University of Virginia Library

ACT I.

SCENE I.

Euelpides, Pisthetærus.
Euelpides
(speaking to his jackdaw).
Bidst thou me go straight onward where the tree is?

Pisthetærus.
Plague on thee; but this bird of mine croaks ‘Back again.’

Euelpides.
Thou miserable fellow, canst resolve me
Wherefore we thus do wander up and down,
Periling ourselves in this wild random search?

Pisthetærus.
Wretch that I am, to have been danced about
More than a hundred stadia in obsequiousness
To a raven's marshaling!

Euelpides.
My fate's no better,
That have been tearing off my nails to scramble
After this jackdaw!

Pisthetærus.
Where i'th'world we are
I have no guess!

Euelpides.
And couldst thou find out hence
Where one's own country lies?

Pisthetærus.
By Jupiter, that
Might puzzle Execestides himself.

Euelpides.
Out on it!

Pisthetærus.
Friend, do you go, try that way.

Euelpides.
He has play'd us a pretty trick, no doubt on't,
That fellow with his tray there, mad Philocrates,
Who told us that these two would show us where
We might find Tereus out, the Epops, him
Who was made bird—out of a bird. He sold
Him Tharrelides' jackdaw for an obol,
And me this fowl for three; but devil a thing
They know but how to bite one. And you, sirrah, (to the jackdaw)

You with your mouth agape, what wot you of?
Where wilt thou take us next? into the rock?
For here I see no way.

Pisthetærus.
Nor here, by Jove;
Not a footstep.

Euelpides.
Nor doth not the raven tell thee
Aught of the way?

Pisthetærus.
Nought; but is croaking still
Just as he was erewhile.

Euelpides.
But of the way
What saith he now?

Pisthetærus.
What but that he will gnaw
My fingers till he has eat them off?

Euelpides.
Is't not
A burning shame now, when we have made our minds up
To go to the crows, and are prepar'd for't, then
Not to be able to find out the way?
For we (I'd have you note us, all that hear)
[To the spectators.
Are in a sore disaster, the opposite
To that of Sacas. He, being no citizen,
Forces himself in; we, by birth and tribe
Distinguish'd, citizens 'mongst citizens,
When not a soul cries ‘whew’ to start us up,
Fly from our country fast as legs can carry us:
Not that we hate the city in herself
For not being naturally great and blessed
And common to all—who'd spend their coin in lawsuits:
The grasshoppers, they, but a month or two
Chirp on the branches, but the Athenians still
On the law-benches sit and chirp their lives out:
And this it is hath made us to set out
This uncouth journey with our little furniture,
A pot, a basket, and these myrtle stakes,
Wandering in quest of some place free from trouble,
Where we may settle us down and dwell in peace.
So are we bound to Tereus, we, the Epops,
To ask of him if ever in his flights
He hath visited such a city.

Pisthetærus.
Ho!

Euelpides.
What now?

Pisthetærus.
The raven gives me notice this some time
Of something up aloft.

Euelpides.
Ay, and this daw too
Is gaping upward, as 'twould show me somewhat.
It cannot be but that the birds are here.
We shall know that anon, an we make noise enough.
Dost know what's best to do? Strike with thy foot
Against the rock.

Pisthetærus.
And with thy head strike thou;
So shall the noise be double.

Euelpides.
Take a stone then,
And knock.

Pisthetærus.
That's something like. Here goes.

Euelpides.
Boy! boy!

Pisthetærus.
Hilloah! what sayst thou? call'st the Epops boy?
Thou shouldst have shouted Epops, and not boy.

Euelpides.
Ho! Epops! Must I knock again? Ho! Epops!

SCENE II.

Trochilus, Euelpides, Pisthetærus.
Trochilus.
Who's there? Who's he, that bawls out on my master?

Euelpides.
Phœbus Averter! what a yawn was there!

Trochilus.
Wretch that I am! two bird-catchers are these.

Euelpides.
Oh horrible! mention not such a thing.

Trochilus.
Curse on ye!

Euelpides.
Yet we are not men.

Trochilus.
What then?

Euelpides.
I am a bird from Libya, call'd the Fearling.

Trochilus.
Nay, nay, thou triflest.

Euelpides.
Ask then what's before thee.

Trochilus.
And he, what bird is he? Wilt thou not tell?

Pisthetærus.
I am the Dropling, a Phasianic fowl.

Euelpides.
But thou, what beast art thou, by all the Gods?

