 | His Excellency |  |
ACT II.
Scene—The Castle Court-yard. Erling, Tortenssen, Syndic, Dame Cortlandt, Christina, and Chorus of men and girls discovered. A sentry is mounting guard on the Castle gate.With anger stern
And fierce determination,
We wait to learn
The fate of our appeal.
To Regent just
We've given information,
And this, we trust,
The tyrant's doom will seal.
Erl.
This mite of a man who'll plot and plan
To ruin us all for his delight—
Tor.
The mannikin ape in human shape—
Dame.
This tuppenny ha'penny lump of spite!
All.
This tuppenny ha'penny, tuppenny ha'penny,
Tuppenny ha'penny lump of spite!
Christina comes forward.
Recit.—Christina.
Be comforted—his downfall I foresee,
All who exceed the bounds of strict simplicity,
And, yielding to a taste for eccentricity,
Fly in the face of orthodox morality,
Must dearly pay for their originality—
You know the story of the wilful bee?
All
(furiously).
We don't! We never heard it!
Erl.
Who was he?
Said to their Queen one sultry day—
“Please, your Majesty's high position,
The hive is full and the weather is warm.
We rather think, with a due submission,
The time has come when we ought to swarm?”
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz.
Outspake their Queen, and thus spake she—
“This is a matter that rests with me,
Who dares opinions thus to form?
I'll tell you when it is time to swarm!”
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz.
Her Majesty wore an angry frown,
In fact Her Majesty's foot was down—
Her Majesty sulked—declined to sup—
In short Her Majesty's back was up.
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz,
Her foot was down and her back was up!
(His name was Peter), and thus spake he—
“Though every bee has shown white feather,
To bow to fashion I am not prone—
Why should a hive swarm all together?
Surely a bee can swarm alone?”
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz,
Upside down and inside out,
Backwards forwards round about,
Twirling here and twisting there,
Topsy turvily everywhere—
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz.
Pitiful sight it was to see
Respectable elderly high-class bee,
Who kicked the beam at sixteen stone,
Trying his best to swarm alone!
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz,
Trying his best to swarm alone!
(A strict teetotaller) teetotum—
The Queen exclaimed, “How terrible, very!
It's perfectly clear to all the throng
Peter's been at the old brown sherry.
Old brown sherry is much too strong—
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz.
Of all who thus themselves degrade
A stern example must be made,
To Coventry go, you tipsy bee!”
So off to Coventry town went he.
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz.
Both plausible rogue and noisome knave,
In dismal dumps he lived to own
The folly of trying to swarm alone!
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz.
All came of trying to swarm alone.
Chorus.
All came of trying to, &c.
Enter Mats Munck from Castle.
All.
Well, well—what news?
Does he refuse
Our rightful dues?
What news—what news?
Mats.
Good news! the Regent, whom we all revere,
Will read your neatly drawn appeal—
(I drew it!)
Without an hour's delay he'll meet you here,
And if we prove our case the Governor'll rue it!
All.
Hurrah!
Mats.
If these our charges home we bring,
He swears the Governor's neck he'll wring;
And when he says he'll do a thing,
He'll do it!
All.
Hurrah!
The sorrows that damped our lives are past,
And happily all will end at last.
As soon as the audience has been held,
Good-bye to the Governor Griffenfeld!
Men.
Good-bye!
Girls.
Good-bye!
Men.
Good-bye!
Girls.
Good-bye!
All.
Good-bye to the Governor Griffenfeld!
Enter Nanna and Thora. They come forward humbly.
Erl. and Tort.
(recit.).
Ah, false one!
Thora.
With humbled head—in desperation dire—
I tidings bring from my repentant sire.
He much regrets his foolish whim—
Nanna.
And hopes you'll intercede for him;
For, though his gore at retractation rises,
He's very sorry—and apologizes,
Thora.
He can't say more—
Both.
He's very sorry—and apologizes!
Erl. and Tor.
Be comforted—I can't resist that tear!
At once I'll seek our Sovereign Prince's ear,
And tell him—though our future you destroy it—
I don't mind ruination—I enjoy it!
Grif.
(humbly).
Complying with the popular request,
So prettily expressed—
Syn.
(aside).
I drew it!
Grif.
The Regent comes—forgive our little plot—
Our penitence, do not
Pooh pooh it!
Nanna.
