University of Virginia Library

SCENE V.

A Crier, Chorus, Euelpides, Pisthetærus, Epops.
Crier.
O yes! O yes! We do proclaim hereby
The soldiery take up their arms, and each
Unto his home repair; and to hold counsel
What next in order shall be issued forth

Chorus.

Pisthetærus.
My appetite is sharp, by Jove; my plan is ready kneaded;
I've thy good leave to end the batch, and that is all was needed.
My boy, go bring the garland, and set the water flowing
To lave our hands withal.

Euelpides.
What then? To dinner are we going?

Pisthetærus.
By Jove, but I've a feast prepar'd; 'tis some time since I plann'd it;
A most superb and dainty speech: I know they'll not withstand it.
Great grief comes o'er me, such as in vain I would keep under,
Rememb'ring ye were kings.

Chorus.
We kings? Of what, i'th'name of wonder?

Pisthetærus.
Of all; of him; of me; nay more, of him that rules the thunder.
Ye were before old Saturn; before the Titans, ye,
And earth.

Chorus.
And earth?

Pisthetærus.
By Phœbus, ay.

Chorus.
By Jove, 'tis news to me.

Pisthetærus.
For why? Thou lackest learning; incurious art beside,
And never yet to Æsop thy talons hast applied.
He told how first the lark was born before Creation's birth:
How of disease his father died; as yet there was no earth:
Five days he lay unburied: the fifth the duteous bird,
His sire, for want of other grave, in his own head interr'd.

Chorus.
Troth now the father of the lark lies dead in Cephalæ.

Pisthetærus.
If then more ancient than the earth and than the gods are ye,
By eldership you justly claim the kingdom for your own.

Chorus.
And shall not to the woodpecker Jove straightway yield his throne?

Euelpides.
At least your bill I'd have you fill in right of this dominion.

Pisthetærus.
No lack is there of proofs to show the truth of our opinion;
That birds, not gods, o'er men the kings and sovereigns were of yore.
And first I instance in the cock, how he the sceptre bore;
How long before their monarchs old the Persians him obey'd,
Or ere Darius yet was born, or Megabyzus sway'd.
And so he's nam'd the Persian bird.

Euelpides.
And still he struts, you see;
Nor other bird there is that wears the turban cock'd but he.

Pisthetærus.
He was so potent and so great, so far and wide renown'd,
E'en yet when he of all the birds his matin song doth sound,
In memory of his former might men start up to their labours,
All slipshod in the dark for speed, all vying with their neighbours;
Tinkers and tanners, shoemakers, and bagnio-boys and bakers,
Army-accoutrement—boss'd-shield—and baby's fiddle-makers.

Euelpides.
Ask me of that, who waken'd once by this same matin-bell,
Did lose my cloak of Phrygian wool, as ruefully befel.
To some child's tenth-day I had had a friendly invitation,
And o'ernight in the city made a somewhat free potation;
So fell asleep; ere others supp'd, when he begins to crow,
I think it dawn, and up start I towards Alimus to go:
But scarcely have I poked my neck outside the city wall
When a pickpocket with his club salutes my back: I fall:
And lo! he has filch'd my cloak away before I've time to bawl.

Pisthetærus.
Among the Grecians then, it was a kite that wore the crown.

Chorus.
Among the Grecians?

Pisthetærus.
Ay; he taught them to fall down
In homage when the kites appear'd.

Euelpides.
By Bacchus, that prostration
Cost me a penny once when I my humble adoration
Offer'd at sight of a noble kite. For as I lay supine
With mouth agape, unwares I gulp'd and swallow'd down the coin.
The bag took nothing home that day to fill this paunch of mine.

Pisthetærus.
Of Egypt and Phœnicia all, the cuckoo was the king:
And when the cuckoo cried Cuckoo, he made them forth to spring,
Phœnicians all, and gather in the barley to the bield.

Euelpides.
Then he said true, who said, ‘Cuckoo: the circumcis'd afield.’

Pisthetærus.
And they in every state maintain'd such absolute command,
That rule whatever monarch might in any Grecian land,
Whether he Menelaus or great Agamemnon were,
A bird upon his sceptre sate in all his bribes to share.

Euelpides.
Of this I never knew before; and yet have wonder'd too
What with one Priam in the play that bird should have to do.
I see he stood observing when Lysicrates was bribed.

Pisthetærus.
But here's the strangest thing of all, that Jupiter's described
(He that's now king) sustaining an eagle on his noul;
Phœbus, like servant, hath his hawk; and Pallas hath her owl.

Epops.
By Ceres, that is well observ'd. And why there are they placed?

Pisthetærus.

Chorus.

Pisthetærus.
First then I teach that of the birds the state must be but one;
Then all the air be wall'd about with bricks, like Babylon.

Epops.
Cebriones! Porphyrion! What a dreadful fortifying!

Pisthetærus.
Next back the government from Jove demand, which he denying,
Through want of will, or ignorance, then send him your defiance,
A holy war proclaim, and name yourselves the Grand Alliance.
Say that the Gods no more shall pass, when hot on their amours,
To their Alopes or Semeles through any tract of yours.
And next another bird express I'd have you send below,
To tell mankind that 'tis the birds have got the kingdom now;
And bid them first to birds henceforth their sacrifices pay,
And next to Gods, assigning each their victims as they may.
If Venus hath her offering, the coot shall barley take;
To Neptune if the swine be slain, then wheat befits the drake;
If Hercules his ox, the gull must have his ploughman's cake;
And if the shrine of Jove the King, a slaughter'd ram shall stain,
To the Goldencrown, a kingly bird, be first a male-ant slain.

Euelpides.
The male-ant slain delights my heart, though Jove his thunder plies.

