Mat.
Pox of your Lobster-claws. There waanip!

Ra.
It will be worth consideration, sir.

Mat.
Well, Ile come to you presently.

Ra.
I humbly take my leave.

Ex.
Er.
Any ill newes that you change colour so?

Mat.
No, nothing, nothing but a womanish feare.

Val.

Well, you are a happy man that have o'recom
her.

Mat.

You know not me yet Gentlemen, I know a
word in private would do it.

Val.
Yet she desires to have you again in private.

Mat.
'Tis her abundant love, and pure obedience.

Er.
She comes again.

Enter Rachel.
Ra.
Since y'are not yet dispos'd to enter, sir.
One word more, Mr. Matchil, if you please.

[curt'sie.
Mat.

Oh,—I understand you. Go, I'le follow
you.

Ra.
Again, I take my leave.

Ex.
Mat.
I must weare Lantern-hornes upon mine arms,
If she use this. Well, Gentlemen, at your own time
Lets see yee. My Rach. shall make you welcome,
And for me, you know me, I will still be Master.—

Enter Rachel.
I come, I come, I come. So, farewel Gentlemen.

Ex.
Val.
Ha, do you run?

Er.
What doest thou think of this?

Val.
I'le lay all the tricks I have against his brags.
She masters him in private, and that all
This shew of her obedience is dissembled.
My hope revives again; we must abroad with her.
But tell me, what new Academy's that
You told her of, I understand not that yet.

Er.
Nor have I seen it, but we both will shortlie.
'Tis but of two or three dayes standing yet.

Val.
Where is it? who are the Professours,
And what the Arts?

Er.
I'le tell thee all I know.
It carries a love-sound; but I am told
It is but private lodgings kept by
Both men and women, as I am inform'd, after the French manner.
That professe Musick, Dancing, Fashion, Complement.—

Val.
And no drabbing?

Er.
A little perhaps in private.
But guesse now in whose house all this.

Val.
I cannot.

Er.
Even in your City-Mystresses, that lends you
Money so freely.

Val.
Who Camelion?

Er.
Yes sir, I doubt, your borrowing of the wife
Has broke the husband, put 'hem off their trade,
And now they seek new wayes to live by projects.

Val.

And could you keep this from me all this
while,

Till I am there, each step's a tedious mile.

Er.

But not without me, good Val. We'll finde a
time.

Together, and our Mrs. Matchil with us.

Ex.