University of Virginia Library

Act. IIIJ.

Scene. I.

Taile-Bvsh. Mere-craft. Manly.
[Tay.]
A pox vpo' referring to Commissioners,
I'had rather heare that it were past the seales:
Your Courtiers moue so Snale-like i' your Businesse.
Wuld I had not begun wi'you.

Mer.
We must moue,
Madame, in order, by degrees: not iump.

Tay.
Why, there was Sr. Iohn Monie-man could iump
A Businesse quickely.

Mer.
True, hee had great friends,
But, because some, sweete Madame, can leape ditches,
Wee must not all shunne to goe ouer bridges.
The harder parts, I make account are done:
He flatters her.
Now, 'tis referr'd. You are infinitly bound
Vnto the Ladies, they ha' so cri'd it vp!

Tay.
Doe they like it then?

Mer.
They ha' sent the Spanish-Lady,
To gratulate with you—

Tay.
I must send 'hem thankes
And some remembrances.

Mer.
That you must, and visit 'hem.
Where's Ambler?

Tay.
Lost, to day, we cannot heare of him.

Mer.
Not Madam?

Tay.
No in good faith. They say he lay not
At home, to night. And here has fall'n a Businesse
Betweene your Cousin, and Master Manly, has
Vnquieted vs all.

Mer.
So I heare, Madame.
Pray you how was it?

Tay.
Troth, it but appeares
Ill o'your Kinsmans part. You may haue heard,
That Manly is a sutor to me, I doubt not:

Mer.
I guess'd it, Madame.

Tay.
And it seemes, he trusted
Your Cousin to let fall some faire reports
Of him vnto mee.

Mer.
Which he did!

Tay.
So farre
From it, as hee came in, and tooke him rayling
Against him.

Mer.
How! And what said Manly to him?

Tay.
Inough, I doe assure you: and with that scorne
Of him, and the iniury, as I doe wonder
How Euerill bore it! But that guilt vndoe's
Many mens valors

Mer.
Here comes Manly.

Man.
Madame,
Manly offers to be gone.
I'll take my leaue—

Tay.
You sha'not goe, i'faith.
I'll ha' you stay, and see this Spanish miracle,
Of our English Ladie.

Man.
Let me pray your Ladiship,
Lay your commands on me, some other time.

Tay.
Now, I protest: and I will haue all piec'd,
And friends againe.

Man.
It will be but ill solder'd

Tay.
You are too much affected with it.

Man.
I cannot
Madame, but thinke on't for th'iniustice.

Tay.
Sir,
His kinsman here is sorry.

Mer.
Not I, Madam,
I am no kin to him, wee but call Cousins,
Mere-craft denies him.
And if wee were, Sir, I haue no relation
Vnto his crimes.

Man.
You are not vrged with 'hem.
I can accuse, Sir, none but mine owne iudgement,
For though it were his crime, so to betray mee:
I am sure, 'twas more mine owne, at all to trust him.
But he, therein, did vse but his old manners,
And sauour strongly what hee was before.

Tay.
Come, he will change!

Man.
Faith, I must neuer think it.
Nor were it reason in mee to expect
That for my sake, hee should put off a nature
Hee suck'd in with his milke. It may be Madam,
Deceiuing trust, is all he has to trust to:
If so, I shall be loath, that any hope
Of mine, should bate him of his meanes.

Tay.
Yo'are sharp, Sir.
This act may make him honest!

Man.
If he were
To be made honest, by an act of Parliament,
I should not alter, i'my faith of him.

Tay.
Eyther-side!
She spies the Lady Eyther-side.
Welcome, deare Either-side! how hast thou done, good wench?
Thou hast beene a stranger! I ha' not seene thee, this weeke.

Scen.e II.

Eitherside. To them
[Eit.]
Ever your seruant, Madame.

Tay.
Where hast'hou beene?
I did so long to see thee.

Eit.
Visiting, and so tyr'd!
I protest, Madame, 'tis a monstrous trouble!

Tay.
And so it is. I sweare I must to morrow,
Beginne my visits (would they were ouer) at Court.
It tortures me, to thinke on'hem.

Eit.
I doe heare
You ha' cause, Madam, your sute goes on.

Tay.
Who told thee?

Eyt.
One, that can tell: Mr. Eyther-side.

Tay.
O, thy husband!
Yes faith, there's life in't, now: It is referr'd.
If wee once see it vnder the seales, wench, then,
Haue with 'hem for the great Carroch, sixe horses,
And the two Coach-men, with my Ambler, bare,
And my three women: wee will liue, i'faith,
The examples o'the towne, and gouerne it.
I'le lead the fashion still.

Eit.
You doe that, now,
Sweet Madame.

