University of Virginia Library

Do you think you can go back
To those days before you watched the sun rise over the mountain
And you were startled by the sound the earth made beneath your feet
Aye eee aye eee
It's pow wow time in Indian country
And the wind sings a song with the beat of the host drum
And a child cries and is so comforted
And from deep inside where your memory dwells
You know you cannot go back to those days before you watched the sun rise over the
          mountain
Aye eee aye eee
It's pow wow time in Indian country
And the women dance a circle dance
And the men look on, their eyes filled with fascination
And a child cries and is so comforted
The Moon When Berries Are Good And Ripe makes everyone want lemonade
And sure enough I have a hankering for one right now
And a taste for buffalo burgers and a good look see at those women dancing the circle
          dance
Aye eee aye eee
The wind sings a song
And I cannot go back to that time before I saw the sun rise over the mountain and heard
          that sound the earth made beneath my feet
Black, yellow, red, and white
My heart longs for sacred visions
In memory of my warrior days past
Active duty, United States Navy, three years, ten months, and twenty seven days
So let me to thinking it's about damn time I danced the gourd dance
Cause it's pow wow time in Indian country
And the wind is singing a song with the beat of the host drum
And my heart is longing for sacred visions
Aye eee aye eee.

It all came back to me
It all came back to me in one brief moment of time
The shame of my life

What's the matter with you?

Nothing. Nothing

Holy shit, in a few years I'll be pushing fifty
And I'm actually living in The World
The land of the free and the home of the brave

What's the matter with you?

I stared at the menu printed on a sign fixed to the wall
I'll tell you what's the matter with me. I just stepped through a door that has been closed
          tight for twenty five years. That's what's the matter with me. What's the matter
          with you?

Smell the air, sweetheart
Do you have any idea of what a banyan swamp smells like
How it permeates the very fibers of your soul
I loved it. I was where I was destined to be
There, filled with adrenaline, out of my freaking fucking mind
I cut the throat of a sixteen year old boy
I painted his face green and I cut off his ears
I wore his ears in a necklace around my throat
That's what's the matter with me.

My girl, the kid, my sweet treasure and morning sunlight
Plays on her junior high school soccer team
Tonight we took her and her compatriots as a victory treat
To your fast food hot pizza palace
For pepperoni and mushrooms, no anchovies please because they're yuckie, Italian pie
Triumphant celebration over their wily arch enemy
Our conquering junior amazons won over Friends Academy 4 to 2
Smiles all around, slaps on the back, tender hugs, grateful tears
But for me I walked into a brick wall
I saw, standing behind the counter taking my order with a feverish intensity, an Asian
          child, a boy, appearing to be in the range of sixteen years
My breath stood still in my lungs
Oh God, do the dead come back to life to haunt us?

What's the matter with you? Something wrong?

No

You look like you've seen a ghost

I have

She grabbed a handful of white napkins

This isn't like you at all

Honey, you don't know me at all

A chilling pause, not unlike that moment in the morning after a night of making love
          when a man and a woman, over the breakfast table, look at each other and wonder
          what the hell they are doing there together.

Are you going to drink tonight?

I might

I wish you wouldn't

I can handle it

That's not the point

The order was ready for a red head in her thirties who sat with her sullen child in one of
          the booths

Why do you do this?

You wouldn't understand

Maybe I might

Maybe you might fly across the moon

A singular sadness settled in her eyes

Tell Jennifer you are proud of the way she played this afternoon

I have

And then, because she couldn't help herself, she said

Please, darling, try not to drink tonight.

Have you no idea of what has lived for a very long time in the dark corner of my
          midnight
Have you no idea of what a banyan swamp smells like
Have you no idea of what it is to see some gook kid, standing behind a counter marking
          down pepperoni and mushrooms, no anchovies, on the order for a pizza to be
          eaten by my own beloved child
Have you no idea of what it feels like to wear a necklace of human ears
Oh, merciful God, help me.