University of Virginia Library

Letter, from Edgar Allan Poe to Mr. John Allan, January 3, 1831
Manuscript, Valentine Museum, Richmond, Virginia

I suppose (altho' you desire no further communication with your-
self, on my part,) that your restriction does not extend to my answering your
final letter.

Did I, when an infant,sollicit your charity and protection, or was it of
your own free will, that you volunteered your services in my behalf? It
is well known to respectable individuals in Baltimore, and elsewhere, that
my Grandfather (my natural protector at the time you interposed) was
wealthy, and that I was his favorite grand-child— But the promises of
of adoption, and liberal education which you held forth to him in a letter
which is now in possession of my family, induced him to resign all care
of me into your hands. Under such circumstances, can it be said
that I have no right to expect anything at your hands? You may
probably urge that you have given me a liberal education. I will
leave the decision of that question to those who know how far liberal education,
can be obtain in 8 months at the University of Va. Here you will
say that it was my own fault that I did not return — You would not
let me return because bills were presented you for payment which I
never wished nor desired you to pay. Had you let me return, my
reformation had been sure—as my conduct the last 3 months gave
every reason to believe—and you would never had heard more
of my extravagances. But I am not about to proclaim myself
guilty of all that has been alledged against me, and which I
have hitherto endured, simply because I was too proud to reply.
I will boldly say that it was wholly and entirely your own mis-
-taken parsimony that caused all the difficulties in which I was
involved while I was at Charlottesville. The expenses of the institution at
the lowest estimate were $350 per annum. You sent me there with
$110. Of this $50 were to be paid immediately for board— $60 for
attendance upon 2 professors— and you even then did not miss the
opportunity of abusing me because I did not attend 3. Then
$15 more were to be paid for room-rent— remember that all this
was to be paid in advance, with $110.—$12 more for a bed — and
$12 more for room furniture. I had, of course, the mortification

of running in debt for public property— against the known rules of the insti-
tution, and was immediately regarded in the light of a beggar. You will
remember that in a week after my arrival, I wrote to you for some more
money, and for books— You replied in terms of the utmost abuse— if I
had been the vilest wretch on earth you could not have been more abusive
than you were because I could not contrive to pay $150 with $110.
I had enclosed to you in my letter (according to your express commands) an
account of the expenses incurred amounting to $149— the balance to be paid
was $39— you enclosed me $40, leaving me one dollar in pocket. In
a short time afterwards I receved a packet of books consisting of, Gil Blas,
and the Cambridge Mathematics in 2 vols: books for which I had no earthly use
since I had no means of attending the mathematical lectures. But
books must be had, If I intended to remain at the institution— and
and they were bought accordingly upon credit. In this manner debts
were accumulated, and money borrowed of Jews in Charlottesville
at extravagant interest— for I was obliged to hire a servant, to pay
for wood, for washing, and a thousand other necessaries. It was
then that I became dissolute, for how could it be otherwise? I
could associate with no students, except those who were in a similar
situation with myself—altho' from different causes— They from drunk-
-enness, and extravagance— I, because it was my crime to have
no one on Earth who cared for me, or loved me. I call God
to witness that I have never loved dissipation— Those who
know me know that my pursuits and habits are very far from
any thing of the kind. But I was drawn into it by my companions.
Even their professions of friendship— hollow as they were— were a
relief. Towards the close of the session you sent me $100— but
it was too late— to be of any service in extricating me from my diffi-
culties— I kept it for some time— thinking that if I could obtain more
I could yet retrieve my character— I applied to James Gult— but
he, I believe, from the best of motives refused to lend me any—
I then became desperate, and gambled— until I finally involved
myself irretrievably. If I have been to blame in all this— place
yourself in my situation, and tell me if you would not have been
equally so. But these circumstaces were all unknown to my friends
when I returned home— They knew that I had been extravagant— but that was
all— I had no of returning to Charlottesville, and I waited in vain
in expectation that you would, at least, obtain me some employment,
I saw no prospect of this— and I could endure it no longer.— Every
day threatened with a warrant &c. I left home — and after nearly
2 years conduct with which no fault could be found— in the army as
a common soldier— I earned, myself by the most humiliating
privations— a Cadet's warrant which you could have obtained
at any time for asking. It was then that I thought I might venture to
sollicit your assistance in giving me an outfit— I came home you
will remember, the night after the burial— If she had not have died
while I was away there would have been nothing for me to regret—
your love I never valued— but she I believe loved me as her own
child. You promised me to forgive all— but you soon
forgot your promise. You sent me to W. Point like a beggar.
The same difficulties are threatening me as before at Charlottesville
—and I must resign.

As to your injunction not to trouble you with farther communi-
-cation rest assured, Sir, that I will most religiously observe it.
When I parted from you—at the steam-boat, I knew that I should
never see you again.

As regards Sergt. Graves— I did write him that letter.
As to the truth of the contents, I leave it to God, and your own
conscience.—The time in which I wrote it was within
a half hour after you had embittered every feeling of my heart
against you by your abuse of my family, and myself, under
your own roof— and at a time when you knew that
my heart was almost breaking.

I have no more to say— except that my future life (which
thank God will not endure long) must be passed in indigence and
sickness. I have no energy left, nor health, If it was possible
to put up with the fatigues of this place, and the inconveniences
which my absolute want to necessaries subject me to, and

as I mentioned before it is my intention to resign. For this
end it will be necessary that you (as my nominal guardian)
enclose me your written permission. It will be useless
to refuse me this last request— for I can leave the place
without any permission— your refusal would only deprive
me of the little pay which is now due as mileage.

From the time of writing this I shall neglect my studies and
duties at the institution—if I do not receive your answer
in 10 days—I will leave the point without—for otherwise
I should subject myself to dismission.