University of Virginia Library

Scene First.

—The Star Chamber of the New Planet—The Planet seated on her throne, surrounded by her Satellites.
Glee and Chorus—“The winds whistle cold”—Planet, Stars, &c.
The sages of old, who the stars rightly read,
Strange tales could unfold that ne'er entered man's head.
There were horoscopes made and nativities cast,
Not infringing the law, I trow;
But mortals so bold have grown wiser, we're told,
And to laugh at the stars folks allow,
So we'll at them laugh now—
Merry stars, merry stars, merry stars!
So we'll at them laugh now!

Plan.
Air—“Una Voce”—Planet.

Music—Enter Mercury.
Mer.
First, I declare! I've come to light your candles.

Plan.
You ought, as you're light fingered.

Mer.
Truce to scandals!
My speed deserves a kinder welcome, truly!

Plan.
Well, how's your friend, the sun?

Mer.
Faith, very poorly.

Plan.
He's gone to bed!

Mer.
Yes, in his usual place.
Those ugly spots are spreading on his face.

Plan.
He thinks it was the heat last year.

Mer.
Pooh, pooh!
He drinks too freely of that mountain dew.

Plan.
You, as his nearest neighbour, might advise.

Mer.
What! when he's fifteen million times my size!
Catch me! I know my sphere—should I resist him,
He'd bowl me right out of the solar system!

Plan.
Well, with your wings, you're always in high feather.
Music—Enter Jupiter and Juno.
Ha! Jupiter and Juno!

Mer.
What, together!

Jup.
I own, a most unusual exhibition;
We're generally found in opposition.
In fact, 'tis owing opposition to,
For she would come with me, all I could do.

Juno.
Air—“I'll be no submissive wife”—Juno.

Jup.
My dear, I blush for you, you are so yellow.

Juno.
Blush for yourself, you good-for-nothing fellow!
Didn't I catch you winking at the stars?

Jup.
They winked at me.

All.
For shame!

Music—Enter Venus and Mars.
Plan.
Venus and Mars?

Mer.
(aside to Planet)
Of course—they're in conjunction.

Plan.
Oh—oh, fie!

Mer.
(to Venus)
Hail to the brightest planet of the sky!

Ven.
Nonsense! I'm not the brightest—Mars, now am I?

Mars.
I'll fight whoever dares deny it—damme!

Juno.
Oh, shocking! How these soldiers swear,—for shame!

Ven.
(to Planet)
Well, dear, where's this old Mother
What's-her-name?

Plan.
Old Mother Earth?

Ven.
Aye, that's her appellation!

Juno.
(aside)
As if she didn't know! What affectation!

Plan.
Not yet arrived; but Time is on the wing,
For here comes Saturn.

Music—Enter Saturn.
Mer.
Yes! I know his ring.

Sat.
You'd better not of old Time make a mock,
Or, though a planet, you may know his knock;
Out of the brightest Time can take the shine.

Ven.
Dear Saturn, you're so very saturnine!

Plan.
Where is your sire, Uranus?

Sat.
Poor old soul!
He's got a terrible long way to roll;
But he is coming.

Plan.
Dear old Georgium Sidus;
I shan't forget what pains he took to hide us.
His fidgetting at last awoke suspicion,
And pointed out exactly my position.

Mer.
But he meant well.

Plan.
Oh, certainly, no doubt!

Ven.
It's so unpleasant, though, to be found out.

Juno.
You ought to know, I'm sure!

Ven.
I, madam?

Juno.
Nay,
I only spoke.

Mars.
Spoke! damme!

Mer.
(interfering)
Ladies, pray—

Morceau d'ensemble—“Post-horn Galop.”
Ven.
Madam, if you've aught to say
Concerning me in any way,
Speak out at once—no hints, I pray.
You're too insinuating!

Juno.
Oh, dear! I meant no harm, I vow!
But as for speaking out just now,
There'd scarce be time, you must allow,
For half the tales relating!

Plan.
Ladies! ladies! pray consider—

Jup.
This is jolly! this is jolly!

Plan.
To be quiet prithee bid her!

Mars.
Demme! demme! here's a volley!

