University of Virginia Library

ACT II.

Scene First.

—A Sequestered Dell.
Enter Florina, in a peasant's dress.
Flor.
(singing as she enters)

Azur.
Save you, royal fair—

Flor.
Royal! How came you of my rank aware?
I thought beneath this garb—

Azur.
Oh, though my eyes
Are old, they quickly saw through your disguise!
You're not accustomed to dissimulation.

Flor.
You seem a person of some penetration,
And may be, as your sight appears so keen,
A fine Blue Bird of Paradise you've seen,
Which I have lost? I'm anything but sordid;
The finder shall be handsomely rewarded.

Azur.
Yes, you would give a crown for him, no doubt,
Now you're a queen.

Flor.
A queen! you've found that out?

Azur.
Why, all the world knows of the revolution,
Occasioned by your stepdame's persecution;
How your weak father signed his abdication,
And how you were made queen by acclamation!
And how you generously saved from slaughter,
The base Tyrana and her ugly daughter;
The people would have torn them into pieces,
But for your presence.

Flor.
Every word increases
My wonder! Surely you must be a witch?

Azur.
You might on something more unlikely pitch,
But which, or whatsoe'er I am, depend,
Whilst you are good and true, I am your friend!

Flor.
Oh, prove it, then, by telling in a word,
Where I may find my sweet blue dicky-bird?

Azur.
Your bird's no more.

Flor.
Dead?

Azur.
No! Don't be alarmed—
They've made a man of him again.

Flor.
I'm charmed
To hear it!

Azur.
But upon a hard condition.
Great Hocus Pocus, a profound magician,
Rescued King Charming from assassination,
And through his well-intended mediation,
The Fairy Soussio her wrath abated,
And on his throne King Charming re-instated,
With this proviso—he Troutina wedded
In six months from this date.

Flor.
Just what I dreaded.
And he consented! Well, I cannot blame him!
He never thought his beak and claws became him.
Fine feathers make fine birds, but don't make happy ones!
They who think otherwise are only sappy ones!
And so may joy be his, beyond all measure—
And I'll go back and break my heart with pleasure.

Azur.
Not so! a generous heart like yours shan't break.
King Charming labours under a mistake;
He made against the bargain a brave struggle,
But Hocus Pocus floored him by a juggle;
He told him you, in secret, loved another,
That you betrayed him to Troutina's mother,
And lent the very knife that struck the blow, too.

Flor.
Oh, where can such a person think he'll go to?
And Charming to believe that thus I'd use him.
Is there no way at once to disabuse him?

Azur.
Yes, but 'tis full of danger!

Flor.
Danger! Fiddle!
I'm not a girl my thumbs to sit and twiddle.
Dangers retreat when boldly they're confronted.

Azur.
(appearing in her own form)
You are the heroine for whom I've hunted.
My aid you have, Florina, ere you ask it.
Here, you will find three swan's eggs in this basket;
Break one of them whenever friends you lack,
And sure as eggs are eggs, you'll find them crack!

Flor.
May I not know to whom I am indebted?

Azur.
Air—Fairy Azurine—“Over the Water to Charley.”

(Exit)
Flor.
The first thing is to reach my love's abode,
And I forgot to ask our friend the road.
What must I do? There's nothing for't i'fegs!
But sacrificing one of my three eggs!
So let us see what this one will produce.
Music—Breaks egg, and a car drawn by Doves, rises.
A handsome carriage, ready made for use!
(she enters car, and sings)

Music—Doves draw off Florina in car.

Scene Second.

—The Gates of Charming's Palace.
Enter Florina.
Flor.
Once more on terra firma safe and sound!
So far I've quickly got over the ground,
But now I've got to get over the porter,
To make my way into the palace shorter;
I mustn't waste another egg about it,
But trust to what my brain can hatch without it.
He's there! and thinks himself a mighty great man!
A prouder porter never served Lord Bateman.

(rings gate bell)
Enter Porter.
Porter.
How now? how dare you at these portals ring?

Flor.
If you please, sir, I wish to see the King.