If still to press your grievance you agree,
Then I feel certain we
Shall rue it!
Thora.
So please withdraw, as we are penitent,
That well-worn document!
Syn.
(aside).
I drew it!
All.
No, no; no mercy will we show—
Away with you! you plead in vain!
No word of ours shall stop the blow;
Your prayer we will not entertain!
Flourish. Enter Regent.
Principals and Chorus.
Hail, O Regent Prince.
Coming to requite us!
Matters not to mince,
You will nobly right us.
Your disgust evince—
Make the tyrant wince—
Hail, O Sovereign Prince,
Whose decrees delight us!
Recit.—Regent.
I've read your dutiful memorial:
If any other for reprisals call,
Or, suffering grievance, wish me to abate it,
This is your opportunity to state it.
Har.
(recit.).
May it please your Highness!
Air.
Har.
Though we're eager for to sally
To the doughty field of Mars—
Soldiers.
May it please your Royal Highness!
Har.
And encounter, generally,
Any quantity of scars—
Soldiers.
May it please your Royal Highness!
Har.
Yet for mischief, principally,
He has turned us into ballet,
And we feel it personally—
It is rough on brave Hussars!
Reg.
Yes, it's rough on brave Hussars!
All.
Yes, you're right, your Royal Highness, it is rough on brave
Hussars!
Har.
If we urge, in accents courtly,
That it wounds our proper pride—
Soldiers.
May it please your Royal Highness!
Why, he answers as retortly,
And for mutiny we're tried—
Soldiers.
May it please your Royal Highness!
Har.
We are soldiers grave and portly,
And it aggravates us mort'lly,
For, to put the matter shortly,
Well, it is not dignified!
All.
No, it isn't dignified!
Reg.
No, it isn't dignified!
All.
Look at this, your Royal Highness—it is far from dignified!
Ballet of Hussars.
Song.—Regent.
My people, who've submitted to the Governor's absurdities,
I sympathize most heartily with every word you say;
His Excellency's conduct is too bad—upon my word it is—
But all his wrong I'll rectify without undue delay.
On Erling, who has suffered from his mischievous malignity,
We shed the sunny summer of our Sovereign benignity,
And ratify all promises of dollars and of dignity.
So consequently Nanna will be his this very day.
All.
So consequently Nanna will be his this very day.
Ensemble.
Regent
(aside to Grif.).
Your orders I am trying to obey,
I hope I don't exceed in any way;
For so nobly you array me,
So magnificently pay me,
That your orders I am anxious to obey.
Grif.
(aside to Regent).
My orders you implicitly obey,
Proceed with perfect certainty you may;
Now unmercifully flay me,
And with punishment dismay me,
Or my orders you will surely disobey.
Erling
(aside).
Oh, Nanna will be mine this very day,
And all my sorrows hide themselves away;
For the trick he dared to play me,
It will handsomely repay me,
If Miss Nanna will be mine this very day.
Nanna
(aside).
It's fortunate that this is all in play.
I shouldn't like to marry him today;
It would terrible dismay be,
If he really came to claim me,
It is lucky that's it's only said in play.
Thora,
Other Principals and Chorus.
Oh, Nanna will be his this very day,
And all his sorrows hide themselves away;
I will handsomely array me
In my very best to play me,
For Miss Nanna will be his this very day!
Appointed our Physician—why, that gift is ratified
With promised rank of Baron—in that dignified capacity
He's warranted in claiming pretty Thora as his bride.
And Harold, gallant Corporal, whom with a spite oppressional,
Was made to twist and turn about like ballet-girl professional,
Dispensing with the many intermediate steps progressional,
A Colonel he's created at one mighty giant stride!
All.
A Colonel he's created at one mighty giant stride.
Ensemble.
Regent
(aside to Grif.).
I trust your Excellency's satisfied,
To carry out your wishes I have tried—
If I haven't acted rightly
You will mention it politely,
But I trust your Excellency's satisfied.
Grif.
(aside to Regent).
So far, my Excellency's satisfied,
To carry out my wishes you have tried;
When you fail to do it rightly
I will mention it politely,
But, so far, my Excellency's satisfied.
Harold and Tortenssen.
Upon my word, I'm truly gratified,
To justify your choice will be my pride;
For I think you've chosen rightly,
And I thank you most politely,
For, upon my word, I'm truly gratified.
Thora
(aside).
