 | Puss in Boots |  |
Scene Third.
—Court-yard of the Palace.Tableau.
The King, Princess Rosebud, Baron, Courtiers, Maids of Honour, &c., discovered—Grand flourish—Chamberlain, Falconer, with hawks and pole, &c.
King.
Silence! Confound your flourishing, I say!
It's that which frightens all the game away,
I do believe! Those poor drums! how you whack'em!
My ears have drums, you rogues, you! Would you crack'em?
Prin.
Dear father, 'tis to do you honour.
King.
Stuff!
I have the honour to be bored enough;
Haven't I toiled all day for nothing, child?
I never knew the game so deuced wild—
My woods no longer hold my pheasants fickle,
My best preserves are in a precious pickle;
The poachers have of late so much encroached,
The hens are snared, and all their eggs are poached.
Partridges fly as if the “Old One” called,
The hares drop off and leave the fields quite bald.
My land might form the subject of a sonnet,
There's not one head of game, nor hare upon it;
In short, girl, I shall have—as I'm a sinner,
Nothing but fish and butchers' meat for dinner.
I have the honour to be bored enough;
Haven't I toiled all day for nothing, child?
I never knew the game so deuced wild—
My woods no longer hold my pheasants fickle,
My best preserves are in a precious pickle;
The poachers have of late so much encroached,
The hens are snared, and all their eggs are poached.
Partridges fly as if the “Old One” called,
The hares drop off and leave the fields quite bald.
My land might form the subject of a sonnet,
There's not one head of game, nor hare upon it;
In short, girl, I shall have—as I'm a sinner,
Nothing but fish and butchers' meat for dinner.
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With gay ones and great,
Over hedge, ditch and gate,
From cover to cover we run;
But game there is not,
We can't get a shot,
Where's the use of our dog and our gun?
Over hedge, ditch and gate,
From cover to cover we run;
But game there is not,
We can't get a shot,
Where's the use of our dog and our gun?
Enter an Officer.
Officer.
My liege! a person in fantastic habit
Has brought your Majesty a splendid rabbit.
King.
A rabbit! You don't say so! Loyal deed!
It is a meat on which we love to feed,
Smother'd in onions 'tis the nicest thing—
“A dainty dish to set before a king!”
Admit him—stay—one rising doubt dispel—
'Tis not a Welch rabbit?
Officer.
No, Sire.
King.
'Tis well!
Waves his hand—Music—Officer goes out, and returns with Puss, with a wallet slung round his neck.
Puss.
(kneeling to King, and taking a rabbit out of his wallet)
Most mighty Pumpkin, in my master's name,
I lay before you this rare-bit of game.
King.
We do most graciously accept it—Here—
See that 'tis cooked immediately, my dear.
(Giving rabbit to Princess, who passes it to First Maid of Honour, who passes it to Second, who passes it to Third, who goes out with it, and returns immediately)
And who's your master? Let us know, that we
May thank him for his gift right royally.
Puss.
Sir King, I serve a noble lord, the great
Marquis of Carabas.
King.
Where's his estate?
We never heard of such a lord before!
Puss.
He has but newly settled on this shore,
A foreigner of most illustrious birth,
Allied to nearly all the kings on earth
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He's wealthy then?
Puss.
His riches are untold!
Prin.
Handsome?
Puss.
Almost too handsome to behold.
Chat.
Does he talk well?
Puss.
The most amusing chat.
Skip.
Dances, of course?
Puss.
A Vestris quite for that!
Ar.
Sings?
Puss.
Like a nightingale! he thrills one through!
All the Ladies.
How I should like to see him! shouldn't you?
Puss.
Might he present himself—he'd be too proud.
'Tis his petition.
King.
And it is allowed.
Fetch him.
Puss.
I'm gone.
(Exit Puss)
Ar.
Did you note that!
Chat.
O law!
He wears a tail!
Skip.
“A demi-queue de chat.”
Puss
without.
(—Help! Help! Murder! Thieves! Help!)
King.
What cry is that?
Prin.
It spoke of thieves and slaughter!
King.
By Jupiter! There's some one in the water!
Don't stand there like a pack of cold insensibles!
Run! give assistance! Call my River Fencibles.
(Exeunt some Courtiers hastily)
Chorus.
—“O dear what can the matter be?”
O dear! What can the matter be?
Dear! dear! what can the matter be?
O dear! what can the matter be?
Somebody's drowning, I fear!
Dear! dear! what can the matter be?
O dear! what can the matter be?
Somebody's drowning, I fear!
Arietta.
I heard the young man call for help, for his master
The Marquis has met with some shocking disaster!
O Gemini! why don't those fellows run faster?
The water's all the over the peer!
The Marquis has met with some shocking disaster!
O Gemini! why don't those fellows run faster?