Porter.
You wish to see the King! a slut like you!
Go, get along with you, you hussy, do!

Flor.
Do let me in to see the King; sir, pray!

Porter.
The creature's crazy! Troop, girl, while you may!
Or, whether you are mad, or only sham,
You'll catch what here we call toco for yam!

Flor.
I don't know what you mean by yam or toco,
But here's a bauble some may call rococo,
(takes jewel out of her pouch)
Which is worth pocketing, and yours to keep,
If at the King you'll let me have one peep.

Porter.
(aside)
Diamonds and rubies! Who the deuce could think it!
How could she honestly come by that trinket?
That's not my business though. (aloud)
Humph! Well, suppose
I should permit you just to pop your nose
Inside the gates—what will you say, if seen
By the new regent, the great foreign Queen,
Who rules the roast here?

Flor.
There no harm can be,
In a poor girl wishing the King to see.

Porter.
Oh, can't there? No—you'd best not say the King.
You wish to see the palace, that's the thing,
The Whispering Gallery, which people do
Obtain, occasionally, leave to view.

Flor.
The Whispering Gallery! what, round the walls
Does the voice run, as in that of St. Paul's?

Porter.
Yes, only here its gambols you must curb,
For fear his Majesty you might disturb;
Whilst at St. Paul's they care what's said by no man,
Provided you pay twopence to the showman.

Flor.
What! would King Charming hear whate'er we said?

Porter.
His chamber is directly overhead,
And any secrets dropped there, it appears,
Run up directly to the royal ears.

Flor.
Oh, give me to that gallery admission!

Porter.
You must the Queen herself for that petition.
She keeps it locked—the people say, for fear
Some ugly truths of her the King should hear.
Zooks! here she comes— (opens gates)
and with her the old King,
As usual, fastened to her apron string.

Flor.
Disguise, befriend me—and be yours the task,
Good fairy egg, to gain me what I ask.

Music—She takes an egg out of her basket and cracks it—A large pie rises in its place, in a golden dish, adorned with jewels.
Enter Queen Tyrana, King Henpeckt, and Attendants.
Queen,
Who comes between the wind and our nobility?

Flor.
So please your Majesty, with all humility,
A poor girl, who has got a toy to sell,
Entirely made out an egg-shell.

(shewing the pie)
King.
Out of an egg-shell! Why it looks like gold!

Queen.
Will you be kind enough your tongue to hold?

King.
I only spoke because—

Queen.
Because you shouldn't!
How often, sir, must I desire you wouldn't?
(to Florina)
And what, pray, may you call this trumpery thing?

Flor.
A pretty dish to set before the King.
A pie, with four-and-twenty blackbirds in it,
Which sing a song of sixpence!
(takes top off, and discovers four-and-twenty Blackbirds, with jewelled eyes and beaks, on boughs of silver and precious stones)
Come, begin it!

Blackbirds sing the Nursery Rhyme, “Sing a Song of Sixpence,” &c.
King.
That well-known song makes me a child again!

Queen.
(aside to him)
You're in your second childhood, sir, that's plain;
If the girl sees she's raised our admiration,
She'll raise her price beyond all calculation.

King.
Of course, I never thought—

Queen.
You never do!
'Tis fortunate you've me to think for you,
This wondrous pie King Charming may amuse.

King.
I see—the blacks may drive away the blues.

Queen.
Suppose I was inclined this toy to buy,
What is the price you set upon your pie?

Flor.
I don't pretend to know what it is worth,
But I have wished, before all things on earth,
To see the Whispering Gallery, so famous
Throughout the Fan-sea Isles.

Queen.
Poor ignoramus!

Flor.
And I will gladly give one curiosity
To satisfy the other.

Queen.
(aside)
With velocity
I'll close this bargain. (aloud)
Well, it may divert
My son-in-law, so—

King.
(aside to her)
It's as cheap as dirt!
The jewels in it are beyond all price!

Queen.
I'll ask you, sir, when I need your advicc.
Carry the trifle in—
(Attendants take pie up)
And this young lass
Into the Whispering Gallery let pass!

