University of Virginia Library

1. Part First.

—Jason in Colchis.
The Palace of Æetes, King of Colchis—Three doors in centre, upon a raised stage, a large arch on each side.
As the curtain rises the ship Argo comes into port—Æetes, attended, enters and takes his seat—Jason and the Argonauts enter—Enter Chorus in front of the raised stage, stopping Æetes, who is about to speak.
Chorus.
Friends, countrymen, lovers, first listen tome,
I'm the Chorus; whatever you hear or you see
That you don't understand, I shall rise to explain—
It's a famous old fashion that's come up again,
And will be of great service to many fine plays
That nobody can understand now-a-days;
And think what a blessing, if found intervening,
When the author himself scarcely knows his own meaning.
You may reap from it, too, an advantage still further;
When an actor is bent upon marriage or murther,
To the Chorus his scheme he in confidence mentions,
'Stead of telling the pit all his secret intentions;
A wondrous improvement you all will admit,
And the secret is just as well heard by the pit.
Verbum sat—To the wise I'll not put one more word in,
Or instead of a Chorus, they'll think me a burden,
But just say, this is Colchis, and that's King Æetes,
And this is young Jason, he coming to meet is;
And there are the forty odd friends of young Jason,
And that's their ship Argo, just entering the bason.
At the end of each scene I shall sing you some history,
Or clear up whatever is in it of mystery,
But I can't tell you why—unless English I speak,
For this very plain reason—there's no Y in Greek.

(retires)
Æet.
Ye who have dared to tread on Colchian ground
Who and what are ye? whence and whither bound?

Jas.
Hail, great Æetes, if you are no less;
My name is Jason, now perhaps you'll guess
My errand here.

Æet.
We are not good at guessing;
Speak and remember whom you are addressing!
Sun of the Sun, and grand-son of the Ocean,
Of anything like nonsense we've no notion!

Air—Jason—“I am a brisk and lively lad.”

Æet.
“Yeo! yeo! yeo! yeo!” I never heard such lingo.
Speak in plain words, you rascal, or by Jingo—

Jas.
In one word, then, you killed my cousin Phryxus,
And we are come for vengeance!

Æet.
(aside)
There he nicks us!
(aloud)
My good young man, it is so long ago,
I scarce remember if I did or no;
Some little circumstance may have occurred
Of that description, but upon my word—

Jas.
Nay, no evasion, you owe reparation.

Æet.
I plead the statute, then, of limitation.

Jas.
Of limitation, in a case of murther?

Æet.
Why pursue such a subject any further?

Jas.
Pursue a subject! I pursue a king,
And to the grindstone mean his nose to bring.

Æet.
(aside)
Bring my nose to the grindstone! Father Phœbus!
There is no “modus” in this fellow's “rebus;”
He looks determined, bullying's no use,
To save my bacon, I must cook his goose!
(aloud)
What reparation, then, may purchase peace?

Jas.
The restoration of the Golden Fleece,
Of which you fleeced my cousin!

Æet.
Pray be cool!
All this great cry for such a little wool!
To take it if you can, sir, you are free,
No difficulty will be made by me;
But there are some obstructions in the way,
Which must all be surmounted in one day.

Jas.
To them I beg immediate introduction.

Æet.
Two bulls are one!

Jas.
One bull, or one obstruction?

Æet.
Two savage bulls, that breathe out fire and smoke;
You'll have to catch and break them to the yoke.
Then plough four acres, yonder crag beneath,
And sow them with a set of serpent's teeth,
From which will spring of soldiers a fine crop,
Whose heads, to save your own, you off must chop;
Then if the dragon set to guard the treasure
Will let you, you may take it at your pleasure.

Jas.
In one day this must all be done?

Æet.
Just so.

Jas.
Anything else in a small way?

Æet.
Why, no.
There's nothing else occurs to me at present.

Jas.
What will occur to me is most unpleasant.

Æet.
It's optional, you know, you needn't do it
Unless you like.

Jas.
Honour compels me to it.

Officer.
The Princess!

Enter Medea.
Jas.
Gods! a goddess, sure, I gaze on.

Æet.
My daughter, sir—Medea, Mr. Jason!

(introduces them)
Quartetto—Jason, Medea, Æetes, and Anonymous—“Donna del Lago.”
Jas.
To Kalon, to sail on
In quest of, who would deign now?
Eureka! to seek a
Supremer bliss were vain now!
Pros Theōn! my knee on
I sink before such beauty!
Medea, to thee a
Poor Grecian pays his duty.

