University of Virginia Library

SCENE II.

Pisthetærus,  Chorus , Neptune, Triballus, Hercules.
Neptune.
Here is the city then of Cuckoocloudlands,
Thou seest, whereto we are sent on this embassy.
But, you sir, how is this? Why wear you thus
[To Triballus.
Your garment all awry upon the left?
Will you not shift it to the other side?
What, art thou some Læspodias in thy shape,
Unlucky devil? O democracy,
What wilt thou at last come to, if the Gods
Have voted in a fellow like to this?

Triballus.
Wo't not be quiet?

Neptune.
Hang thee. Never saw I
Such a barbarian of a God before.
But, Hercules, come, what shall we do?

Hercules.
You know
My sentiments, that I would throttle the rascal,
Whoe'er he be, that has wall'd out the Gods.

Neptune.
Nay, but my good friend, our instructions are
To accommodate matters.

Hercules.
Doubly so am I
Disposed to throttle him.

Pisthetærus.
Some one hand the cheese-rasper.
Bring me the spice. Ho there! I want the cheese.
Make the embers burn.

Hercules.
A hearty greeting to thee,
Good man, from us three Gods.

Pisthetærus.
Scrape the spice over.

Hercules.
Pray, what meat is this?

Pisthetærus.
Certain fowls, have suffer'd
For being 'gainst the commonalty of the birds.

Hercules.
Do you scrape spice upon them first?

Pisthetærus.
Ha! Hercules?
Good day to thee. What's thy business?

Hercules.
We're come here,
Commission'd from the Gods to treat of peace.

Pisthetærus.
There is not a drop of oil left in the flask.

Hercules.
And the little things ought to be well basted.

Neptune.
For we indeed by war are nothing profited;
And ye, being on friendly terms with us Gods,
Would have rain water always in your cisterns,
And would lead halcyon days still. With full powers
On all these matters come we.

Pisthetærus.
But we neither
Began at any time war upon you;
And now are willing, if it seemeth fit,
And ye're inclin'd to do what else is just,
To come to terms. By what is just this mean I;
That Jove, to us the Birds, do render back
The sceptre; and so let us be reconcil'd.
That done, th'ambassadors will please to dine with me.

Hercules.
O quite sufficient; and I give my vote for't.

Neptune.
What, thou infatuate! art such a dotard
And glutton, thus to dispossess thy father
Of his supremacy?

Pisthetærus.
But is it so?
And will ye Gods not gain increase of power,
If birds bear rule below? Now indeed they stoop
Under the shelter of the clouds, and swear
False oaths; but if the birds were your allies,
Should one swear by the Raven and by Jove,
And break his oath, the Raven, as he pass'd,
Might unawares fly at him, and so peck
His eye out at a stroke.

Neptune.
By Neptune, there is
Some truth in that.

Hercules.
I think so.

Neptune.
What say'st thou?

Triballus.
Nabaisetreu.

Pisthetærus.
Do you see, how he assents too?
There is another thing besides, in which
Observe how much advantage we shall do you.
If any mortal in his prayers should vow
A sacrificial offering to the Gods,
And afterwards in cunning sophistry say,
‘Long-suffering are the Gods,’ and pay it not,
We will exact the debt with usury.

Neptune.
How? let me see.

Pisthetærus.
Why when this man should chance
To count his money up; or sit and bathe;
A kite should unaware pounce down, and snatching
The value of two sheep, bear it to the God.

Hercules.
I vote again restoring them the sceptre.

Neptune.
Now ask Triballus.

Hercules.
Triballus, what think you—
Of being curs'd?

Triballus.
Saunaca Backtaricrousa.

Hercules.
He says I'm quite right.

Neptune.
Well, if you are both
Of that opinion, I shall not hold out.

Hercules.
Ho! you, we are agreed about the sceptre.

Pisthetærus.
There is, by Jove, another thing occurs to me.
For Juno, I do give her up to Jove;
But, for myself, the damsel Basilea
I claim to wife.

Neptune.
Thou hast no mind to peace.
Let us begone home.

Pisthetærus.
It's all one to me.
Cook, see thou make the sauce sweet.

Hercules.
My dear Neptune,
My best of fellows, what art thou about?
Shall we now for one woman go to war?

Neptune.
What should we do then?

Hercules.
Do? why let's agree.

Neptune.
Dost not perceive, thou most unlucky wight,
That thou wert miserably gull'd but now?
Thou'rt injuring thyself. For if Jove die,
Having given up the sovereignty to these,
Thou art reduced to poverty. For all the wealth,
That Jove shall die possess'd of, falls to thee.

Pisthetærus.
Mercy upon me! how he would cajole thee!
Come here aside that I may tell thee something.
This is mere trick and practice of thine uncle's
On thy simplicity. For not a doit,
Of all thy father hath, is thine by law.
For thou art a bastard and no lawful son.

Hercules.
A bastard, I? How sayst?

Pisthetærus.
E'en so, by Jove,
Being of a foreign woman. Else dost think
Minerva ever could have been the heiress,
Had there been lawful brethren?

Hercules.
But suppose
My father at his death should give me that,
Which to one base-born he hath power to give?

Pisthetærus.
The law permits it not; for this same Neptune,
Who now incites thee, then will be the first
To claim thy father's property on the plea
That he's a brother born of lawful bed.
Nay, thou shalt hear how Solon's law doth run:—
‘No bastard doth succeed in right of blood,
If there be lawful children. If there be none,
Those next of kin partake the inheritance.’

Hercules.
Have I no share then in my father's goods?

Pisthetærus.
None, none, by Jupiter. But tell me this:
Hath he enroll'd thee yet among the tribesmen?

Hercules.
He hath not: at which I, some time, have wonder'd.

Pisthetærus.
Why then, no more stare up upon yon heavens
With mouth agape, and looking daggers thus.
If thou'rt with us, I will appoint thee sovereign,
Feed thee on pigeon's milk.

Hercules.
I've thought some time
What thou dost say about the damsel right;
And for my part I give her up to thee.

Pisthetærus.
How speaks thy judgment?

Neptune.
My vote is against it.

Pisthetærus.
Triballus has the casting voice. How says he?

Triballus.
De beautiful gran damsel Basilau
Me give up to de fool.

Hercules.
You give her up
You say.

Neptune.
He bids us give her up, by Jove,
No more than bids us go, as swallows might.

Pisthetærus.
He bids you give her to the swallows then.

Neptune.
Well, ye're agreed; and ratify the peace.
I shall be silent, since it pleases you.

Hercules.
We have resolved to give you all you ask.
But come with us yourself to heaven, that there
You Basilea and all else may take.

Pisthetærus.
Troth it is very seasonably for the marriage
That they have been cut off,—these.

Hercules.
Would you like me
To stay and finish the cooking of these meats?
And do you go.

Neptune.
Finish the cooking? This
Is strange love of thy belly. Wilt not with us?

Hercules.
I had been well disposed of; that's the truth.

Pisthetærus.
Here, some one reach me out a wedding robe.

[Exeunt.
 Chorus .