Trochilus.
I am a slave-bird.

Euelpides.
What! hast thou been worsted
By some game-cock in battle?

Trochilus.
No: but when
My master was made Epops, he did wish
Me too to be transfigur'd to a bird,
That he might have me for his pursuivant, and still
To serve him.

Euelpides.
Wants a bird then one to serve him?

Trochilus.
He, having been formerly a man, will sometimes
Long for a meal of Phaleric anchovies:
Then straight a dish take I, and run to fetch them.
Does he lack porridge? He must have his pot
And ladle; so I run to fetch his ladle.

Euelpides.
This is the Trochilus bird, I see. Dost know then,
Good Trochilus, what to do for us? Call out
Thy master, that we may speak with him forthwith.

Trochilus.
By Jove, he is this instant fall'n asleep,
After his dinner of gnats and myrtle berries.

Euelpides.
No matter: wake him.

Trochilus.
He'll be finely fretted,
I am sure of that: but to please you I'll wake him.
[Exit Trochilus.

Euelpides.
Alas! Alas! the jackdaw in my terror
Has given me the slip.

Pisthetærus.
Thou cowardly beast,
Hast thou let go the jackdaw in thy fright?

Euelpides.
And tell me did not you let loose the raven
When you slipp'd down but now?

Pisthetærus.
Not I, by Jove.

Euelpides.
Where is he then?

Pisthetærus.
O he has flown away.

Euelpides.
What? so you did not loose him? You're a brave one.

SCENE III.

Epops, Euelpides, Pisthetærus.
Epops.
Unbar the forest, that I may come forth.

Euelpides.
Great Hercules! Why what a monster's here!
What plumage! what a triple tire of cresting!

Epops.
Who are they, seek me?

Euelpides.
The twelve Gods, I think,
Are banded for our ruin.

Epops.
Mock ye at me,
Seeing my plumage? Strangers, I was once
A man.

Euelpides.
At thee we laugh not.

Epops.
At whom then?

Euelpides.
The beak thou hast in truth is somewhat laughable.

Epops.
This is a mischief Sophocles hath done
In his rare tragedies to me—to Tereus.

Euelpides.
Tereus art thou? say, whether bird or peacock?

Epops.
A bird—I am a bird.

Euelpides.
But where thy pennons?

Epops.
They're moulted.

Euelpides.
What? through some disorder haply?

Epops.
No: but in winter time all birds do use
To shed their feathers; and then we put forth new.
But, tell me, who are ye?

Euelpides.
We? Mortals.

Epops.
Whence?

Euelpides.
Whence the fine gallies come from, thence are we.

Epops.
Ay? What, law-chicaners?

Euelpides.
Nay, clean contrary;
Anti-chicaners.

Epops.
Sow they in that country
Such seed then?

Euelpides.
In small quantities, forsooth,
I'th'fields ye might perchance pick up a little.

Epops.
What errand brought ye hither?

Euelpides.
To confer
With thee, our wish was.

Epops.
On what matter, pray?

Euelpides.
Since thou wert first a man, e'en as we, once,
And wert in debt moreover, as we, once,
And wouldst fain shirk thy creditors, as we, once;
But after for a bird's thy nature changedst,
And flewst o'er lands and seas the circle round,
And so kennst all things that or man or bird may;
Therefore as suppliants are we hither come to thee,
If thou wouldst show us some warm, well-fleeced city,
To creep into like a blanket and lie snug.

Epops.
Seekst thou a greater city than the Craggy?

Euelpides.
A greater? no; but one more suited to us.

Epops.
You're looking for an aristocracy, I trow.

Euelpides.
I? Hang me then. I hate his very name,
That whoreson cub of Scellius.

Epops.
My sweet fellow,
Tell me what sort of city 'tis you'd like.

Euelpides.
I'll tell you; where one's greatest trouble should be
Something of this kind. By good times i'th'morning
I should look out and see standing at my door
Some friend. ‘I'm come,’ says he, ‘to say that you
And your family must dine with me to-day.
Be early. No excuses, by the Olympian.
We have a wedding toward. If ye fail me,
Take heed I never see you when I'm poor.’

Epops.
By Jupiter, you're mighty fond of trouble.
And you, what would you have?

Pisthetærus.
I'll tell you.

Epops.
Well.

