No. 41. TUESDAY, MARCH 27, 1753
— Si mutabile pectus
Est tibi, consiliis, non curribus, utere nostris;
Dum potes, et solidis etiam num sedibus adstas,
Dumque male optatos nondum premis inscius axes.
OVID. Met. ii. 143.
— Th' attempt forsake,
And not my chariot but my counsel take;
While yet securely on the earth you stand;
Nor touch the horses with too rash a hand. ADDISON.
TO THE ADVENTURER.
SIR, Fleet, March 24.
I NOW send you the sequel of my story, which had
not been so long delayed, if I could have brought
myself to imagine, that any real impatience was
felt for the fate of Misargyrus; who has travelled no
unbeaten track to misery, and consequently can
present the reader only with such incidents as occur
in daily life.
You have seen me, Sir, in the zenith of my glory,
not dispensing the kindly warmth of an all-cheering
sun: but, like another Phaëton, scorching and blasting
every thing round me. I shall proceed, therefore,
to finish my career, and pass as rapidly as possible
through the remaining vicissitudes of my life.
When I first began to be in want of money, I
made no doubt of an immediate supply. The newspapers
were perpetually offering directions to men,
who seemed to have no other business than to
gather heaps of gold for those who place their
supreme felicity in scattering it. I posted away,
therefore, to one of these advertisers, who by his proposals,
seemed to deal in thousands; and was not a little
chagrined to find, that this general benefactor would
have nothing to do with any larger sum than thirty
pounds, nor would venture that without a joint note
from myself and a reputable house keeper, or for a
longer time than three months.
It was yet not so bad with me, as that I needed
to solicit surety for thirty pounds: yet partly from
the greediness that extravagance always produces,
and partly from a desire of seeing the humour of a
petty usurer, a character of which I had hitherto
lived in ignorance, I condescended to listen to his
terms. He proceeded to inform me of my great
felicity in not falling into the hands of an
extortioner; and assured me, that I should find him
extremely moderate in his demands: he was not,
indeed, certain that he could furnish me with the
whole sum, for people were at this particular time
extremely pressing and importunate for money:
yet, as I had the appearance of a gentleman, he
would try what he could do, and give me his answer
in three days.
At the expiration of the time, I called upon him
again; and was again informed of the great demand
for money, and that, "money was money now:'' he
then advised me to be punctual in my payment, as
that might induce him to befriend me hereafter;
and delivered me the money, deducting at the rate
of five and thirty per cent. with another panegyrick
upon his own moderation.
I will not tire you with the various practices of
usurious oppression; but cannot omit my transaction
with Squeeze on Tower-hill, who, finding me a
young man of considerable expectations, employed
an agent to persuade me to borrow five hundred
pounds, to be refunded by an annual payment of
twenty
per cent. during the joint lives of his
daughter Nancy Squeeze and myself. The negociator
came prepared to enforce his proposal with all his
art; but, finding that I caught his offer with the
eagerness of necessity, he grew cold and languid;
"he had mentioned it out of kindness; he would
try to serve me: Mr. Squeeze was an honest man,
but extremely cautious.'' In three days he came
to tell me, that his endeavours had been ineffectual,
Mr. Squeeze having no good opinion of my
life; but that there was one expedient remaining:
Mrs. Squeeze could influence her husband, and
her good will might be gained by a compliment.
I waited that afternoon on Mrs. Squeeze, and
poured out before her the flatteries which usually
gain access to rank and beauty: I did not then
know, that there are places in which the only
compliment is a bribe. Having yet credit with a
jeweller, I afterwards procured a ring of thirty guineas,
which I humbly presented, and was soon admitted
to a treaty with Mr. Squeeze. He appeared peevish
and backward, and my old friend whispered me,
that he would never make a dry bargain: I therefore
invited him to a tavern. Nine times we met on
the affair; nine times I paid four pounds for the
supper and claret; and nine guineas I gave the
agent for good offices. I then obtained the money,
paying ten
per cent. advance; and at the tenth
meeting gave another supper, and disbursed fifteen
pounds for the writings.