Med.
(aside)
O Jason, thy face on
I wish I ne'er had looked, sir!
So spicy and nice he
Is—I'm completely hooked, sir!
His glances like lances,
Right through my heart he throws, O!
Enraptured! I'm captured
By that fine Grecian nose, O!

Æet.
(aside)
By Jupiter Ammon!
If me he thinks to gammon,
Despite of his mettle
His hash I soon will settle;
I'll hang at least forty
Of these bold Argonautæ,
I'll scuttle the Argo
And confiscate the cargo!

Med.
(aside)
Sure there ne'er was such a duck, sir!
Down he seems upon his luck, sir!
I will cheer him—safely steer him;
And for him will run a muck, sir.
Teach him how to plough and sow.

Jas.
(aside)
Overboard my cares I'd chuck, sir,
If to Greece with me she'd go.

Æet.
(to Jason)
Pray walk in, and take pot luck, sir,
(aside)
For full soon to pot you go!
Staring like a pig that's stuck, sir,
To the ground he seems to grow!

Anon.
(aside)
Down he seems upon his luck, sir,
To a goose he can't say “both!”

(Exeunt Æetes, Jason, and Argonauts)
Med.
Air—Medea—“John Anderson.”

(Exit Medea—Chorus advances)
Chorus.
Song—Chorus—“The Tight Little Island.”
(Chorus retires)

Enter Medea, bearing a small golden box, followed by Jason.
Jas.
Turn, fair enchantress, too bewitching maid!
A doating lover supplicates your aid;
A thousand charms all own that you possess,
Spare one to get me out of this sad mess.
Lo, I implore you, sinking on my sad knee—
Remember Theseus and Ariadne;
To thread the labyrinth a clue she gave him,
And from the beast (half bull, half man) to save him,
Went the whole hog.

Med.
She did, I don't deny it,
And brought her pigs to a fine market by it.
Deceiv'd, deserted, on destruction's brink,
She rushed to Bacchus—that is, took to drink.
To draw a parallel—should Fate decree
As A to B, so C would be to D.

Jas.
If I be C, and D my friend in need,
When C proves false to D, may C be D—d!

Med.
Great Hecate! hear my ditto to that oath,
And for the same dark journey book us both.
If true to Jason I do not remain,
Send me to Hades by the first down train.
Now mark this box of ointment, do not doubt—
Whate'er your foes, this salve will sarve 'em out,
With it anointed, you may boldly take
Bulls by the horns, nor fear a bull to make.
Thro' the hard soil 'twill speed the plough, and bear,
In all thy labours, more than the plough's share.
When sown the serpent's teeth, prepare to fight;
It's no use shewing teeth if you can't bite.
But as the soldiers rise, first take a sight at 'em;
Then pick up the first stone and shy it right at 'em,
On which, each thinking it was thrown by t'other,
They'll all draw swords and cut down one another.
An easy victory you thus may reap.
As to the dragon pa has set to keep
Watch o'er the fleece, so vigilant and grim,
I'll mix a dose that soon shall doctor him.

Jas.
My dear Medea! O Medea, my dear!
How shall I make my gratitude appear?
If I succeed, I swear, to Greece I'll carry you,
And there, as sure as you're alive, I'll marry you.

Med.
Enough, I take your word, and you my casket.
My heart was Jason's ere he came to ask it.
But oh, beware! I give you early warning.
If, your pledged faith and my fond passion scorning,
You with another venture to philander,
To the infernal regions off I'll hand her,
And lead you such a life as on my word will
Make e'en the cream of Tartarus to curdle.

Duo—Jason and Medea—“Ebben a té ferisce.”
Jas.
Ye gods and little fishes
Record my vows and wishes:
If from the walls of Æa
Thou'lt fly with me, Medea,
To fair Thessalia's shore,
Thee will I wed.
By Luna! thy mother,
And Phœbus! her brother,

Jas., Med.
Thee will I/Me will he marry! thee will I/me will he marrylawfully!
The charmer—the charmer—I adore!/He adores!

Air—“Giorno d'orrore.”
Both.
Bulls loudly roaring on mischief bent, O!
Broke to the yoke shall be in one moment, O!
Scores of old grinders drawn out for glory,
The unctuous spell shall quickly quell!
And grease for Greece fight con amore!
Oh, how, then, crow will he over papa!/I o'er her papa!