If he thinks that I intend to be his bride,
He'll find it a mistake unqualified,
If I know my feelings rightly,
I will thank him most politely,
And decline, on any terms, to be his bride.
Other Principals and Chorus.
To justify your choice will be their pride;
For we think you've chosen rightly,
And we thank you most politely,
For, upon my word, we're truly gratified.
But, finding you're addicted to discreditable pranks,
We strip you of your dignity, position, and emolument,
And name Mats Munck as Governor—we don't want any thanks.
And, as in these proceedings we are banded all in unity,
I think we couldn't find a more convenient opportunity
Of proving that imposture can't be practised with impunity.
(To Griffenfeld.)
For all your impositions you're degraded to the ranks!
All.
For all his impositions he's degraded to the ranks!
Reg.
(aside to Grif.).
I think I have done exactly as you said,
I am sure I hope I haven't been misled;
When I receive my payments,
I'll surrender all this raiment,
And resume my old habiliments instead.
Grif.
(aside to Reg.).
You've done it pretty nearly as I've said,
If you hadn't you'd have sacrificed your head.
You shall now receive your payment,
So take off that handsome raiment,
And resume your old habiliments instead.
Syndic.
Now really this is like to turn my head,
For I'm to rule as Governor instead!
When I get my quarter's payment,
I'll buy all his left-off raiment,
And it's possible Dame Cortlandt I may wed.
Nanna and Thora
(aside to each other).
Did you hear what that audacious fellow said?
My goodness, how exceedingly ill-bred!
Let us give the man his payment,
Then he'll doff his splendid raiment,
And resume his own habiliments instead.
Chorus,
and other Principals.
Assuredly there's nothing to be said,
He's lucky in escaping with his head!
He loses all his payment,
And his most expensive raiment,
And he'll take his turn at sentry-go instead!
Reg.
Now all you men and maidens true,
Who troth have duly plighted—
(I understand you're not a few)
Your wrongs shall all be righted:
At his expense a banquet to
You're cordially invited.
And in the Castle Chapel you
This day shall be united!
All.
Hurrah!
(all dancing)
Oh, bright delight—go, find a priest!
The wedding and the wedding feast,
At your expense, will soon be held—
So thank you, Private Griffenfeld!
Ha, ha, ha, ha, etc.
At your expense they will be held,
Three cheers for Private Griffenfeld!
All.
So thank you—
Grif.
Thank you—
All.
Thank you—
Griff.
Thank you—
All.
Thank you, Private Griffenfeld!
(changing his manner—very humbly).
I trust I've fairly
carried out your Excellency's instructions?
Grif.
You've done pretty well, sir—only pretty well!
Reg.
May I ask in what respect I have failed?
Grif.
Your manner is not sufficiently dignified for a Royal
Prince—you want a great deal more of this sort of thing—
(business)
—you are not at all Royal, sir!
Reg.
I see what you mean.
(Imitating him.)
Thank you,
I'm sure—it will be most useful to me in my profession, and
I'll take care to remember it. But pray bear in mind that, as
a poor stroller, I have not enjoyed your Excellency's many
opportunities of making myself acquainted with the deportment
of the very highest classes.
Grif.
True, but I told you this afternoon that you must
endeavour to assume an air of—of this sort of thing—
(business)
.
Then again, your instructions were to order me to be shot in
twenty-four hours. Why didn't you do that?
Reg.
Well, I was about to give the order, but when I saw
the temper of the people and how cordially you are detested—
most unjustly, I'm sure—I was afraid to do so lest, in their
fury, they should execute the order on the spot.
Grif.
I see what you mean.
Reg.
I might not have had time to stop them.
Grif.
Very true.
Reg.
But it's not too late—they can be sent for directly and
the order given, without delay.
(About to go off.)
Grif.
No—on second thoughts it's not necessary. It will do
as it is.
Reg.
I trust you think I exercised a wise discretion?
Grif.
Well, on the whole, perhaps yes, I say—it's—it's a
good joke, isn't it?
Reg.
It's a perfect monument of practical humour. Only—
forgive the suggestion—isn't it a little risky?
Grif.
Risky? What do you mean?
Reg.
Somehow these practical jokes have such a tendency to
recoil on the heads of their perpetrators. Now, mere verbal
humour is so much safer—a quip, a crank, a jibe, jape or
jest—
Grif.
Nonsense, sir, don't talk to me about japes and jests!