Flor.
Oh, thank you, madam.

(Exit, following Attendants)
King.
(aside)
For it if I die,
I'll try to get a finger in that pie.

(march—Exeunt King, Queen, &c.)

Scene Third.

—The Whispering Gallery.
Enter Florina.
Flor.
Air—Florina—“Pretty Mocking Bird”—Bishop.

Enter Valet de Chambre.
Val.
Holloa, young woman, are you taken poorly?
Were you not cautioned, ere you came this hall in,
That it was not a place to shout or squall in?
What do you think his Majesty would say,
If he should hear you?

Flor.
If! alack the day!
Has he not heard me, then?

Val.
'Tis well for you
I gave him his composing draught at two.

Flor.
Composing draught!

Val.
A potent preparation,
To calm down his great nervous irritation.
It locks him so fast in the arms of Morpheus,
To move him I defy the strains of Orpheus.

Flor.
Alas! that's not at all the way to cure him;
I know a charm that would relief ensure him—
And if you choose, your fortune it would make.

Val.
My fortune? tell it me, for goodness sake!

Flor.
D'ye see these bracelets!

(producing the bracelets given her by the Blue Bird)
Val.
Yes, to my surprise!
They're made of emeralds of the largest size!

Flor.
They're yours, on one condition.

Val.
Name it quickly!

Flor.
That you obey my orders very strictly;
Don't give the King his sleeping draught to-night,
And let him of these bracelets get a sight.

Val.
But if the King his medicine doesn't take,
As sure as fate, he will be wide awake.

Flor.
Exactly! And will bless the new physician,
Who made him wide awake to his position.

Val.
Give me the bracelets, I the risk will run.

Flor.
It is a bargain, then?

Val.
Conclude it done.
(Exit Valet)

Enter Queen, King Henpeckt, Attendants.
Flor.
The Queen! 'tis well, she comes upon a wish!

Queen.
Girl, have you got another pretty dish
To set before a king, at the same price?

Flor.
I have, and you shall see it in a trice.
(aside)
Oh, my last egg, in you my hopes are cradled,
I shall go smash, if you should turn out addled.
(cracks the egg—A silver goose appears sitting in a golden nest)
There, madam, that's a very curious bird,
Of which perhaps the history you've heard.

King.
Why, it's a goose, as sure as—

Queen.
You're another!

Flor.
This goose is that which gave the name of mother
To the old fairy in the children's books.

King.
The Mother Goose's goose! why then, odzooks
It can lay golden eggs.

Queen.
(aside to him)
You cackling gander,
You'll drive me crazy with your blund'ring candour!
What stuff! this bird's of metal, I should say.

Flor.
Of course, or metal eggs how could it lay?

King.
To think that story's been told o'er and o'er,
And no one ever thought of that before!

Queen.
You wouldn't have me credit such a fable?

Flor.
Here is a sample, new laid on the table.

King.
She reports progress to the house, 'tis plain,
And for the goose, asks leave to sit again.

Flor.
Exactly, sir, I'd with this gift requite
The privilege of staying here all night.

King.
As she's in petticoats who so beseeches,
She can't of privilege commit great breaches.

Queen.
(aside)
The girl's an idiot—well, so much the better!
On such terms the whole palace I would let her—
More by this wondrous goose I shall by far gain,
Than by the blackbird pie. (aloud)
Well, it's a bargain.
(to King)
This goose I'll draw on to a large amount,
And straight at Gosling's open an account.

King.
(to Queen)
This bird is of the Californian breed,
And would, to eat, be very rich, indeed.
With common ones let's try the breed to cross,
And dine on silver geese, with golden pippin sauce!

Queen.
(to Florina)
Good night!

Flor.
(aside)
I almost feared she smelt a rat!

Queen.
Take the goose in!

Flor.
(aside)
I hope I have done that!

(Exeunt King, Queen, and Attendants—Florina remains. Scene closes)

Scene Fourth.

—The King's Cabinet.
Enter King, Queen, Troutina, and Attendants, hastily.
Queen.
For Doctor Hocus Pocus send with speed!

