University of Virginia Library

Chapter XIV.

By-and-by, when we got up, we turned
over the truck the gang had stole off
of the wreck, and found boots, and
blankets, and clothes, and all sorts of
other things, and a lot of books, and a
spyglass, and three boxes of seegars.
We hadn't ever been this rich before,
in neither of our lives. The seegars
was prime. We laid off all the afternoon
in the woods talking, and me
reading the books, and having a general
good time. I told Jim all about
what happened inside the wreck, and
at the ferry-boat; and I said these
kinds of things was adventures; but
he said he didn't want no more adventures.
He said that when I went in the
texas and he crawled back to get on
the raft and found her gone, he nearly died; because he judged it was all up
with him, anyway it could be fixed; for if he didn't get saved he would get
drownded; and if he did get saved, whoever saved him would send him back
home so as to get the reward, and then Miss Watson would sell him South,
sure. Well, he was right; he was most always right; he had an uncommon level
head, for a nigger.

[ILLUSTRATION]

turning over the truck.

I read considerable to Jim about kings, and dukes, and earls, and such, and
how gaudy they dressed, and how much style they put on, and called each other

your majesty, and your grace, and your lordship, and so on, 'stead of mister;
and Jim's eyes bugged out, and he was interested. He says:

"I didn' know dey was so many un um. I hain't hearn 'bout none un um,
skasely, but ole King Sollermun, onless you counts dem kings dat's in a pack er
k'yards. How much do a king git?"

"Get?" I says; "why, they get a thousand dollars a month if they want it;
they can have just as much as they want; everything belongs to them."

"Ain' dat gay? En what dey got to do, Huck?"

[ILLUSTRATION]

solomon and his million wives.

"They don't do nothing! Why how you talk. They just set around."

"No—is dat so?"

"Of course it is. They just set around. Except maybe when there's a war;
then they go to the war. But other times they just lazy around; or go hawking
—just hawking and sp— Sh!—d' you hear a noise?"

We skipped out and looked; but it warn't nothing but the flutter of a
steamboat's wheel, away down coming around the point; so we come back.

"Yes," says I, "and other times, when things is dull, they fuss with the

parlyment; and if everybody don't go just so he whacks their heads off. But
mostly they hang round the harem."

"Roun' de which?"

"Harem."

"What's de harem?"

"The place where he keep his wives. Don't you know about the harem?
Solomon had one; he had about a million wives."

"Why, yes, dat's so; I—I'd done forgot it. A harem's a bo'd'n-house, I
reck'n. Mos' likely dey has rackety times in de nussery. En I reck'n de wives
quarrels considable; en dat 'crease de racket. Yit dey say Sollermun de wises'
man dat ever live'. I doan' take no stock in dat. Bekase why: would a wise
man want to live in de mids' er sich a blimblammin' all de time? No—'deed he
wouldn't. A wise man 'ud take en buil' a biler-factry; en den he could shet
down de biler-factry when he want to res'."

"Well, but he was the wisest man, anyway; because the widow she told me
so, her own self."

"I doan k'yer what de widder say, he warn't no wise man, nuther. He had
some er de dad-fetchedes' ways I ever see. Does you know 'bout dat chile dat he
'uz gwyne to chop in two?"

"Yes, the widow told me all about it."

"Well, den! Warn' dat de beatenes' notion in de worl'? You jes' take en
look at it a minute. Dah's de stump, dah—dat's one er de women; heah's you—
dat's de yuther one; I's Sollermun; en dish-yer dollar bill's de chile. Bofe un
you claims it. What does I do? Does I shin aroun' mongs' de neighbors en fine
out which un you de bill do b'long to, en han' it over to de right one, all safe en
soun', de way dat anybody dat had any gumption would? No—I take en whack
de bill in two, en give half un it to you, en de yuther half to de yuther woman.
Dat's de way Sollermun was gwyne to do wid de chile. Now I want to ast you:
what's de use er dat half a bill?—can't buy noth'n wid it. En what use is a half
a chile? I would'n give a dern for a million un um."

"But hang it, Jim, you've clean missed the point—blame it, you've missed it
a thousand mile."

"Who? Me? Go 'long. Doan' talk to me 'bout yo' pints. I reck'n I knows

sense when I sees it; en dey ain' no sense in sich doin's as dat. De 'spute warn't
'bout a half a chile, de 'spute was 'bout a whole chile; en de man dat think he
kin settle a 'spute 'bout a whole chile wid a half a chile, doan' know enough to
come in out'n de rain. Doan' talk to me 'bout Sollermun, Huck, I knows him
by de back."

"But I tell you you don't get the point."

"Blame de pint! I reck'n I knows what I knows. En mine you, de real pint
is down furder—it's down deeper. It lays in de way Sollermun was raised. You
take a man dat's got on'y one er two chillen; is dat man gwyne to be waseful o'
chillen? No, he ain't; he can't 'ford it. He know how to value 'em. But you
take a man dat's got 'bout five million chillen runnin' roun' de house, en it's
diffunt. He as soon chop a chile in two as a cat. Dey's plenty mo'. A chile er
two, mo' er less, warn't no consekens to Sollermun, dad fetch him!"

[ILLUSTRATION]

the story of "sollermun."

I never see such a nigger. If he got a notion in his head once, there warn't
no getting it out again. He was the most down on Solomon of any nigger I ever
see. So I went to talking about other kings, and let Solomon slide. I told about
Louis Sixteenth that got his head cut off in France long time age; and about his

little boy the dolphin, that would a been a king, but they took and shut him up
in jail, and some say he died there.

"Po' little chap."

"But some says he got out and got away, and come to America."

"Dat's good! But he'll be pooty lonesome—dey ain' no kings here, is dey,
Huck?"

"No."

"Den he cain't git no situation. What he gwyne to do?"

"Well, I don't know. Some of them gets on the police, and some of them
learns people how to talk French."

"Why, Huck, doan' de French people talk de same way we does?"

"No, Jim; you couldn't understand a word they said—not a single word."

"Well, now, I be ding-busted! How do dat come?"

"I don't know; but it's so. I got some of their jabber out of a book. Spose
a man was to come to you and say Polly-voo-franzy—what would you think?"

"I wouldn' think nuff'n; I'd take en bust him over de head. Dat is, if he
warn't white. I wouldn't 'low no nigger to call me dat."

"Shucks, it ain't calling you anything. It's only saying do you know how to
talk French."

"Well, den, why couldn't he say it?"

"Why, he is a-saying it. That's a Frenchman's way of saying it."

"Well, it's a blame' ridicklous way, en I doan' want to hear no mo' 'bout it.
Dey ain' no sense in it."

"Looky here, Jim; does a cat talk like we do?"

"No, a cat don't."

"Well, does a cow?"

"No, a cow don't, nuther."

"Does a cat talk like a cow, or a cow talk like a cat?"

"No, dey don't."

"It's natural and right for 'em to talk different from each other, ain't it?"

"'Course."

"And ain't it natural and right for a cat and a cow to talk different from us?"

"Why, mos' sholy it is."

"Well, then, why ain't it natural and right for a Frenchman to talk different
from us? You answer me that."

"Is a cat a man, Huck?"

"No."

"Well, den, dey ain't no sense in a cat talkin' like a man. Is a cow a man?
—er is a cow a cat?"

"No, she ain't either of them."

"Well, den, she ain' got no business to talk like either one er the yuther of
'em. Is a Frenchman a man?"

"Yes."

"Well, den! Dad blame it, why doan' he talk like a man? You answer me
dat!"

I see it warn't no use wasting words—you can't learn a nigger to argue. So
I quit.