Return to the Castle, and when you've resumed your rags, I
will pay you the golden Freidrichs I promised you. Be off!
Reg.
As your Excellency pleases.
[Exit Regent into Castle.
Grif.
What does he mean about practical jokes recoiling on
their perpetrator? I ought to know. I've played them with
about verbal humour, but where is it to come from? Why,
everything of the kind has been said—there's absolutely nothing
left!
Song.—Griffenfeld.
Who seeks for jocularities that haven't yet been said.
The world has joked incessantly for over fifty centuries,
And every joke that's possible has long ago been made.
I started as a humourist with lots of mental fizziness,
But humour is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse;
For my stock in trade, my fixtures, and the goodwill of the business
No reasonable offer I am likely to refuse.
And if anybody choose
He may circulate the news
That no reasonable offer I am likely to refuse.
Who when a joke occurred to him, however poor and mean,
Was absolutely certain that it never had been done at all—
How popular at dinners must that humourist have been!
Oh the days when some stepfather for the query held a handle out,
The door-mat from the scraper, is it distant very far?
And when no one knew where Moses was when Aaron put the candle out,
And no one had discovered that a door could be a-jar!
But your modern hearers are
In their tastes particular,
And they sneer if you inform them that a door can be a-jar!
And all that I could hit on as a problem was—to find
Analogy between a scrag of mutton and a Bony-part,
Which offers slight employment to the speculative mind:
For you cannot call it very good, however great your charity—
It's not the sort of humour that is greeted with a shout—
And I've come to the conclusion that the mine of jocularity,
In present Anno Domini, is worked completely out!
Though the notion you may scout,
I can prove beyond a doubt
That the mine of jocularity is utterly worked out!
[Exit into Castle.
Enter Harold (now dressed as Colonel) followed by Blanca.
Har.
Now, don't worry me—I can't attend to you now. I've
the responsibility of a Regiment on my shoulders, and I've
no time to listen to chatterboxes. If you've anything to say,
mention it to the Sergeant-Major.
Blan.
The Sergeant-Major? Oh, very good—only if I tell
do something affectionate, that's all.
[Going.
Har.
Stop! Now you are not going to say anything to the
Sergeant-Major that will unsettle him and make him neglect his
duties?
Blan.
Only his Regimental duties. Not the others.
Har.
Oh! It would be a pity to unsettle the Sergeant-Major.
Well, what was it you were going to say?
Blan.
(nestling up against him).
Only this, dear—that this
sudden rise—dear—from corporal to colonel at one step—dear
—is more like fiction than fact, isn't it, dear?
Har.
Is that all? Cut out the “dears,” and I don't think
it'll hurt him. But, as you say, it is remarkable.
Blan.
What a novel it would make!
Har.
A three-volume novel! So it would. Let's write it
together.
Blan.
Very well—you begin.
Har.
Now, let me see—
Duet.—Harold and Blanca.
Har.
There once was a corporal bold—
Blan.
Yes—gawky, round-shouldered and lean—
Har.
No, very good-looking with plenty of dash,
In battle courageous, hot-headed and rash,
With a small but extremely becoming moustache—
Blan.
Ah! it isn't the one that I mean.
Har.
(speaks).
Now it's your turn.
Blan.
There was once a Vivandière—
Har.
Old,
Short, stumpy, red-headed and vain—
Blan.
Not at all—very young with no sort of defect,
Exceedingly lovely and highly correct.
Har.
Oh, don't make her pretty—these girls, recollect,
Are always remarkably plain!
Blan.
(speaking).
Rather rude, isn't it?
Har.
Not a bit. True to life—that's all. Now we must
have an incident.
Blan.
Suppose we make her—
(Whispers.)
Har.
No—Mudie wouldn't take it. No, I don't think that
would do. Stop, I have an idea for a sensational incident of a
striking and dramatic character.
The Regent one morning, by chance,
Observing the Corporal, said—
“It would be nothing short of public disgrace
To keep such a trump in a Corporal's place—
So we'll make him a Colonel, all covered with lace.”
(confidentially to audience).
The Regent was weak in the head!
Har.
She, taking the facts at a glance,
To his bosom unblushingly flew—
Blan.
And he was so deeply in love, I declare.
That he married her then, and he married her there—
Both.
So it ends with a wedding at Hanover Square,
As a three volume novel should do!