Tay.
O, but then, I'll euery day
Bring vp some new deuice. Thou and I, Either-side,
Will first be in it, I will giue it thee;
And they shall follow vs. Thou shalt, I sweare,
Weare euery moneth a new gowne, out of it.

Eit.
Thanke you good Madame.

Tay.
Pray thee call mee Taile-bush
As I thee, Either-side; I not loue this, Madame.

Eyt.
Then I protest to you, Taile-bush, I am glad
Your Businesse so succeeds.

Tay.
Thanke thee, good Eyther-side.

Eyt.
But Master Either-side tells me, that he likes
Your other Businesse better.

Tay.
Which?

Eit.
O'the Tooth-picks.

Tay.
I neuer heard on't:

Eit.
Aske Mr. Mere-craft.

Mer.
Madame? H'is one, in a word, I'll trust his malice,
With any mans credit, I would haue abus'd!

Mere-craft hath whisper'd with the while.
Man:
Sir, if you thinke you doe please mee, in this,
You are deceiu'd!

Mer.
No, but because my Lady,
Nam'd him my kinsman; I would satisfie you,
What I thinke of him: and pray you, vpon it
To iudge mee!

Man.
So I doe: that ill mens friendship,
Is as vnfaithfull, as themselues.

Tay.
Doe you heare?
Ha'you a Businesse about Tooth-picks?

Mer.
Yes, Madame.
Did I ne'r tell't you? I meant to haue offer'd it
Your Lady-ship, on the perfecting the pattent.

Tay.
How is't!

Mer.
For seruing the whole state with Tooth-picks;
The Proiect for Tooth-picks.
Somewhat an intricate Businesse to discourse) but—
I shew, how much the Subiect is abus'd,
First, in that one commodity? then what diseases,
And putrefactions in the gummes are bred,
By those are made 'of' adultrate, and false wood?
My plot, for reformation of these, followes.
To haue all Tooth-picks, brought vnto an office,
There seal'd; and such as counterfait 'hem, mulcted.
And last, for venting 'hem to haue a booke
Printed, to teach their vse, which euery childe
Shall haue throughout the kingdome, that can read,
And learne to picke his teeth by. Which beginning
Barely to practice, with some other rules,
Of neuer sleeping with the mouth open, chawing
Some graines of masticke, will preserue the breath
Traines his man whispers him.
Pure, and so free from taynt—ha'what is't? sai'st thou?

Tay.
Good faith, it sounds a very pretty Bus'nesse!

Eit.
So Mr. Either-side saies, Madame.

Mer.
The Lady is come.

Tay.
Is she? Good, waite vpon her in. My Ambler
Was neuer so ill absent. Either-side,
How doe I looke to day? Am I not drest,
She lookes in her glasse
Spruntly?

Fit.
Yes, verily, Madame.

Tay.
Pox o' Madame,
Will you not leaue that?

Eit.
Yes, good Taile-bush.

Tay.
So?
Sounds not that better? What vile Fucus is this,
Thou hast got on?

Eit.
'Tis Pearle.

Tay.
Pearle? Oyster-shells:
As I breath, Either-side, I know't. Here comes
(They say) a wonder, sirrah, has beene in Spaine!
Will teach vs all! shee's sent to mee, from Court.
To gratulate with mee! Pr'y thee, let's obserue her,
What faults she has, that wee may laugh at 'hem,
When she is gone,

Eit.
That we will heartily, Tail-bush.

Wittipol enters.
Tay.
O, mee! the very Infanta of the Giants!

Scene. IJI.

Mere-craft. Wittipol. to them.
Wittipol is drest like a Spanish Lady.
Mer.
Here is a noble Lady, Madame, come,
From your great friends, at Court, to see your Ladi-ship:
And haue the honour of your acquaintance.

Tay.
Sir.
She do's vs honour.

Wit.
Pray you, say to her Ladiship,
Excuses him selfe for not kissing.
It is the manner of Spaine, to imbrace onely,
Neuer to kisse. She will excuse the custome!

Tay.
Your vse of it is law. Please you, sweete, Madame,
To take a seate.

Wit.
Yes, Madame. I'haue had
The fauour, through a world of faire report
To know your vertues, Madame; and in that
Name, haue desir'd the happinesse of presenting
My seruice to your Ladiship!

Tay.
Your loue, Madame,
I must not owne it else.

Wit.
Both are due, Madame,
To your great vndertakings.

Tay.
Great? In troth, Madame,
They are my friends, that thinke 'hem any thing:
If I can doe my sexe (by 'hem) any seruice,
I'haue my ends, Madame.

Wit.
And they are noble ones,
That make a multitude beholden, Madame:
The common-wealth of Ladies, must acknowledge from you.

Eit.
Except some enuious, Madame.

