University of Virginia Library

ACT II.

SCENE I.

A ROOM IN THE HOUSE OF ANTIPHOLIS OF EPHESUS.
Enter Luciana.
Luc.
Where is my sister—where my Adriana? oh! she comes.

Enter Adriana.
Adr.
Neither my husband, nor the slave return'd,
That, in such haste, I sent to look for him?
Sure, Luciana, it is two o'clock.

Luc.
Perhaps, some merchant has invited him,
And, from the mart, he's somewhere gone to dinner.
Good sister, let us dine and never fret,
A man is master of his liberty;
Will come, or go; therefore be patient, sister.

Adr.
Why should their liberty be more than ours?

Luc.
Because their business still lies out of door.

Adr.
Look, when I serve him so, he takes it ill.

Luc.
He is the bridle of your actions, sister.

Adr.
None, but an idiot, would be bridled so.

Luc.
Why, headstrong liberty belongs to man,
And ill befits a woman's gentle mind.
There's nothing situate under Heaven's eye,
But hath its bound, in earth, in sea, and air:
The beasts, the fishes, and the winged tribes,
Are their males' subjects, and at their controul:
Man, more divine, the master of them all,
Indu'd with intellectual sense and soul,
Is master to his female; nay, her lord:
Let then your will attend on his commands.

Adr.
This servitude makes you remain unwed.

Luc.
Not this; but troubles of the marriage state.

Adr.
But, were you wedded, you would bear some rule.

Luc.
Before I wed, I'll practice to obey.

Adr.
How, if your husband start some other where?

Luc.
With all the gentle, artificial means
That patient meekness and domestic cares
Could bring to my relief, I would beguile
The intervening hours, 'till he, tir'd out
With empty transient pleasures, should return,
To seek content and happiness at home:
With smiles I'd welcome him, and put in practice
Each soothing art that kindness could suggest,
To wean his mind from such delusive joys.

Adr.
O special reasoning! Well may they be patient,
Who never had a cause for anger given them.
How easily we cure another's grief!
But were we burden'd with like weight of woe,
As much, or more, we should ourselves complain:
Patience I've none—no—I shall haply share
The fate of her, we have so oft lamented—
Poor love-lorn Barbara!

Luc.
Barbara!—nay sister—

[Taking her hand.
Adr.
She had a song of—willow!—An old thing
It was; but it expressed her fortune.
SONG.—(Othello.)

Luc.
Here comes your man; now is your husband near.

Enter Dromio of Ephesus.
Adr.
Say, is your tardy master now at hand?

Dr. of Eph.
Nay, he's at two hands with me, and that my two ears can witness.

Adr.
Say, didst thou speak with him? know'st thou his mind?

Dr. of Eph.
Ay, ay; he told his mind upon my ear:
Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it.

Luc.
Spake he so doubtfully, thou could'st not find
His meaning?

Dr. of Eph.

Nay; he struck so plainly, I could
too well feel his blows; and with all so doubtfully,
that I could scarce understand them.

Adr.
But say, I pray thee, is he coming home?
It seems, he hath great care to please his wife!

Dr. of Eph.
Why, mistress, sure, my master is horn-mad.

Luc.
Horn-mad, thou villain!

Dr of Eph.
I mean not cuckold-mad; but, sure, stark-mad.
When I desir'd him to come home to dinner,
He ask'd me for a thousand marks of gold.
'Tis dinner-time, quoth I:—My gold, quoth he—
Your meat doth burn, quoth I: My gold quoth he:
Where are the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?—
The pig, quoth I, is burn'd:—My gold, quoth he:—
My mistress, sir, quoth I:—Hang up thy mistress!
I do not know thy mistress:—out on thy mistress!

Luc.
Quoth who?

Dr of Eph.
Quoth my master:
I know, quoth he, no house, no wife, no mistress;
So that, my errand, due unto my tongue,
I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders;
For, in conclusion, he did beat me hither.

Adr.
Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him home.

Dr. of Eph.
Go back again, and be new beaten home?
For heaven's sake, send some other messenger.

Adr.
Hence prating peasant! fetch thy master home.

Dr. of Eph.
Am I so round with you, as you with me,
That, like a foot-ball, you do spurn me thus?
You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither:
If I last in this service, you must case me in leather.
[Exit Dromio of Ephesus.

Luc.
Fy! how impatience lowereth on your brow!

