University of Virginia Library

ACT II.

Same Scene. Night. Moonlight.
Captain discovered singing on poop-deck, and accompanying himself on a mandolin. Little Buttercup seated on quarter-deck, near gun, gazing sentimentally at him.
Song.—Captain.
Fair moon, to thee I sing,
Bright regent of the heavens;
Say, why is everything
Either at sixes or at sevens?
I have lived hitherto
Free from breath of slander,
Beloved by all my crew—
A really popular commander.
But now my kindly crew rebel;
My daughter to a tar is partial;
Sir Joseph storms, and, sad to tell,
He threatens a court martial!
Fair moon, to thee I sing,
Bright regent of the heavens;
Say, why is everything
Either at sixes or at sevens?

But.

How sweetly he carols forth his melody to the unconscious
moon! Of whom is he thinking? Of some high-born
beauty? It may be! (Sighing.)
Who is poor Little Buttercup
that she should expect his glance to fall on one so lowly!
And yet if he knew—

[Captain has come down from poop-deck.
Capt.

Ah! Little Buttercup, still on board? That is not
quite right, little one. It would have been more respectable to
have gone on shore at dusk.

But.

True, dear Captain—but the recollection of your sad
pale face seemed to chain me to the ship. I would fain see you
smile before I go.

Capt.

Ah! Little Buttercup, I fear it will be long before I
recover my accustomed cheerfulness, for misfortunes crowd
upon me, and all my old friends seem to have turned against
me!

But.

Oh no—do not say “all,” dear Captain. That were
unjust to one, at least.

Capt.

True, for you are staunch to me. (Aside.)
If ever
I gave my heart again, methinks it would be to such a one as
this! (Aloud.)
I am deeply touched by your innocent regard
for me, and were we differently situated, I think I could
have returned it. But as it is, I fear I can never be more to
you than a friend.

But.
(change of manner).

I understand! You hold aloof
from me because you are rich and lofty—and I, poor and lowly.
But take care! The poor bumboat woman has gipsy blood in
her veins, and she can read destinies. There is a change in
store for you!

Capt.

A change!

But.

Ay—be prepared!

Duet.—Little Buttercup and Captain.
But.
Things are seldom what they seem:
Skim milk masquerades as cream;
Highlows pass as patent leathers;
Jackdaws strut in peacocks' feathers.

Capt.
(puzzled).
Very true,
So they do.

But.
Black sheep dwell in every fold
All that glitters is not gold;
Storks turn out to be but logs;
Bulls are but inflated frogs.

Capt.
(puzzled).
So they be,
Frequentlee.

But.
Drops the wind and stops the mill;
Turbot is ambitious brill;
Gild the farthing if you will,
But it is a farthing still.

Capt.
(puzzled).
Yes, I know
That is so.
Though to catch your drift I'm striving,
It is shady—it is shady;
I don't see at what you're driving,
Mystic lady—mystic lady,
(Aside.)
Stern conviction's o'er me stealing,
That the mystic lady's dealing
In oracular revealing.

But.
(aside).
Stern conviction's o'er him stealing,
That the mystic lady's dealing
In oracular revealing.

Both.
Yes, I know
That is so!

Capt.
Though I'm anything but clever,
I could talk like that for ever:
Once a cat was killed by care;
Only brave deserve the fair.

But.
Very true,
So they do.

Capt.
Wink is often good as nod;
Spoils the child who spares the rod;
Thirsty lambs run foxy dangers;
Dogs are found in many mangers.

Put.
Frequentlee,
I agree.

Capt.
Paw of cat the chestnut snatches;
Worn-out garments show new patches;
Only count the chick that hatches;
Men are grown up catchy-catchies.

But.
Yes, I know
That is so.
(Aside.)
Though to catch my drift he's striving,
I'll dissemble—I'll dissemble;
When he sees at what I'm driving,
Let him tremble—let him tremble!
Ensemble.
Though a mystic tone I/you borrow,
I shall/You will learn the truth with sorrow,
Here to-day and gone to-morrow;
Yes, I know
That is so!

[At the end exit Little Buttercup, melo-dramatically.
Capt.

Incomprehensible as her utterances are, I nevertheless
feel that they are dictated by a sincere regard for me. But to
what new misery is she referring? Time alone can tell!