Pisthetærus.
Something of this kind. I should like a place
Where, if one met a neighbour, he should chide one
After this fashion, ‘Sir, you wish to affront me.
I have a daughter, a good comely girl,
You met her t'other day as she came home
From her devotions in her best attire,
Yet you ne'er stay'd to kiss or toy with her,
Nor took no liberty with her no more
Than she were a trull. It is not handsome of you,
Considering on what terms we have always been.’

Epops.
You sorry rascal! what sad doings you'd have!
However there is some such blessed city.
As you are talking of—by the Red Sea.

Euelpides.
Alas! Alas! let it not be by the sea,
Where the Salaminian may pop in some morning
With a summons. Hast no city in Greece for us?

Epops.
Why not set forth and plant a colony
At the Elean Lepreum?

Euelpides.
That's a place
I have never seen, yet hate it mortally,
That leprous Lepreum—for Melanthius' sake.

Epops.
Well, there are others, as the Opuntian Locris,
Where you might settle.

Euelpides.
Not a golden talent
Should tempt me to become Opuntian.
But prythee say what sort of life is this
Among the birds? For you must know it thoroughly.

Epops.
Troth, no unpleasant one. In the first place,
We have no need of purses.

Euelpides.
There's at least then
No counterfeit coin, no forging in your country.

Epops.
As for our diet, 'tis i'th'gardens mostly,
On sesamum, myrtles, water-mint, and poppy.

Euelpides.
You have sweet herbs enough to deck out a wedding.

Pisthetærus.
Oh admirable! a rare device hath struck me,
A mighty plan. Power, power I see awaiting
The generation of the birds, if ye
Have but the heart to take my counsel.

Epops.
Thine?
What counsel should we take of thine?

Pisthetærus.
What counsel?
In the first place I'd have you to leave off
Your fluttering every where about and gaping,
As a thing not suited to your dignity.
With us if one, seeing such flutterers,
Should ask, ‘What bird have we here?’ Teleas straight
Will say, ‘The man's a giddy-pated chough,
A flutterer, without ballast, without aim,
Nor ever biding in one spot an instant.’

Epops.
Good, good; by Bacchus, we deserve this gibing.
What should we do then?

Pisthetærus.
Found one common polity.

Epops.
A polity? prythee, what sort of polity
Were that, which should be founded by the birds?

Pisthetærus.
What so? Thou'st spoken like a dolt. Look down.

Epops.
I do.

Pisthetærus.
Well: now look up.

Epops.
'Tis done.

Pisthetærus.
And now
Round with thy neck.

Epops.
Good looking and good luck,
By Jove, if that be twisted.

Pisthetærus.
Hast seen aught?

Epops.
Ay: clouds I've seen and sky.

Pisthetærus.
And is not this
The bird's pole?

Epops.
Pole? How mean you that?

Pisthetærus.
No other,
Than as one should say their place. For thus it is
That all things by polarity subsist:
Therefore 'tis termed pole; which if ye found,
And fortify it well, 'twill from that hour,
Instead of pole, as hitherto, be your polity;
So that ye shall rule men like cockchafers,
And starve the Gods out with a Melian famine.

Epops.
How?

Pisthetærus.
Midway earth you know is air. As, therefore
We, if we'd go to Pytho, needs must ask
Of the Bœotians to afford a passage;
E'en so when men make offerings to the Gods,
Unless the Gods to you pay tribute, ye
Shall not allow the savoury steams to pass,
As through an alien state and your own chaos.

Epops.
Hurrah! Hurrah! By earth and gins and nets and traps,
I never heard a cleverer device,
So that ye shall found the city jointly with us,
Permission first obtain'd of th'other birds.

Pisthetærus.
Who then shall broach to them the business?

Epops.
Thou:
For I have taught them, being before barbarians,
The use of speech, having been long time with them.

Pisthetærus.
How wouldst thou summon them to the meeting?

Epops.
Easily.
For first, I'll shroud me in this thicket here;
And then, awaking up my nightingale,
We'll call out to them. They, be sure, no sooner
Will hear our voice, than they'll come scudding to us.

Pisthetærus.
O brave! I love thee, bird, for this. But haste;
No tarrying, prythee; enter quick as may be
Into the thicket, and wake up the nightingale.

