University of Virginia Library

SCENE THE FIRST.

A romantic pass, somewhere out in the cold. Verner, solus, trying to warm himself, by blowing on his fingers.
Ver.
It's time the sub-committee met, that's clear;
I've got no watch, although I keep one here,
And so can't tell the time. Had I a ticker
I'd tell it—to move on a little quicker.
Here's Furst, at last. I thought I heard his shout.

Enter Furst.
Fur.
I'm warm with walking.

Ver.
Ah! I'm cold without.
Where's Michael?

Fur.
All behind, of course; the bore!

Ver.
Behind! He promised to be here by four.
Hast met Bill Tell?

Fur.
No, Verner; no such treat.
Bills in these times are difficult to meet.
But see; here's Michael.

Enter Michael.
Ver.
Welcome, Mike!

Mic.
Alas!
It seems we've all come to this precious Pass.

Ver.
Your news?

Mic.
The Daily News! It's all alike.
Wouldst hear it?

Ver.
To be sure.

Fur.
Cut away, Mike.

Mic.
Gesler, whose tyranny knows ne'er a truce,
Still rules the roast, and cooks the Switzer's goose,
With corn and malt tax makes the quarterns dear,
And robs the poor man of his cherish'd beer
(For the once merry Swiss boy of the vale
No longer of a morning “takes his pale”).
With new Wrongs, Outrages, Coercion Bills,
Each late edition of the papers thrills:
Cabins, in flames, our native mountains crowd;
Cabins, where smoking shouldn't be allow'd:
Business is at a stand-still—stocks are falling;
The daily emigration's quite appalling.
This social problem puzzles every one;
For us—the People! what is to be done?

Tell.
(Outside.)
Holloa!

Ver.
Our leader comes! my friends rejoice.

Mic.
He sings out bravely.

Fur.
Yes; he's got a voice—
All throat, though. In these times—he's so distress'd,
He's not a single good note in his chest;
Yet for his skill in planning revolution,
Few Austrians would blame his execution.

Enter Tell in a great-coat and woollen comforter.
Tell.
My friends and patriots, I hope you're well.

Ver.
How fares our liberator?—William—tell.

Tell.
(Unwinding his comforter.)
Striving the chilling influence to prevent,
Of this, the winter of our discontent;
Though, thanks to tyrants, for our blood who've thirsted,
Our only bosom comforters are worsted!
But we're all here—for business, let's prepare.

Mic.
I move that William Tell do take the chair.

Tell.
(Bitterly.)
Chairs, stools, all! Gesler's bailiffs from us wrench,
Till nought is left for Switzers but the Bench!
No matter though; to work—which is the chair?

Ver.
Sit on that rail instead.

Tell.
What, that one there?
It's not a first-class rail, but it'll do.
Now who begins the evening's business?

Mic.
You!
Move on.

Tell.
I shan't; I'm comfortable here.

Mic.
Stuff! Make a motion.

Tell.
Now you're meaning's clear.
[Mr. Tell rises to address the meeting.
Hereditary bondsmen! Don't you know that,
Who would be free, themselves must strike the—

Mic.
Blow that!
Try something new.

Tell.
Oh! certainly. Here goes!
The haughty Gesler's domineering nose
I'll soon disjoint; remove our country's curse,
Or die upon the floor of—

Mic.
(Disgusted.)
Worse and worse.

Tell.
Then here's a proposition—that a rent
Shall be collected—something large per cent.
On what the people really have n't got.

Mic.
Ah! now, I own, you seem to know what's what.

Fur.
I like the plan extremely, I confess.

Ver.
I'll be collector with great willingness.

Fur.
But when we've got it, how should it be spent?

Tell.
As Mrs. Glass would say, first catch your rent.
We four, the spending of it, will enforce.

Ver.
The resolution's carried then?

All.
Of course.

Fur.
Then let's dissolve.

Tell.
(Lachrymously.)
A motion to my mind,
For to the melting mood I feel inclined.

Mic.
Then we break up.

Tell.
Let's mind and not break down.
I must be off, they're wanting me in town.

Ver.
Then is the evening's business finished?

Mic.
Quite.

Tell.
Carried unanimously. Gents, good night.

[Exeunt severally.