CANNIBALISM
It used to be popular to call these Sandwichers cannibals. They are not
cannibals. There was one, however, who opened an office in a back settlement
and did a good business, eating up a good many Kannackers in his time. In other cities I usually illustrate
cannibalism on the stage, but being a stranger here I don't feel at liberty
to ask favors, but still, if anyone in the audience would lend me an infant,
I will go on with the show. However, it is of no consequence. I know that
children have grown scarce lately on account of the neglect with which they
are treated since the woman's movement began. That cannibal I was speaking
about reduced the Democratic vote a good deal, but getting tired of Kannackers—they are not good for a steady
diet—he thought he would see how a white man would go with onions.
So he kidnapped an old whaler who had been in the service sixty-five years,
but either the crime or his conscience, or the weight of the whaler on his
stomach, or both together, killed him. I was told this. I don't believe it
quite myself, and only told it on account of the moral it conveys. There
must be a moral in it somewhere, because I have told the story thirty or
forty times, and never got it out yet. They have some curious customs there;
among others, if a man makes a bad joke they kill him. I can't speak from
experience on that point, because I never lectured there. I suppose if I had
I should not be lecturing here.
