University of Virginia Library

Scene First.

—The Mill, and landscape—Shed with a donkey in it.
Enter separately Millers with sacks, and Neighbours; they place sacks by the Mill-door.
[Millers and Neighbours]
Round—“When the wind blows”—“Miller and his Men” Bishop.
Ill the wind blows
(Ev'ry one knows)
That brings no good to any;
Round as it chops,
Some luck it drops,
To one, at least, out of the many.

Enter from Mill, Ralph, then Richard and Robin, rubbing their eyes and gaping.
Ral.
Richard and Robin, you're two pretty men
To lie a-bed thus till the clock strikes ten!
Our friends have come to hear the will we've found,
Made by our uncle Grist—now under ground.

Rob.
Ay, death at last has sacked the miller's dust.

(All Neighbours listen)
Rich.
We'll die some day or other, all men must;
So where's the use of grieving? Here's his will:
And as we said but now—It is an ill
Wind that blows no one good—so let us see
What this may bring to comfort you or me
Who can read written hand?

Rob.
Not I.

Neigh.
Nor I.

Ral.
I'm not quite sure that I can, but I'll try.
(opens the Will)
Ha! 'Tis in verse. To his old tune I see:
“The Jolly Miller on the River Dee!”
Sings the Will.
“I was a jolly miller once,
But a grave one soon shall be;
So all my worldly goods I leave
Amongst my nephews three.
To Richard I bequeath the mill—

Rich.
(The mill!)
To Robin the old donkey;

Rob.
(Oh!)
And the cat I leave to Ralph, as Re-
Siduary legatee!”

Rich.
Left me the mill! a good soul, by the mass!

Rob.
Left me the donkey—an old stupid ass!

Ral.
Nay, brother, you may something make of that;
But what am I to do, pray, with the cat?

Rich.
Kill him, and make a fur cap of his skin.
Neighbours and friends, I beg you'll all walk in—
Into my house. Sorrow, you know, is dry;
I'll broach a cask—I wish my ale to try.
Nunkey, I know, used famous stuff to brew:
Brothers, I stand upon no forms with you.
I shall be glad to see you, now and then,
If you don't come too often. Ho! my men!
Look to my guests.

Music—Exeunt into house Neighbours and Millers.
Rob.
Why, brother Richard, sure
You won't forget we're brothers, though I'm poor.

Rich.
Forget you, Robin! that can never be;
Whene'er I see an ass, I'll think of thee!

Ral.
But, brother—

Rich.
Oh, you want your share, Ralph, do you?
My cook shall catch the cat, and bring him to you!

Chord—The Fairy Felina suddenly appears beside the door as an old beggar woman.
Rich.
How now, what do you here so near my door?

Air—Fairy—“With lowly suit.”
Relieve my woes, my wants distressing,
And heav'n reward you with its blessing.

Fairy.
Good master! charity—

Rich.
Away, before
My servants come, and through my mill-pond drag you!
Don't charity begin at home, you hag, you?
(Exit Richard into the house)

Air—Fairy—“Over the mountain.”
(To Robin)
Pity, kind gentleman, friend of humanity,
Cold blows the wind through my garments so torn;
Give me some food, I beseech you, for charity,
Nought have I tasted since yesterday morn!

Rob.
Out of my sight, you tattered gipsy thief,
Go to the parish if you want relief.
Good-bye, Ralph; I shall go and sell this beast,
And live well, while the money lasts, at least!
(Exit Robin with donkey)

Fairy
(to Ralph)
Good youth, I'm very hungry, weary, ill—

Ral.
Good mother, I have nothing but good will
To offer thee, and thou wouldst starve on that,
As I must do—when I have ate my cat.

Fairy.
Eaten your cat?

Ral.
'Tis all I have to eat;
You shall dine with me—if you like cat's meat.

Fairy.
Feel in your pocket; sure, there's something there.

