 | Lock And Key |  |
II.
Scene Anywhere. Enter Gaffer and Gammer.Gaffer.
Have you heard the news, Gammer?
Gammer.
Have I! Do you think a body is deaf?
Gaffer.
But I never told you, and I thought nobody
knew it but myself.
Gammer.
Oh, that's your conceit. Everybody
knows it.
Gaffer.
Then, of course, it is of no use my making
a secret of it?
I should fancy not, indeed. The
fact is—
Gaffer.
Yes, dame?
Gammer.
Well?
Gaffer.
I thought you knew?
Gammer.
I thought you knew?
Gaffer.
I thought we both knew?
Gammer.
Well, then
(whispering)
, not to conceal anything from an old friend like you—
Gaffer.
Yes, yes, yes?—
Gammer.
I should never think of being so mean.
Concealment is base, among friends.
Gaffer.
Yes, dame, sure enough. The news—
Gammer
(tartly).
Well, what is the news?
Gaffer.
I thought you said everybody had heard it
already?
Gammer.
Oh, very well, very well! Not another
word will you get out of me! I can keep a secret as
well as the rest. Do you fancy I have no sense of
honour, Gaffer?
Gaffer.
Well, dame, the fact is this—
Gammer.
Yes, do tell!
Gaffer.
Maid Innocent has come to years of discretion
(in a loud solemn whisper).
Poor dear, that is news! What will she
do with 'em?
Gaffer.
With what?
Gammer.
With her ears of discretion?
Gaffer.
I believe you are deaf, after all. I said
years of discretion
(bawling into her ear).
Gammer.
Oh, deary, deary me! Why, I thought you
meant ears of discretion—like wisdom-teeth, you know.
Gaffer.
Nay, nay, dame. Maid Innocent has come
to the age of choice; can do what she likes, you
know, eh?
(nudging her).
Gammer.
That's worse than all the ears of discretion
and wisdom-teeth in the world, that is.
Gaffer.
How do you know?
Gammer.
Man alive, do you think I have lived all
these years in the world for nothing? I can tell you,
I have seen what I have seen; ay, that have I; and
more's the pity.
Gaffer.
Well, as I was saying—
Gammer.
Yes, yes, Gaffer, go on!
[Comes up close to him, eagerly, and fumbles at her apron, listening.
Gaffer.
Yes. Where was I? They say she had a
real queen for a godmother!
Real?
Gaffer.
Yes, real. And that one night a little
golden cabinet was found at her cradle's head, when
she was a baby, and her mother was fast asleep.
Gammer.
Go on, go on—this is news!
Gaffer.
I thought you would say so. And—stop,
dame, did you ever hear of the Three Wise Men of
Gotham?
Gammer.
Of course I did. They went out to sea in
a washing-tub; ha, ha, ha!
Gaffer.
Ha, ha, ha! Well, the Three Wise Men of
Gotham heard of this golden cabinet, and wanted to
know what was inside it—
Gammer.
What for, sakes-alive?
Gaffer.
They said they wanted to tell Maid
Innocent all about it when she had reached years of
discretion, don't you see?
Gammer.
Yes, yes, I see. I shouldn't have thought
they had so much gumption.
Gaffer.
Oh, but they had, and they've been considering
the golden cabinet day and night for ever so
long, and they can't even so much as find out how to
open it! Hush, hush, here they come, all three! They
are going to hold a grand council over it this very hour!
They do look clever, I must say. They
carry their noses wonderful!
[The Three Wise of Gotham, wearing spectacles, pass over arm-in-arm, sniffing the air. Exeunt all.
| Lock And Key | |