 | Riquet With The Tuft ; Or Harlequin & Old Mother Shipton |  |
SCENE VII.
—PLEASURE GARDENS OF THE KING'S PALACE.Enter Prince Mannikin, and Prince Gogmagog, with their Attendants, carpet-bags, &c., as if taking their departure.
Mannikin.
Was ever prince so infamously treated?
Did I come all this distance to be cheated?
Am I to be refused, renounced, rejected,
Because I'm short?
Gogmagog.
It's what I long expected.
But I'm refused—it's that surprises me.
Mannikin.
I'm not at all astonished that should be;
But sixteen chances still I've on my list,
Amongst them all, a bride cannot be missed.
As for Prince Riquet he is no great catch for her.
Away!
Gogmagog.
A way I'll find to be a match for her.
Pack up, pack off—nor for a warning tarry.
Mannikin.
To persons who were here about to marry.
We to this close will bring our own disputes.
Gogmagog.
By leaving—
Mannikin.
Nothing, but our left-off suits.
17
[_]
[This Popular Melody, and all Mackney's best Songs, are the exclusive Copyright Property of the Music-Publishing Company, 19 Peter's Hill, St. Paul's, and can only be had in their Works.—Darkies' Christams Day, composed and sung by E. W. Mackney, 3d., for Brass Band, 9d.
Come, off with the train and away let us go,
Put needless excuses away,
Take up a Princess awaiting a beau,
We've made a miss to-day.
This isn't the way us to treat,
But we'll be revenged some day;
So we'll skedaddle and make good our retreats,
'Cause we've made a miss to day.
Then, Prince, you come away,
It will not do to stay—
Attendants all, both great and small,
Skedaddle slick away!
[Exeunt, with Attendants.
Enter Amouretta.
Amou.
Well, how I know not, but I'm here at last,
Underground Railways have a train that's fast.
Since first I heard that voice whose source was hid,
I don't feel half so stupid as I did.
It's true that, when I heard it sing that song, too,
I didn't know the body it belonged to.
He's very ugly, and he's rather small,
But nature can't be bountiful to all.
And when he speaks, his hunch appears so slight,
To sneer would be unch-aritable quite.
Prince Riquet appears, at back.
Riquet.
On hope's light wing I soar triumphant yet,
Her good hope pinion if I only get.
She wears the rose I gave her, certain sign
Its stalk reminds her, now and then, of mine.
[Advancing.
Fair Princess—ha! you start! am I so frightful?
Amou.
Well, if I said so, you might think me spiteful;
But, to be plain—
Riquet.
That you can never be.
None can complain, who here come plain, but me.
Amou.
Well, to be candid, I could wish a movement
Got up by somebody for your improvement.
Your back might levelled be, and, I surmise,
Your nose destroys the prospect of your eyes;
Whilst those bad limbs may insurrection smother,
When each leg here turns straighter to the other.
Riquet.
You've breathed the perfume of that magic flower
To frame a repartee it gives the power.
I'm glad to find you've kept my gift, and used it.
18
If you're the gift, I fear I have much abused it.
Riquet.
And does my voice your former fear renew?
Amou.
Not since our meeting gave a hint of you.
Riquet.
And from that interview you are ready still,
What then you promised, fairly to fulfil.
Amou.
I am.
Riquet.
The crisis of my fate approaches.
But don't you dread sneers, taunts, remarks, reproaches?
Being the bride of such an ugly man,
Fit for the monster of some caravan,
Who might be poked up to display his phiz—
‘Walk up! walk up! the ugliest chap what is!
Observe his walk—there arn't a man to match him!
Out in the woods we had to go and catch him!
Alive, alive oh! thr-r-r-ippence—children less!’
Is this a husband for a fair Princess?
SONG, Prince Riquet.
Riquet is my name—awful monster 'tis I am,
Always was the same—still for you I busy am.
Legs that curve—if you reckon all my merits up—
It's more than I deserve, but you see I keep my spirits up.