Adr.
His company must do his minions grace,
While, I at home, starve for a cheerful look.
Do their gay vestments his affections bait?
That's not my fault; he's master of my fortunes.
What ruins are in me, that can be found
By him not ruin'd? My decayed beauty,
A sunny look of his would soon repair:
But, too unruly deer! he breaks the pale,
And feeds from home: poor I am left despis'd.

Luc.
Self-harming jealousy: Fie! beat it hence.

Adr.
I know, his eye doth homage other-where;
Or else, what lets it but he would be here?
Sister, you know, he promis'd me a bracelet:
Some stranger fair hath caught his truant eye,
And triumphs in the gifts design'd for me.
Such trifles yet with ease I could forego,
So I were sure he left his heart at home.
I see, the jewel best enameled
Will lose its lustre: so doth Adriana;
Whom once, unwearied with continual gazing,
He fondly call'd the treasure of his life.

Luc.
And still shall call her so; come, be of heart,
In sooth, for my sake, sister; 'tis the mere
Phantom of your mind—tormenting fancy.

Adr.
Fancy!

Luc.
Aye, fancy—that strange, inexplicable—
Dismiss it, sister.

Adr.
Oh, that I could; I'll try; but first—

DUET.—(Merchant of Venice.)
Adriana.
Tell me, where is Fancy bred?
Or in the heart, or in the head?
How begot, how nourished?

Luciana.
It is engender'd in the eyes,
With gazing fed, and Fancy dies
In the cradle where it lies.
Let us both ring Fancy's knell;
I'll begin it—Ding, dong, bell.

Adriana.
Ding, dong, bell!

Both.
Ding, dong, bell!

[Exeunt.

SCENE II.

THE MART.
Enter Antipholis of Syracuse.
Ant. of Syr.
The gold I gave to Dromio is laid up
Safe at the Centaur, and the heedful slave
Is wander'd forth in care to seek me out.
O! here he comes—
Enter Dromio of Syracuse.
How now, sir? is your merry humour alter'd?
As you love strokes, so jest with me again.
You knew no Centaur! you receiv'd no gold!
Your mistress sent to have me home to dinner!
My house was at the Phœnix! wert thou mad,
That thus so strangely thou didst answer me!

Dr. of Syr.
What answer, sir? when spake I such a word?

Ant. of Syr.
Ev'n now, ev'n here; not half an hour since.

Dr. of Syr.
I did not see you, since you sent me hence,
Home to the Centaur, with the gold you gave me.

Ant. of Syr.
Villain, thou didst deny the gold's receipt,
And told'st me of a mistress and a dinner:
For which I hope, thou felt'st I was displeas'd.

Dr. of Syr.
I'm glad, to see you in this merry vein;
What means this jest, I pray you, master, tell me?

Ant. of Syr.
What, dost thou jeer, and flout me in the teeth,
Think'st thou, I jest? there take thou that, and that.

Dr. of Syr.
Hold, sir, for heav'n's sake: now your jest is earnest:
Upon what bargain do you give it me?

Ant. of Syr.
Because that I familiarly sometimes
Do use you for my fool, and chat with you,
Your sauciness will jest upon my love,
And make a common of my serious hours.
When the sun shines, let foolish gnats make sport;
But creep in crannies, when he hides his beams.
If you will jest with me, then know my aspect,
And fashion your demeanour to my looks.

Dr. of Syr.
I pray, sir, why am I beaten?

Ant. of Syr.
Dost thou not know?

Dr. of Syr.
Nothing; but that I am beaten.

Ant. of Syr.
Why, first, for flouting me; and then, for urging
It, in spite of my assertion to the contrary.
Is dinner ready?

Dr. of Syr.
No, sir: I think, the meat wants what I've got.

Ant. of Syr.
What's that?

Dr. of Syr.
Why, basting, sir.

Ant. of Syr.
No more, thou knave! for see, who wafts us yonder:
This way they haste, and by their gestures seem
To point out me.—What should they mean, I trow

Enter Adriana and Luciana.
Adr.
Aye, aye, Antipholis; look strange and frown;
Some other mistress hath some sweeter aspect:
I am not Adriana, nor thy wife.
How comes it now, my husband, O! how comes it,
That thou art thus estranged to thyself?
Thyself, I call it, being strange to me.
O! do not tear thyself away from me;
For know, my love, as easy may'st thou fall
A drop of water in the breaking gulf,
And take unmingled thence that drop again,
As take from me thyself.