Others who styled themselves brokers, would
only trust their money upon goods: that I might,
therefore, try every art of expensive folly, I took a
house and furnished it. I amused myself with
despoiling my moveables of their glossy appearance,
for fear of alarming the lender with suspicions: and
in this I succeeded so well, that he favoured me
with one hundred and sixty pounds upon that
which was rated at seven hundred. I then found
that I was to maintain a guardian about me to
prevent the goods from being broken or removed.
This was, indeed, an unexpected tax; but it was too
late to recede: and I comforted myself, that I might
prevent a creditor, of whom I had some apprehensions,
from seizing, by having a prior execution always
in the house.
By such means I had so embarrassed myself, that
my whole attention was engaged in contriving excuses,
and raising small sums to quiet such as words
would no longer mollify. It cost me eighty pounds
in presents to Mr. Leech the attorney, for his
forbearance of one hundred, which he solicited me to
take when I had no need. I was perpetually harassed
with importunate demands, and insulted by
wretches, who a few months before would not have
dared to raise their eyes from the dust before me.
I lived in continual terrour, frighted by every noise
at the door, and terrified at the approach of every
step quicker than common. I never retired to rest
without feeling the justness of the Spanish proverb,
"Let him who sleeps too much, borrow the pillow
of a debtor:'' my solicitude and vexation kept me
long waking; and when I had closed my eyes, I
was pursued or insulted by visionary bailiffs.
When I reflected upon the meanness of the shifts
I had reduced myself to, I could not but curse the
folly and extravagance that had overwhelmed me
in a sea of troubles, from which it was highly
improbable that I should ever emerge. I had some
time lived in hopes of an estate, at the death of
my uncle; but he disappointed me by marrying
his housekeeper; and, catching an opportunity soon
after of quarrelling with me, for settling twenty
pounds a year upon a girl whom I had seduced,
told me that he would take care to prevent his
fortune from being squandered upon prostitutes.
Nothing now remained, but the chance of
extricating myself by marriage; a scheme which, I
flattered myself, nothing but my present distress would
have made me think on with patience. I determined,
therefore, to look out for a tender novice, with a
large fortune, at her own disposal; and accordingly
fixed my eyes upon Miss Biddy Simper. I had now
paid her six or seven visits; and so fully convinced
her of my being a gentleman and a rake, that I
made no doubt that both her person and fortune
would soon be mine.
At this critical time, Miss Gripe called upon me,
in a chariot bought with my money, and loaded
with trinkets that I had, in my days of affluence,
lavished on her. Those days were now over; and
there was little hope that they would ever return.
She was not able to withstand the temptation of
ten pounds that Talon the bailiff offered her, but
brought him into my apartment disguised in a livery;
and taking my sword to the window, under pretence
of admiring the workmanship, beckoned him to
seize me.
Delay would have been expensive without use,
as the debt was too considerable for payment or
bail: I, therefore, suffered myself to be immediately
conducted to gaol.
Vestibulum ante ipsum, primisque in faucibus Orci,
Luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia cureæ:
Pallentesque habitant morbi, tristisque senectus,
Et metus, et malesuada fames, et turpis egestas.
VIRG. Æn. vi. 273.
Just in the gate and in the jaws of hell,
Revengeful cares and sullen sorrows dwell;
And pale diseases, and repining age;
Want, fear, and famine's unresisted rage. DRYDEN.
Confinement of any kind is dreadful; a prison is
sometimes able to shock those, who endure it in a
good cause: let your imagination, therefore, acquaint
you with what I have not words to express, and
conceive, if possible, the horrours of imprisonment
attended with reproach and ignominy, of involuntary
association with the refuse of mankind, with
wretches who were before too abandoned for society,
but, being now freed from shame or fear, are hourly
improving their vices by consorting with each other.
There are, however, a few, whom, like myself,
imprisonment has rather mortified than hardened:
with these only I converse; and of these you may,
perhaps, hereafter receive some account from
Your humble servant,
MISARGYRUS.