Wit.
Yo'are right in that, Madame,
Of which race, I encountred some but lately.
Who ('t seemes) haue studyed reasons to discredit
Your businesse.

Tay.
How, sweet Madame.

Wit.
Nay, the parties
Wi'not be worth your pause—Most ruinous things, Madame,
That haue put off all hope of being recouer'd
To a degree of handsomenesse.

Tay.
But their reasons, Madame?
I would faine heare.

Wit.
Some Madame, I remember.
They say, that painting quite destroyes the face—

Eit.
O, that's an old one, Madame.

Wit.
There are new ones, too.
Corrupts the breath; hath left so little sweetnesse
In kissing, as 'tis now vs'd, but for fashion:
And shortly will be taken for a punishment.
Decayes the fore-teeth, that should guard the tongue;
And suffers that runne riot euer-lasting!
And (which is worse) some Ladies when they meete
Manly begins to know him.
Cannot be merry, and laugh, but they doe spit
In one anothers faces!

Man.
I should know
This voyce, and face too:

VVit.
Then they say, 'tis dangerous
To all the falne, yet well dispos'd Mad-dames,
That are industrious, and desire to earne
Their liuing with their sweate! For any distemper
Of heat, and motion, may displace the colours;
And if the paint once runne about their faces,
Twenty to one, they will appeare so ill-fauour'd,
Their seruants run away, too, and leaue the pleasure
Imperfect, and the reckoning als' vnpay'd.

Eit.
Pox, these are Poets reasons.

Tay.
Some old Lady
That keepes a Poet, has deuis'd these scandales.

Eit.
Faith we must haue the Poets banish'd, Madame,
As Master Either-side saies.

Mer.
Master Fitz dottrel?
And his wife: where? Madame, the Duke of Drown'd-land,
That will be shortly.

VVit.
Is this my Lord?

Mer.
The same.

Scene IV.

Fitz-dottrel. Mistresse Fitz-dottrell. Pvg. to them.
[Man.]
Your seruant, Madame!

VVit.
How now? Friend? offended,
Wittipol whispers with Manly.
That I haue found your haunt here?

Man.
No, but wondring
At your strange fashion'd venture, hither.

VVit.
It is
To shew you what they are, you so pursue.

Man.
I thinke 'twill proue a med'cine against marriage;
To know their manners.

VVit.
Stay, and profit then.

Mer.
The Lady, Madame, whose Prince has brought her, here,
To be instructed.

VVit.
Please you sit with vs, Lady.

Hee presents Mistresse Fitz-dottrel.
Mer.
That's Lady-President.

Fit.
A goodly woman!
I cannot see the ring, though.

Mer.
Sir, she has it.

Tay.
But, Madame, these are very feeble reasons!

Wit.
So I vrg'd Madame, that the new complexion,
Now to come forth, in name o' your Ladiship's fucus,
Had no ingredient—

Tay.
But I durst eate, I assure you.

Wit.
So do they, in Spaine.

Tay.
Sweet Madam be so liberall,
To giue vs some o' your Spanish Fucuses!

VVit.
They are infinit Madame.

Tay.
So I heare, they haue
VVater of Gourdes, of Radish, the white Beanes,
Flowers of Glasse, of Thistles, Rose-marine.
Raw Honey, Mustard-seed, and Bread dough-bak'd,
The crums o'bread, Goats-milke, and whites of Egges,
Campheere, and Lilly-roots, the fat of Swannes,
Marrow of Veale, white Pidgeons, and pine-kernells,
The seedes of Nettles, perse'line, and hares gall.
Limons, thin-skind—

Eit.
How, her Ladiship has studied
Al excellent things!

VVit.
But ordinary, Madame.
No, the true rarities, are th'Aluagada,
And Argentata of Queene Isabella!

Tay.
I, what are their ingredients, gentle Madame?

Wit.
Your Allum Scagliola, or Pol-dipedra;
And Zuccarino; Turpentine of Abezzo.
VVash'd in nine waters: Soda di leuante,
Or your Ferne ashes; Beniamin di gotta;
Grasso di serpe; Porcelletto marino;
Oyles of Lentisco; Zucche Mugia; make
The admirable Vernish for the face,
Giues the right luster; but two drops rub'd on
VVith a piece of scarlet, makes a Lady of sixty
Looke at sixteen. But, aboue all, the water
Of the white Hen, of the Lady Estifanias!

Tay.
O, I, that same, good Madame, I haue heard of:
How is it done?