Med.
Then serenely to distant Thessalia,
Colchian Medea the sea will cross o'er;

Jas.
There a queen, in all her regalia,
She a palace will reign in once more.

Med.
Oh, an Alpha Cottage with thee, love,
I could share, nor deem it a bore!

Jas.
And with thee content I could be, love,
In the poorest attic floor!
But 'tis time that off I went, O!
Soon we meet to part no more!

Med.
Be this charm a sweet memento
Of the maid whom you adore!
(Exit Jason)
He's gone! and yet his god-like form before us
Appears to hover. (Chorus advances)
Ah, my gentle Chorus,
You, the impartial confidant of all—
You, to whom every Colchian, great or small,
Imparts his hope or fear on this sad stage,
Have I done wrong with Jason to engage
In this great struggle 'gainst my royal sire?

Chorus.
It's rather—

Med.
Silence, sir, I don't require
To be told that, whatever it may be
You were about to say; but answer me,
Have I done wrong?

Chorus.
You—

Med.
Interrupt me not.
Have I done wrong, I ask? if so, in what?

Chorus.
I—

Med.
Ah! your silence answers me too plainly.

Chorus.
But—

Med.
And you offer consolation vainly.
'Gainst Fate's decree to strive, who has the brass?
For what must be comes usually to pass.
So let me haste and pack up my portmanteau—
I've got that horrid dragon to enchant, too!

Chorus.
If I might ask—

Med.
How that I mean to do?
In confidence, I don't mind telling you.
This dragon is a very artful dodger,
And sleeps with one eye open—the sly codger!
Now, as we daren't approach, a stick to pop in it,
The only chance is if he gets a drop in it;
For though notoriously a scaly fellow,
He's not the least objection to get mellow,
At any one's expense, except his own.
He's partial to an ardent spirit, known
By several names, and worshipped under all;
Some “Cupid's eye water” the liquor call,
“White Satin” some, whilst others, wisely viewing
The baneful beverage, brand it as “Blue Ruin.”
A plant called juniper the juice supplies,
And oft beneath Hyperborean skies,
A bowl-full, mixed with raisins of the sun,
Gay youths and maidens set on fire for fun,
And call it “snap-dragon.” Now, my specific
Is this—I'll brew a potent soporific,
And in it steep a branch of this fell tree,
Which, when the dragon sniffs, with eager glee,
He'll fall o'erpowered by its strong aroma,
Into what doctors call a state of coma,
And if into his eyes he gets a drop,
'Twill change the coma into a full stop.
Then off with Jason and the Golden Fleece,
I fly to Thessaly, “as slick as grease.”

(Exit Medea)
Chorus.
Æetes comes, looking as black as thunder,
And when you hear the cause you'll say “no wonder;”
For Jason, aided by Medea's spell,
Has done the trick, and done the King as well.
You'll think, perhaps, you should have seen him do it,
But 'tisn't classical—you'll hear, not view it.
Whatever taxed their talent or their means,
These sly old Grecians did behind the scenes;
So fired with their example, boldly we
Beg you'll suppose whate'er you wish to see.

Enter Æetes, attended, and Jason.
Song and Chorus—Jason, Æetes, Officer, and Chorus—Heiterersinn Polka.
Æet., Officer, & Chorus.

Jas.
Glorious Apollo! the victory's mine!
Out of your son I have taken the shine;
Spite of his teeth and his troops of the line,
Cock of the walk am I!

Æetes, Officer, & Chorus.

Jas.
Lo! King of Colchis, all my tasks are done,
And yet o'er Caucasus behold the sun.

Æet.
Still from the dragon you the fleece must win,
Ere out of this you get in a whole skin.
Wound up, you'll find his watch he'll always keep,
You sooner might a weasel catch asleep,
And shave his eyebrow—so about it go;
If he don't eat you, call and let me know.