Mer.
Patience, patience, pretty Planet—

Juno.
Such a breach of all decorum—

Ven.
She began it! she began it!

All.
Stop 'em! get before 'em!

Plan.
Here come our sisters, Pallas, Ceres, Vesta.

Music—Enter Pallas, Ceres, Vesta.
Pal.
We have all hastened to your little festa.

Mer.
And here's Uranus hobbling up at last,
With his six satellites, to hold him fast.

Music—Enter Uranus, supported by his six Moons.
Plan.
I feared you would not come.

Ura.
You're very kind,
I am a little my son Time behind;
But such a distance, and so dark, odd zoons,
I took the liberty to bring my moons.

Plan.
I'm glad to see them, sir.

Ura.
They're very small,
No man but Herschell ever saw them all.

Plan.
Indeed!

Ura.
It's fact. Some chaps below, odd rot 'em,
Are bold enough to say I haven't got 'em!
A pack of fools!

Mer.
Here comes the Earth apace;
So don't abuse her sons before her face.

Music—Enter the Earth.
Earth.
How do? how do?—To see you I'm so glad.
“Fie! how my bones ache! what a jaunt I've had.”
And such a bustle, now, on my own ball,
I thought I shouldn't get away at all.
However, here I am at last. And so
You're the New Planet; well, of course you know
The fuss we've had about you,—the contention
Who first of your existence made the mention,
Whether the French or English have most claim to you?
And who has the best right to give a name to you.
And now I see you, clear of every cloud,
You are a star of which man may be proud.
How old are you, my dear?

Plan.
A question rarely
Put to a lady. Must I answer fairly?

Venus.
I wouldn't tell, if she asked me—that's flat!

Juno.
How old are you, ma'am, if you come to that?

Earth.
Oh, I can't tell, or else I would, sincerely—
I used to think I knew, or very nearly;
But the geologists, with their commotions,
Have upset all my poor, old-fashioned notions.

Jup.
Yes, if by their account you must be dated,
They'd prove you born before you were created.

Glee—“The Huge Globe”—Jupiter, Mars, &c.
The huge globe has enough to do,
Rolling and bowling about the sun,
Without keeping count of the years it knew
Ere mortals its surface began to dig through,
And worry it as they have done.
And man has not yet from geology got
A notion of how he may better his lot,
But we who are planets know more about
The age of the world than we choose to let out,
So we won't on the subject enter;
But the secret we'll keep,
Dig they ever so deep,
Down, down to the very centre!
Doctor and Dean may hammer their brains,
And squabble and spout over fossil remains,
Ho, ho, ho, ho! but little they know,
However 'tis whirl'd, however 'tis twirl'd,
How many years has wagg'd the world!

Earth.
Well, I must go.

Plan.
Go! whither?

Earth.
Back again.

Plan.
Why, you've just come—I thought you would remain
At least the night with us.

Earth.
Heaven bless you—never!
The world can't stop—there's more to do than ever!
No one can tell the bustle I am in—
The worry, the confusion, and the din
Of politics, inventions, speculations,
Repeal, protection, free-trade agitations,
Poor-law commissioners, and bank directors,
East India governors, railway projectors,
One-penny steam boats and two-penny carriages,
Italian operas, and Spanish marriages,
The Press, the bar, the senate, and the stage,
All in a fuss, a fever, or a rage!
And with these endless calls on my attention,
A family increasing beyond mention.
Like the old woman who lived in a shoe,
I'm positively puzzled what to do.

Mer.
Whip 'em and send 'em all to bed, as she did.

Earth.
Alas! there's something more than whipping needed,
Naughty or not, Earth's children must be fed,
And their poor mother scarce can find them bread.

Plan.
But now 'tis night, and all the world's asleep.

Earth.
Not half! Too many wake, and work, and weep;
Too many waste in revel and in riot,
The moments granted me for rest and quiet.
In short, I'm kept in such a constant whirl,
I feel sometimes quite giddy.

Mer.
Poor old girl!

Plan.
And yet to see you on a fine, clear night
Down in the distance, there, you shine so bright,
'Tis quite impossible for us to trace
The least disturbance in your placid face.

Earth.
“Tis distance lends enchantment to the view,”
“All is not gold that glitters.”