(Attendants exeunt)
Trout.
The King's much worse!

King.
He's very queer, indeed!

Queen.
Woke from his nap in a high state of fever.

King.
Thinks he's a bird again, as blue as ever.

Queen.
Screamed out at sight of me, “a cat, a cat!”

Trout.
Call'd me a scarecrow—

King.
(aside)
There's some sense in that.

Queen.
Flung out of window the fine blackbird pie.

King.
And threatened after it to make me fly.

Charm.
(without)
Traitors!

Trout.
He's coming!

Queen.
(to King)
Stand before me!

King.
No!
I couldn't think of it!

(bowing and going)
Queen.
Where shall we go?

King.
The nearest way downstairs—if you permit,
I'll run before.

(going)
Queen.
(crossing him)
You wouldn't think of it!

Exit Queen, followed by King and Troutina.
Enter Charming, followed by Lord and Valet de Chambre.
Charm.
Don't talk to me of “pockets full of rye,”
And “songs of sixpence!” Who dared make a pie
Of black, or any coloured birds? 'Tis treason
To kill, or catch a bird in any season!
The feathered race, throughout my whole dominions,
Shall live in perfect liberty of pinions.
I'll have no bird-cage walks in any parks!
Whilst I reign there shall be no end of larks!
Turkeys at Christmas but themselves shall stuff;
To cook his goose, no cook be goose enough!
No chicken hazard foul play for its life,
No pigeon pout for his encrusted wife!
Grouse shall the moors skim safe as gulls the ocean,
And ducks behold green peas without emotion!

Val.
He's very flighty! vows he's beaked and clawed!

Lord.
These are but wild and whirring words, my lord.

Charm.
Throughout the poultry go, the will proclaim
Of Charming, King, defender of all game,
Lord Paramount of every Fan-sea Isle,
Cock of the walk, and supréme de volaille!

Val.
(aside to Lord)
Humour his fancy; meanwhile I'll repeat
The dose, which takes out of him the conceit.

(Exit Lord)
Charm.
Corncrakes and fieldfares shall have double crops.
Honour all bills! take off the tax on hops!

Val.
Now then, in lieu of his old soporific,
I'll test the value of this new specific.

(takes out bracelets)
Charm.
Come to my perch! I'm moulting fast! somehow
I've little left to plume myself on now;
My wings are bare, in vain I would them spread;
I've lost my tail—no, here 'tis, on my head!
Of course my head was turned by my mishap,
And here's the only feather in my cap.

Val.
These emeralds seem those in your cap to match.

(shewing them)
Charm.
(starting)
Air—Charming—“Go away, black man.”

Val.
The sight of them has only made him sadder,
I'll give him his black drops before he's madder.

Charm.
Methinks again that fatal tree I'd fly by!

Val.
It's time to take your drops and go to by-bye!

Charm.
Throw physic to the dogs, and go to Bath!
I'm for the air! the Blue Bird's own blue path!

Florina is heard singing “Pretty bird, pretty bird,” &c.
Val.
Is that the air, sir, that you said you were for?

Charm.
The only one that once I used to care for!
That strain again! oh! it comes o'er my ears,
Like the sweet south—or music of the spheres;
Or the drum polka, or the Berlin choir,
Or anything that judges most admire!

Val.
(aside)
Put that air to these here, (shewing bracelets)
I think I know,
Who's in the Whispering Gallery below.

Charm.
Is it some piping bullfinch they have bought,
For an old coat, and that tune to it taught?
Or does some nightingale, in corner snug,
Pour out that luscious strain from his own jug?
Or—oh! I never thought of that before—
Is it Florina, underneath the floor?
It is—it must be! and these jewels—speak!
Varlet! remember you're before a beak!
How came you by them?

Val.
Sire, I didn't buy them!
A sort of gipsy girl begged I would try them
Upon your Majesty, and if they fitted,
She vowed your flightiness would soon have flitted!

Charm.
Where is the gipsy?

Val.
In the Whispering Gallery!