VVit.
Madame, you take your Hen,
Plume it, and skin it, cleanse it o'the inwards:
Then chop it, bones and all: adde to foure ounces
Of Carrnuacins, Pipitas, Sope of Cyprus,
Make the decoction, streine it. Then distill it,
And keepe it in your galley-pot well, glidder'd:
Three drops preserues from wrinkles, warts, spots, moles,
Blemish, or Sun-burnings, and keepes the skin
In decimo sexto, euer bright, and smooth,
As any looking-glasse; and indeed, is call'd
The Virgins milke for the face, Oglio reale;
A Ceruse, neyther cold or heat, will hurt;
And mixt with oyle of myrrhe, and the red Gilli flower
Call'd Cataputia; and flowers of Rouistico;
Makes the best muta, or dye of the whole world.

Tay.
Deare Madame, will you let vs be familiar?

Wit.
Your Ladiships seruant.

Mer.
How do you like her.

Fit.
Admirable!
Hee is iealous about his ring, and Mere-craft deliuers it.
But, yet, I cannot see the ring.

Pvg.
Sir.

Mer.
I must
Deliuer it, or marre all. This foole's so iealous.
Madame—Sir, weare this ring, and pray you take knowledge,
'Twas sent you by his wife. And giue her thanks,
Doe not you dwindle, Sir, beare vp.

Pvg.
I thanke you, Sir,

Tay.
But for the manner of Spaine! Sweet, Madame, let vs
Be bold, now we are in: Are all the Ladies,
There, i'the fashion?

VVit.
None but Grandee's, Madame,
O' the clasp'd traine, which may be worne at length, too,
Or thus, vpon my arme.

Tay.
And doe they weare
Cioppino's all?

VVit.
If they be drest in punto, Madame.

Eit.
Guilt as those are? madame?

Wit.
Of Goldsmiths work, madame;
And set with diamants: and their Spanish pumps
Of perfum'd leather.

Tai.
I should thinke it hard
To go in 'hem madame.

Wit.
At the first, it is, madame.

Tai.
Do you neuer fall in'hem?

Wit.
Neuer.

Ei.
I sweare, I should
Six times an houre.

Wit.
But you haue men at hand, still,
To helpe you, if you fall?

Eit.
Onely one, madame,
The Guardo-duennas, such a little old man,
As this.

Eit.
Alas! hee can doe nothing! this!

Wit.
I'll tell you, madame, I saw i'the Court of Spaine once,
A Lady fall i'the Kings sight, along.
And there shee lay, flat spred, as an Vmbrella,
Her hoope here crack'd; no man durst reach a hand
To helpe her, till the Guarda-duenn'as came,
VVho is the person onel'allow'd to touch
A Lady there: and he but by this finger.

Eit.
Ha' they no seruants, madame, there? nor friends?

Wit.
An Escudero, or so madame, that wayts
Vpon 'hem in another Coach, at distance,
And when they walke, or daunce, holds by a hand-kercher,
Neuer presumes to touch 'hem.

Eit.
This's sciruy!
And a forc'd grauity! I doe not like it.
I like our owne much better.

Tay.
'Tis more French,
And Courtly ours.

Eit.
And tasts more liberty.
VVe may haue our doozen of visiters, at once,
Make loue t'vs.

Tay.
And before our husbands?

Eit.
Husband?
As I am honest, Tayle-bush I doe thinke
If no body should loue mee, but my poore husband,
I should e'n hang my selfe.

Tay.
Fortune forbid, wench:
So faire a necke should haue so foule a neck-lace,

Eit.
'Tis true, as I am handsome!

Wit.
I receiu'd, Lady,
A token from you, which I would not bee
Rude to refuse, being your first remembrance.

Fit.
(O, I am satisfied now!

Mer.
Do you see it, Sir.)

Wit.
But since you come, to know me, neerer, Lady,
I'll begge the honour, you will weare it for mee,
Wittipol giues it Mistresse Fitz-dottrel. Mere-craft murmures, He is satisfied, now he sees it.
It must be so.

Mrs. Fit.
Sure I haue heard this tongue.

Mer.
What do you meane, Sr?

Wit.
Would you ha'me mercenary?
We'll recompence it anon, in somewhat else,

Fit.
I doe not loue to be gull'd, though in a toy.
VVife, doe you heare? yo' are come into the Schole, wife,
VVhere you may learne, I doe perceiue it, any thing!
How to be fine, or faire, or great, or proud,
Or what you will, indeed, wife; heere 'tis taught.
And I am glad on't, that you may not say,
Another day, when honours come vpon you,
You wanted meanes. I ha' done my parts: beene,
He vpbraids her, with his Bill of costs.
To day, at fifty pound charge, first, for a ring,
To get you entred. Then left my new Play,
To wait vpon you, here, to see't confirm'd.
That I may say, both to mine owne eyes, and eares,
Senses, you are my witnesse, sha' hath inioy'd
All helps that could be had, for loue, or money.—

Mrs. Fit.
To make a foole of her.