The water's all the over the peer!
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O dear, what led him to it, pray?
Dear, dear, did he try to wade through it, pray?
Or, go, on purpose to do it, pray?
Tell us how chanced the affair?
Dear, dear, did he try to wade through it, pray?
Or, go, on purpose to do it, pray?
Tell us how chanced the affair?
(Enter Puss)
Puss.
His lordship, while bathing where yon river flows, sir,
Was suddenly seized with the cramp in his toes, sir;
Some rascals meanwhile ran away with his clothes, sir,
He hasn't a rag left to wear!
Was suddenly seized with the cramp in his toes, sir;
Some rascals meanwhile ran away with his clothes, sir,
He hasn't a rag left to wear!
King.
O dear, what impropriety!
Unfit for decent society;
Dear! dear! none can deny it, he
Can't appear so very bare.
Unfit for decent society;
Dear! dear! none can deny it, he
Can't appear so very bare.
Chorus.
O dear! what impropriety! &c.
Prin.
But he is safe.
Puss.
Of that, ma'am, there's no doubt.
King.
Say, does his anxious mother know he's out?
Puss.
My liege! she couldn't know that he was in.
King.
Then, my good friend, it matters not a pin
About his clothes. Quick, let my pages run
With a coat, waistcoat, and a pair of un—
In short, with everything his lordship needs.
(Exeunt Pages)
Puss.
He's like a widow now, my liege—in weeds;
But joy, at your great kindness, will possess him!
King.
He has been wrong'd, 'tis fit that we re-dress him.
Puss.
It is the highest honour he could choose
To stand one moment in your royal shoes!
King.
He comes!
Puss.
Make way, there, for my lord to pass.
Officer.
(ushering in Ralph, richly dressed)
Room for my lord, the Marquis Carabas!
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Ral.
Give a man but luck they say, sir,
In the sea fling him you may, sir;
So, as if the truth to test, sir,
In the river I got a tumble,
And out thus pops your servant humble
In your royal raiment dress'd, sir;
Here a daintier duck to see.
King.
Sir, I deem it a lucky stumble,
Which such pleasure procures for me.
By jingo,
His lingo
The moment he began, sir;
So caught me,
It taught me
He was a nice young man, sir.
Bar.
(advancing)
These ladies,
Whose trade is
But flirting through a fan, sir;
Their net soon
Will set soon,
To catch this nice young man, sir.
Ladies and Ral.
Ah! no, no, no! there's no such luck
On fortune's cards for me;
Ah! no, no, no! this fine young buck
For us will never be.
King.
Most noble Marquis and most wealthy peer,
Lord (trying to recollect)
bless me—
Puss.
(advancing)
Carabas—
King.
(impatiently)
Don't interfere!
We have to thank you for a splendid rabbit.
Marq.
I have to thank you for this splendid habit,
In doing which I merely do my duty.
King.
Sir, your politeness equals but your beauty.
Marq.
Your Majesty's most kind, but something there—
If I may trust my eyes—appears so fair,
That I should say, (your pattern, Sire, to follow)
Your beauty (if she is yours) beats mine hollow!
Prin.
(aside)
What a particularly nice young man!
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That fellow stopped us just as we began
To ask where your estates lie,—tell us true.
Puss.
(advancing)
They lie in all directions.
King.
So do you!
Pray be more backward, sir, in coming forward.
Where, say you? (to Marquis)
Marq.
(hesitating and correcting himself after each word)
Eastward—westward—southward—norward.
King.
A roundabout reply.
Marq.
I'm not quite clear,
I must refer to my land steward here.
(to Puss)
Do tell the King where my estates are—elf.
(aside)
Then I shall stand some chance to know, myself.
King.
Well! let him speak.
Puss.
Your Majesty knows where
Your crown lands end?
King.
We do.
Puss.
Well! 'tis'n't there.
But take a line from thence, and drive along,
Follow your royal nose, you can't go wrong;
For every bit of land you see before ye
Is his.
Marq.
(aside to him)
Don't lie!
Puss.
(aside)
I do but tell a story.
King.
What! every bit of land in our dominions!
We shall beg leave to take some law opinions!
Marq.
You'd better take your own, 'tis less expensive;
And law can't make my lands, sir, less extensive.
King.
There's sense in that; but we must see the grounds
On which you found your claims.
Marq.
The grounds!
Puss.
(aside)
O, zounds!
King.
My coach! We'll ride together, Marquis!
Marq.
(to Puss)
There!
You've overdone it!
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No, no,—don't despair!
Make some excuse—no matter what—to stay him;
I'll manage all if you can but delay him.
Marq.
Too proud, my liege, you and your lovely daughter
To entertain; but I've been in the water,
And now I'm dry, nay, hungry, if you please,
And first should like a crust of bread and cheese.
