University of Virginia Library

22. CHAPTER XXII

WHEN Jimmy gained courage to turn his eyes in the direction of the family group he had helped to assemble, he was not reassured by the reproachful glances that he met from Aggie and Zoie. It was apparent that in their minds, he was again to blame for something. Realising that they dared not openly reproach him before Alfred, he decided to make his escape while his friend was still in the room. He reached for his hat and tiptoed gingerly toward the door, but just as he was congratulating himself upon his decision, Alfred called to him with a mysterious air.

"Jimmy," he said, "just a minute," and he nodded for Jimmy to approach.

It must have been Jimmy's guilty conscience that made him powerless to disobey Alfred's every command. Anyway, he slunk back to the fond parent's side, where he ultimately allowed himself to be inveigled into swinging his new watch before the unattentive eyes of the red-faced babes on Alfred's knees.

"Lower, Jimmy, lower," called Alfred as Jimmy absent-mindedly allowed the watch to swing out of the prescribed orbit. "Look at

the darlings, Jimmy, look at them," he exclaimed as he gazed at the small creatures admiringly.

"Yes, look at them, Jimmy," repeated Zoie, and she glared at Jimmy behind Alfred's back.

"Don't you wish you had one of them, Jimmy?' " asked Alfred.

"Well, I wish he had," commented Zoie, and she wondered how she was ever again to detach either of them from Alfred's breast.

Before she could form any plan, the telephone rang loud and persistently. Jimmy glanced anxiously toward the women for instructions.

"I'll answer it," said Aggie with suspicious alacrity, and she crossed quickly toward the 'phone. The scattered bits of conversation that Zoie was able to gather from Aggie's end of the wire did not tend to soothe her over-excited nerves. As for Alfred, he was fortunately so engrossed with the babies that he took little notice of what Aggie was saying.

"What woman?" asked Aggie into the 'phone. "Where's she from?" The answer was evidently not reassuring. "Certainly not," exclaimed Aggie, "don't let her come up; send her away. Mrs. Hardy can't see anyone at all." Then followed a bit of pantomime between Zoie and Aggie, from which it appeared that their troubles were multiplying, then Aggie again gave her attention to the 'phone. "I don't know anything about her," she fibbed, "that woman must

have the wrong address." And with that she hung up the receiver and came towards Alfred, anxious to get possession of his two small charges and to get them from the room, lest the mother who was apparently downstairs should thrust herself into their midst.

"What's the trouble, Aggie?" asked Alfred, and he nodded toward the telephone.

"Oh, just some woman with the wrong address," answered Aggie with affected carelessness. "You'd better let me take the babies now, Alfred."

"Take them where?" asked Alfred with surprise.

"To bed," answered Aggie sweetly, "they are going to sleep in the next room with Jimmy and me." She laid a detaining hand on Jimmy's arm.

"What's the hurry?" asked Alfred a bit disgruntled.

"It's very late," argued Aggie.

"Of course it is," insisted Zoie. "Please, Alfred," she pleaded, "do let Aggie take them."

Alfred rose reluctantly. "Mother knows best," he sighed, but ignoring Aggie's outstretched arms, he refused to relinquish the joy of himself carrying the small mites to their room, and he disappeared with the two of them, singing his now favourite lullaby.

When Alfred had left the room, Jimmy, who was now seated comfortably in the rocker, was

rudely startled by a sharp voice at either side of him.

"Well!" shrieked Zoie, with all the disapproval that could be got into the one small word.

"You're very clever, aren't you?" sneered Aggie at Jimmy's other elbow.

Jimmy stared from one to the other.

"A nice fix you've got me into now," reproved Zoie.

"Why didn't you get out when you had the chance?" demanded Aggie.

"You would take your own sweet time, wouldn't you," said Zoie.

"What did I tell you?" asked Aggie.

"What does he care?" exclaimed Zoie, and she walked up and down the room excitedly, oblivious of the disarrangement of her flying negligee. "He's perfectly comfortable."

"Oh yes," assented Jimmy, as he sank back into the rocker and began propelling himself to and fro. "I never felt better," but a disinterested observer would have seen in him the picture of discomfort.

"You're going to feel a great deal worse," he was warned by Aggie. "Do you know who that was on the telephone?" she asked.

Jimmy looked at her mutely.

"The mother!" said Aggie emphatically

"What!" exclaimed Jimmy.

"She's down stairs," explained Aggie.

