 | Once Upon a Time there were Two Kings |  |
366
Scene Third.
—A Room in the Palace of King Periwigulus —Guards enter and place chairs, then exeunt.Enter King.
King.
So shaken as we are—so wan with care,
We're but the shadow of the King we were;
Though still a crown upon our wig is worn,
Though still a sceptre in our hand is borne,
We're but the satellite of our own son—
A sort of Twelfth Night King—without the fun.
A monarch on his subjects forced to wait;
A ruler ruled himself by far too straight;
A sovereign clipped so close, he scarce can ring;
A poor old gentleman, whose name is King,
And might as well be Brown, or Jones or Smith,
For all the reverence he's treated with.
Oh, had my second son to me been spared,
My first to treat me so had never dared!
My second then had been my first, and sole
Proprietor, my crown had been my whole.
It's quite a riddle! Time must be the solver,
Who's riddled my poor heart with his revolver!
Flourish without—Enter Officer.
What means that flourish, sir?
Officer.
Prince Brutus comes!
King.
That trumpet of my ears offends the drums!
Nothing now flourishes, alas! for me!
Enter Prince leaning on Perfidius.
King.
Brutus!
Prince.
O dear!
King.
What can the matter be?
Prince.
A matter of high treason!—I've been struck,
Received a topper, which was not for luck,
From a vile villager—a shepherd slave!
King.
How came the man so badly to behave?
Prince.
He dared to step between me and my prey.
King.
What, pray?
Prince.
The false, ungrateful runaway!
King.
The Princess Carpillona!
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Yes, I've caught her;
And catch me giving her the slightest quarter!
If she my fingers can again slip through,
It won't be in her skin, I promise you;
For I will strip it off her back!
King.
You wouldn't
Be so indelicate! I'm sure you couldn't!
Prince.
Bring in the prisoners, sir! (to King)
You'll please to try
And find 'em guilty—death!
King.
I please? not I!
Prince.
You're King, and must on traitors justice do.
King.
But you are viceroy over me.
Prince.
That's true;
And, therefore, I command you, in your name,
To play the king, or to give up the game;
And I will take your hand, and vengeance deal
On the whole pack of you!
King.
Then I must steel
My heart to pity—up to aid me summon
All the stern virtue of an ancient Rum-'un!
Prince.
In both the cases I am prosecutor—
But of the judge I'm also coadjutor;
So on the bench I sit to see the sport.
(they sit)
King.
Here come the prisoners!
Music—Enter Princess and Corin, guarded.
Prince.
Silence in the court!
King.
Which case stands first?
Prince.
As one's a lady's case,
Of course the other must to hers give place.
King
(to Princess)
What is your name?
Princess.
Oh, sire! you know me well.
King.
Justice is blind!—I can't see—so can't tell.
Princess.
'Tis Carpillona! Hear me, sire, I pray!
Prince.
Justice is deaf to all that you can say.
King.
With what offence do you charge this young woman?
Prince.
Being found out.
King.
One not at all uncommon!
But very serious; for, as she's found out,
That she is guilty there can't be a doubt;
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Where she can't be found out again!
Prince.
No, no!
That sentence may not pass—no more shall she.
Convict! but leave her punishment to me!
King.
Arrest of judgment in this cause is prayed;
The judge has no discretion, I'm afraid.
Princess.
'Tis not, alas, the only Quarter Session
In which I've found the judge had no discretion!
King.
Call on the next case.
Prince.
The King versus Corin!
Cor.
He, versus! What on earth's the King brought for in?
King.
A legal form, of which I'd waive the flattery.
Prince.
This case, my lord's, one of assault and battery.
The indictment sets forth said defendant Corin
Did wilfully and malice thought afore in
With a stick in his hand value one bob
Strike, beat and damage seriously the nob
Of plaintiff, and said stick around him swing
Against the peace of our said Lord the King!
King.
How say you, pris'ner at the bar—are you
Guilty or not guilty?
Cor.
It's all quite true—
Just loose this hand, and give me a stick in it,
I'll shew you how I did it in a minute!
Prince.
No need of such a proof—he owns his crime,
And of the Court we'll not take up the time.
His doom is death!
King.
The deed can't be defended—
(rising)
But he's to mercy strongly recommended.
Prince.
Leave him to mine! that's all the law I crave.
Princess.
O, spare him, sir, and I will be your slave!
Prince.
You are my slave! and as my slave shall share
His punishment! (Enter Perfidius)
Perfidius, in the square,
Before the palace—quick; a pile and stake.
A bonfire of both spark and flame I'll make.
(Exit Perfidius)
King.
What, Carpillona! sure you won't have roasted,
A beauty whom so lately you'd have toasted?
Prince.
I will.
Princess.
And you, sir, (to King)
will stand by and view it?
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Oh no! I'll go to supper while they do it.
Prince.
You shan't! I order you to see it done.
King.
No, burn me if I do!
Prince.
That may be one
Of those true words, spoken sometimes in jest,
Therefore obey, without one more—you'd best!
King.
(aside)
Of horrors was there ever such a tissue?
Prince.
A writ of fiery facias I issue,
So take their bodies, officer, and bring
Them after—with our Sovereign Lord the King.
Quartette—Princess, King Periwigulus, Corin, and Prince—
“On yonder rock reclining”—“Fra Diavolo.”
Princess.
(to King)
To interfere declining,
Can you our frizzling forms behold,
And their hands not bid them hold,
You, my best friend of old?
To pity, sir, inclining,
Cold water on this project throw.
And your petitioner, you know,
Ever shall pray—just so!
Prince.
Tremble!
E'en now the logs they're piling,
On which you'll soon be briling.
King and Cor.
The devil, O! the devil, O! the devil, O.
Cor.
(to Prince)
Your ill-got power abusing,
Although on me you spit your spite,
Towards this royal fair you might
Be rather more polite.
It may be most amusing
To roast a man who basted you;
But sure to fry this sweet soul, too,
Is not the thing to do.
Prince.
Tremble!
Well pepper'd for her sake,
In turn of her broil'd bones I'll make
A devil, O! a devil, O! a devil, O!
King, Corin, and Princess.
The devil, O! the devil, O the devil, O!
(Exeunt)
| Once Upon a Time there were Two Kings | |