King.
I'm hungry too; so if the rabbit's done,
Suppose we dine at once. It's half-past one—
We'll make an early meal—despatch it soon,
And take a cool ride in the afternoon.
Marq.
(to Puss)
I dine with King and Princess!
Puss.
(aside to him)
Mind my charge;
Small talk to her, and to her father large.
Marq.
Sweet Rosebud! I shall die if I don't win her!
King.
Sound trumpets! Gentlemen, let's in to dinner!
(trumpets)
Solo and Chorus from “Joan of Arc,” Balfe.
Marq., &c.
Hark the trumpet plays, come to the bower,
The turtle smokes in the tureen;
The rabbit, immersed in a shower
Of onions, can scarcely be seen.
The turtle smokes in the tureen;
The rabbit, immersed in a shower
Of onions, can scarcely be seen.
But dainties in vain they shew,
With yon fair in mine eye,
To other fare I say but “No!
For her alone I sigh.”
With yon fair in mine eye,
To other fare I say but “No!
For her alone I sigh.”
Chorus.—Hark the Trumpet,” &c.
Puss in going is stopped by the three Ladies. Exeunt all but Puss and the Maids of Honour.
Chat.
Don't you run away—we don't dine yet, and I
want to have some talk with you.
Puss.
Too happy.
(aside)
I must'n't seem in a hurry.
(aloud)
I can talke about what you please now. When I was young
I could say little else but mew; but now that I'm a man I
can talk beaucoup mieux.
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You're in the army, I presume?
Puss.
No, ma'am.
Chat.
Why, you wear moustaches.
Puss.
Yes, ma'am, yes; but that's because—because I
can't help it, you see. I belong to a club, and all the members
are obliged to wear them.
Chat.
What club?
Puss.
It's a sort of Catch Club.
Ar.
What, musical?
Puss.
Very.
Ar.
And where do you meet?
Puss.
We meet alternately upon each other's roof.
Skip.
Upon each other's roof!—that's quite a new step.
Puss.
I beg pardon, did I say upon?—I meant under.
Ar.
You can sing, then?
Puss.
I can squall a little, à la Cat-oni..
Ar.
Who taught you?
Puss.
Cat-alani.
Skip.
And dance, too?
Puss.
I remember the time when I would have run anywhere
after a ball.
Skip.
What is your favourite dance?
Puss.
The Cat-alonian Cat-choucha.
Chat.
Well, never mind about singing and dancing; suppose
we fix upon some game to pass away the time, at which
we can all play?
Ar.
I'm content.
Skip.
And I.
Puss.
And I. What shall it be?
Chat.
“Puss in the Corner.”
Puss.
No, no, I don't like that.
Chat.
Choose one yourself, then.
Puss.
My favourite game is “Cat's-cradle.”
All.
Oh, no, we can't bear that!
Chat.
Come, name another from your catalogue.
Puss.
(aside)
Cat-alogue! They grow personal!
(aloud)
Ladies, you'll allow me to remark that you are not quite
so polite as I should have expected Maids of Honour would
be. Where I was brought up, the maids were much more
kind to me;—let me play as I liked, and gave me every
morning a great saucer full of milk—no, I don't mean that
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(turns from them in confusion)
Chat.
A saucer full of milk! What a strange tale—and
—and—à propos of tales—pray, my good sir, who's your
tail-or?
Puss.
(turning quickly)
Eh!—oh!—ah!—you allude, I
suppose, to—oh, that's nothing but—a something—which I
wear—
Chat.
In compliance with another regulation of your
club, I presume?
Puss.
Exactly so: it's a club-tail.
(aside)
How shall I
get away? Ah! lucky chance, here comes the Marquis to
relieve me.
Re-enter Marquis hastily.
Marq.
I'm in a hobble which seems past all cure.
Where can my man have got to?
(pushing aside Ladies)
All Three.
Well, I'm sure!
Marq.
I beg your pardon, ladies, don't abuse me.
(Exeunt Ladies)
I'm in a hurry, and you must excuse me.
(aside to Puss)
The King's impatient, what is to be done?
I rather think we'd better cut and run.
Puss.
Take to your heels? Upon my soul you shan't;
I'll find some hole to creep through if you can't.
Marq.
You'll find some hole to creep through—doubtless—yes,
But who's to help your master through the mess?
Puss.
Your faithful Puss, who never will desert you,
But lay down his nine lives ere aught should hurt you.
Marq.
What, all at once? Alas! my Thomas Cat,
The fates preserve thee from a lot like that.
Of nunkey's goods and chattels all bereft,
I've nothing left but—
Puss.
Puss.
Marq.
You're right—you're left.
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The wealth he own'd, his mill and store,
My brothers shared, for so 'twas written;
To me, alas! he left no more
Than this, my faithful friend and kitten.