Jimmy had stopped rocking—his face now wore an uneasy expression.

"It's time you showed a little human intelligence," taunted Zoie, then she turned her back upon him and continued to Aggie, "what did she say?"

"She says," answered Aggie, with a threatening glance toward Jimmy, "that she won't leave this place until Jimmy gives her baby back."

"Let her have her old baby," said Jimmy. "I don't want it."

"You don't want it?" snapped Zoie indignantly, "what have you got to do with it?"

"Oh nothing, nothing," acquiesced Jimmy meekly, "I'm a mere detail."

"A lot you care what becomes of me," exclaimed Zoie reproachfully; then she turned to Aggie with a decided nod. "Well, I want it," she asserted.

"But Zoie," protested Aggie in astonishment, "you can't mean to keep both of them?"

"I certainly do," said Zoie.

"What?" cried Aggie and Jimmy in concert.

"Jimmy has presented Alfred with twins," continued Zoie testily, "and now, he has to have twins."

Jimmy's eyes were growing rounder and rounder.

"Do you know," continued Zoie, with a growing sense of indignation, "what would happen to

me if I told Alfred now that he wasn't the father of twins? He'd fly straight out of that door and I'd never see him again."

Aggie admitted that Zoie was no doubt speaking the truth.

"Jimmy has awakened Alfred's paternal instinct for twins," declared Zoie, with another emphatic nod of her head, "and now Jimmy must take the consequences."

Jimmy tried to frame a few faint objections, but Zoie waved him aside, with a positive air. "It's no use arguing. If it were only one, it wouldn't be so bad, but to tell Alfred that he's lost twins, he couldn't live through it."

"But Zoie," argued Aggie, "we can't have that mother hanging around down stairs until that baby is an old man. She'll have us arrested, the next thing."

"Why arrest us?" asked Zoie, with wide baby eyes. "We didn't take it. Old slow-poke took it." And she nodded toward the now utterly vanquished Jimmy.

"That's right," murmured Jimmy, with a weak attempt at sarcasm, "don't leave me out of anything good."

"It doesn't matter which one she arrests," decided the practical Aggie.

"Well, it matters to me," objected Zoie.

"And to me too, if it's all the same to you," protested Jimmy.

"Whoever it is," continued Aggie, "the truth is bound to come out. Alfred will have to know sooner or later, so we might as well make a clean breast of it, first as last."

"That's the first sensible thing you've said in three months," declared Jimmy with reviving hope.

"Oh, is that so?" sneered Zoie, and she levelled her most malicious look at Jimmy. "What do you think Alfred would do to you, Mr. Jimmy, if he knew the truth? You're the one who sent him the telegram; you are the one who told him that he was a father."

"That's true," admitted Aggie, with a wrinkled forehead.

Zoie was quick to see her advantage. She followed it up. "And Alfred hasn't any sense of humour, you know."

"How could he have?" groaned Jimmy; "he's married." And with that he sank into his habitual state of dumps.

"Your sarcasm will do a great deal of good," flashed Zoie. Then she dismissed him with a nod, and crossed to her dressing table.

"But Zoie," persisted Aggie, as she followed her young friend in trepidation, "don't you realise that if you persist in keeping this baby, that mother will dog Jimmy's footsteps for the rest of his life?"

"That will be nice," murmured Jimmy.

Zoie busied herself with her toilet, and turned a deaf ear to Aggie. There was a touch of genuine emotion in Aggie's voice when she continued.

"Just think of it, Zoie, Jimmy will never be able to come and go like a free man again."

"What do I care how he comes and goes?" exclaimed Zoie impatiently. "If Jimmy had gone when we told him to go, that woman would have had her old baby by now; but he didn't, oh no! All he ever does is to sit around and talk about his dinner."

"Yes," cried Jimmy hotly, "and that's about as far as I ever get with it."

"You'll never get anywhere with anything," was Zoie's exasperating answer. "You're too slow."

"Well, there's nothing slow about you," retorted Jimmy, stung to a frenzy by her insolence.

"Oh please, please," interposed Aggie, desperately determined to keep these two irascible persons to the main issue. "What are we going to tell that mother?"

"You can tell her whatever you like," answered Zoie, with an impudent toss of her head, "but I'll not give up that baby until I get another one.'

"Another?" almost shrieked Jimmy. It was apparent that he must needs increase the number of his brain cells if he were to follow this extraordinary young woman's line of thought much

further. "You don't expect to go on multiplying them forever, do you?" he asked.