[Exeunt together.
Enter Mats Munck, now dressed in Griffenfeld's uniform.
Mats.
When a man is promoted unexpectedly to a position
of the highest official distinction, it is always a satisfactory
circumstance when his figure is calculated to set off his uniform
to advantage.
(Sentry presents arms to him.)
Eh? Oh, thank
you very much. You're extremely polite, I'm sure!
Sent.
Please to remember the sentry.
Mats.
Eh? Oh, certainly!
[Gives him money.
Enter Dame Cortlandt unobserved. She comes forward.
Dame C.
(putting her arm round him).
Mats! Little man!
Mats.
Eh? Oh, it's you. Don't. I'm busy now.
(Aside.)
It was all very well when I was only a Syndic, but as a Governor
I can look a good deal higher than this sort of person.
(Aloud,
to sentry.)
Will you kindly do that again?
Sent.
Certainly.
[Presents arms.
Mats.
Most gratifying, I'm sure!
(Tips him again. Dame
again embraces Mats.)
Now, don't worry—can't you see that I
have business with a gentleman?
[Reverts to sentry.
Dame C.
(suppressing her rage with difficulty).
Mats! Take
care! This is strange treatment—at the very outset of our
engagement!
Mats.
But, my good soul, you speak of our engagement
as if—
Dame C.
Don't deny it, Mats. I have your letter of proposal
in my pocket—you have my letter of acceptance in yours! I'm
trying to keep it down, Mats.
Mats.
But as you very properly observed, that wasn't addressed
to me but to the ex-Governor.
Dame C.
It does just as well for you, Mats. I accepted the
Governor, and you are the Governor.
Mats.
If it comes to that, you were proposed to by the Syndic,
and I'm not the Syndic. Go find the Syndic—go seek, go find—
there's a good girl!
(Reverts to sentry.)
Will you oblige me
once more?
[Giving him money.
(heaving with suppressed rage).
I'm doing my
best to subdue it, Mats, but it's a tremendous effort.
Mats.
Hold your breath and count six, my dear.
Dame C.
(does so).
It's all right, dear—it's down again!
Mats.
(occupied with sentry).
So glad!
Dame C.
We must settle this at once, Mats. It's a very
nice point. Shall we refer it to arbitration?
Mats.
By all means. I find this gentleman
(indicating sentry)
full of delicate appreciation—suppose we leave it to him?
Dame C.
You will undertake to abide by the result, Mats?
Mats.
With pleasure.
(Aside.)
I've tipped him till he
doesn't know whether he stands on his head or his heels!
Quartet.
Mats Munck, Dame Cortlandt, Sentry, and afterwards Griffenfeld.
Mats
(to Sentry).
One day, the Syndic of this town
(Whose time of life is shady)
Affectionately kneeling down,
Proposed to this old lady.
Now your opinion give politely
And riddle me this and riddle me rightly—
Who claims her hand? (Aside.)
Here's half-a-crown!
[Tipping him.
Sent.
No doubt the Syndic of this town.
Mats
(dancing).
Exactly so—the truth you speak—
(To Dame).
Away—your love-sick Syndic seek—
You have no claim upon me, for
Unhappily I'm the Governor!
Sent.
Oh yes, he is the Governor!
Mats
(delighted).
There!
Sent.
No doubt he is the Governor!
Mats.
There!
Sent.
Against you, ma'am, I must declare—
This gentleman is the Governor!
Mats.
There!
Dame.
But bless my soul—
Mats.
The man is right!
Dame.
That's not the whole—
Mats.
It's settled quite!
Ensemble.
Dame.
It's now my turn my wrongs to air,
So Governor Munck for squalls prepare!
Mats.
I've taken steps the Court to square,
So fire away, ma'am—I don't care!
Dame.
One moment, pray—your words retrace,
Oh, sentinel, shortsighted!
I to the Governor of this place,
My troth securely plighted—
Now pray don't treat this question lightly,
But riddle me this and riddle me rightly—
Who claims my conjugal embrace?
Grif.
Of course, the Governor of this place!
Dame.
(dancing).
Exactly so! you well decide!
I am, ha! ha! the Governor's bride—
The Governor you, you can't deny—
Argal, the Governor's lady, I!
Grif.
She is the Governor's lady!
Mats.
What!
Grif.
Of course, the Governor's lady!
Mats.
What!
Grif.