Fit.
Wife, that's your malice,
The wickednesse o' you nature to interpret
Your husbands kindnesse thus. But I'll not leaue;
Still to doe good, for your deprau'd affections:
Intend it. Bend this stubborne will; be great.

Tay.
Good Madame, whom do they vse in messages?

Wi.
They cōmonly vse their slaues, Madame.

Tai.
And do's your Ladiship.
Thinke that so good, Madame?

Wit.
no, indeed, Madame; I,
Therein preferre the fashion of England farre,
Of your young delicate Page, or discreet Vsher,

Fit.
And I goe with your Ladiship, in opinion,
Directly for your Gentleman-vsher,
There's not a finer Officer goes on ground.

Wit.
If hee be made and broken to his place, once.

Fit.
Nay, so I presuppose him.

Wit.
And they are fitter
Managers too, Sir, but I would haue 'hem call'd
Our Escudero's.

Fit.
Good.

Wit.
Say, I should send
To your Ladiship, who (I presume) has gather'd
All the deare secrets, to know how to make
Pastillos of the Dutchesse of Braganza,
Coquettas, Almoiauana's, Mantecada's,
Alcoreas, Mustaccioli; or say it were
The Peladore of Isabella, or balls
Against the itch, or aqua nanfa, or oyle
Of Iessamine for gloues, of the Marquesse Muja;
Or for the head, and hayre: why, these are offices

Fit.
Fit for a gentleman, not a slaue. They onely
Might aske for your piueti, Spanish-cole,
To burne, and sweeten a roome: but the Arcana
Of Ladies Cabinets—

Fit.
Should be else-where trusted.
He enters himselfe with the Ladie's
Yo'are much about the truth. Sweet honoured Ladies,
Let mee fall in wi'you. I'ha' my female wit,
As well as my male. And I doe know what sutes
A Lady of spirit, or a woman of fashion!

Wit.
And you would haue your wife such.

Fit.
Yes, Madame, aërie,
Light; not to plaine dishonesty, I meane:
But, somewhat o'this side.

Wit.
I take you, Sir.
H'has reason Ladies. I'll not giue this rush
For any Lady, that cannot be honest
Within a thred.

Tay.
Yes, Madame, and yet venter
As far for th'other, in her Fame—

Wit.
As can be;
Coach it to' Pimlico; daunce the Saraband;
Heare, and talke bawdy; laugh as loud, as a larum;
Squeake, spring, do any thing.

Eit.
In young company, Madame.

Tay.
Or afore gallants. If they be braue, or Lords,
A woman is ingag'd.

Fit.
I say so, Ladies,
It is ciuility to deny vs nothing.

Pvg.
You talke of a Vniuersity! why, Hell is
The Diuell admire thim.
A Grammar-schoole to this!

Eit.
But then,
Shee must not lose a looke on stuffes, or cloth, Madame.

Tay.
Nor no course fellow.

Wit.
She must be guided, Madame
By the clothes he weares, and company he is in;
Whom to salute, how farre—

Fit.
I ha' told her this.
And how that bawdry too, vpo' the point,
Is (in it selfe) as ciuill a discourse—

Wit.
As any other affayre of flesh, what euer.

Fit.
But shee will ne'r be capable, shee is not
So much as comming, Madame; I know not how
She loses all her opportunities
With hoping to be forc'd. I'haue entertain'd
A gentleman, a younger brother, here,
He shews his Pug.
Whom I would faine breed vp, her Escudero,
Against some expectation's that I haue,
And she'll not countenance him.

Wit.
What's his name?

Fit.
Diuel, o' Darbi-shire.

Eit.
Blesse vs from him!

Tay.
Diuell?
Call him De-uile, sweet Madame.

Mrs. Fi.
What you please, Ladies.

Tay.
De-uile's a prettier name!

Eit.
And sounds, me thinks,
As it came in with the Conquerour—

Man.
Ouer smocks!
What things they are? That nature should be at leasure
Euer to make 'hem! my woing is at an end.

Manly goes out with indignation.
Wit.
What can he do?

Eit.
Let's heare him.

Tay.
Can he manage?

Fit.
Please you to try him, Ladies. Stand forth, Diuell.

Pvg.
Was all this but the preface to my torment?

Fit.
Come, let their Ladiships see your honours.

Eit.
O,
Hee makes a wicked leg.

Tay.
As euer I saw!

Wit.
Fit for a Diuell.

Tay.
Good Madame, call him De-uile.

Wit.
De-uile, what property is there most required
They begin their Cat echisme.
I' your conceit, now, in the Escudero?

Fit.
Why doe you not speake?

Pvg.
A setled discreet pase, Madame.