Enter Sir Joseph.
Sir J.

Captain Corcoran, I am much disappointed with your
daughter. In fact, I don't think she will do.

Capt.

She won't do, Sir Joseph!

Sir J.

I'm afraid not. The fact is, that although I have
urged my suit with as much eloquence as is consistent with an
official utterance, I have done so hitherto without success. How
do you account for this?

Capt.

Really, Sir Joseph, I hardly know. Josephine is, of
course, sensible of your condescension.

Sir J.

She naturally would be.

Capt.

But perhaps your exalted rank dazzles her.

Sir J.

You think it does?

Capt.

I can hardly say; but she is a modest girl, and her
social position is far below your own. It may be that she feels
she is not worthy of you.

Sir J.

That is really a very sensible suggestion, and displays
more knowledge of human nature than I had given you credit
for.

Capt.

See, she comes. If your lordship would kindly reason
with her, and assure her, officially, that it is a standing rule at
the Admiralty that love levels all ranks, her respect for an
official utterance might induce her to look upon your offer in
its proper light.

Sir J.

It is not unlikely. I will adopt your suggestion. But
soft, she is here. Let us withdraw, and watch our opportunity.

Enter Josephine from cabin. Sir Joseph retires up and watches her.
Scena.—Josephine.

Sir J.
(coming forward).

Madam, it has been represented to
me that you are appalled by my exalted rank; I desire to convey
to you, officially, my assurance that if your hesitation is attributable
to that circumstance, it is uncalled for.

Jos.

Oh! then your lordship is of opinion that married happiness
is not inconsistent with discrepancy in rank?

Sir J.

I am officially of that opinion.

Jos.

That the high and the lowly may be truly happy together,
provided that they truly love one another?

Sir J.

Madam, I desire to convey to you, officially, my opinion
that love is a platform upon which all ranks meet.

Jos.

I thank you, Sir Joseph. I did hesitate, but I will
hesitate no longer. (Aside.)
He little thinks how eloquently
he has pleaded his rival's cause!

Captain has entered; during this speech he comes forward.
Trio.—Sir Joseph, Captain, and Josephine.
Capt.
Never mind the why and wherefore,
Love can level ranks, and therefore,
Though his lordship's station's mighty,
Though stupendous be his brain,
Though your tastes are mean and flighty
And your fortune poor and plain—

Capt. and Sir J.
Ring the merry bells on board ship,
Rend the air with warbling wild,
For the union of his/my lordship
With a humble captain's child!

Capt.
For a humble captain's daughter—

Jos.
(aside).
For a gallant captain's daughter—

Sir J.
And a lord who rules the water—

Jos.
(aside).
And a tar who ploughs the water!

All.
Let the air with joy be laden,
Rend with songs the air above,
For the union of a maiden
With the man who owns her love!

Sir J.
Never mind the why and wherefore,
Love can level ranks, and therefore,
Though your nautical relation (alluding to Captain)

In my set could scarcely pass—
Though you occupy a station
In the lower middle class—

Capt. and Sir J.
Ring the merry bells on board ship,
Rend the air with warbling wild,
For the union of his/my lordship
With a humble captain's child?

Sir J.
For a humble captain's daughter—

Jos.
(aside).
For a gallant captain's daughter—

Capt.
And a lord who rules the water—

Jos.
(aside).
And a tar who ploughs the water!

All.
Let the air with joy be laden,
Fill with songs the air above,
For the union of a maiden
With the man who owns her love!

Jos.
Never mind the why and wherefore,
Love can level ranks, and therefore
I admit its jurisdiction;
Ably have you played your part;
You have carried firm conviction
To my hesitating heart.

Capt. and Sir J.
Ring the merry bells on board ship,
Rend the air with warbling wild,
For the union of his/my lordship
With a humble captain's child!

Capt. and Sir J.
For a humble captain's daughter—

Jos.
(aside).
For a gallant captain's daughter—

Capt. and Sir J.
And a lord who rules the water—

Jos.
(aside).
And a tar who ploughs the water!
(Aloud.)
Let the air with joy be laden,

Capt. and Sir J.
Ring the merry bells on board ship—

Jos.
For the union of a maiden—

Capt. and Sir J.
For the union with his lordship.