"You are the one who has been multiplying them," was Zoie's disconcerting reply.

It was evident to Jimmy that he could not think fast enough nor clearly enough to save himself from a mental disaster if he continued to argue with the shameless young woman, so he contented himself by rocking to and fro and murmuring dismally that he had "known from the first that it was to be an endless chain."

While Zoie and Jimmy had been wrangling, Aggie had been weighing the pros and cons of the case. She now turned to Jimmy with a tone of firm but motherly decision. "Zoie is quite right," she said.

Jimmy rolled his large eyes up at his spouse with a "you too, Brutus," expression.

Aggie continued mercilessly, "It's the only way, Jimmy."

No sooner had Aggie arrived at her decision than Zoie upset her tranquillity by a triumphant expression of "I have it."

Jimmy and Aggie gazed at Zoie's radiant face in consternation. They were accustomed to see only reproach there. Her sudden enthusiasm increased Jimmy's uneasiness.

"You have it," he grunted without attempting to conceal his disgust. "She's the one who generally has it." And he nodded toward Aggie.

Inflamed by her young friend's enthusiasm, Aggie rushed to her eagerly.

"What is it, Zoie?" she asked.

"The washerwoman!" exclaimed Zoie, as though the revelation had come straight from heaven. "She had twins," and with that, two pairs of eyes turned expectantly toward the only man in the room.

Tracing the pattern of the rug with his toe, Jimmy remained stubbornly oblivious of their attentions. He rearranged the pillows on the couch, and finally, for want of a better occupation, he wound his watch. All to no avail. He could feel Zoie's cat-like gaze upon him.

"Jimmy can get the other one," she said.

"The hell I can," exclaimed Jimmy, starting to his feet and no longer considering time or place.

The two women gazed at him reproachfully.

"Jimmy!" cried Aggie, in a shocked, hurt voice. "That's the first time I've ever heard you swear."

"Well, it won't be the last time," declared Jimmy hotly, "if this keeps up." His eyes were blazing. He paced to and fro like an infuriated lion.

"Dearest," said Aggie, "you look almost imposing."

"Nonsense," interrupted Zoie. who found Jimmy unusually ridiculous. "If I'd known that

Jimmy was going to put such an idea into Alfred's head, I'd have got the two in the first place."

"Will she let us have the other?" asked Aggie with some misgiving.

"Of course she will," answered Zoie, leaving Jimmy entirely out of the conversation. "She's as poor as a church mouse. I'll pay her well. She'll never miss it. What could she do with one twin, anyway?"

A snort of rage from Jimmy did not disturb Zoie's enthusiasm. She proceeded to elaborate her plan.

"I'll adopt them," she declared, "I'll leave them all Alfred's money. Think of Alfred having real live twins for keeps."

"It would be nice, wouldn't it?" commented Jimmy sarcastically.

Zoie turned to Jimmy, as though they were on the best of terms.

"How much money have you?" she asked.

Before Jimmy could declare himself penniless, Aggie answered for him with the greatest enthusiasm, "He has a whole lot; he drew some today."

"Good!" exclaimed Zoie to the abashed Jimmy, and then she continued in a matter-of-fact tone, "Now, Jimmy," she said, "you go give the washwoman what money you have on account, then tell her to come around here in the morning

when Alfred has gone out and I'll settle all the details with her. Go on now, Jimmy," she continued, "you don't need another letter."

"No," chimed in Aggie sweetly; "you know her now, dear."

"Oh, yes," corroborated Jimmy, with a sarcastic smile and without budging from the spot on which he stood, "we are great pals now."

"What's the matter?" asked Zoie, astonished that Jimmy was not starting on his mission with alacrity. "What are you waiting for?"

Jimmy merely continued to smile enigmatically.

"You know what happened the last time you hesitated," warned Aggie.

"I know what happened when I didn't hesitate," ruminated Jimmy, still holding his ground.

Zoie's eyes were wide with surprise. "You dont{sic} mean to say," she exclaimed incredulously, "that you aren't going—after we have thought all this out just to save you?"

"Say," answered Jimmy, with a confidential air, "do me a favour, will you? Stop thinking out things to `save me.' "

"But, Jimmy—" protested both women simultaneously; but before they could get further Alfred's distressed voice reached them from the next room.

"Aggie!" he called frantically.