Mer.
Very true!

Earth.
Will you go down with me and see the sights,
That one small spot of earth can shew o' nights?

Plan.
With all my heart. Friend Jupiter, will you go?

Jup.
I've no objection, though it's not a new go,
For me.

Juno.
No; pretty tricks you used to play
On earth before you were a planet, eh?

Earth.
(aside)
And may again, for anything that you know.

Juno.
(aside)
Oh, if he quits the sky my name's not Juno!

Plan.
Will Venus join our party?

Ven.
Oh, with pleasure!
You will escort me, Mars?

Mars.
Of course, my treasure!

Plan.
And Pallas?

Pal.
Wisdom's wanted upon earth.

Plan.
And Ceres?

Ceres.
Since of corn there is a dearth,
It is my duty to go down, no doubt.

Earth.
And there's no duty now to keep you out.

Plan.
We shall keep Time, I hope, in our careers.

Mer.
And beat time to the music of our spheres.

Earth.
Say, Saturn, will you to my globe repair?

Sat.
I can't, indeed, I have no time to spare.
And so, Time flies!

(Exit)
Earth.
Well, Mercury must go
To tell the weather.

Mer.
Must—that's whether or no!

Ura.
I'm much too old after strange sights to yearn,
I'll keep house for you all till you return.

(Exit with his Satellites)
Earth.
And Vesta, too, had best in heaven remain,
Because—

Plan.
There's no occasion to explain.

(Exit Vesta)
Ven.
By what conveyance shall we make our transit?

Mer.
Oh, by the “atmospheric” we must chance it.

Mars.
And in these dresses?

Earth.
Yes, they'll only say
Those folks are going to some bal masqué.

Pal.
A bal masqué! how I should like to see one!

Earth.
You shall. I've no doubt, somewhere, there will be one.

Ven.
Let us all go—I goddess am of mirth!

Pal.
Must we wear masks?

Earth.
Most people do on earth—
The globe itself is but one great masked ball,
Of which the true face is scarce seen at all;
Indeed, as far as vizards go, they wear
Them less at masquerades than anywhere.

Plan.
I think some characters we should assume.

Mer.
You'll find a queer assortment in the room.

Earth.
Venus might go as “Beauty.”

Jup.
In that case
She wouldn't want a mask upon her face!

Ven.
How pretty of you, Jove; but where's my “Beast?”

Mer.
There's Mars!

Mars.
Consume it, no—I must, at least,
Go as an officer.

Ven.
Not unattached?

Mars.
Attached to one that never can be matched!

Jup.
With regimentals too my robes I'll cover.
I'll be a general!

Juno.
Yes, a general lover!
You shan't go out to-night in any guise,
So don't attempt it, or I'll raise the skies!

Jup.
Nay, really—

Juno.
Home, sir, troop, and no grimaces!
(To Planet)
Good night—we tear ourselves from your embraces.
When you return from all these wild-goose chases,
You'll find us in our geocentric places.

(Exit with Jupiter)
Ven.
I'm glad the vixen's gone, with all my heart.
But who on earth will play the showman's part.

Mer.
I will, as harlequin!

Plan.
And who is he?

Mer.
A most mercurial notoriety,
A wit at Naples, half a fool in France,
In England he does little else than dance;
Subtle as quick-silver and light as air,
Can change to anything, go anywhere,
Leap through the moon, or down his own throat.

Ven.
Never!

Mars.
Zounds! I can't swallow that!

Pal.
He must be clever.

Plan.
What is he like?

Earth.
(to Mercury)
Quick, in his shape appear.

Music—Mercury changes to Harlequin.
Pal.
Why, he's a black!

Plan.
How funny!

Ven.
What a dear!

Music—Harlequin goes through the usual positions.
Earth.
Enough of that; now speak, my little man.

Har.
As harlequin, I don't know that I can.
It's such a time ago since last I spoke;
My voice will crack.

Earth.
Then let it crack a joke.

Har.
A joke? I haven't heard a joke so long.
I scarce know what it means.

Earth.
Then sing a song.

Har.
I never sing; you're thinking of the clown.

Earth.
Sing when I bid you, or I'll set the town
About your ears!