All.
Rend with songs the air above
For the man who owns her love!

[Exit Josephine.
Capt.

Sir Joseph, I cannot express to you my delight at the
happy result of your eloquence. Your argument was unanswerable.

Sir J.

Captain Corcoran, it is one of the happiest characteristics
of this glorious country that official utterances are invariably
regarded as unanswerable.

[Exit Sir Joseph into cabin.
Capt.

At last my fond hopes are to be crowned. My only
daughter is to be the bride of a Cabinet Minister. The prospect
is Elysian.

During this speech Dick Deadeye has entered.
Dick.

Captain!

Capt.

Deadeye! You here? Don't! (Recoiling from him.)

Dick.

Ah, don't shrink from me, Captain. I'm unpleasant to
look at, and my name's agin me, but I ain't as bad as I seem.

Capt.

What would you with me?

Dick
(mysteriously).

I'm come to give you warning.

Capt.

Indeed! Do you propose to leave the Navy, then?

Dick.

No, no, you misunderstand me; listen.

Duet.—Captain and Dick Deadeye.
Dick.
Kind Captain, I've important information,
Sing hey, the kind commander that you are!
About a certain intimate relation;
Sing hey, the merry maiden and the tar!

Both.
The merry maiden and the tar!

Capt.
Good fellow, in conundrums you are speaking,
Sing hey, the mystic sailor that you are!
The answer to them vainly I am seeking;
Sing hey, the merry maiden and the tar!

Both.
The merry maiden and the tar!

Dick.
Kind Captain, your young lady is a-sighing,
Sing hey, the simple captain that you are!
This very night with Rackstraw to be flying;
Sing hey, the merry maiden and the tar!

Both.
The merry maiden and the tar!

Capt.
Good fellow, you have given timely warning,
Sing hey, the thoughtful sailor that you are!
I'll talk to Master Rackstraw in the morning;
Sing hey, the cat-o'-nine-tails and the tar!

(Producing a “cat.”)
Both.
The merry cat-o'-nine-tails and the tar!

Capt.

Dick Deadeye, I thank you for your warning; I will
at once take means to arrest their flight. This boat-cloak will
afford me ample disguise. So! (Envelopes himself in a mysterious cloak, holding it before his face.)

Dick.

Ha! ha! They are foiled—foiled—foiled!

Enter Crew on tiptoe, with Ralph and Boatswain, meeting Josephine, who enters from cabin on tiptoe, with bundle of necessaries, and accompanied by Little Buttercup. The Captain, shrouded in his boat-cloak, watches them unnoticed.
Ensemble.
[All.]
Carefully on tiptoe stealing,
Breathing gently as we may,
Every step with caution feeling,
We will softly steal away.

(Captain stamps—chord.)
All
(much alarmed).
Goodness me!
Why, what was that?

Dick.
Silent be,
It was the cat!

All
(reassured).
It was—it was the cat!

Capt.
(producing cat-o'-nine-tails).
They're right, it was the cat!
Pull ashore, in fashion steady,
Hymen will defray the fare,
For a clergyman is ready
To unite the happy pair!

(Stamp as before, and chord.)
All.
Goodness me!
Why, what was that?

Dick.
Silent be,
Again the cat!

All.
It was again that cat!

Capt.
(aside).
They're right, it was the cat!
(Throwing off cloak.)
Hold! (All start.)

Pretty daughter of mine,
I insist upon knowing
Where you may be going
With these sons of the brine;
For my excellent crew,
Though foes they could thump any,
Are scarcely fit company,
My daughter, for you.

Crew.
Now, hark at that, do!
Though foes we could thump any,
We are scarcely fit company
For a lady like you!

Ralph.
Proud officer, that haughty lip uncurl!
Vain man, suppress that supercilious sneer,
For I have dared to love your matchless girl,
A fact well known to all my messmates here!

Capt.
Oh, horror!

Ralph and Jos.
I,/He, humble, poor, and lowly born,
The meanest in the port division—
The butt of epauletted scorn—
The mark of quarter-deck derision—
Have/Has dared to raise my/his wormy eyes
Above the dust to which you'd mould me,/him,
In manhood's glorious pride to rise.
I am/He is an Englishman—behold me!/him!