Charm.
Open my cage, and I'll double your salary!

Val.
Air—Valet—“Come down the back stairs.”

(Exeunt Charming and Valet)

Scene Fifth.

—The Whispering Gallery as before—Florina discovered.
Flor.
My heart, suspended betwixt hope and fear,
Hangs like Mohammed's intermediate bier.
If Charming's ears against me still are barred up,
I've no more eggs to shell out when I'm hard up.
But hark! again, a footstep! fleeter, faster!
It is the man—that is, it is the master!

Enter Charming.
Charm.
Florina!

Flor.
Charming!

Charm.
'Tis my long-lost treasure!

Flor.
My heart intoxicated reels with pleasure!

Charm.
My pulses all ecstatically tingle!
And art thou true?

Flor.
As truth!

Charm.
And single?

Flor.
Single!

Charm.
Come to my arms, and be as dear as ever!
But did you never love another?

Flor.
Never!

Charm.
Nor lend sharp knives to lacerate my breast?

Flor.
No, never, not by no means, I protest!

Charm.
Enchanting fact, although indifferent grammar.
They told me, then, a most outrageous crammer.
But I believe you, my sweet girl, with joy!

Flor.
And I—oh! I believe you too, my boy!

Charm.
I hug my little, but my precious, store!
What now shall part us?

Flor.
Nothing, never more!

[Charm., Flor.]
Duet—“Suono il trombe intrepida.”

Enter King Henpeckt, Queen, Troutina, and Guards.
Queen.
Indeed! we'll soon see that!

Charm.
The Queen!

Flor.
My father!

Charm.
Madam, I am surprised—

Queen.
You are, sir, rather!
And in good time to frustrate all your plans.
Henpeckt, I bid you to forbid the banns!

King.
Daughter, you hear my wife is quite forbidding—
That is, for bidding me—

Charm.
I'll soon be ridding
The palace of these meddlers—make them sing
Another song. 'Sdeath! am I not the King?

Queen.
But I'm vice-regent over you, you'll see.

King.
Yes, 'gad, she was that always over me!

Charm.
By this affront I quite aback am taken!

Flor.
And I have no more eggs to save my bacon!

Charm.
Well, I'll die game! my guards!

Queen.
They will not stir;
You quite forget that you're “non compos,” sir.
Great Hocus Pocus soon will make you mum.

King.
And here I take it is the doctor come.

Music—Hocus Pocus rises.
Hocus.
Yes, I have come from a long consultation,
Upon this sad case of hallucination,
And am compelled to give the patient over.
No medicine, Ovid says, can cure a lover,
So let them marry, if they wish it still,
If that won't cure them both, why nothing will!

Charm.
You hear the learned doctor, what he says?

King.
I must admit it answer'd in my case.

Queen.
What, let King Charming marry any other
Than my Troutina?

Enter Fairy Soussio.
Sous.
Never!

Trout.
Here's godmother!
Now we shall see!

Sous.
Is Soussio's power defied?
Six moons have passed! Troutina is the bride
Of Charming!

Charm.
No!

Flor.
No!

Hocus.
No!

Sous.
What, do you back
Out of your own proposal? Hence, vile quack!

Hocus.
Quack! vengeance!

Sous.
Upon you mine first shall fall!
Quake earth! down palace! crush them one and all!

Charming and Florina rush behind pedestal—Thunder, lightning, crash—pillars fall, pedestal sinks—Scene changes to the throne of Fan-sea—Charming and Florina are protected by Hocus Pocus and Fairy Azurine.
Hocus.
(to Soussio)
Ah, would you? that is easier said than done!

Azur.
The odds are 'gainst you, sister, two to one!
Ruin may seize all else the earth above,
But indestructible are Truth and Love.

Finale—“Morris Dance.”
Flor.
Our trials o'er, but one fear more
Is now my heart alarming—
It is that those in yonder rows,
May not approve King Charming.

Charm.
Say “yes,” kind friends, for goodness sake,
And nightly here come swarming;
Your magic hands can truly make
Immortal our King Charming.

Tableau—Flourish.