You are the Governor, are you not?
Then she's the Governor's lady!
Mats.
What!
But bless my heart—
Dame.
(still dancing).
That man is right!
That's but a part—
Dame.
It's settled quite!
Ensemble.
Dame.
Though basely you may plan and plot,
With me you'll share your Governor's lot!
Mats.
If I consent, may I be shot,
With her to share my Governor's lot!
Grif.
(aside).
How capitally I plan and plot
To cleverly cut the Gordian knot!
[Dame dances off in front of Mats, who tries in vain to escape.
Grif.
(alone).
It's alright! they're both committed to it,
and that little difficulty is off my hands at last! Hallo! what's
wrong now?
Enter Nanna and Thora tidying their caps and much out of temper.
Thora.
Papa, a joke's a joke,—but I don't think it fair to
make us plot against ourselves!
Nanna.
I'm sure I enjoy a bit of fun as much as anybody,
but when it comes to our being coupled, if only for an afternoon,
with a brace of penniless admirers, who are disposed to take
every advantage of the position in which they temporarily find
themselves, why, it's going a little too far—that's all!
Why, what have they been doing?
Thora.
Why, they've been unnecessarily realistic in their
attentions.
Grif.
Unpleasantly so?
Thora.
I said unnecessarily so. Goodness knows, I don't
mind realism when there's any prospect of its coming to anything
definite, but as neither of these young men has a penny,
the sooner it's put a stop to the better!
Grif.
Hasn't a penny! What are you talking about?
Why, they're magnificent matches!—Court Physician with the
rank of Baron!—Sculptor Extraordinary to the Royal Family
with the title of Count! Why, you grasping girls, what more
do you want?
Nanna.
Oh, papa! that's all nonsense! If these persons
were really what they believe themselves to be, we wouldn't
mind, but as they're both penniless young men, and we are
penniless young ladies, the sooner we tell them the truth, the
better.
Grif.
But, my good girls, consider! Don't go and spoil it all!
Think of the fun of it when they discover how they've been
cheated! Oh, my dear girls, there's a rich and rare treat in
store for us all!
[The girls, who have been chuckling through his speech, burst into hearty laughter.
Thora.
Upon my word, it ought to be extremely amusing!
Patter Trio.
Governor, Nanna, and Thora.
Grif.
When a gentleman supposes that he comfortably dozes on a
pleasant bed of roses (which are singularly rare)—
Nanna.
And discovers that it bristles with uncomfortable thistles,
in intemperate epistles his annoyance he'll declare—
Thora.
When a man his temper loses his remarks he never choses,
but expressive language uses, with a tendency to swear—
Grif.
And when lovers are discarded their upbraiding will be larded
with some epithets unguarded—you had better not be there!
Nanna
(disappointed).
We had better not be there?
Thora
(disappointed).
We had better not be there?
Grif.
(decidedly).
You had better not be there!
All.
We/You had better not be there!
Nanna and Thora.
When these gentlemen conceited both discover
they've been cheated, all our fun will be
defeated—that's a thing we couldn't bear—
So, however they may rave it, we'll unquestionably
brave it; you may take your affidavit we
will certainly be there!
We/They will certainly be there—
Though you/I flout it, never doubt it, we/they will certainly be there!
Grif.
Their despair and their distraction and their keen dissatisfaction
—their exaggerated action, and the tearing of their
hair—
Nanna.
Their disgust and desperation when they see the situation
some congenial occupation for the lawyers will prepare—
Thora.
We shall find their loud abusing both instructive and
amusing, and of violent accusing there'll be symptoms in
the air—
Grif.
And their libellous expressions and their angry indiscretions
will be tried at Quarter Sessions, when I occupy the chair!
Nanna
(gleefully).
When you occupy the chair—
Thora
(gleefully).
When you occupy the chair—
Grif.
When I occupy the chair!—
All Three.
When you/I occupy the chair.
Grif.
When the case is quite completed, then the prisoner defeated
with severity is treated as you're probably aware—
For it's awfully provided that the jury shall be guided by my
summary one-sided—which distresses Labouchere.
All Three.
It is rough on Labouchere—
It is hard on Labouchere—
Oh, the dickens, how it sickens tender-hearted Labouchere!
[Exit Griffenfeld.
Nanna.
Really, Thora, I can't help feeling rather conscience-stricken.