All.
He is an Englishman!

Boat.
He is an Englishman!
For he himself has said it,
And it's greatly to his credit,
That he is an Englishman!

All.
That he is an Englishman!

Boat.
For he might have been a Roosian,
A French, or Turk, or Proosian,
Or perhaps Itali-an!

All.
Or perhaps Itali-an!

Boat.
But in spite of all temptations
To belong to other nations,
He remains an Englishman!

All.
Hurrah!
For the true-born Englishman!

Capt.
(trying to repress his anger).
In uttering a reprobation
To any British tar,
I try to speak with moderation,
But you have gone too far.
I'm very sorry to disparage
A humble foremast lad,
But to seek your captain's child in marriage,
Why, damme, it's too bad!

During this Cousin Hebe and Female Relatives have entered.
All
(shocked).
Oh!

Capt.
Yes, damme, it's too bad!

Capt. and Dick Deadeye.
Yes, damme, it's too bad.

During this Sir Joseph has appeared on poop-deck. He is horrified at the bad language.
Hebe.
Did you hear him—did you hear him?
Oh, the monster overbearing!
Don't go near him—don't go near him—
He is swearing—he is swearing.

Sir J.
(with impressive dignity).
My pain and my distress
I find it is not easy to express;
My amazement—my surprise—
You may learn from the expression of my eyes!

Capt.
My lord, one word—the facts are known before you;
The word was injudicious, I allow—
But hear my explanation, I implore you,
And you will be indignant, too, I vow!

Sir J.
I will hear of no defence,
Attempt none if you're sensible.
That word of evil sense
Is wholly indefensible.
Go, ribald, get you hence
To your cabin with celerity.
This is the consequence
Of ill-advised asperity!

[Exit Captain, disgraced, followed by Josephine.
All.
Behold the consequence
Of ill-advised asperity!

Sir J.
For I'll teach you all, ere long,
To refrain from language strong.
For I haven't any sympathy for ill-bred taunts!

Hebe.
No more have his sisters, nor his cousins, nor his aunts.

All.
For he is an Englishman, etc.

Sir J.

Now, tell me, my fine fellow—for you are a fine
fellow—

Ralph.

Yes, your honour.

Sir J.

How came your captain so far to forget himself? I
am quite sure you had given him no cause for annoyance.

Ralph.

Please your honour, it was thus wise. You see, I'm
only a topman—a mere foremast hand—

Sir J.

Don't be ashamed of that. Your position as a topman
is a very exalted one.

Ralph.

Well, your honour, love burns as brightly in the
foksle as it does on the quarter-deck, and Josephine is the
fairest bud that ever blossomed upon the tree of a poor fellow's
wildest hopes.

Enter Josephine; she rushes to Ralph's arms. Sir Joseph horrified.

She's the figurehead of my ship of life—the bright beacon
that guides me into my port of happiness—the rarest, the
purest gem that ever sparkled on a poor but worthy fellow's
trusting brow.

All.

Very pretty.

Sir J.

Insolent sailor, you shall repent this outrage. Seize
him!

[Two Marines seize him and handcuff him.
Jos.

Oh, Sir Joseph, spare him, for I love him tenderly.

Sir J.

Away with him. I will teach this presumptuous
mariner to discipline his affections. Have you such a thing as
a dungeon on board?

All.

We have!

Sir J.

Then load him with chains and take him there at
once!

Octette.
Ralph.
Farewell, my own!
Light of my life, farewell!
For crime unknown
I go to a dungeon cell.

All.
For crime, etc.

Jos.
In the mean time, farewell!
And all alone
Rejoice in your dungeon cell!

All.
And all, etc.

Sir J.
A bone, a bone
I'll pick with this sailor fell;
Let him be shown
At once to his dungeon cell.

All.
Let him, etc.

Boat., Dick., Hebe.
He'll hear no tone
Of the maiden he loves so well!
No telephone
Communicates with his cell!

All.
No telephone, etc.

But.
(mysteriously).
But when is known
The secret I have to tell,
Wide will be thrown
The door of his dungeon cell.

All.
Wide will be thrown
The door of his dungeon cell!

[All repeat respective verses, ensemble. At the end Ralph is led off in custody.
Sir J.