(Exit)
Jas.
So, then, I've worked the whole day like a nigger,
To cut at last this mighty silly figure!
Like a Lord Chancellor, compell'd to pack,
I've lost the wool, and only got the sack.
For where's Medea, with her magic flagon—
The dose that was to doctor that deep dragon?
She's chang'd her mind, she neither comes nor sends,
And fate cries, “Kick him, he has got no friends.”
Embasian Phœbus, thou ungrateful sun!
Was it for this a salted Sally Lunn
We offered thee, the night before the day
The Minyans left the Pegasœan Bay?
Wilt thou descend behind Promethean Caucasus,
Forgetful that on earth such creatures walk as us?
Deaf on the shores of Aramanthine Phasis,
To him who made thy altars burn like blazes!
And vowed to roast whole oxen to thee, more
Than ever hailed a son and heir before.
Magnus Apollo thou? Pooh! go to bed,
In Tethis' lap hide thy diminished head.
No sun of mine!—to say it I am glad;
But were I Zeus, thy immortal dad,
I would myself the world, without a blush, light,
And cut thee off without a farthing rushlight.
Air—Jason.—“Then farewell, my trim-built wherry.”
What do I see? Oh, Sol, I ask your pardon,
I've been too hasty—Yonder, through the garden
Medea comes to save her doating Jason.
Enter Medea, carrying a bowl of lighted spirits, and in the other a branch of juniper.
What's that she carries burning in a bason?

Med.
A dainty dish to set before the dragon.
His scaly shoulders how his head will wag on,
When first the odour of this branch he twigs;
But if a drop out of this bowl he swigs,
Deeming it gin—all is not gold that glitters—
To him 'twill prove a dose of gin and bitters.

Jas.
Matchless Medea! I'm all admiration.

Med.
Song—Medea—“The Mistletoe Bough.”
(Exit Medea, waving the bough)

Jas.
Arise, ye Minyans.
Enter Argonauts.
If again ye'd scan
Thessalia's shore, make all the sail you can.
For “pris'ners base” you'll soon be, with your skipper,
If once her dad is roused to “hunt the slipper.”

(Exeunt Argonauts)
Re-enter Medea.
Med.
Behold the monster, overcome by sleep,
Nods to his fall, like ruin on a steep;
'Tis done! He sinks upon the ground, supine,
His end approaches, make it answer thine.
Hence! With bold hand the fleecy treasure tear
Down from this beech, and hasten to that there.

Music—Jason goes off, re-enters with the fleece, and exit with Medea.
Chorus.
With her bold Argonaut Medea flies,
Though, “Ah, go not!” the voice of duty cries.
With golden wool her ears sly Cupid stops,
And, like a detonator, off she pops,
In peace to pass, with Jason, all her days,
Till he or she the debt o' natur' pays.

(retires—Distant shout)
Enter Æetes.
Æet.
My mind misgives me—wherefore was that shout?
What ho! my slaves within!—my guards without!
(Enter Guards and Sages)
We are betrayed! robbed! murdered! See—oh, treason!
Yonder he goes, that young son of—old Æson.
He's killed my dragon—stolen my Golden Fleece—
To arms, my Colchians! Stop thief! Police!

(Exeunt Guards)
Chorus.
(advancing)
Be calm, great King—'tis destiny's decree.

Æet.
How dare you talk of destiny to me!
What right have you with such advice to bore us?

Chorus.
Sir, I'm the chorus.

Æet.
Sir, you're indecorous.
Where is my daughter?

Chorus.
Hopped off with the skipper.

Æet.
Impious Medea! may the furies whip her
At the cart's tail of Thespis.
(Enter Officer and Guards)
Now, your news?

Officer.
Your son, Absyrtus—

Æet.
Speak—

Officer.
My lips refuse
Almost, O King, to tell the horrid tale.

Æet.
My heir apparent?

Officer.
Dead as a door nail!

Æet.
Say in what manner hath his spirit fled?

Officer.
The fist of Jason punched his royal head.
Upon the shores of rapid-rolling Ister,
The youthful prince o'ertook his faithless sister,
When Pelian Jason, on his knowledge box,
Let fly a blow that would have felled an ox—
Black'd both his precious eyes, before so blue,
And from his nose the vital claret drew.

Æet.
Ah, me! That blow has fallen on my pate.

Chorus.
In Jason's fist behold the hand of fate.

Æet.
I do—I do! that hits me right and left.
My daughter's stolen what I gained by theft.
Phryxus I slew—my son is now a shade;
Put me to bed, ye Colchians, with a spade.
That fatal punch—I feel it in my noddle.
And down to Pluto I but ask to toddle.

Chorus.
Have patience, man, and learn this truth sublime—
You can't go even there before your time!

Thunder and lightning—The Palace sinks, and the Argo is seen under sail, with Jason, Medea, and the Argonauts.