Wit.
I thinke, a barren head, Sir, Mountaine-like,
To be expos'd to the cruelty of weathers—

Fit.
I, for his Valley is beneath the waste, Madame,
And to be fruitfull there, it is sufficient.
Dulnesse vpon you! Could not you hit this?

He strikes him.
Pvg.
Good Sir—

Wit.
He then had had no barren head.
You draw him too much, in troth, Sir.

Fit.
I must walke
With the French sticke, like an old vierger for you,

The Diuell prayes.
Pvg.
O, Chiefe, call mee to Hell againe, and free mee.

Fit.
Do you murmur now?

Pvg.
Not I, Sr.

Wit.
What do you take
Mr. Deuile, the height of your employment,
In the true perfect Escudero?

Fit.
When?
What doe you answer?

Pvg.
To be able, Madame,
First to enquire, then report the working,
Of any Ladies physicke, in sweete phrase,

Wit.
Yes, that's an act of elegance, and importance.
But what aboue?

Fit.
O, that I had a goad for him.

Pvg.
To find out a good Corne-cutter.

Tay.
Out on him!

Eit.
Most barbarous!

Fit.
Why did you doe this, now?
Of purpose to discredit me? you damn'd Diuell.

Pvg.
Sure, if I be not yet, I shall be. All
My daies in Hell, were holy-daies to this!

Tay.
'Tis labour lost, Madame?

Eit.
H'is a dull fellow
Of no capacity!

Tai.
Of no discourse!
O, if my Ambler had beene here!

Eit.
I, Madame;
You talke of a man, where is there such another?

Wit.
Mr. Deuile, put case, one of my Ladies, heere,
Had a fine brach: and would imploy you forth
To treate 'bout a conuenient match for her.
What would you obserue?

Pvg.
The color, and the size, Madame.

Wit.
And nothing else?

Fit.
The Moon, you calfe, the Moone!

Wit.
I, and the Signe.

Tai.
Yes, and receits for pronenesse.

Wit.
Then when the Puppies came, what would you doe?

Pvg.
Get their natiuities cast!

Wit.
This's wel. What more?

Pvg.
Consult the Almanack-man which would be least?
Which cleaneliest?

Wit.
And which silentest? This's wel, madame!

Wit.
And while she were with puppy?

Pvg.
Walke her out,
And ayre her euery morning!

Wit.
Very good!
And be industrious to kill her fleas?

Pvg.
Yes!

Wit.
He will make a pretty proficient.

Pvg.
Who,
Comming from Hell, could looke for such Catechising?
The Diuell is an Asse. I doe acknowledge it.

Fitz-dottrel admires Wittipol.
Fit.
The top of woman! All her sexe in abstract!
I loue her, to each syllable, falls from her.

Tai.
Good madame giue me leaue to goe aside with him!
And try him a little!

The Diuell praies again.
Wit.
Do, and I'll with-draw, Madame,
VVith this faire Lady: read to her, the while.

Tai.
Come, Sr.

Pvg.
Deare Chiefe, relieue me, or I perish.

Wit.
Lady, we'll follow. You are not iealous Sir?

He giues his wife to him, taking him to be a Lady.
Fit.
O, madame! you shall see. Stay wife, behold,
I giue her vp heere, absolutely, to you,
She is your owne. Do with her what you will!
Melt, cast, and forme her as you shall thinke good!
Set any stamp on! I'll receiue her from you
As a new thing, by your owne standard!

VVit.
Well, Sir!

Scene. V.

Mere-craft. Fitz-dottrel. Pit-fal. Ever-ill. Plvtarchvs.
[Mer.]
Bvt what ha' you done i'your Dependance, since?

Fit.
O, it goes on, I met your Cousin, the Master—

Mer.
You did not acquaint him, Sr?

Fit.
Faith, but I did, Sr.
And vpon better thought, not without reason!
He being chiefe Officer, might ha'tane it ill, else,
As a Contempt against his Place, and that
In time Sir, ha' drawne on another Dependance.
No, I did finde him in good terms, and ready
To doe me any seruice.

Mer.
So he said, to you?
But Sr, you do not know him.

Fit.
VVhy, I presum'd
Because this bus'nesse of my wiues, requir'd mee,
I could not ha' done better: And hee told
Me, that he would goe presently to your Councell,
A Knight, here, i'the Lane—

Mer.
Yes, Iustice Either-side.

Fit.
And get the Feoffment drawne, with a letter of Atturney,
For liuerie and seisen!

Mer.
That I knowe's the course.
But Sir, you meane not to make him Feoffee?

Fit.
Nay, that I'll pause on!

Mer.
How now little Pit-fall

Pit.
Your Cousin Master Euer-ill, would come in—
But he would know if Master Manly were heere.

Mere-craft whispers against him.
Mer.
No, tell him, if he were, I ha'made his peace!
Hee's one, Sir, has no State, and a man knowes not,
How such a trust may tempt him.