Ral.
Not a brass farthing, Eh! how's this? I swear
Here's a broad piece! Why, to be sure—you're right—
The very coin I thought I'd lost last night,
And searched for everywhere, as I'm a sinner!
Kind fortune! Now, Dame, you shall have a dinner.

Fairy.
Thanks, generous youth; but think first—can you spare it?
It is your last.

Ral.
No matter, you shall share it.
You brought the luck; besides 'twould spoil my carving,
To know, while I dined, a poor soul was starving.

Fairy.
Well said; but where's this cat of which you spoke?

Ral.
Oh, hang the cat! It was a sorry joke
Of uncle thus, by some strange whimsey bitten,
To die, and scratch poor Ralph off with—a kitten!

Enter Servant with basket from Mill.
Serv.
Here's Tom, sir. I've had such a job to catch him;
You'll go a long way, Master Ralph, to match him.

Ral.
Is he so handsome?

Serv.
Handsome! ay, and clever!
(sets down basket)
I never see'd his equal—no—not never!
He's such a mouser! Lord! the tricks he plays
Them rats and mice! Hangs up like dead some days—
Sometimes amongst the meal, the cunning joker,
Will stretch himself as stiff as any poker!
And when they venture out, like vermin silly,
He'll kill his hundred in less time than Billy!
I've often said, if our cat could but speak,
He'd outwit Lawyer Ferret in a week!
(Exit Servant)

Ral.
But what's all this to one without a house,
Who cannot want a cat to catch a mouse!

Fairy.
Come, come, my good young friend, be not dejected,
Fortune smiles often when she's least expected.
Behold! (appears as Fairy)


Ral.
A fairy!

Fairy.
Air—Fairy—“The Lass of Patie's Mill.”

Ral.
I'm quite content, since you espouse my cause!
I like the cat and don't regret the clause.

Fairy.
Apparelled as befits your new pursuits,
Rise, Tom, and take the name of Puss in Boots!

Mewsic—Puss in Boots comes out of the basket.
Puss.
My whiskers! what a change comes o'er my dream.

Ral.
D'ye like it, Pussy!

Puss.
Does a cat like cream?
I'm quite enchanted!

Fairy.
Yes, of course you're that.

Puss.
My sovereign here? O ho! I smell a rat!

Fairy.
Do your boots fit you?

Puss.
What a pair of swells!
I like 'em better, far, than walnut-shells.

Fairy.
Would you have gloves?

Puss.
No, not at any price!
“A cat in mittens never catches mice.”

Fairy.
Farewell, then. Please your master, you'll please me.

Puss.
Your pardon. There's one little point, I see,
Something that fashion may be shocked about—
Whiskers are in, I know; but—tails are out.

Fairy.
Hang fashion! You were made—or else we fail—
“To point a moral, and adorn a tale.”

(Fairy descends through basket)
Duo—Ralph and Puss—“Pretty Polly, say.”
“Beggar's Opera.”
Ral.
Pretty Pussy, say,
Will you drive away
All blue devils which would prey
On your loving master?

Puss.
In this disguise,
My sharp eyes
For care's scratch, whate'er its size,
Shall find some nice court plaister.
Fondly ever, purring thus.

Ral.
Oh! pretty, pretty Puss.

Puss.
How many I serve you, gentle master, say—
What d'ye want?

Ral.
Ev'rything on earth!

Puss.
Stay! stay!
Name what you most want, first.

Ral.
I scarce know what—
If luck's put up I bid for the whole lot!

Puss.
Well, then, hear me. I heard the neighbours say,
The King was coming here to hunt to-day.
Suppose we go to court—when there, why you
May please the Princess Rosebud; if you do,
Marry her, and your fortune's made.

Ral.
Hey-day!
'Tis now my turn, I think, to cry “Stay! stay!”
We go to court?—I wed a princess fair?
You're building pretty castles in the air.

Puss.
Song—Puss—“Galloping dreary Dun.”

(Exeunt Puss and Ralph)