Nose not nice—everybody's shrinking from it,
Head quite twice the size to get your thinking from it.
Yes, I'm a fright! Take me in a caravan;
I'm not quite made like ‘any other man.’
Always was the same—still for you I busy am.
Legs that curve—if you reckon all my merits up—
It's more than I deserve, but you see I keep my spirits up.
Nose not nice—everybody's shrinking from it,
Head quite twice the size to get your thinking from it.
Yes, I'm a fright! Take me in a caravan;
I'm not quite made like ‘any other man.’
Heads turn away, seeing such a phiz awry,
Day after day, my life is quite a misery.
This tuft, I know, you may think a slight objection,
Its tints bestow no harm on my complexion.
Look at my hump, own that not amiss it is;
All in a lump, you have my eccentricities.
Yes I'm a fright! fit only for a caravan;
Ain't I right? Not like ‘any other man.’
Day after day, my life is quite a misery.
This tuft, I know, you may think a slight objection,
Its tints bestow no harm on my complexion.
Look at my hump, own that not amiss it is;
All in a lump, you have my eccentricities.
Yes I'm a fright! fit only for a caravan;
Ain't I right? Not like ‘any other man.’
At my manners rough, meet me with my swoop by side;
‘Quantumn suf’—gets the man who dares deride;
A soldier, too, I am by trade, at foe I never flinches, Miss;
I always prove a cutting blade, no matter what his inches is,
Yet to you, if you'll but return my love,
I'll prove true, and gentle as a sucking dove,
Though I'm a fright, love you dearly yet I can;
Ain't I right? Yes! ‘Or any other man.’
‘Quantumn suf’—gets the man who dares deride;
A soldier, too, I am by trade, at foe I never flinches, Miss;
I always prove a cutting blade, no matter what his inches is,
Yet to you, if you'll but return my love,
I'll prove true, and gentle as a sucking dove,
Though I'm a fright, love you dearly yet I can;
Ain't I right? Yes! ‘Or any other man.’
[Dance.
Amou.
You make me shudder. Yet to you I owe
The vast improvement in my mind, I know;
So, as acknowledgement, Prince Riquet, there!
My hand—my heart—your burthen I will share!
Riquet.
And you are mine! then all I wish is granted,
You have the power to make me all you wanted;
To you I give the chance of growing wiser,
Let me appear more comely—
19
In my eyes, sir,
You have already to improve begun.
Riquet, I love you!
Riquet.
Then behold, it's done!
[Riquet, with change of dress, becomes deprived of all his deformities.
Amou.
A miracle!
Riquet.
But one that love has wrought.
Amou.
To love I owe, then, all that I've been taught.
Enter King Rumbustical.
King.
What wonder's this, my daughter turned out clever!
This is surprising, really! Well, I never!
Riquet.
You here behold her ready to recite
Act, lecture, sing, play, dance, on any night;
Edit a daily paper—nay, worse task,
Answer all questions correspondents ask;
Write novels, translate German, construe Homer,
Or get a first-class medical diploma;
Conduct a magazine, or bravely try
To colonize New Zealand, like Miss Rye;
Problems in science, doesn't care a bit for.
In fact, there's nothing that she isn't fit for
King.
Then nothing more can clearly now remain—
Though I should like to get enraged again—
Than to repeat the good old five-act line,
Bless you, my children, and may joy be thine!
Enter, on opposite sides, Mother Bunch and Mother Shipton.
Mother B.
Stop! there's our wager. Well, my bet is won.
Mother S.
Stay! If there is a winner, I'm the one.
Through me the Princess got a husband, clearly.
Mother B.
Through me the Prince obtained the Princess, merely.
Enter Fairy.
Fairy.
It's a drawn bet, and so, to do it cleverly,
Suppose the wager's drawn, and drawn by Beverley.
Whate'er he touches, he with taste expresses;
And this will suit the Prince and the Princess's.
[Changes scene.
| Riquet With The Tuft ; Or Harlequin & Old Mother Shipton | |