June 3rd 1866
June 3rd 1866
Rose Dale
My dear Sweet brother
I received your very dear letter of 24 last Wednesday never was a letter read
with more interest than that; it found me enjoying the best of health one of our
dear Saveirs best blessing (but how unworthy am I
for it) I can say dear brother that I was truly glad to hear from you &
do thank my heavenly Father that he put it in your dear good heart to write
Willie dear boy I have wronged you will you forgive me I believe I have found
forgiveness in the dear Lord but will you forgive for I have been the cause of
all this trouble Oh dear brother it will kill me if you dont forgive; just to think that I am the cause of my dear bosom companions being lost, eternially lost. Oh my dear dear Savier
pitty & forgive for I will give you my life for
the salvation of that dear soul yes dear brother I will spend & be spent
for you though the more abundantly I love you the less I be loved; I deserve
nothing but your hatred & contempt can I ever be happy again not untill I see the dear one changed yes a Christian.
Yes my dear brother if you allow me to
call you thus last year you started out with prospects bright & allureing & these were your words Kate I am
going to make or brake & for whome for what for an
unworthy creture as I (me) that did not deserve the
notice of a cat let alone the notice of one so pure so noble so good at heart as
thou all went on well prospect bright & brighning
grain came in on evry side I must surely be the
happiest man living. Oh is this not flattering it is (like) an ideal lover or
will be soon but hark I hear a noise & in come a fine looking old gent
(Ah the serpent coils in eden bows) Well
Mr B dont you want to go in pardnership with me you will make mony at
it; at what why haveing your grain distilled I wont go I must make my money some other way my good heart
& God sais I must not go Ah come dont listen at that you will make enough soon to get
married Ah that is charming well I must wait a while & yes I must go
& see K & see what she sais about it Pa
& K both oppose dont care so much for Pa but K
is the one he lays it all out in flattering terms she said do as you pleas & Mr B sais at
last consented & his word goes as far as mine with with me &
farther too; he goes back but concience &
Pa sais
dont go but I am doing it
for K when he gets back serpent enters
what say you well I dont know I believe I will; well
lets draw the article but we must have a dram first no I dont indulge her come going in do such business & dont last & yourself besides you have a cough
& it will help it; well K told me to take somthing for my cough & that is the very thing any thing for K
all done for K. come Mr B there is a party a head tonight lets go no I dont care about it I just got a leter from K &
she is very cold & indifferent she is always writing something about
some nice fellow or her dear friend R that I dont
blieve she thinks as much of me as she ought I will
go & a way he goes come Mr B join in the dance I can't come ah well I
will K is perhaps having her fun I will to drove away
sorrow Mr B you are very lively to night but it is all put on what is the matter
with you well I will tell you I fear my first love is blasted Oh my dear her
then thou only knows the agony of that dear heart. Soon the serpent goes to K he
has done his will with B he tell her that B has got to drinking she writes a
hasty & insulting letter & it insults & wonds B sais I dont care I will go & see her & quit her at once I
have done all this for her & this is the thanks I got he comes but love
& pitty enters that good heart I will tell her
all my bad deeds & she will
turn
me off but instead it bound her nearer to him & what next the serpent is
at work he tell K much & she believes &
what is the consecuence God knows she suffers for
it but is she a lone no no Oh she ought to be she diserves it all & more but enough of this.
My dear brother I take up your letter to read it & how must I write can I
answer it you have used cander you dont love me & can I blame you Oh you hate me what must I do
Oh my dear Jesus wont thou help me and direct me Willie
wont you try to love me if I be a better girl you
asked me once to try & love you & I did. brother you may you
have been laughed at & ridiculed here lately for your indifference for
company; well you are not alone for I have been all that & more scolded
& threatened to be whipped for it & what is it for not for the
worldly happiness of any one but it is for the salvation of a dear soul the one
who I have been the cause of being lost what is worldly happiness compared with
this eternity how long Oh how long shall we not meet in heaven where there are
no changes no sin & sorrow known Oh my dear brother meet Oh meet me there.
Billie you say you fear the consequences of marrying when your affections are not
settled, I acknowledge I am not smart but do you think for one moment that I
would marry a man that did not love me no I never expect to find one that really
does therefore I expect to remain single & try & make myself
useful to my fellow cretures one mans happiness is
enough for me to distroy I have sown my wild oats
& now I expect to live a resigned life though it may be very short yes
soon I may sleep beneath the say but I can say with a thankful heart Oh death
where is they sting A grave where is thy victory but enough