Poor boys! I'm really afraid we've broken their
hearts!
Thora.
It's a pity they're such nobodies. I sometimes think
between ourselves—
Nanna.
Hush! So do I—but here they come.
Enter Erling and Tortenssen. The girls retire up stage and listen.
Tort.
Do you know, I don't care to be repulsed by a girl I'm
engaged to, Count.
Erl.
They certainly treated us very coldly, Baron. Mere
innocent attentions—such as every girl expects from the man
she's going to marry—
Tort.
Remember, Count, we are no longer a couple of adventurers,
we are great men, and we are entitled to expect that
attentions shall be paid to us, now.
(Girls indulge in suppressed
chuckles.)
I think a little condescension on our part, a
would not be misplaced.
Erl.
I see what you mean, Baron. A little of this sort of
thing—“Good-day to you, my dear; good-day to you. Pleased
to see you, pleased to see you—”
Tort.
“A little further off, please. We'll tell you when we
want the mixture as before.” Don't you think so, Count?
Erl.
I really think it's only what is due to us, Baron, I do
indeed.
[The Girls come forward pretending to weep bitterly.
Nanna
(in affected tears).
Oh, please, we've been thinking
it over, and we're very sorry we were so un-kuk-kuk-kuk-kind
to you just now.
Erl.
(condescendingly).
Thank you, thank you. Pray don't
name it.
Tort.
We thought you'd like a little attention—but it's not
of the smallest consequence. There—go away—there's good
girls.
Thora
(pretending to sob).
Oh, but we did like it—only—
[Bursts into tears.
Nanna
(sobbing).
We thought it more mai-mai-maidenly
to be cuc-cuc-cuc-coy!
[Tears.
Nanna.
By such a par-par-particular pa-pa-papa!
Thora.
And we're so afraid of Mrs. Gug-gug-gug-Grundy!
(Violent burst of tears.)
[Both burst into floods of tears.
Erl.
(Together.)
Now, my darling child—Nanna—dearest—don't cry
like that! I can't bear it! See, on my knees I
swear to you that I will always—always love you
as I love you now! Oh, don't cry like that—
you'll break my heart—indeed you will!
Tort.
(Together.)
My dearest Thora—you mustn't—really you mustn't!
It's dreadful to see those pretty eyes so red with
weeping—Oh, I was a brute to be unkind to you,
there—don't be a little goose! I didn't mean it
—upon my word I didn't!
[Both men are on their knees trying to console the two girls. The girls, who have been pretending to weep hysterically through this, suddenly burst into peals of hearty laughter.
Erl.
(springing up).
Tortenssen, I do believe they're laughing
at us!
Thora.
Oh, aren't the nobility shrewd!
Nanna.
And isn't the aristocracy quick at grasping a
situation!
Erling, Tortenssen, Nanna, and Thora.
Nanna.
So this is how you'd have us sue you—
Bowing, bending—turning to you—
But you don't exact it, do you?
That's so kind (Erling kisses her)
. Impertinence! (aside)
.
Thora.
Pleading party pray you pity!
You are wise and wondrous witty—
Don't despise our doleful ditty!
Thanks so much (Tortenssen kisses her)
.
What impudence! (aside)
.
Erl. and Tort.
Ha, ha! ha, ha! Ha! ha! ha! ha!
Nanna and Thora.
Ha, ha! ha, ha! Ha! ha! ha! ha!
All.
Topsey turvey turn the tables!
Tit for tat and tat for tit—
As in fusty fairy fables,
Badly is the biter bit!
Takes a time to tame a Tartar!
Dad's delightful darling darter,
Mostly makes a man a martyr—
Here's a hero hardly hit!
Erl.
As you sue for pardon sweetly
Though you've acted indiscreetly,
We forgive you both completely,
Thus I'll prove it— (tries to kiss her)
.
Nanna.
That you won't!
Tort.
Though you've ridiculed us sadly—
Cheated and deceived us badly,
As we love you fondly—madly—
We forgive you— (trying to kiss her)
.
No, you don't!
Thora.
Topsy turvey turn the tables, &c.
[Erling and Tortenssen dance off—waving an adieu to the two girls, who remain on the stage.
Thora
(sighing).
Oh, Nanna, they're good fellows! I wish
it was all real!
Nanna.
No use wishing, dear. We'd better try and forget
all about them.
(Looking off.)
Oh—look! All the people
coming to get married!