But mortal ne'er
Had cat so rare,
With him 'twere hard to be grief-bitten,
Then add but her, I ask no more,
Than my sweet girl, my friend, and kitten.
Here comes that plaguy Pumpkin! the deuce take him!
My brothers shared, for so 'twas written;
To me, alas! he left no more
Than this, my faithful friend and kitten.
But mortal ne'er
Had cat so rare,
With him 'twere hard to be grief-bitten,
Then add but her, I ask no more,
Than my sweet girl, my friend, and kitten.
Tell me how I shall manage off to shake him?
Puss.
Follow my steps, as well as my advice,
And I'll arrange this business in a trice.
Marq.
Enough—I trust to you; make no faux pas,
But pull us through this matter with é-clat.
(flourish)
Re-enter King and Court.
King.
Our coach and horses!
Officer.
Sire, they're at the door.
Puss.
May it please your Majesty, I'll run before.
You've nought to do but keep the high road straight—
'Twill lead you to his lordship's castle-gate.
(to Maids of Honour)
From your sports, ladies, I am no seceder,
I've only changed the game to “Follow my leader.”
Chorus—From “Amilie, or the Love Test,” Rooke.
Let's be mounting
Let's be mounting!
Let's be mounting! Away!
We've a pretty long journey before us to-day.
To the land's end, to the land's end, it seems we may trot,
Would we see the land's end which his lordship has got!
Marquis and Puss.
Let's be mounting!
Let's be mounting! Away!
We've a pretty long journey before us to-day.
To the land's end, to the land's end, it seems we may trot,
Would we see the land's end which his lordship has got!
Let's be mounting, &c.
274
To the land's end, to the land's end, indeed you may trot,
Ere you see the land's end which my/his lordship has got!
(Exeunt King, Marquis, and all but Puss)
Puss.
Now then to lead them on their wild goose chase,
And prove the thorough goodness of my race.
(Begins running—Castle moves off and Panorama commences)
And prove the thorough goodness of my race.
Song—Puss—“Venetian Furlano.”
I must scamper away, and be active and wary,
There's naught like a cat to look out for a squall;
My master and I are both in a quandary,
A dairy I don't like at all.
La, la, la, &c.
There's naught like a cat to look out for a squall;
My master and I are both in a quandary,
A dairy I don't like at all.
La, la, la, &c.
Music—The Panoramic scene shews the high road, passing through a varied country; villages, &c.,—and at length a corn field with Reapers at work—Puss ceases running and the scene stops.
Enter Reapers.
Puss.
Hark-ye, good reapers, if you don't tell the King, who
will shortly pass this way, that all this corn belongs to my
Lord Marquis of Carabas, you will be chopped as small as
mince-meat.
Thus upon the highway it may be very pleasant
For some folks to gallop for so many miles;
But I own I see nothing to equal at present
The higher way over the tiles.
La, la, la, &c.
For some folks to gallop for so many miles;
But I own I see nothing to equal at present
The higher way over the tiles.
La, la, la, &c.
Enter Hop-pickers.
Puss.
(to Girls who are picking hops)
Hark-ye, my little
275
way, that all these hop-gardens belong to the Lord Marquis
of Carabas, you will be chopped as small as mince-meat!
Music—The Girls promise to obey, and the scene moves on Puss running and singing, till it shews a thick forest with Wood-cutters at work—Puss and scene stop.
How provoking to think, that tho' born upon four legs,
I've but two in which to confide,
If, instead of these arms, I had only two more legs,
They'd take two more feet at a stride.
La, la, la, &c.
I've but two in which to confide,
If, instead of these arms, I had only two more legs,
They'd take two more feet at a stride.
La, la, la, &c.
Puss.
(to Woodcutters)
Hallo, my fine fellows! If you
don't tell the King, who will shortly pass this way, that all
these woods belong to my Lord Marquis of Carabas, you
will be chopped as small as mince-meat!
Faith, I'm almost done up! I'm afraid I shall drop
From exhaustion, and down in the gutter come spank;
I wonder, I'm sure, that the river don't stop,
From this terrible run on its bank.
La, la, la, &c.
From exhaustion, and down in the gutter come spank;
I wonder, I'm sure, that the river don't stop,
From this terrible run on its bank.
La, la, la, &c.
Puss.
O ho! this seems the island's end to be,
To run beyond it were “felo de se!”
I have run till I'm almost out of breath,
And very nearly in at my own death!
Therefore this place I shall take leave to stop in;
There's a fine castle too—suppose I drop in,
And see who owns it. 'Tis the very thing
My master wants—at least to shew the King—
'Twill be hard if I can't get in, and harder,
When I am in, if I don't find the larder.
(Music—Runs into Castle)
| Puss in Boots | |