Josephine, I cannot tell you the distress I feel at this
most painful revelation. I desire to express to you, officially,
that I am hurt. You, whom I honoured by seeking in marriage
—you,the daughter of a captain in the Royal Navy!

But.

Hold! I have something to say to that?

Sir J.

You?

But.

Yes, I!

Song.—Buttercup.
A many years ago,
When I was young and charming,
As some of you may know
I practised baby-farming.

All.
Now this is most alarming!
When she was young and charming,
She practised baby-farming,
A many years ago.

But.
Two tender babes I nussed:
One was of low condition,
The other, upper crust,
A regular patrician.

All
(explaining to each other).
Now, this is the position:
One was of low condition,
The other a patrician,
A many years ago.

But.
Oh, bitter is my cup!
However could I do it?
I mixed those children up,
And not a creature knew it!

All.
However could you do it?
Some day, no doubt, you'll rue it,
Although no creature knew it,
So many years ago.

But.
In time each little waif
Forsook his foster-mother.
The well-born babe was Ralph—
Your captain was the other!

All.
They left their foster-mother.
The one was Ralph, our brother—
Our captain was the other,
A many years ago.

Sir J.

Then I am to understand that Captain Corcoran and
Ralph were exchanged in childhood's happy hour—that Ralph
is really the Captain, and the Captain is Ralph?

But.

That is the idea I intended to convey?

Sir J.

You have done it very well. Let them appear before
me, at once!

Ralph enters as Captain; Captain as a common sailor. Josephine rushes to his arms.
Jos.

My father—a common sailor!

Capt.

It is hard, is it not, my dear?

Sir J.

This is a very singular occurrence; I congratulate
you both. (To Ralph.)
Desire that remarkably fine seaman
to step forward.

Ralph.

Corcoran, come here.

Capt.

If what? If you please.

Sir J.

Perfectly right. If you please.

Ralph.

Oh. If you please.

[Captain steps forward.
Sir J.
(to Captain).

You are an extremely fine fellow.

Capt.

Yes, your honour.

Sir J.

So it seems that you were Ralph, and Ralph was you.

Capt.

So it seems, your honour.

Sir J.

Well, I need not tell you that after this change in
your condition, a marriage with your daughter will be out of
the question.

Capt.

Don't say that, your honour—love levels all ranks.

Sir J.

It does to a considerable extent, but it does not level
them as much as that. (Handing Josephine to Ralph.)
Here
—take her, sir, and mind you treat her kindly.

Ralph and Jos.
Oh, bliss! oh, rapture!

Sir J.
Sad my lot, and sorry,
What shall I do? I cannot live alone!

All.
What will he do? he cannot live alone!

Hebe.
Fear nothing—while I live I'll not desert you.
I'll soothe and comfort your declining days.

Sir J.
No, don't do that.

Hebe.
Yes, but indeed I'd rather.

Sir J.
(resigned).
To-morrow morn our vows shall all be plighted,
Three loving pairs on the same day united!

Duet.—Ralph and Josephine.

Capt.
For he is the Captain of the Pinafore.

All.
And a right good captain too!

Capt.
And though before my fall
I was Captain of you all,
I'm a member of the crew.

All.
Although before his fall, etc.

Capt.
I shall marry with a wife
In my own rank of life!
(Turning to Buttercup.)
And you, my love, are she.
I must wander to and fro,
But wherever I may go,
I shall never be untrue to thee!

All.
What, never?

Capt.
No, never!

All.
What, never?

Capt.
Hardly ever!

All.
Hardly ever be untrue to thee.
Then give three cheers, and one cheer more,
For the faithful seamen of the Pinafore.

But.
For he loves Little Buttercup, dear Little Buttercup,
I'm sure I shall never know why;
But still he loves Buttercup, poor Little Buttercup,
Sweet Little Buttercup, ay!

All.
For he loves, etc.

Sir J.
I'm the monarch of the sea,
And when I've married thee (to Hebe)

I'll be true to the devotion that my love implants.

Hebe.
Then good-bye to his sisters, and his cousins, and his aunts,
Especially his cousins,
Whom he reckons up by dozens,
His sisters, and his cousins, and his aunts!

All.
For he is an Englishman,
And he himself hath said it,
And it's greatly to his credit
That he is an Englishman!