Fit.
I conceiue you.

Eve.
Sr. this same deed is done here.

Mer.
Pretty Plutarchus?
Art thou come with it? and has Sir Paul view'd it?

Plv.
His hand is to the draught.

Mer.
VVill you step in, Sr.
And read it?

Fit.
Yes.

Eve.
I pray you a word wi'you.
Eueril whispers against Mere-craft.
Sir Paul Eitherside will'd mee gi' you caution,
VVhom you did make Feoffee: for 'tis the trust
O'your whole State: and though my Cousin heere
Be a worthy Gentleman, yet his valour has
At the tall board bin question'd; and we hold
Any man so impeach'd, of doubtfull honesty!
I will not iustifie this; but giue it you
To make your profit of it: if you vtter it,
I can forsweare it!

Fit.
I beleeue you, and thanke you, Sir.

Scene. VI.

VVittipol. Mistresse Fitz-dottrel. Manly. Mere-craft.
[Wit.]
Be not afraid, sweet Lady: yo'are trusted
To loue, not violence here; I am no rauisher,
But one, whom you, by your faire trust againe,
May of a seruant make a most true friend.

Mrs. Fi.
And such a one I need, but not this way:
Sir, I confesse me to you, the meere manner
Of your attempting mee, this morning tooke mee,
And I did hold m'inuention, and my manners,
Were both engag'd, to giue it a requitall;
But not vnto your ends: my hope was then,
(Though interrupted, ere it could be vtter'd)
That whom I found the Master of such language,
That braine and spirit, for such an enterprise,
Could not, but if those succours were demanded
To a right vse, employ them vertuously!
And make that profit of his noble parts,
Which they would yeeld. Sr, you haue now the ground,
To exercise them in: I am a woman;
That cannot speake more wretchednesse of my selfe,
Then you can read; match'd to a masse of folly;
That euery day makes haste to his owne ruine;
The wealthy portion, that I brought him, spent;
And (through my friends neglect) no ioynture made me.
My fortunes standing in this precipice,
'Tis Counsell that I want, and honest aides:
And in this name, I need you, for a friend!
Neuer in any other; for his ill,
Must not make me, Sr, worse.

Man.
O friend! forsake not
Manly, conceal'd this while, shews himselfe.
The braue occasion, vertue offers you,
To keepe you innocent: I haue fear'd for both;
And watch'd you, to preuent the ill I fear'd.
But, since the weaker side hath so assur'd mee,
Let not the stronger fall by his owne vice,
Or be the lesse a friend, cause vertue needs him.

Wit.
Vertue shall neuer aske my succours twice;
Most friend, most man; your Counsells are commands:
Lady, I can loue goodnes in you, more
Then I did Beauty; and doe here intitle
Your vertue, to the power, vpon a life
You shall engage in any fruitfull seruice,
Euen to forfeit.

Mer.
Madame: Do you heare, Sir,
We haue another leg-strain'd for this Dottrel.
Mere-craft takes Wittipol aside, & moues a proiect for himselfe.
He' ha's a quarrell to carry, and ha's caus'd
A deed of Feoffment, of his whole estate
To be drawne yonder; h'ha'st within: And you,
Onely, he meanes to make Feoffee. H'is falne
So desperatly enamour'd on you, and talkes
Most like a mad-man: you did neuer heare
A Phrentick, so in loue with his owne fauour!
Now, you doe know, 'tis of no validity
In your name, as you stand; Therefore aduise him
To put in me. (h'is come here:) You shall share Sir.

Scene VIJ.

VVittipol. Mistresse Fitz-Dottrel. Manly. Mere-Craft. Fitz-Dottrell. Everill. Plvtarchvs.
Fit.
Madame, I haue a suit to you; and afore-hand,
I doe bespeake you; you must not deny me,
I will be graunted.

Wit.
Sir, I must know it, though.

Fit.
No Lady; you must not know it: yet, you must too.
For the trust of it, and the fame indeed,
Which else were lost me. I would vse your name,
But in a Feoffment: make my whole estate
Ouer vnto you: a trifle, a thing of nothing,
Some eighteene hundred.

Wit.
Alas! I vnderstand not
Those things Sir. I am a woman, and most loath,
To embarque my selfe—

Fit.
You will not slight me, Madame?

Wit.
Nor you'll not quarrell me?

Fit.
No, sweet Madame, I haue
Already a dependance; for which cause
I doe this: let me put you in, deare Madame,
Hee hopes to be the man.
I may be fairely kill'd.

Wit.
You haue your friends, Sir,
About you here, for choice.

Eve.
She tells you right, Sir.

Fit.
Death, if she doe, what do I care for that?
Say, I would haue her tell me wrong.

