University of Virginia Library

July 29th 66

This is a beautiful Sabbeth morn & all nature seems to be sending up its praises to the great & good God yes I say good (good when he gives supremely good nor less when he dinies) & it is Him who deserves the prais for he does all things well. Willie I was not well this morning nor have not been for a week & could not go to church so I thought I would respond to your dear messive that I Recd last Thursday Oh you know not how I felt when I got it I feared to open it my hand trembled when I grasped it & saw it was from you; but you will say what caused the fear now do not centure me for my weakness, I feared it would be cold & indiferent & perhaps bid me neve to right again but when I saw dear Kate it cheared me up yes I filt strong again & thought perhaps ther were some hope & now I am replying with you last request (write soon) yes I will try & comply with evry request that you make though I have been denied of evry one I have made. I will try & return good for evel, I am resigned to my fate.

but I must hasten to respond to your dear sweet letter. you say mine caused your sensitive nature to mourn over the past my dear friend I am sorry that I caused you to morn over the past for it is wicked for me to mourn over it let alone being the cause of another one to be sad forgive me for making you thus. God in his goodness has some wise devise for doing this so I am willing to bare though the chastning rod has been sever it has brought me nearer him & maid a better girl of me & I hope ere long dear brother that you will exclame God is good & does all things well. Willie you wish a relies you have loved me I do not doubt that but your affections have changed & you soon wish to be free again & can I hold thy pure & noble heart bind it to me that is so impure as mine for I have been the cause of you being unhappy & I know not but what I am the cause of you loosing your religion though I hope not so Willie I am not worthy of you. I love you & can not help it but Willie I will never harm you love works no ill to any one I never expect to love another nor do not wish to no could I trust another could I ask my dear Father to chang that which I asked him to do but with in my bosom no never, but can I claim you when you are chainged; Oh my Heavenly Father forbid no no Willie I care not what may be my fate I can not hold thee to me if you do not wish it nor can I spurn you no Willie I blame myself in part for it yes the letter that I wrote last winter just after Christmas I blame for it yes dear Willie I will take half of the blame or all of it if it will make you happy for I have bore the blame & centure of the people for it & swore then it yes Willie I have bore the burden in the heat of the day I caused & cast it all uppon thee now but will bare half of it with you. I will tell you some things that has (come) been said to me Kate you look sad you kicked Billie thinking you could do better & I dont pitty you one bit what could I say I dened the charge but it is generly believed that I did kick you yes I am blamed with your drinking which I neve did believe you did though you thought I did no Willie I could not believe it I would see you laying dead drunk in the mud I would (not) think it was not you there oh you said the next to the last time you were down her if I ever kicked you that you would get to drinking but Willie here is the hardest thing I had to endure that I had kicked you & you got to drinking on the account of it & that now I had lost my mind on the account of it Oh Willie is it not a wonder that I have not lost my mind as be blaimed with so much that I hope I am inosent of & yet I bilieve it is all for my own good "all work together for good to those that love God yes dear Willie God in all his ways is just & merciful & if we rely trust him though we pass through fire it will not harm us.

Willie do not think that I wrote this to make you sad no no dear one I would do anything in my power to make you happy; you say you would like to see me why do you think then it is best for us not to meet; I sorter believe you are a lettle contrary ha ha & what do you think of that no Willie but why is it do you think I can not bare to meet you I have taught or rather God has taught me to bare much I think I could meet you as cheerful as ever I met you in my life. you say my cup has been bitter it has been bitter Oh far worse than you have any idie of but dear Willie there was some sweets with it at times; you say blame you with it not all dear one can I blame you no no you could not help it for I think that the wicked one has done it not your good heart dictated but you were not happy & he wished to claim you for one of his servents & persuaded you that you did not love me yes Willie he knew that I was trying to win you back to God & that he would get you to dismiss me at once but my dear Father ordered other wise he bid me noy to give thee up Willie dear I believe he has directed me how to wright every letter that I have written to you since you were here & Oh I pray that my dear Savier may make them the instrument of bringing you back to God Oh dear one you say you are willing to bear my malice if it but make me happpy my malice Willie no Malice if I have any in my heart I pray to my dear Savier (to) to pluck it out Willie come to see me & I will tell you what will make me happy Willie I will treat you as a fond sister would a brother misstreat you no never & as for the rest of the family misstreating you there are no danger of that I dont think none but Susie knows how you have treated me I think that she pittied you now as for Pa & Ma Willie I do not think they will ever misstreat you for they see my perfect indifferents to every other man so Willie I dont think you need to fear at all S was not at the Barbecue nor none of our family nor I do not regret that I was not there I think Willie there is more

harm done at such places than good they had a picknick at Mint Spring & danced in the church Oh that these dances were turned to prayer metings how much sooner could we expect the blessings of God uppon our country. Willie All have gon to Sabbeth school this eve but Pa Ma & myself & I feel very lonely Alone yes Alone shall it always be thus Oh my Father forsaken & forgoten no one to care for me how long Oh how long but enough thy will be done The health of the neighborhood is very good & our family is all well with the excep of myself I have not been ill but am not well though I hope it is nothing serious I been taking medisson but it has had but lettle affect I hopefly I will be well by next Sabbeth (I will) be well as there are camp metning at Bethle & I want to go Willie do come down & go with me Sis Lizzie & both Jimmie are going to be taken in on sertificate do come brother & commune with (me) us come & stay down a week & go to the pines with Aleberryine we are expecting a nice dance there is talk of a crowd going Tuesday a week I expect we will join the crowd if it goes Willie dont deny me this time but do come. I suppose you heard that Frank McFarland was burried last Monday. Dear Willie I have some very bad news to relate to you cousin Bell Rubush has lost her mind Oh Willie is it not sad indeed to think such a good woman should be afflicted thus I pitty her so much we know not what one day may bring forth yes we we may sink beneath the rod Willie my dear dear brother ought we not then to strive more & more evry day to meet our God than to spurn his pleadings who are so indifferent to our dear Saviers pleadings has he not said no to is the accepted time brother I am trying to make my bible my companion and guardian through life as I have nothing to care for in this world but why have I nothing to care for does not Willie call me dear Kate once more & will he not return I can only hope. Oh Willie I have neve told you about my little pet Ida Lizzie little babe she is the sweetest little thing that I ever saw Sis brings her up evry sunday did not come today I do not know why will be here next if nothing happens she leaves her here when she goes to church I know you will love her Willie do come down next Saturday evening you can get some one to stay in the mill that long I will look for you dont let me be disappointed where ever there is a will there is a way but enough Well I must close this disinteresting note now Willie let nothing in this hurt your feelings or cause you to be sad but be cheerful & happy & come to see me & you will find me a true sister please excuse all imperfections. Willie if it is impolitic for you to come write soon but I want to see you your own dear self