Epops.
O come, my mate, break off thy slumbers,
And round thee fling thy plaintive numbers
In a moist, melodious hymn,
Warbled from thy brown throat dim:
For Itys, our beloved son,
Thine and mine, now dead and gone,
Fill the forest with thy moaning;
Till through the woodbine boughs the groaning
Of thy voice to Jove's seat climb,
And mingle with the starry chime,
Where golden-tressed Phœbus soon
Shall answer in as sad a tune,
From his ivory-clasped lyre,
That leads in dance the stately quire;
And from the blest above shall flow
A peal accordant to thy woe.

[Some one plays on the pipe.
Pisthetærus.
Oh Jupiter! for the voice of that sweet bird!
How it hath honied all the thicket round!

Euelpides.
Ho!

Pisthetærus.
What's the matter?

Euelpides.
Won't you list?

Pisthetærus.
For why?

Euelpides.
The bird prepares to warble out again.

Epops.

SCENE IV.

 Chorus , Epops, Euelpides, Pisthetærus.
 Chorus .
Toro, toro, toro; toro, toro, tinx.
Kikkabau, kikkabau,
Toro, toro, toro, toli, lilinx.

Pisthetærus.
Seest any bird?

Euelpides.
Not I, by Apollo; none;
Though with mouth open I have been staring up.
'Tis all in vain it seems the Epops hath sung,
Mocking the sea-lark, in that thicket shrouded.

A Bird.
Torotinx, torotinx.

Pisthetærus.
But, my friend, here at last is some bird coming to us.

Euelpides.
Yea, by Jove: but what bird? is't a peacock?

Pisthetærus.
He'll show us.

Epops.
He's not one of such as you commonly see;
No tame one; but haunts the morasses.

Pisthetærus.
Ah me!
How with crimson and gold he is all in a flame!

Epops.
Like enough; and Flamingo indeed is his name.

Pisthetærus.
Hilloah! you.

Epops.
What now?

Pisthetærus.
Here's another, I see.

Epops.
And another, by Jove, as outlandish as he.

Pisthetærus.
Who's this strange swelling bird that's so monstrously hideous?

Epops.
The Median they call him.

Pisthetærus.
The Median? Prodigious!
And how came he here from so far off a region,
With no camel to bear him, this wonderful Median?

Euelpides.
Here's another again! What a crest he has got!

Pisthetærus.
'Tis strange! There was no other Epops, I thought,
But thyself! Yet the same though another is he!

Epops.
From Philocles he springs as Philocles from me.
So I am his grandsire; and we two tally as
Hipponicus is son to and father of Callias.

Pisthetærus.
In faith, he is Callias: his plumes are so shatter'd.

Epops.
Ay, just like a lord, that's confoundedly batter'd
By women and sycophants, leaguing together,
That have stript him so close they scarce leave him a feather.

Pisthetærus.
By Neptune, and here comes another that vies
With the best of them all in his mutable dies.
His name is?

Epops.
The Glutton.

Pisthetærus.
The Glutton? A name,
That, Cleonymus only can properly claim.
But if 'tis Cleonymus, how has he still
That cone on his pate and that red in his gill?

Euelpides.
But what means this cresting? these caps they have on?
Do you think 'tis a race they are going to run?

Epops.
If a race, 'tis like that of the Carians, who go
To their crests, when they're hunted, for safety, you know.

Pisthetærus.
But Neptune preserve us! how cursed a crowd
Of fowls is collecting!

Euelpides.
By Phœbus, the cloud
Is so thick, I can scarce see the entrance at present.

Pisthetærus.
There's a partridge, I see.

Euelpides.
Ay, and there is a pheasant.

Pisthetærus.
Next a godwit: a kingfisher close at his tail.
But who's that behind her?

Euelpides.
Who is it? her male.

Pisthetærus.
What is Sporgilus one of these comical fowls?
Then the owl herself comes.

Euelpides.
Who to Athens brings owls?

Pisthetærus.
A tit-lark and magpie, a cuckow and pigeon,
A hawk and dive-dapper, woodpecker and widgeon,
A turtle and stockdove, an osprey and quail,
Chaffinch, bulfinch, teal, linnet, red-moor-hen and rail.
Odso! what a screaming and whistling they make!
How they sidle and fidget, and noddle and shake!
Do you think it's at us they are making this clangor?
Alack! how they are gaping! and look as in anger
At both you and me!

Euelpides.
'Tis too certain, I fear.

 Chorus .
Popopoi! Popopoi! Who hath summon'd us here?
What place doth he haunt in?

Epops.
Behold whom ye seek.
I ne'er flinch from my friends, and am ready to speak.

 Chorus .
Titi, tititimptrou! Pray tell us at once
What good tidings it is that thou hast to announce.