Wit.
Why, Sir,
If for the trust, you'll let me haue the honor
To name you one.

Fit.
Nay, you do me the honor, Madame:
She designes Manly.
Who is't?

Wit.
This Gentleman:

Fit.
O, no, sweet Madame,
H'is friend to him, with whom I ha' the dependance.

Wit.
Who might he bee?

Fit.
One Wittipol: do you know him?

Wit.
Alas Sir, he, a toy: This Gentleman
A friend to him? no more then I am Sir!

Fit.
But will your Ladyship vndertake that, Madame?

Wit.
Yes, and what else, for him, you will engage me.

Fit.
What is his name?

VVit.
His name is Eustace Manly.

Fit.
VVhence do's he write himselfe?

VVit.
of Middle-sex,
Esquire.

Fit.
Say nothing, Madame. Clerke, come hether
VVrite Eustace Manly, Squire o' Middle-sex.

Mer.
What ha' you done, Sir?

VVit.
Nam'd a gentleman,
That I'll be answerable for, to you, Sir.
Had I nam'd you, it might ha' beene suspected:
This way, 'tis safe.

Fit.
Come Gentlemen, your hands,
Eueril applaudes it.
For witnes.

Man.
VVhat is this?

Eve.
You ha' made Election
Of a most worthy Gentleman!

Man.
VVould one of worth
Had spoke it: whence it comes, it is
Rather a shame to me, then a praise.

Eve.
Sir, I will giue you any Satisfaction.

Man.
Be silent then: “falshood commends not truth.

Plv.
You do deliuer this, Sir, as your deed.
To th'vse of Mr. Manly?

Fit.
Yes: and Sir—
VVhen did you see yong Wittipol? I am ready,
For processe now; Sir, this is Publication.
He shall heare from me, he would needes be courting
My wife, Sir.

Man.
Yes: So witnesseth his Cloake there.

Fitz-dottrel is suspicious of Manly still.
Fit.
Nay good Sir,—Madame, you did vndertake—

VVit.
VVhat?

Fit.
That he was not Wittipols friend.

VVit.
I heare
Sr. no confession of it.

Fit.
O she know's not;
Now I remember, Madame! This young Wittipol,
VVould ha' debauch'd my wife, and made me Cuckold,
Through a casement; he did fly her home
To mine owne window: but I think I sou't him,
And rauish'd her away, out of his pownces.
I ha' sworne to ha'him by the eares: I feare
The toy, wi' not do me right.

VVit.
No? that were pitty!
VVhat right doe you aske, Sir? Here he is will do't you?

Wittipol discouers himselfe.
Fit.
Ha? Wittipol?

VVit.
I Sir, no more Lady now,
Nor Spaniard!

Man.
No indeed, 'tis Wittipol.

Fit.
Am I the thing I fear'd?

VVit.
A Cuckold? No Sir,
But you were late in possibility,
I'll tell you so much.

Man.
But your wife's too vertuous!

VVit.
VVee'll see her Sir, at home, and leaue you here,
To be made Duke o' Shore-ditch with a proiect.

Fit.
Theeues, rauishers.

VVit.
Crie but another note, Sir,
I'll marre the tune, o' your pipe!

Fit.
Gi'me my deed, then.

He would haue his deed again.
VVit.
Neither: that shall be kept for your wiues good,
VVho will know, better how to vse it.

Fit.
Ha'
To feast you with my land?

VVit.
Sir, be you quiet,
Or I shall gag you, ere I goe, consult
Your Master of dependances; how to make this
A second businesse, you haue time Sir.

VVitipol bafflees him, and goes out
Fit.
Oh!
VVhat will the ghost of my wise Grandfather,
My learned Father, with my worshipfull Mother,
Thinke of me now, that left me in this world
In state to be their Heire? that am become
A Cuckold, and an Asse, and my wiues Ward;
Likely to loose my land; ha' my throat cut:
All, by her practice!

Mer.
Sir, we are all abus'd!

Fit.
And be so still! VVho hinders you, I pray you,
Let me alone, I would enioy my selfe,
And be the Duke o' Drown'd-Land, you ha' made me.

Mer.
Sir, we must play an after-game o' this

Fit.
But I am not in case to be a Gam-ster:
I tell you once againe—

Mer.
You must be rul'd
And take some counsell.

Fit.
Sir, I do hate counsell,
As I do hate my wife, my wicked wife!

Mer.
But we may thinke how to recouer all:
If you will act.

Fit.
I will not think; nor act;
Nor yet recouer; do not talke to me?
I'll runne out o' my witts, rather then heare;
I will be what I am, Fabian Fitz-Dottrel,
Though all the world say nay to't.

Mer.
Let's follow him.