University of Virginia Library

Letter from Edgar A. Poe to John Allan, December 1, 1828
Manuscript, Valentine Museum, Richmond, Virginia

The letter of Lieut J. Howard left by
Mr John O. Lay for your perusal will explain the
cause of my writing from Fort Moultrie.

Your note addressed to Mr Lay, & inclosed by him to
Lieut: Howard was handed over by the latter to my-
-self. In that note what chiefly gave me concern
was hearing of your indisposition — I can readily see
& forgive the suggestion which prompted you to write
"he had better remain as he is until the termination of
his enlistment."1 It was perhaps under the impression
that a military life was one after my own heart, and
that it might be possible (although contrary to the Re-
-gulations of our Army) to obtain a commission for one
who had not received his education at West Point,
& who, from his age, was excluded that Academy;
but I could not help thinking that you believed me
degraded & disgraced and that anything were
preferable to my returning home & entailing on
yourself a portion of my infamy: But, at no period
of my life, have I regarded myself with a deeper
satisfaction, or did my heart swell with more
honourable pride — The time may come (if at all
it will come speedily) when much that appears of a
doubtful nature will be explained away, and I shall
have no hesitation in appearing among my former

connections — at the present I have no such intention, and
nothing, short of your absolute command, should deter
me from my purpose.

I have been in the American army as long as suits my
ends or my inclination, and it is now time that I should
leave it — To this effect I made known my circumstances
to Lieut Howard who promised me my discharge solely
upon a re-conciliation with yourself — In vain I told
him that your wishes for me (as your letter assured me)
were, and had always been those of a father & and that you
were ready to forgive even the worst offenses — He insisted
upon my writing you & and that if a re-concilation could
be effected he would grant me my wish. This was
advised in the goodness of his heart & with a view of
serving me in a double sense — He has always been
kind to me, and, in many respects, reminds me forcibly
of yourself.

The period of an Enlistment is five years — the prime of
my life would be wasted — I shall be driven to more
decided measures if you refuse to assist me.

You need not fear for my future prosperity — I am altered
from what you knew me, & am no longer a boy tossing
about in the world without aim or consistency. I
feel that within me which will make me fulfil your
highest wishes & only beg you to suspend your judgement
until you hear of me again.

You will perceive that I speak confidently — but when did

ever Ambition exist or Talent prosper without prior
conviction of success? I have thrown myself on the
world, like the Norman conqueror on the shores of
Britain &, by my avowed assurance of victory, have
destroyed the fleet which could alone cover my
retreat. I must either conquer or die — succeed or
be disgraced.

A letter addressed to Lieut: J. Howard assuring him
of your re-conciliation with myself (which you have
never yet refused) & desiring my discharge would
be all that is necessary — He is already acquainted
with you from report & the high character given of
you by Mr Lay.

Write me once more if you do really forgive me me
let me know how my Ma preserves her health, and
the concerns of the family since my departure.

Pecuniary assistance I do not desire — unless of your
own free & unbiassed choice — I can struggle with any
difficulty. My dearest love to Ma — it is only when
absent that we can tell the value of such a friend — I hope
she will not let my wayward disposition wear away
the love she used to have for me.