Epops.
A plan, safe, just, pleasant, and good for the state,
Two shrewd counsellors come to propose for debate.

 Chorus .
Where are they? where are they? what sayst?

Epops.
I have told.
'Tis a matter of moment they have to unfold,
These twain, who are come from the dwellings of men:
'Tis a root ye may peck at and peck at again.

 Chorus .
In my life I ne'er heard so audacious a fact.
What is it—

Epops.
Nay, quake not.

 Chorus .
Thou'st dared to transact?

Epops.
All I have done is to offer a courteous greeting
To two men who are heartily friends to this meeting.

 Chorus .
And hast thou done this?

Epops.
And rejoice in it too.

 Chorus .
And where are they?

Epops.
With us, if myself am with you.

 Chorus .

Pisthetærus.
We're gone.

Euelpides.
And thou art the cause of these evils alone.
For, why didst thou bring me?

Pisthetærus.
To be my attendant.

Euelpides.
Say, rather to weep.

Pisthetærus.
Thou'rt mistaken, depend on't.
No such fate will be thine.

Euelpides.
And what moves thee to doubt?

Pisthetærus.
For how shouldst thou weep, if thine eyes be pluck'd out?

 Chorus .

Euelpides.
'Tis e'en so. Whither, wretch, can I fly?

Pisthetærus.
Then remain.

Euelpides.
What? by these to be torn?

Pisthetærus.
Canst thou 'scape being ta'en?

Euelpides.
I know not the means.

Pisthetærus.
Let us face them and stand,
Prepared for defence with these pots in our hand.

Euelpides.
What good will our pots do?

Pisthetærus.
They'll scare off the owls.

Euelpides.
But how shall we deal with those crook-talon'd fowls?

Pisthetærus.
Take a spit and have at them.

Euelpides.
But how for our eyes?

Pisthetærus.
A plate or a sauce-boat will amply suffice.

Euelpides.
What a martial device, thou most dexterous man!
Not Nicias himself such inventions could plan.

 Chorus .
Shout, shout, and march on, level bills, linger not;
Strike, pluck, pull and rend; and first down with that pot.

Epops.
Stay thy fury, mad beast; and I charge thee declare
What it is that impels thee to murder and tear
Two men, who have given no cause for this strife,
But are both of them tribesmen and kin to my wife?

 Chorus .
On whom may we vengeance more justly repay?
Are the wolves less deserving our mercy than they?

Epops.
If their nature be hostile, yet friendly their mind,
And they come with some scheme for our welfare design'd—

 Chorus .
For our welfare what scheme should these ever propose,
To our fathers of old such inveterate foes?

Epops.
The wise their best lessons are taught by a foe;
For to caution alone we security owe;
And that thou couldst never have learnt from a friend.
'Tis instruction for which on our foes we depend.
The means they suggest for preserving a nation,
Ship-building, manœuvring, and fortification.
Thus to guard all that's dearest our enemies teach.

 Chorus .
We admit of a parley, convinced by your speech.

Pisthetærus.
Methinks they're relenting.

 Chorus .
Fall back on your ranks.

Epops.
'Tis well: for this measure ye owe me your thanks.

 Chorus .
I dispute not your wisdom; and ever, as now,
To its dictates obedient submissively bow.

Pisthetærus.
They're for peace, as I wot.
Lower dishes and pot.
But with spear, I mean spit,
Ported thus, it is fit
That we walk to and fro
Near the arms we forego;
And keep them in sight.
We must not think of flight.

Euelpides.
True: but if we should die,
Whereabouts shall we lie?

Pisthetærus.
We shall sleep with the brave.
Ceramicus a grave
Will afford us publicly;
For, in fight, we will tell
Our commander, we fell
'Gainst the foe at Orneæ.

 Chorus .
Retire in order, whence thou cam'st;
And, like a soldier heavy-arm'd,
Lay down thy wrath, and let it rest
Beside thine anger. We the while
Of these will question, who they are,
And from what clime,
And on what errand come.
Ho! Epops! on thee I call.

Epops.
Whereof to be inform'd, desiring,
Call'st thou on me?

 Chorus .
Who these and whence?

Epops.
Strangers from sapient Greece.

 Chorus .
What chance
Amid the birds hath brought them here?

Epops.
Love of the life thou lead'st, thy food,
Thyself; to dwell along with thee,
And to be with thee wholly.