Har.
Oh, madam! (to Planet)
pray don't let her,
I'll do my best.

Plan.
The best can do no better.

Song—“Nong Tong Paw”—Harlequin.

Earth.
Very well sung, for you—now shew the way
To London, and such sights as there you may;
Be a good guide—a pleasant cicerone,
And you, as Harlequin, may make some money.

Harlequin strikes the stage with his wand—the scene changes to the Interior of the Colosseum and the View of London by Night.
Plan.
Arrived so speedily! Oh, what a sight
Is this before us!

Har.
London, ma'am, by night.

Plan.
What, real London?

Earth.
Well, if not reality,
With Nature Art's almost on an equality.

Har.
But we're in London, at the Colosseum.

Mars.
There's the Horse Guards!

Pal.
And there's the Athenæum!
My statue crowns its portico so wide.

Plan.
I hope the wisdom is not all outside.

Ceres.
And there's Mark Lane, where rogues in grain are rank.

Earth.
How sweet the moonlight sleeps upon the Bank.

Har.
It's so near Capel Court, you are aware,
Matters are frequently all moonshine there.

Earth.
Don't joke on that. It's been no joke of late.

Plan.
And there's the moon herself, in silver state!
And close beside her Venus I can see,

Venus.
That Venus! pshaw! it's not a bit like me.
Now is it, Mars?

Mars.
No, damme, not a bit!

Earth.
Come, it is time the building we should quit.

Plan.
Where next?

Pal.
To something scientific fly!

Earth.
Enough, the Polytechnic is close by.
There science, by the gallon, you may quaff,
Converse by the electric telegraph,
Learn to gun cotton how much power the state owes,
And what on earth has come to the potatoes.

Music—Scene changes to Exterior of the Polytechnic Institution—Harlequin touches the scene and it opens in centre, and discovers Exhibitor, with the electric telegraph, and two Assistants.
Har.
Hermes, the swift-winged herald of the sky,
Would know how fast intelligence can fly.

Exhi.
Suppose you wish to know which way the wind is
Blowing at Bangalore in the East Indies—
To give them notice, first you ring the bell, there,
Then, what you on this dial mark, they spell there,
And in a quarter of an hour, or less,
Back comes the answer—“South east.”

Har.
I confess
That is a tolerably rapid movement,
But there is still some opening for improvement,

Earth.
Something to tell us how the wind will blow.

Plan.
Exactly!

Exhi.
That's impossible!

Har.
Oh, no,
Test my experiment—oh, you may laugh.
But here's the true electric telegraph!

(produces a silk purse)
Exhi.
Silk is a non-conductor.

Har.
Empty—true—
But filled with gold—
(the purse appears full—Exhibitor runs towards it)
Ah, now its magic view!
A non-conductor, eh? Why, thus with ease,
I'd lead your honour anywhere I please,
And, by the power of the magnet in it,
Get any question answered in a minute.

Plan.
Song—“You Gentlemen of England”—Planet.

Mars.
Song—“British Grenadiers”—Mars.

Exhi.
This is the article that you require.

(produces gun cotton and is about to ignite it)
Mars.
Halt!—As you were!
(runs behind a wing; the others do the same)
Now, ready—present! fire!

(the Exhibitor explodes the cotton)
Ven.
Is that all? la! that tiny little puff!

Plan.
No noise! no smoke!

Earth.
It has made noise enough;
For some time past I've really had my ears
Stuffed with gun cotton.

Har.
Then they're cannoniers.

Plan.
And do you as a great discovery view it?

Earth.
I can't say that I greatly cotton to it;
In Woolwich 'tis not thought so much a boon.

Ven.
Song—“When Vulcan forged the bolts of Jove”—Venus.

Mars.
Now is the wadding of our former years
Made glorious powder by these sage mynheers.
Our woollen stockings may be changed to guns,
Our cotton nightcaps to percussion ones.
Grim-visaged war hath gained a wrinkle more,—he
Instead of seeking the field bed of glory,
With a flock mattress falls upon the foe,
Or capers cuts with light fantastic tow
To spinning jennies turning powder mills,
Whilst in the sky I fear more serious ills.
The Fornax chemica will laugh at Mars,
And make of cotton balls sharp-shooting stars.

