University of Virginia Library

Scene First.

—The Port of Rantipolis, the Capital City of the Kingdom of Rumantica—Periwigulus, King of Rumantica, Courtiers, Guards, and Populace discovered.
Enter Perfidius, who advances and kneels to the King.
Per.
Hail, Periwigulus! Brave news I bring!
Prince Brutus greets Rumantica's great King.

King.
Thou comest from the Isles of Peace, which are,
In these disjointed times, the seat of war.

Per.
The war is ended; up the tyrant blown;
His crown is crack'd; his throne is overthrown.
Prince Brutus fell on him without more fuss,
And, to conclude, the victory fell on us.

King.
Great news! for bringing which this chain receive;
Upon the quay we're all on the qui vive.
When may we hope to see our son?

Per.
Before
The sun you see goes down he'll be ashore.

(gun fires at a distance)
King.
That signal!

Enter an Officer.
Officer.
Sire, the royal fleet's in sight!

King.
Run to the ramparts—bid as quick as light
The cannonier to fire the cannon there;
And let the cannon bid the trumpet blare;
And let the trumpet to the kettle shout,
The kettle to the ophicleide without;
The ophicleide inform the fifes and drums
That they should play “the conquering hero comes.”

Music—The Fleet is seen approaching the port—cannon, shouts. The barge of Prince Brutus appears, steps are placed, and the Prince lands with his Suite.
King.
Welcome! thrice welcome! our victorious son,
Who for his father a new crown hath won.

Prince.
Father, you go much farther than is fair;
The crown I've won I mean myself to wear.

King.
How?

Prince.
On my head! how else d'ye think I'd wear it?

King.
Ha! have a care! don't joke, for I can't bear it!
I am a King who stands no nonsense! none!
So don't attempt upon my words to pun,
Or you will find you're one of those rash fools
Who cut their fingers jesting with edged tools.

Prince.
(aside)
So sharp with me! I'll soon be blunt with you,
And make you cut, and in a hurry, too.

Music—Princess Carpillona and Dandelina are conducted as prisoners from the galley.
King.
Who's yon fair foreigner?

Prince.
A captive maid,
Whom I made captive, and am much afraid
That she's returned the compliment—for oh,
I feel all over—somehow—I don't know!

King.
A prisoner possessed of such great charms
Is very dangerous to take—in arms.

Prince.
Soon, as my wife, I'll take her, sir, in mine.

King.
Thy wife! then comes she of a royal line?

Prince.
She is a princess, distantly related
To the usurper I have spifflicated;
And who deposed her father years ago,
King Placid, called the Easy.

King.
Say you so?
Humph! then, if she consent, we do approve.

Prince.
If she consent! She'd better, or, by Jove—

King.
Swear'st thou? Irreverent boy! Peace! thou hadst best.
The licence of thy tongue must be suppressed.
I shall consult the lady's pleasure first.

Prince.
(aside)
If I don't soon boil over I shall burst!

King.
Approach, fair Princess, and dismiss your fear;
Say, can you love our son, Prince Brutus, here?

Princess.
Love Brutus!

King.
Well enough to wed him?

Princess.
I?

King.
Many would jump to do so.

Princess.
Jump! oh, my!
Rather than marry Brutus bid me jump
From off yon tower, into the ocean plump;
Or walk through Smithfield on a market morn,
And take the air upon a bullock's horn;
Or print a kiss on the unmuzzled mug
Of the black bear, that ate the lady's pug;
Or the big boa constrictor's cage inhabit,
Who took a blanket for a large Welsh rabbit;
Or in a bone-yard with some knacker dwell,
And madly play upon the bones, like Pell!
Things that to hear them told have made me freeze—
And I'll much sooner do it, if you please.

King.
As far as maiden delicacy may
Permit a timid maid her mind to say,
I think, from what she hints, we can discern
Your passion does not meet with much return.

Prince.
My passion!—oh, my passion she shall feel!
Slave! on your marrow-bones for mercy kneel!

King.
She shall not kneel to thee!—thy slave!—how thine?
The army thou hast conquered with is mine!
Thou art my officer—my servant—son;
And all is mine that's in my service won.
Therefore my slave this beauteous maid must be,
And I at once make free to make her free!
You're your own mistress, and need fear no master!

Princess.
O, sire! to you I feel I'm bound but faster.

Prince.
(aside)
My prisoner, too! With fury how I frizzle!
Out of his prey the tiger who would chizzle,
The tiger up may chop!

King.
What's that you mutter?
Mind how you quarrel with your bread and butter.
My will is law!—to cross it have a care,
Or, in my rage, I may cut off my heir
With less e'en than the fifth part of a crown;
So gulp your luckless passion quickly down,
And henceforth love this maid but as a brother.

Prince.
(aside)
Wouldn't this make a Quaker kick his mother?

King.
(to Princess)
We have not yet heard what thy name is, dear one.

Princess.
My name is Carpillona.

King.
What a queer one!

Princess.
What's in a name? Yours, sir, is Periwigulus,
But can that make you any more ridiculous?

King.
Certainly not! (aside)
As wise as she is fair!
If I were not turned eighty, I declare
I'd offer her my hand; but at my age,
To offer her my arm will be more sage.
(aloud)
Come, Princess, to our palace; you shall be
Our guest—your most obedient servant we.

Princess.
I have a most obedient servant here—
My faithful nurse and foster-mother dear.
To follow me will you give her the freedom?

King.
Bring fifty nurses with you if you need 'em!
Son Brutus, bear what we have said in mind,
Or at our death we'll leave thee but—behind.

March—Exeunt King, Princess, Dandelina, and Attendants.
Prince.
I'll make all right before I'm left behind!
The time is apt this business up to wind,
And set up for myself against my father.
Perfidius!

Per.
Prince, you appear ruffled!

Prince.
Rather!
Harkye, the King, my governor, must lay down
This very night the burden of his crown.

Per.
He always does, sir, when he goes to bed,
And puts a nightcap on his royal head.

Prince.
Don't to misunderstand my words pretend.
Perfidius, I consider you my friend;
You must give me a hand that crown to gain.

Per.
His Majesty has, with this golden chain,
Attached me to him, before all beholders!
It would lay double guilt upon my shoulders,
And dye me of the deepest black ingratitude,
If I assumed to him a hostile attitude.

Prince.
Serve me, and I will pay thee for thy pains,
When I am king, by loading thee with chains;
About our person thou shalt have the head post,
Choose which thou wilt—the lamp-post, door-post, bed-post!
First favourite, we'll upon thee put the pot,
And make thee our Great Grand High Lord—knows what.

Per.
Upon your honour?

Prince.
Bright as pewter platter!

Per.
That puts a different colour on the matter.
The black ingratitude it softens down;
I only do one benefactor brown
To give the royal purple to a greater;
To pause, were to myself to be a traitor.
I'm yours, sir! body, soul, and—pantaloons.

Prince.
Go, sound the troops, then—horse, foot, and dragoons;
Offer them double pay and treble rations!
Placard the town with flaming proclamations!
Spare not for promises, by bushels make 'em,
When we are king, 'tis time enough to break 'em.

(Exeunt Prince and Perfidius)