 Chorus .
Say'st?
And what report have they for us?

Epops.
Things past belief and yet unheard of.

 Chorus .
Discern'st thou any profit, worth the biding,
Wherein he hath reliance placed,
Desiring to consort with us?
Having wherewith to harm a foe,
Or benefit a friend?

Epops.
Of bliss
He speaks, enormous happiness,
Incredible, untold; for thine,
As he affirms, are all things, far,
This way and that, as thought can reach.

 Chorus .
Is he one struck with madness then?

Epops.
I cannot tell thee, how discreet.

 Chorus .
And to discretion adds he wisdom?

Epops.
For subtleness a very fox;
Sheer serpentry; all over craft;
The meal thrice bolted not so fine.

 Chorus .
O good! O good! I'd have him speak.
Bid him to speak forthwith. Thy words
Have set me on the wing.

Epops.
Now then do thou and thou put off these weapons,
[To Pisthetærus and Euelpides.
And to Good Fortune for an offering hang them
Close to the lazy-back in your chimney corners.
But thou, for what intent I these convened,
To them at large unfold; deliver.

Pisthetærus.
Nay,
Not I, by Apollo, unless they first agree
To strike a bargain with me like to that
Which that monkey the sword-cutler did with's wife,
That they will never bite, or pull, or poke—

 Chorus .
What dost thou talk of? Fye.

Pisthetærus.
I mean, mine eyes out.

 Chorus .
Done: I agree to 't.

Pisthetærus.
I will have thee swear too.

 Chorus .
I swear; so as I hope to win the plaudits
Of all these judges and spectators here.

Pisthetærus.
Be't so.

 Chorus .
And if I break it, may I have—
Only the better half upon my side.

SCENE V.

A Crier,  Chorus , Euelpides, Pisthetærus, Epops.
Crier.
O yes! O yes! We do proclaim hereby
The soldiery take up their arms, and each
Unto his home repair; and to hold counsel
What next in order shall be issued forth

 Chorus .

Pisthetærus.
My appetite is sharp, by Jove; my plan is ready kneaded;
I've thy good leave to end the batch, and that is all was needed.
My boy, go bring the garland, and set the water flowing
To lave our hands withal.

Euelpides.
What then? To dinner are we going?

Pisthetærus.
By Jove, but I've a feast prepar'd; 'tis some time since I plann'd it;
A most superb and dainty speech: I know they'll not withstand it.
Great grief comes o'er me, such as in vain I would keep under,
Rememb'ring ye were kings.

 Chorus .
We kings? Of what, i'th'name of wonder?

Pisthetærus.
Of all; of him; of me; nay more, of him that rules the thunder.
Ye were before old Saturn; before the Titans, ye,
And earth.

 Chorus .
And earth?

Pisthetærus.
By Phœbus, ay.

 Chorus .
By Jove, 'tis news to me.

Pisthetærus.
For why? Thou lackest learning; incurious art beside,
And never yet to Æsop thy talons hast applied.
He told how first the lark was born before Creation's birth:
How of disease his father died; as yet there was no earth:
Five days he lay unburied: the fifth the duteous bird,
His sire, for want of other grave, in his own head interr'd.

 Chorus .
Troth now the father of the lark lies dead in Cephalæ.

Pisthetærus.
If then more ancient than the earth and than the gods are ye,
By eldership you justly claim the kingdom for your own.

 Chorus .
And shall not to the woodpecker Jove straightway yield his throne?

Euelpides.
At least your bill I'd have you fill in right of this dominion.

Pisthetærus.
No lack is there of proofs to show the truth of our opinion;
That birds, not gods, o'er men the kings and sovereigns were of yore.
And first I instance in the cock, how he the sceptre bore;
How long before their monarchs old the Persians him obey'd,
Or ere Darius yet was born, or Megabyzus sway'd.
And so he's nam'd the Persian bird.

Euelpides.
And still he struts, you see;
Nor other bird there is that wears the turban cock'd but he.

Pisthetærus.
He was so potent and so great, so far and wide renown'd,
E'en yet when he of all the birds his matin song doth sound,
In memory of his former might men start up to their labours,
All slipshod in the dark for speed, all vying with their neighbours;
Tinkers and tanners, shoemakers, and bagnio-boys and bakers,
Army-accoutrement—boss'd-shield—and baby's fiddle-makers.