Harlequin strikes a part of the scene—A large handbill appears on the wall, on which is printed, in large letters, “New Grand Joint Stock Company; Capital, 50,000,000.” Harlequin draws from underneath a Prospectus.
Har.
Song—“The girl I left behind me”—Harlequin.

Ven.
I'm sick of lectures—I came down for mirth.
Is all amusement banished from the earth?
Is there no conjuror, no play, no ball?

Har.
A conjuror! at the Egyptian Hall
There's “a mysterious lady.”

Plan.
That sounds well.

Pal.
Oh, yes, I'm told that she can all things tell.

Ven.
Oh, dear! but that is very indiscreet,
Isn't it, Mars?

Mars.
Undoubtedly, my sweet!

Duo—“Whisperings heard by wakeful maids”—Planet and Pallas.

Whisperings heard of wishes made,
Tho' yards from you divide her—
What is in your hand displayed,
Without her sight to guide her.
Hearts shewing—all knowing
Such cunning—quite stunning!

Ven.
Oh! you've made me so afraid,
I couldn't think of going!

Plan. and Pal.
Oh! we've made her so afraid,
She couldn't think of going!

Har.
You're there already!

Strikes the scene; it changes to The Egyptian Hall.
Ven.
Ah!

Pal.
And lo, behold her!

Harlequin strikes scene, which opens, and the Mysterious Lady is seen seated in a chair with her back to Audience.
Har.
(touches Venus with his wand, and addresses himself to the Mysterious Lady)
Who's this?

M. Lady.
The Queen of Beauty.

Ven.
Some one told her!

Har.
(pointing to Pallas)
What's the complexion of this lady?

M. Lady.
Blue,
And very deep!

(scene closes)
Har.
That's very deep of you!

Earth.
Wisdom will shortly look more blue, alack!
For, in some branches, art is getting black.

Har.
Vide the so-called Lantum Serenaders!

Strikes scene; it opens, and discovers “The Lantum Serenaders.”
Plan.
In music, they cannot be called fair traders.

Sere.
Come, darkies, let your voices ring!

(as they are about to commence the Ethiopian Serenaders appear)
Earth.
Tarnation!
Why, here's another Yankee importation!

Har.
From the St. James's these, where fashion, panting
For something new, their chanting thought enchanting.

Mars.
And why enchanting?

Har.
There's an easy answer
To that—each singer is a negro man, sir!

(necromancer)
Yankee Nigger Air—“Lantum Serenaders.”
At the end, enter Le Docteur Noir.
Plan.
Why, here's another man of sable hue!

Har.
“The Docteur Noir,” from the St. James's, too.

Earth.
This Doctor is a master in his craft.

Har.
Qui, c'est “Le maitre!”

Earth.
Oh, give him a black draught!

Enter “The Bondman” (“Le Chevalier St. George”).
Plan.
Another black? Does nothing white remain?

Har.
This is a whitey-brown from Drury Lane.
The “Bondman.”

Plan.
Musical?

Har.
Oh, to a folly!

Earth.
Ah me! most musical—most melancholy!

Air—“Child of the Sun”—The Bondman.
Child of the sun! done very brown,
To sing I must not dare
The poet's words as written down,
Though wonderfully fair.
My soul disdains to make so free
With others' proper-ty,
I only privileged can be
Those words to paro-dy.

Plan.
So heavy a shower of blacks I've never seen.

Har.
That proves you planets never burn camphine.

Earth.
“More light and light—more dark and dark our woes!”
Have all my nightingales become Jim Crows?
Is each John Bull-finch turned out by a raven?
Where have these black swans driven the Swan of Avon?

Har.
Shakespeare? he's gone to lodge at Sadler's Wells!

Harlequin strikes scene, and it changes to the Haunt of the Wilis, from the Ballet of “Giselle”—Giselle from the Opera, Giselle from Drury Lane, Giselle from the Adelphi, Giselle from the Princess's, and Wilis discovered)
Plan.
Hold! What are these?

Har.
Giselles.

Plan.
What?

Har.
“Phantom dancers,” “night dancers,” the rage
For the last twelve months upon every stage,
The Wilis have been danced almost to death,
Night after night, without a pause for breath—
They find it still a way the house to fill, is.

