 | The Diuell is an Asse |  |
Scene. I.
Divell. Pvg. Iniqvity.[Sat.]
Hoh, hoh, hoh, hoh, hoh, hoh, hoh, hoh, &c.
To earth? and, why to earth, thou foolish Spirit?
What wold'st thou do on earth?
Pvg.
For that, great Chiefe!
As time shal work. I do but ask my mon'th.
Which euery petty pui'nee Diuell has;
Within that terme, the Court of Hell will heare
Some thing, may gaine a longer grant, perhaps.
Sat.
For what? the laming a poore Cow, or two?
Entring a Sow, to make her cast her farrow?
Or crossing of a Mercat-womans Mare,
Twixt this, and Totnam? these were wont to be
Your maine atchieuements, Pug, You haue some plot, now,
Vpon a tonning of Ale, to stale the yest,
Or keepe the churne so, that the butter come not;
Spight o'the housewiues cord, or her hot spit?
Or some good Ribibe, about Kentish Towne,
Or Hogsden, you would hang now, for a witch,
Because shee will not let you play round Robbin:
And you'll goe sowre the Citizens Creame 'gainst Sunday?
That she may be accus'd for't, and condemn'd,
By a Middlesex Iury, to the satisfaction
Of their offended friends, the Londiners wiues
Whose teeth were set on edge with it? Foolish feind,
Stay I' your place, know your owne strengths, and put not
Beyond the spheare of your actiuity.
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Forth in those parts, Pug, vpon any affayre
That may concerne our name, on earth. It is not
Euery ones worke. The state of Hell must care
Whom it imployes, in point of reputation,
Heere about London. You would make, I thinke
An Agent, to be sent, for Lancashire,
Proper inough; or some parts of Northumberland,
So yo' had good instructions, Pug.
Pvg.
O Chiefe!
You doe not know, deare Chiefe, what there is in mee.
Proue me but for a fortnight, for a weeke,
And lend mee but a Vice, to carry with mee,
To practice there-with any play-fellow,
And, you will see, there will come more vpon't,
Then you'll imagine, pretious Chiefe.
Sat.
What Vice?
What kind wouldst th'haue it of?
Pvg.
Why, any Fraud;
Or Couetousnesse; or Lady Vanity;
Or old Iniquity: I'll call him hither.
Ini.
What is he, calls vpon me, and would seeme to lack a Vice?
Ere his words be halfe spoken, I am with him in a trice;
Here, there, and euery where, as the Cat is with the mice:
True vetus Iniquitas. Lack'st thou Cards, friend, or Dice?
I will teach thee cheate, Child, to cog, lye, and swagger,
And euer and anon, to be drawing forth thy dagger:
To sweare by Gogs-nownes, like a lusty Inuentus,
In a cloake to thy heele, and a hat like a pent-house.
Thy breeches of three fingers, and thy doublet all belly,
With a Wench that shall feede thee, with cock-stones and gelly.
Pvg.
Is it not excellent, Chiefe? how nimble he is!
Ini.
Child of hell, this is nothing! I will fetch thee a leape
From the top of Pauls-steeple, to the Standard in Cheepe:
And lead thee a daunce, through the streets without faile,
Like a needle of Spaine, with a thred at my tayle.
We will suruay the Suburbs, and make forth our sallyes,
Downe Petticoate-lane, and vp the Smock-allies,
To Shoreditch, Whitechappell, and so to Saint Kathernes.
To drinke with the Dutch there, and take forth their patternes:
From thence, wee will put in at Custome-house key there,
And see, how the Factors, and Prentizes play there,
False with their Masters; and gueld many a full packe,
To spend it in pies, at the Dagger, and the Wool-sacke.
Pvg.
Braue, braue, Iniquity! will not this doe, Chiefe?
Ini.
Nay, boy, I will bring thee to the Bawds, and the Roysters,
At Belins-gate, feasting with claret-wine, and oysters,
From thence shoot the Bridge, childe, to the Cranes i' the Vintry,
And see; there the gimblets, how they make their entry!