Euelpides.
Ask me of that, who waken'd once by this same matin-bell,
Did lose my cloak of Phrygian wool, as ruefully befel.
To some child's tenth-day I had had a friendly invitation,
And o'ernight in the city made a somewhat free potation;
So fell asleep; ere others supp'd, when he begins to crow,
I think it dawn, and up start I towards Alimus to go:
But scarcely have I poked my neck outside the city wall
When a pickpocket with his club salutes my back: I fall:
And lo! he has filch'd my cloak away before I've time to bawl.

Pisthetærus.
Among the Grecians then, it was a kite that wore the crown.

 Chorus .
Among the Grecians?

Pisthetærus.
Ay; he taught them to fall down
In homage when the kites appear'd.

Euelpides.
By Bacchus, that prostration
Cost me a penny once when I my humble adoration
Offer'd at sight of a noble kite. For as I lay supine
With mouth agape, unwares I gulp'd and swallow'd down the coin.
The bag took nothing home that day to fill this paunch of mine.

Pisthetærus.
Of Egypt and Phœnicia all, the cuckoo was the king:
And when the cuckoo cried Cuckoo, he made them forth to spring,
Phœnicians all, and gather in the barley to the bield.

Euelpides.
Then he said true, who said, ‘Cuckoo: the circumcis'd afield.’

Pisthetærus.
And they in every state maintain'd such absolute command,
That rule whatever monarch might in any Grecian land,
Whether he Menelaus or great Agamemnon were,
A bird upon his sceptre sate in all his bribes to share.

Euelpides.
Of this I never knew before; and yet have wonder'd too
What with one Priam in the play that bird should have to do.
I see he stood observing when Lysicrates was bribed.

Pisthetærus.
But here's the strangest thing of all, that Jupiter's described
(He that's now king) sustaining an eagle on his noul;
Phœbus, like servant, hath his hawk; and Pallas hath her owl.

Epops.
By Ceres, that is well observ'd. And why there are they placed?

Pisthetærus.

 Chorus .

Pisthetærus.
First then I teach that of the birds the state must be but one;
Then all the air be wall'd about with bricks, like Babylon.

Epops.
Cebriones! Porphyrion! What a dreadful fortifying!

Pisthetærus.
Next back the government from Jove demand, which he denying,
Through want of will, or ignorance, then send him your defiance,
A holy war proclaim, and name yourselves the Grand Alliance.
Say that the Gods no more shall pass, when hot on their amours,
To their Alopes or Semeles through any tract of yours.
And next another bird express I'd have you send below,
To tell mankind that 'tis the birds have got the kingdom now;
And bid them first to birds henceforth their sacrifices pay,
And next to Gods, assigning each their victims as they may.
If Venus hath her offering, the coot shall barley take;
To Neptune if the swine be slain, then wheat befits the drake;
If Hercules his ox, the gull must have his ploughman's cake;
And if the shrine of Jove the King, a slaughter'd ram shall stain,
To the Goldencrown, a kingly bird, be first a male-ant slain.

Euelpides.
The male-ant slain delights my heart, though Jove his thunder plies.

Epops.
But how shall men believe that we are Gods and not magpies,
Seeing we've wings, and flit about?

Pisthetærus.
By Jove, ye're sadly out.
For Hermes, though a God, hath wings, and flits like you about:
And many more. So Victory soars on wings of gold; and Love.
And Homer says that Iris is like to a trembling dove.

Epops.
Ay, and Jove's lightning too hath wings. Fear'st not at thee 'twill fly?

Pisthetærus.
But if they you for nothing take, and them for Gods on high,
Straight let a cloud of sparrows rais'd, their seed, when sowing, eat;
And when they're hungry, Ceres then may measure out their wheat.

Euelpides.
By Jove, not she: she'll only give apologies enow.

Pisthetærus.
And when their sheep are in the fold, and cattle at the plough,
At them a flight of crows despatch to peck their eyes; and see
Whether Apollo can cure them; for so he gets his fee.

Euelpides.
Nay, not at least till I first sell my little team.

[Aside.
Pisthetærus.
But thee
If men deem Saturn, Life and Earth, and Neptune and the Sun,
All blessings shall await them then.

 Chorus .
I prythee mention one.

Pisthetærus.
First then the locusts of their vines shall not destroy the bloom;
For them one troop of horned owls shall utterly consume.
The gnats and midges next no more upon their figs shall prey;
But one great herd of thrushes come and sweep them all away.

Epops.
But wealth, which most of all they prize, whence that may we bestow?