Ven.
Why, there must be a way where there a will is.

Har.
Here's one, a hundred nights who's known no rest,
And yet keeps on her legs.

(brings forward the Adelphi Giselle)
Plan.
Oh, femme Celeste.

Duo—“He loves me—loves me not”—Planet and Venus.
Say, which is of this flock the flower
Whose spell had o'er the town most power;
Of melody the spirit sweet—
The genius of the twinkling feet—
'Twas this one,
No, 'twas not!
This one?
You be shot!
Leave the town alone to tell
Which is thought the best Giselle;
Each a different art reveals;
Each to different taste appeals.
Leave the the town, &c.

Plan.
But who comes here, in amber satin, pray?

Har.
Italian Opera, from o'er the way.

Enter the Genius of Her Majesty's Theatre, in yellow satin and chintz , with a banner covered with arabesques, and followed by Female Choristers, dressed as those in “La Favorita,” and the principal characters in that opera, and in the ballet of “Coralie.”
Chorus
—“La Favorita” (Act Second).
Eccola! Eccola! in her amber array,
Comes the old opera from over the way,
With “La Favorita,” “L'Inconstant Chevalier,”
And a long programme of what's coming some day,
With her chorus so grand, and her corps de ballet,
And her famous new band that can everything play.
Eccola! &c.

Air—Genius of Her Majesty's Theatre—Second part of Chorus from the same Opera.
Come to me, and hear Gardoni,
With a voice as sweet as honey;
Hearken to the great Fraschini,
True successor to Rubini;
List to Verdi—Donizetti,
Sung by Bouché and Coletti;
Don't go join the other party,
They've no dancer like Rosati.
Have not I the prince of bassi,
In Lablache, with form so massy?
Is not La Jeune Taglioni
Just the girl to draw the money?
Lucile Grahn, and La Cerito.
Both have signed with me their scritto.
From Silesia's camp the drumming,
Tells you Jenny Lind is coming!
Why uneasy about Grisi?
Cannot Sanchioli please ye?
Castellan and Faggiani
Surely are two sweet soprani.
Then come to me.

Plan.
Etcætera! etcæetera! etcætera!
But where is Jenny Lind?

Har.
Je ne sais pas.

Air—“Molly Bawn”—Planet.
Oh, Jenny Lind, why keep us pining?
All London waiting here for you,
While other stars are brightly shining,
Because there's nothing else that's new.
The papers they have up been keeping,
About you such fine to-do
Your rivals all you'll set a weeping,
If only half we've heard be true!
Oh, Jenny Lind, &c.

(trumpet)
Mars.
But hark! a bold defiance someone sounds,
And lo! a rival opera forward bounds!

Enter the Genius of the Royal Italian Opera, Covent Garden, in crimson and white and gold, followed by Druids and Druidesses and lastly Norma.
Chorus
—“Norma.”
Flourish your trumpets! Thunder your drums!
See where the wrathful Diva comes
Vengeance to wreak on all around;
Her voice may be heard a mile hence!
Soon shall the march of Norma sound
Thro' her new halls—and soon—Bang!
Soon shall her brazen bucklers clang
Break Covent Garden's silence!

Duo—“Mira Norma”—Planet and Norma.
Plan.

Nor.

Solo—Norma—“Qual cor tradisti.”
The corps thou'st slighted,
The corps thou'st spited,
At Covent Garden the town shall foster!
In vain thou ravest!
In vain thou cravest!
From Norma's vengeance thou canst not flee.
Thy fate deciding,
Thy threats deriding.
Her band united, whate'er it cost her,
Shall play crescendo,
You may depend, O!
Until an end, O
They make of thee!

Mars, Bondman
, and Male Chorus.
What has her fury so much excited?
In spite of all that has been indited,
Who has been wronged, or who should be righted,
No mortal creature appears to know.
The town divided or undecided,
For this declaring, or neither bearing,
'Tis pretty certain that one or other
Amid the pother, to pot must go.