Ant of Syr.
Plead you to me, fair dame? I know you not:
In Ephesus I am but two hours old,
As strange unto your town as to your talk.

Luc.
Fie, brother! how the world is changed with you!
When were you wont to use my sister thus?
She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner.

Ant of Syr.
By Dromio?

Dr. of Syr.
By me?

Adr.
By thee; and thus thou didst return from him,
That he did buffet thee, and, in his blows,
Denied my house, for his; me, for his wife.

Ant of Syr.
Did you converse, sir, with this gentlewoman?

Dr. of Syr.
I, sir!—I never saw her 'till this moment.

Ant. of Syr.
Villain, thou liest; for e'en her very words
Didst thou deliver to me on the mart.

Dr. of Syr.
I never spoke with her in all my life.

Ant. of Syr.
How can she then thus call us by our names,
Unless it be by inspiration?

Adr.
How ill agrees it with your gravity,
To counterfeit thus grossly with your slave,
Abetting him to thwart me in my mood!—
Come, I will fasten thus upon thy arm;
Thou art an elm, my husband; I, a vine,
Whose weakness, married to thy stronger state,
Shares in thy virtues and partakes thy strength.
If aught possess thee from me, it is dross,
Usurping ivy, idle moss, or brier,
Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion
Infect thy sap, and live on thy destruction.

Ant. of Syr.
To me she speaks,—she moves me for her theme.—
What, was I married to her in my sleep?
Or sleep I now? and dream, I hear all this?
What error thus deceives our eyes and ears?
Yet that the mystery I may explore,
I'll seem to entertain the fallacy.

Luc.
Dromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner.

Dr. of Syr.
Meaning me?

Luc.
Ay, thee, thou slug!

Dr. of Syr.
Spread for dinner!

Ant. of Syr.
Am I alive? Am I Antipholis?
Sleeping or waking? Mad, or well advis'd?
Known unto these, yet to myself unknown!
Fain would I learn from whence these wonders flow:
But that I almost fear to trace the source,
So strange is every thing I see and hear.

Adr.
Come, come, no longer will I be a fool,
To put the finger in the eye, and weep,
While man and master laugh my woes to scorn.
Come, sir, to dinner:—Dromio, keep the gate:
Husband, I'll dine above with you to-day,
And shrive you of a thousand idle pranks.
Sirrah, if any ask you for your master,
Say, he dines forth, and let no creature enter.
Come, sister:—Dromio, play the porter well.

[Exeunt Adriana, Antipholis of Syracuse, and Luciana.
Dr. of Syr.
Spread for dinner! I am afraid, I shall
Be somewhat aukward, as I am not well
Acquainted with the customs of the house:
Though, I suppose, they'll be so courteous
To teach a new-comer—particularly your ladies in waiting—
Aye, there they go.—
And have taken my master with 'em. Sure,
We are in the land of fairies, and converse
With sprites and goblins. I wish they mayn't have
Infected my poor master; for, even now,
He swore to a discourse, I held with him
Here on the mart; when, I can swear, I was
Talking to the strong box yonder at the Centaur.—
Mighty odd all this!— (voice without)
—Dromio, Dromio—
Oh! a lady in waiting—
Dear, sweet, unknown! thy doating Dromio comes.

[Exit.
Enter Antipholis of Ephesus, Balthazar, Cerimon, and others.
Ant. of Eph.
I do repent me I have staid so long.
Good night, Balthazar.

Bal.
Prithee, Antipholis, be more resolv'd—
And by bold remedy still try to cure
Your lady's malady.

Ant. of Eph.
Aye—in due time—but now—

Bal.
Well—for to-night return—
But if she welcome you with taunts and jeers,
Tell her your friends grow jealous in their turn,
And missing you, in your accustom'd sports,
Will, ere the dawn shall gild yon mountains' tops,
Once more awake you with the hunter's peal.

Ant. of Eph.
(smiling with satisfaction.)
The hunter's peal!

Cer.
Aye—your old pastime!—to the chace my friend;
And there, if foremost, and you kill the deer—

Ant. of Eph.
The thought inspires me!—and if we fail
In this our wonted sport—still as before
We can recline beneath the greenwood tree
And sing, and laugh at the world's empty
Vain pursuits.
GLEE.—(As you Like it.)

[Exeunt.