Pisthetærus.
These, by prophetic signs, to them shall mines and metals show,
And tell the augur how, by sea, a thriving trade to drive,
That not a soul be lost.

Epops.
Ay? How shall they be kept alive?

Pisthetærus.
When they consult the augury, some bird shall still declare,
‘Now sail ye not; 'twill be a storm. Sail now; it will be fair.’

Euelpides.
I'll buy a brig and man her straight. With you I would not bide.

[Aside.
Pisthetærus.
And they of yore too underground their treasures used to hide.
These will they show who know where pots of silver lie interr'd;
For 'tis what all men say, ‘None knows my treasure but a bird.’

Euelpides.
I'll sell my brig and buy a spade, and by my digging live.

[Aside.
Epops.
But how shall these grant health? for this the Gods do only give.

Pisthetærus.
If in the world they're well to do, is this not health, I pray?
None that is ill at least has health: thus much I'm bold to say.

Epops.
How shall they reach old age? for that's another gift of Heaven.
Or must they die being children?

Pisthetærus.
By the birds there shall be given
Three hundred years of added life, by Jove.

Epops.
How so?

Pisthetærus.
How so?
Kenn'st not five races of mankind outlives the babbling crow?

Euelpides.
Tut! tut! What's Jove to these for king, I should be glad to know?

Pisthetærus.
Far better these: they want no roof
Of pillar'd temple, massy-proof:
For them no gorgeous doors unfold
Their valves inlaid with molten gold.
In shrubs and bosky hedge they dwell,
Their costliest shrine an oaken dell.
In sacrifice to their blest power
We need but seek some olive bower;
Not traverse hills or pass the main
To Delphi's steep or Ammon's fane:
Under the arbute's glossy shade,
Or arch by wilding berries made,
Oft will we take our wonted stand
With wheat or barley; there the hand
Raise up to them in simple prayer
That we some good of life may share;
And they these gifts to us will deal,
Scattering but a little meal.

 Chorus .

Epops.
And by great Jove I swear no time is now
Left us for nodding or for Niciasizing.
Something must be done and quickly; and do ye first
Enter into my nest, and take possession
Of such poor chips and litter as is there.
And how they call you, tell us.

Pisthetærus.
Most readily.
My name is Pisthetærus.

Epops.
And what his?

Pisthetærus.
Euelpides from Thria.

Epops.
I give you both
The greeting.

Pisthetærus.
We accept it.

Epops.
Now then in.

Pisthetærus.
So; do thou take and lead us.

Epops.
Onward: come.

Pisthetærus.
But, sir, we must hark back a little first.

Epops.
Come, let me see.

Pisthetærus.
Inform us, pray, how shall we
Consort with you, who're wing'd, being ourselves wingless?

Epops.
Well thought of.

Pisthetærus.
Look ye now, there is in Æsop
Some history 'bout a fox; how ill he fared once
Keeping an eagle's company.

Epops.
Nay: fear nothing.
There's a certain tiny root, which having eaten,
Ye shall be wing'd straight.

Pisthetærus.
Enough: let us proceed.
Come, Xanthias! Manodorus! take our stuff.

 Chorus .
Hilloah! I call thee; thee, I say.

Epops.
Why call'st?

 Chorus .
That thou shouldst take
These gentlemen along with thee, and feast them for my sake.
But bring out here the silver-ton'd sweet Muse's nightingale;
And leave with us that we awhile ourselves with her regale.

Pisthetærus.
Herein, by Jove, I beg thee gratify them.
Bring from the rushes forth the darling bird;
By the Gods, bring her forth; that we too may be
Spectators of the nightingale.

Epops.
Be't so,
If that's your pleasure also. Procne, come forth;
And show thyself to these good strangers here.

Pisthetærus.
O precious Jupiter! what a sweet birdling!
How delicate too and white!

Euelpides.
In troth, in troth,
I'm fall'n in love with her already, I.

Pisthetærus.
What a golden down, even as a maiden, hath she!

Euelpides.
Nay, I shall never keep from kissing her.

Pisthetærus.
Thou miserable fellow, dost not see
She has a bill of two spikes to run through thee?

Euelpides.
Then shelling her like an egg, by Jove, I'll pull
The rind from off her poll, and kiss her so.

Epops.
Let us be going.

Pisthetærus.
Lead on; and luck befriend us.

[Exeunt.

SCENE VI.

 Chorus .
 Chorus .