University of Virginia Library

I.

Prince.
Why, Dumps, you look as gloomy as a hearse.

Dumps.
Oh, Prince, I think the world grows worse and worse.

Prince.
Dumps, I am young; but it is five years since
I heard you say that first.

Dumps.
Alas, my prince!

[Weeps.
Prince.
Dumps! do not interrupt me. All these years
You have employed in groans, and growls, and tears:
Now, no man can go on like that for long,
And keep his eyes clear, and see straight and strong.

Dumps.
It is the world's fault that I weep, not mine.
Why should I fret else?

Prince.
Fretting is your line.

Dumps.
I say the world is miserable. Meanwhile,
Show me a happy man, and I will smile.

Prince.
Then look at me; I am the happiest man
That ever lived, my Dumps, since time began.

Dumps.
Ah! that is nothing, prince. The happiest
Is but a wretched creature at the best;
Where all are blind the one-eyed man is king.
All are unhappy. Ergo, royal youth,
You are unhappy.

Prince.
Dumps, you speak not sooth.
I say that I am happy. Do you hear?

Dumps.
That is not proof, to shout into my ear.

Prince.
But there is proof which you would never guess—
I am betrothed unto the Fair Princess.

Dumps
(sobbing violently).
Alas, ah, woe! ah, miserable world!

Prince.
Now, Dumps, as surely as her hair is curled,
So surely will I have you punished, if
You do not keep your promise.
[Draws his sword.
Do not sniff!
“Show me a happy man, and I will smile,”
Those were your words. Now, by the sacred Nile,
I tell you I am happy, and I show
Myself to you. And thus, unless you keep
Your word, Dumps, I will give you cause to weep.
[Flourishing his sword.
Smile, instantly!

Dumps.
Your royal highness, no;
You cannot be the showman and the show.

Prince.
Oh, you are Grand Logician. I forgot.
And yet perhaps my sword may cut this knot.
[Sharpens it on the floor, and pretends to divide a hair with it.
I am the Showman, and I am the Show,
Both at the same time, whether you will or no.

Dumps.
Oh, prince, I taught you logic! Woe the day
That all my teaching should be thrown away!

[Sobbing.
Prince.
Dumps, love is more than logic. Smile you must;
The very skies look shame on your disgust.
Ye powers above, around, between, below,
Before, behind, at large, and in a row,
Send me a showman instantly.

Enter White Showman suddenly.
White Showman.
What ho!
Why do you look astonished?

Prince.
Who are you?

White Showman.
I am the Great White Showman, and I knew,
Before you called, the drift of this to-do.
Logician Dumps, this is a happy man—
I show him to you!

Prince.
Smile!

Dumps.
The best I can.

[Makes a grimace and exit.
Prince.
I thank you, Showman! Tell me—
[The White Showman has vanished.
He is gone!
Up in the cloud, there, I think something shone;
He must have passed that way.
[A pause.
My love is fair,
Bright as the sun, and fresh as morning air.

[The Princess in the distance sings.
Princess.
Oh joyful world and sweet to see,
Where walks the prince that loveth me!

Prince
(continuing).
Kind as the west wind, simple as the dew,
White as the moon, and as her rising true—

Princess
(in the distance singing).
Oh, happy hours; oh, happy day!
Oh, hills and vales, and waters gay!

Prince
(continuing).
Wise as the light, and sweet as eglantine,
Oh, happy, happy, happy, she is mine!

Princess
(in the distance singing).
Oh, happy, happy earth, to know
The Prince that loves me, loves me so!

[Music dies away. Exit Prince.