Planet, Venus, Pallas
, and Female Chorus.
The lady really is much excited;
I wish again they could be united,
I'm sure the town would be quite delighted,
If in one boat all again should row.
'Tis quite a pity that folks so clever
Should each the other to harm endeavour.
Why did they sever? oh, did you ever?
Oh, no I never! oh never, no!

Genius
of Her Majesty's Theatre.
By all this fury I'm not affrighted,
By hook or crook I will still be righted;
With Jenny Lind soon the town delighted,
Shall fill my house to an overflow.
You, for yourselves, ma'am, may be too clever;
To curb your temper I pray endeavour,
Don't from it sever! oh, did you ever?
Oh, no I never! oh never, no!

(The two Operas attack each other violently)
Earth.
“Part them, they are incensed!”

Music—Two Druids approach and cover Norma with black veil and exeunt with her.
Plan.
Can nothing be
Arranged 'twixt tweedledum and tweedledee?
The town, unless this fatal discord ceases,
By two wild operas will be torn to pieces!

Mars.
“When Greek meets Greek, then comes the tug of war.”

Ven.
The nightingale's sweet jug has made a jar!

Pal.
Are there no greater sights our eyes to greet?

Har.
There's Mrs. Armitage in Regent Street!
She is the greatest sight by many a stone;
A dozen single women rolled in one!

Ven.
Let's go to see Tom Thumb!

Har.
You can't.

Ven.
How so?

Har.
He went to sea himself some time ago.

Pal.
Then “The dissolving views!”

Earth.
I'm most intent
On the dissolving view of Parliament;
But stay! at the Haymarket, not long since,
I heard some talk of an “Invisible Prince.”
Can't we see him?

Har.
No, though he stands before ye!
He's turned his magic cap.

Plan.
(as the Parrot)
“Oh, what a story.”

Ven.
That's just his voice when he like Polly spoke!

Har.
I told you he was present.

Ven.
Have your joke!
But if there's nothing else worth seeing here,
I'm going to the ball—ain't you, my dear?

(to Planet)
Har.
Which? for the keepers of all sorts of shops
Have lately ta'en to speculate in hops.

(strikes scene—It changes to a quantity of advertising vans placarded with bills of all the various casinos, &c.)
Baths, public-houses, theatres, and clubs,
Museums, exhibition-rooms—each dubs
Itself “casino,” each has got its puffers;
The “Cat and Bagpipes” and the “Cow and Snuffers”
Will have its quantum, soon, of catgut scrapers,
And legs of mutton cutting their own capers.

Air and Chorus—“Such a getting upstairs”—Harlequin &c.

Earth.
To some sad tumbles all this tripping tends.

Har.
“These violin delights have violent ends.”

Plan.
What are “The poses plastiques”? They flourish rarely.
Are they fit to be seen?

Har.
I should say barely;
But 'tis the cheapness which secures their filling,—
They really shew you too much for a shilling.
Here is a sample of their bill of fare!

(strikes scene—Large bills of “The Walhalla,” “Hall of Rome,” &c., appear in the place of the former)
Ven.
Air—“It's oh, Johnny Cope, are you,” &c.—Venus.

Mars.
I'll stop this scandal, don't yourself distress—
I'll make 'em halt!

Har.
You'd better make 'em “dress.”

Earth.
Leave them to Time—he is the great redresser.
And our time's nearly up.

Ven.
You're a good guesser!
And since I've got to be a morning star
To-morrow, I am up too late, by far.

Har.
But ere we leave our friend the Earth alone,
Let's have some “living statues” of our own!

(roars of wild beasts behind the scenes)
Pal.
But hark! what brutish roars my ears profane?

Ven.
Oh, mercy! all the beasts from Drury Lane!

Har.
They act “The Desert” there.

Earth.
Oh, shame! oh, rage!
They'll make a desert of the British stage!

Plan.
Quick, let us from such desecration fly,
And shew our “living statues” in the sky.

Lights down—Scene changes to A Dark Cloud, which opens in centre and shews the Tableaux Vivants in succession during the
Finale—Vaudeville.
Mer.

First Tableau—Shakespeare.
Juno.

Second Tableau—Wellington.
Mars.

Third Tableau—Britannia.
Ven.

Scene changes and discovers Fourth Tableau—Enthronization of the New Planet—All the Planets discovered.
Plan.