Thora.
Poor people! We—we must go and find our bridegrooms.
Nanna.
Poor bridegrooms? It's—it's a capital joke!
(About
to cry.)
Thora.
Capital!
(Looking at Nanna's face.)
Why, a real
tear, I do believe!
Nanna
(holding it on her finger).
Yes, it's real this time.
Thora
(examining it).
Funny, isn't it?
Very amusing.
Thora.
Put it back.
(Nanna does so.)
All right now?
Nanna
(brightly).
All right now!
[Exeunt in opposite directions.
March.
Enter men and girls in couples for wedding. They come two and two down stage.
Chorus.
(To bell accompaniment.)
Ring the bells and bang the brasses!
Cut the cake and fill the glasses!
Lovers and their blushing lasses
Will be duly coupled soon.
When, in Castle chapel plighted,
Man and maid are once united,
Off they'll go in mood delighted
On a happy honeymoon!
[Enter Griffenfeld, also Nanna with Erling, Thora with Tortenssen, Dame Cortlandt with Syndic, and Christina alone.
Grif.
Stop! You can all go home. There will be no weddings
to-day.
Erl.
What do you mean?
Grif.
I mean that you've all been imposed upon—deluded—
cheated. The Regent is no Regent, but a common vagabond
personating him. Ha! ha! ha! Here comes His Royal Highness
in his true colours!
Enter Regent in his vagabond dress. Christina runs to his arms.
Erl.
(to Regent).
Now, sir, the truth. Are you a prince to
be worshipped or a swindler to be whipped?
Reg.
Really it's a point upon which I'm not quite satisfied
myself! I'll think it over and let you know.
Enter the two Officers.
1st Officer
(kneeling).
Sir, the enemy's fleet has entered the
Baltic, and your immediate presence at Copenhagen is indispensable.
[Giving a dispatch to Regent.
Grif.
Why, what's all this? Who are these jack-a-dandies?
Reg.
(reading dispatch).
Merely two of my trusted officers.
They bring me weighty news indeed!
Why, you don't mean to tell me that you are the
Regent after all?
Reg.
The very Regent, at your service.
[All kneel.
Grif.
I've made an ass of myself!
Reg.
Don't say that. We are indebted to you for some
invaluable hints for promotions, appointments, and marriage
arrangements, all of which will take effect to-day—as indeed
will the best and wisest of your suggestions—your permanent
degradation to the ranks.
(Regent sees Christina weeping.)
Why, Christina in tears!
Chris.
I weep, sir, because my heart is broken, and, alas, it
is your Highness's doing, for your Highness gave me Nils
Egilsson, and he has gone from me for ever!
Reg.
Nay, Christina, be not so sure of that. I have found
the very love I have sought this many a year, and if my being
heir to a crown is to stand in my way, why I'll e'en be Nils
Egilsson to the end!
Chris.
(amazed).
Sir!
Reg.
Come, Christina, what say you?
Chris.
Sir, I am your Highness's handmaid!
[They retire up stage together.
Finale.
Erl. and Tort.
Now all that we've agreed upon, O,
And all that's passed between us;
Ere half an hour go by
We'll surely ratify.
Nanna and Thora.
As life's career we speed upon, O,
So fondly we'll demean us;
Thy love shall never say
That he repents this day.
Erl. and Tort.
What, never?
Nanna and Thora.
Never!
Erl. and Tort.
Never?
Nanna and Thora.
Never!
All Four.
Never repent this day!
Erl. and Tort.
Resentment sink,
My own Nanna./Thora.
Nanna and Thora.
But only think
Of poor papa,
Position low
Degraded to!
[Pointing to Griffenfeld, who is standing sentry.
Erl. and Tort.
(to Griffenfeld).
You little roguey poguey, you—
Syn.
You little roguey poguey—
Grif.
(hurt).
Sir!
You little roguey poguey—
Grif.
Sir!!
All.
You roguey poguey, roguey poguey, roguey poguey!
Grif.
Sir!!!
All.
We love with all sincerity, O,
And pleasure is elating us—
Away with all celerity, O,
The priest is there awaiting us!
In verity, verity, verity, verity,
Priest is there awaiting us!
[All except Regent and Christina dance off in couples into Castle, waving an adieu to Griffenfeld, who stands as sentry, presenting arms to them as the curtain falls.
| His Excellency | |