Epops.
But how shall men believe that we are Gods and not magpies,
Seeing we've wings, and flit about?

Pisthetærus.
By Jove, ye're sadly out.
For Hermes, though a God, hath wings, and flits like you about:
And many more. So Victory soars on wings of gold; and Love.
And Homer says that Iris is like to a trembling dove.

Epops.
Ay, and Jove's lightning too hath wings. Fear'st not at thee 'twill fly?

Pisthetærus.
But if they you for nothing take, and them for Gods on high,
Straight let a cloud of sparrows rais'd, their seed, when sowing, eat;
And when they're hungry, Ceres then may measure out their wheat.

Euelpides.
By Jove, not she: she'll only give apologies enow.

Pisthetærus.
And when their sheep are in the fold, and cattle at the plough,
At them a flight of crows despatch to peck their eyes; and see
Whether Apollo can cure them; for so he gets his fee.

Euelpides.
Nay, not at least till I first sell my little team.

[Aside.
Pisthetærus.
But thee
If men deem Saturn, Life and Earth, and Neptune and the Sun,
All blessings shall await them then.

Chorus.
I prythee mention one.

Pisthetærus.
First then the locusts of their vines shall not destroy the bloom;
For them one troop of horned owls shall utterly consume.
The gnats and midges next no more upon their figs shall prey;
But one great herd of thrushes come and sweep them all away.

Epops.
But wealth, which most of all they prize, whence that may we bestow?

Pisthetærus.
These, by prophetic signs, to them shall mines and metals show,
And tell the augur how, by sea, a thriving trade to drive,
That not a soul be lost.

Epops.
Ay? How shall they be kept alive?

Pisthetærus.
When they consult the augury, some bird shall still declare,
‘Now sail ye not; 'twill be a storm. Sail now; it will be fair.’

Euelpides.
I'll buy a brig and man her straight. With you I would not bide.

[Aside.
Pisthetærus.
And they of yore too underground their treasures used to hide.
These will they show who know where pots of silver lie interr'd;
For 'tis what all men say, ‘None knows my treasure but a bird.’

Euelpides.
I'll sell my brig and buy a spade, and by my digging live.

[Aside.
Epops.
But how shall these grant health? for this the Gods do only give.

Pisthetærus.
If in the world they're well to do, is this not health, I pray?
None that is ill at least has health: thus much I'm bold to say.

Epops.
How shall they reach old age? for that's another gift of Heaven.
Or must they die being children?

Pisthetærus.
By the birds there shall be given
Three hundred years of added life, by Jove.

Epops.
How so?

Pisthetærus.
How so?
Kenn'st not five races of mankind outlives the babbling crow?

Euelpides.
Tut! tut! What's Jove to these for king, I should be glad to know?

Pisthetærus.
Far better these: they want no roof
Of pillar'd temple, massy-proof:
For them no gorgeous doors unfold
Their valves inlaid with molten gold.
In shrubs and bosky hedge they dwell,
Their costliest shrine an oaken dell.
In sacrifice to their blest power
We need but seek some olive bower;
Not traverse hills or pass the main
To Delphi's steep or Ammon's fane:
Under the arbute's glossy shade,
Or arch by wilding berries made,
Oft will we take our wonted stand
With wheat or barley; there the hand
Raise up to them in simple prayer
That we some good of life may share;
And they these gifts to us will deal,
Scattering but a little meal.

Chorus.

Epops.
And by great Jove I swear no time is now
Left us for nodding or for Niciasizing.
Something must be done and quickly; and do ye first
Enter into my nest, and take possession
Of such poor chips and litter as is there.
And how they call you, tell us.

Pisthetærus.
Most readily.
My name is Pisthetærus.

Epops.
And what his?

Pisthetærus.
Euelpides from Thria.

Epops.
I give you both
The greeting.

Pisthetærus.
We accept it.

Epops.
Now then in.

Pisthetærus.
So; do thou take and lead us.

Epops.
Onward: come.

Pisthetærus.
But, sir, we must hark back a little first.

Epops.
Come, let me see.

Pisthetærus.
Inform us, pray, how shall we
Consort with you, who're wing'd, being ourselves wingless?

Epops.
Well thought of.

Pisthetærus.
Look ye now, there is in Æsop
Some history 'bout a fox; how ill he fared once
Keeping an eagle's company.

Epops.
Nay: fear nothing.
There's a certain tiny root, which having eaten,
Ye shall be wing'd straight.

Pisthetærus.
Enough: let us proceed.
Come, Xanthias! Manodorus! take our stuff.

Chorus.
Hilloah! I call thee; thee, I say.

Epops.
Why call'st?

Chorus.
That thou shouldst take
These gentlemen along with thee, and feast them for my sake.
But bring out here the silver-ton'd sweet Muse's nightingale;
And leave with us that we awhile ourselves with her regale.

Pisthetærus.
Herein, by Jove, I beg thee gratify them.
Bring from the rushes forth the darling bird;
By the Gods, bring her forth; that we too may be
Spectators of the nightingale.

Epops.
Be't so,
If that's your pleasure also. Procne, come forth;
And show thyself to these good strangers here.

Pisthetærus.
O precious Jupiter! what a sweet birdling!
How delicate too and white!

Euelpides.
In troth, in troth,
I'm fall'n in love with her already, I.

Pisthetærus.
What a golden down, even as a maiden, hath she!

Euelpides.
Nay, I shall never keep from kissing her.

Pisthetærus.
Thou miserable fellow, dost not see
She has a bill of two spikes to run through thee?

Euelpides.
Then shelling her like an egg, by Jove, I'll pull
The rind from off her poll, and kiss her so.

Epops.
Let us be going.

Pisthetærus.
Lead on; and luck befriend us.

[Exeunt.