Or, if thou hadst rather, to the Strand downe to fall,
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And marke how they cling, with their clyents together,
Like Iuie to Oake; so Veluet to Leather:
Ha, boy, I would shew thee.
Pvg.
Rare, rare!
Div.
Peace, dotard,
And thou more ignorant thing, that so admir'st.
Art thou the spirit thou seem'st? so poore? to choose
This, for a Vice, t'aduance the cause of Hell,
Now? as Vice stands this present yeere? Remember,
What number it is. Six hundred and sixteene.
Had it but beene fiue hundred, though some sixty
Aboue; that's fifty yeeres agone, and six,
(When euery great man had his Vice stand by him,
In his long coat, shaking his wooden dagger)
I could consent, that, then this your graue choice
Might haue done that, with his Lord Chiefe, the which
Most of his chamber can doe now. But Pug,
As the times are, who is it, will receiue you?
What company will you goe to? or whom mix with?
Where canst thou carry him? except to Tauernes?
To mount vp on a joynt-stoole, with a Iewes-trumpe,
To put downe Cokeley, and that must be to Citizens?
He ne're will be admitted, there, where Vennor comes.
Hee may perchance, in taile of a Sheriffes dinner,
Skip with a rime o'the Table, from New-nothing,
And take his Almaine-leape into a custard,
Shall make my Lad Maioresse, and her sisters,
Laugh all their hoods ouer their shoulders. But,
This is not that will doe, they are other things
That are receiu'd now vpon earth, for Vices;
Stranger, and newer: and chang'd euery houre.
They ride 'hem like their horses off their legges,
And here they come to Hell, whole legions of 'hem,
Euery weeke tyr'd. Wee, still striue to breed,
And reare 'hem vp new ones; but they doe not stand,
When they come there: they turne 'hem on our hands.
And it is fear'd they haue a stud o'their owne
Will put downe ours. Both our breed, and trade
VVill suddenly decay, if we preuent not.
Vnlesse it be a Vice of quality,
Or fashion, now, they take none from vs. Car-men
Are got into the yellow starch, and Chimney-sweepers
To their tabacco, and strong-waters, Hum,
Meath, and Obarni. VVe must therefore ayme
At extraordinary subtill ones, now,
VVhen we doe send to keepe vs vp in credit.
Not old Iniquities. Get you e'ne backe, Sir,
To making of your rope of sand againe.
98
They haue their Vices, there, most like to Vertues;
You cannnot know 'hem, apart, by any difference:
They weare the same clothes, eate the same meate,
Sleepe i'the selfe-same beds, ride i'those coaches.
Or very like, foure horses in a coach,
As the best men and women. Tissue gownes,
Garters and roses, fourescore pound a paire,
Embroydred stockings, cut-worke smocks, and shirts,
More certaine marks of lechery, now, and pride,
Then ere they were of true nobility!
But Pug, since you doe burne with such desire
To doe the Common-wealth of Hell some seruice;
I am content, assuming of a body,
You goe to earth, and visit men, a day.
But you must take a body ready made, Pug,
I can create you none: nor shall you forme
Your selfe an aery one, but become subiect
To all impression of the flesh, you take,
So farre as humane frailty. So, this morning,
There is a handsome Cutpurse hang'd at Tiborne,
Whose spirit departed, you may enter his body:
For clothes imploy your credit, with the Hangman,
Or let our tribe of Brokers furnish you.
And, looke, how farre your subtilty can worke
Thorow those organs, with that body, spye
Amongst mankind, (you cannot there want vices,
And therefore the lesse need to carry 'hem wi'you)
But as you make your soone at nights relation,
And we shall find, it merits from the State,
You shall haue both trust from vs, and imployment.
Pvg.
Most gracious Chiefe!
Div.
Onely, thus more I bind you,
He shewes Fitz-dottrel to him, comming forth.
To serue the first man that you meete; and him
I'le shew you, now: Obserue him. Yon' is hee,
You shall see, first, after your clothing. Follow him:
But once engag'd, there you must stay and fixe;
Not shift, vntill the midnights cocke doe crow.
Pvg.
Any conditions to be gone.
Div.
Away, then.
| The Diuell is an Asse | |